I am a failure

[Pretia libertatis]

Hey guys, I dont know what to do... I just cant do this, somehow I always ends up where I begun, I started over and over and over and over again the meditations, the yoga, the rituals, but somehow I always stops it, now I could do the 40 day starters, and after that I could meditate, and doing hatha and kundalini yoga, and I did RTR every day without skipping one, for 1 month, I was so proud of myself at sunday bc of it I really felt like this is my time now, but yesterday Ive got a sore throat and It was hard to even swallow, so I decided to skip one day, and I was like, okay, tomorrow I will do 2, but today I was even worse, I cannot even doing yoga bc Ive got even sicker, but I dont know how could I get this sick if I was doing everything right.. I feel like this is not my path, I ve been trying with this since I was 13 years old, now I am 19..
I always find a reason to quit.. I really felt like now I could do it, but F*CK, I dont know why I keep failing..
I really want to be just gone, and let everything go.. I know nobody here could help me, because we only can help ourselves.. I just wanted to write this down, because I have nobody to talk with.. sorry for wasting your time

 

[Eric13]

Hey guys, I dont know what to do... I just cant do this, somehow I always ends up where I begun, I started over and over and over and over again the meditations, the yoga, the rituals, but somehow I always stops it, now I could do the 40 day starters, and after that I could meditate, and doing hatha and kundalini yoga, and I did RTR every day without skipping one, for 1 month, I was so proud of myself at sunday bc of it I really felt like this is my time now, but yesterday Ive got a sore throat and It was hard to even swallow, so I decided to skip one day, and I was like, okay, tomorrow I will do 2, but today I was even worse, I cannot even doing yoga bc Ive got even sicker, but I dont know how could I get this sick if I was doing everything right.. I feel like this is not my path, I ve been trying with this since I was 13 years old, now I am 19..
I always find a reason to quit.. I really felt like now I could do it, but F*CK, I dont know why I keep failing..
I really want to be just gone, and let everything go.. I know nobody here could help me, because we only can help ourselves.. I just wanted to write this down, because I have nobody to talk with.. sorry for wasting your time

I was the same way when I was new. I was very young when I dedicated, 15, and didn’t understand much and made a lot of mistakes. I had no background in spirituality and just was completely naive and clueless to anything regarding it or even just life in general. I went years going on and off with meditating only being consistent in the last 3. After being dedicated over 10 years. But the thing is I’ve done it. 3 years solid consistency, that’s winz! Even though my early years were rocky, with as I said being so young having an effect.

But look at you’re situation and mine. They’re awfully similar. You started at 13 and are now 19. Super young! Dude youre lucky! You’re on this path so young and have your whole life ahead of you to be filled with winz!

You’ve had some consistency problems. So what? How many years did Michael Jordan play before he won his first championship? Ya ya ya, 6. Six years of failure before one of the greatest runs of all time.

You’re still figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. As these things come into focus and you realize what you want, you’ll be more motivated to go get it. That’s how it worked for me. I never knew what I really wanted out of life and so I struggled. Once I set goals, I realized everything needed to fall In place for me to succeed and it all started with meditation and advancement. One day, (3 years ago) I was sick of where I was and knew where I wanted to be finally and so I sat down and opened my chakras. I had done them before, but with inconsistency they would close. So I opened all again in one session and that was it. I had goals, and I’ve been going day by day ever since.

And don’t freak out if you miss a day of rtrs here and there cause you’re sick. Even with consistent meditation, you’ll get sick from time to time. It just happens. Give yourself a break. And go back hard when you recover.

As you begin to see results and achieve some of your goals. You’ll hit a point of no return. You’re on the ride now and there’s no getting off. The crazy train to your craziest dreams.

Good luck, but also remember you’re very young. It’s okay.

 

[Aldrick Strickland]

Hey guys, I dont know what to do... I just cant do this, somehow I always ends up where I begun, I started over and over and over and over again the meditations, the yoga, the rituals, but somehow I always stops it, now I could do the 40 day starters, and after that I could meditate, and doing hatha and kundalini yoga, and I did RTR every day without skipping one, for 1 month, I was so proud of myself at sunday bc of it I really felt like this is my time now, but yesterday Ive got a sore throat and It was hard to even swallow, so I decided to skip one day, and I was like, okay, tomorrow I will do 2, but today I was even worse, I cannot even doing yoga bc Ive got even sicker, but I dont know how could I get this sick if I was doing everything right.. I feel like this is not my path, I ve been trying with this since I was 13 years old, now I am 19..
I always find a reason to quit.. I really felt like now I could do it, but F*CK, I dont know why I keep failing..
I really want to be just gone, and let everything go.. I know nobody here could help me, because we only can help ourselves.. I just wanted to write this down, because I have nobody to talk with.. sorry for wasting your time

I have gone through the same thing. Everyone has. Its the Curses damning us. They have been severely weakened now.

Oh no you missed a day! So the 30 you just did mean nothing? Of course not. We strive and we fail. Every single one of us battles this.

Failure is a lesson. Learn from it. Ok so you got a sore throat? The curses protecting the torah cause sore throats to stop you, this has been discussed.

Heal and then hit them again. Just because a soldier is wounded or is unable to fight, doesnt mean the fight he gave and the fight he will give again mean nothing.

 

[Powstanie Pogańskie]

Firstly, it's better to drop the "sorry for wasting your time" bit. I understand that you're in a state of distress but that genuinely is unnecessary. It's like adding another splash of negativity on top of the negativity that's already discouraging you.

That being said, your path actually isn't that different from many people's here, mine included. It's not uncommon every now and again for a person to come in, make a really apologetic post about how they've slacked for months or even years, and then swear they're going to do better and improve. Now, it's always a good thing to keep the mind peppy and encouraged with determined declarations of improvement, but action must complement it - and look, you did take action. You did do a thing. You kept up for a whole month doing the RTR and doing yoga and meditation. One month may be short in the grand scheme of things, but you took your personal peg of progress and put it up a bit. So don't go ignoring this fact when you lament your situation and the difficulties you face.

It should also be noted that, while being consistent with meditation, yoga and the RTR certainly is good for health, this will not banish illness from your life wholly and completely after a month. You'll likely get sick days here and there even when you're more advanced - just less so, and you'll be able to take precautionary measures like cleaning the fuck out of your aura should you pick up on the presence of illness before your body noticeably does.

We all have our reasons why we fall out of this routine; myself, I'm lazy, I doubt myself, and I get frustrated quickly. But there's also the fact that maintaining a meditation schedule simply isn't the easiest thing under the sun. It's not just a quick "lemme brush my teeth for a minute twice a day and boom done" thing, nor is Satanic meditation a common thing out in the world where there's social pressure from everyone around you to do it too. Nor, furthermore, is it something that everyone's body and soul are accustomed to; for those with less experience, it can be bizarre, even jarring to experience these newfound sensations, healthy they may be. It's not just the enemy actively seeking to discourage you from meditating (Which they are doing, by the way. They will play on your personal pitfalls regarding this.), your own mind and body may even resist this new, weird thing you're doing. These are all things to consider when you say things to yourself like "Man, I just don't know why I can't keep at this. I don't know why I keep slipping up." This isn't to justify not meditating, but rather, to pinpoint things that may be blocking your path so you can become aware of them and put active effort into expunging those obstacles.

I really want to be gone too, friend. I have that thought a lot. But that desire is not only unhealthy, it's simply not possible. There's nowhere for us to go. So better to cut down any and every foe that gets in the way of our progress and happiness so that we'll have a safe environment we won't want to be gone from.

 

[Shael]

...

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. This just sounds like the enemy is messing with you a little, this is normal. Your main focus for now should be to do the Returning Curses I & II, several times a day. Considering your situation, I would recommend 3 times daily every day no matter what. If you are short on time, you can easily do it without any vibration whatsoever. Doing it this way takes between 3 and 10 minutes depending on how long you've been doing it for (as you do it for several months or more, you will be able to program the energies more quickly and easily).

You need to prioritize your own protection above all else, so that you can prevent things like these from happening again. If you are very prone to issues with your throat and this prevents you from doing workings properly, then do the Returning Curses without any vibrations so that you can always consistently keep it up, no matter what happens. If you do it like this, then you will be able to do it every day, 3 times, no matter what happens in your life. It's really quick, easy, and if you leave out vibrations, you can do it anywhere almost anytime. Often times when I was in a big hurry, I would not have time to fit it into my morning routine and because of this I did it on the toilet at work once I arrived. It's really flexible and you can fit it in almost anywhere. Regardless of where you are, there is usually a toilet, and even if you have really controlling parents, you can always do it once in the morning and once at night, while pretending to be asleep. There are no excuses here.

If you are prone to quit meditation for small reasons, then this may be a sign that you are overdoing it. For starters, it's really more than enough to just to protection thrice daily, then some few minutes of void meditation (can also be done anywhere anytime), some chakra spinning (also anywhere anytime), and maybe some yoga or light stretching if you can fit it in. Start very small and slow, and focus on keeping this up consistently. Especially the Returning Curses, Void Meditation, and Chakra Spinning can be done anytime no matter the situation, and take only very little time. Focus on doing these three every day properly without fail. Then you can work your way up from there, slowly.

 

[Shael]

Oh I forgot to mention in my other reply, of course also try to do the RTR whenever possible. If you have health issues that prevent you from doing it, then just accept that and focus on recovering first and foremost. If you miss 2 days, that's fine for now. Try to protect yourself better in the future so that it does not happen again. Then once you are better, just do the usual amount of RTRs again. No need to try and "make up" for the days you missed, just to end up burning yourself out. Focus on consistency, not on high numbers on one single day.

 

[Jack]

Try to orient your life around meditation that way you won't have to think when you have to find time for meditation. You first meditate then you think about anything else to do.

 

[Pretia libertatis]

Thank you guys! You made my day
I could do everything today, thank you all for your supports! It helped me a lot

 

[Pretia libertatis]

Based on what you said, you're indeed a failure ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Shael]

Thank you guys! You made my day
I could do everything today, thank you all for your supports! It helped me a lot

Glad to hear you're better.

 

[FancyMancy]

Thank you guys! You made my day
I could do everything today, thank you all for your supports! It helped me a lot

I know I didn't participate in this thread above, but allow me to now. With your reply here, please keep your head clear and be realistic with things.

 

[Shael]

Based on what you said, you're indeed a failure ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Based on what I am saying right now, you are, indeed, a jackass.

Agreed :lol:

 

[Adam]

lol dude the enemy is missing with me too right now. Just keep on going because that is what the enemy doesn't want and if you gave up you will be obeying the commands of the enemy and that's the biggest mistake you can do in life.

 

[Azorm]

You are fine, just enemy messing with you a lot and paranoia killing you. Just don't think much about it and don't feel so bad for every little thing you do wrong. Make meditations your habit and rtrs too, but if you fail to do rtr for a day or two try later to do more. If you feel like a failure don't let it chain you, even if you fucked up hard before learn something from it and become even more motivated to grow and advance, don't think about it much anymore. I think that you are fine, just move on and correct what you can about yourself. Some people just need some time to make some changes in life. It can take time to make nice habits and to correct it all but in the end it will be fine. When you feel really bad like something is dragging you down and making you feel like shit just focus on positive stuff, void, or meditate on Satan's sigil or even if you found who your guardian is meditate on your GD. That will close you off from those bad energies and clean yourself more ofc.

 

[starcannon]

It's ok. Baby steps. Do what you can do comfortably consistently, then go from there. If you're failing then it might mean biting off too much at once.

Remember, you'll be doing this for the rest of your life. So take it easy and take it consistently.