Codependency Is self betrayal. Learn to love yourself and LEAVE.

[Shadowcat]

I have wanted to make this post for sometime, Seeing a lot of people post about loneliness and isolation, fear of losing or never finding the right friends or partners or even clinging on to the wrong people to keep the peace or to not lose someone at all.

If one is so stubborn and oblivious, Saturn and the strict lessons it has, will make a point eventually to make one understand what the problem is and understand for one's own good why this must never be repeated again. You will either have to purge Saturn or be purged by Saturn. Both have the same outcome with the latter being far more painful and "learning the hard way" and depending on the situation, you may not be the same person for it anymore. Saturn is not always inherently a negative planet. It is either the teacher, the inspector, or the disciplinary or in extreme cases even the punisher. Where ever you fall on the spectrum is your responsibility and yours alone. Most people do not realize their Saturn Is their own self made blockages or obstacles that one refuses to face either from fear or even habit, being completely oblivious as to why the same negative patterns happen over and over again.

Many people as we know happen to have Saturn or even other planets in places that can affect how relationships with others manifest for better or worse. Neptune can blind one to reality or being prone to believe an illusion, or giving in to dissolution or being too weak. Pluto can make one obsessive and cause one to enmesh too quickly. The list goes on.

One of the ugliest things that can manifest for toxic relationships, romantic, familial, or platonic is codependency to an addict, or someone who is mentally ill or abusive.
Codependents often grow up in families that:

• Where chaotic emotionally where appeasement was used to calm an angry or stressed parent or relative
• Where saying no felt like shamed or would make others angry or aggressive
• Where a child had to grow up too quickly to look after a weak addict parent
• Where a child felt responsible for trying to "save" a vulnerable family member from harm or punishment

These people often grow into adults that run with programming that tells them it is their job to save others, or to overextend to keep the peace. They are taught from a young age that love and acceptance is conditional based on appeasement and the utility they are able to provide, i.e. how useful they can be. As a result they go through life feeling always they have to feel needed to feel love and acceptance. It is common for codependents to always look for the approval of others, because they always feel unloved and are always looking for ways to feel needed. As a result, they will play white knight to drug addicts, abusers, and mentally ill people to the extreme that comes at a great personal cost to their finances, sanity, and even at times their personal safety.

Codependency in of itself is a mental illness, and because like attracts like, until this is unlearned, either through a hard lesson, or ideally, waking up to negative patterns before life changes and teaches you, codependents will thus continually attract, friends and partners, and keep around family members who are toxic to their existence that continue to abuse and take advantage of them. Broken attracts broken, and most codependents don't realize that they are very broken people. The sad reality is, most relationships ARE codependent, because so many people have very little self worth. They go through great lengths to tolerate and endure what should not be forgiven and forgotten because they fear conflict or being alone. When one grows up with the aforementioned, especially in a household that is run by abrahamic religions, these people will have the toxic mindset of confusing love with endurance, and red flags as challenges to be overcome.

Stop enabling the alcoholic parent or the cousin addicted to meth. Stop trying to figure out and appease the constant mood swings of the Borderline or Histrionic Narcissist as they begin to devalue you after telling you a week ago they were your favorite person. Stop making excuses for the partner who cheats on you or hits you, or hides things and lies about it. Don't let yourself be someone's emotional tampon or let them force you to go with their flow of feelings being facts. These people can be unhinged and make accusations against you that can cost you your life or your freedom. The drunkard and drug addict will play with your life if you keep the peace by letting them drive. The cousing with constant moodswings who is on SSRIS who refuses effective treatment or to better their lives in any way will drain you until you have nothing left.

IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE THESE PEOPLE OR GIVE THEM ADVICE. You cannot help people who refuse to help themselves. Especially if you are a minor, you cannot take on an adult responsibility of trying to save a parent from the one that is abusive. This is not your job. You cannot continuously help a person financially with a gambling problem because they will never learn their lesson. The will keep bumming money off of you knowing you will always say yes. The narcissist and the borderline will discard you time and time again knowing you will take them back after they get bored with whoever they left you for or when they think the reason they devalued you no longer applies. Your sanity will be drained. Your pocketbook will be drained. Your life and freedom can be put at risk as well as your mental, physical and emotional health.

There have been people who have been mentally and financially ruined by gambling and drug addicts. People close to partners and close family with cluster B personality disorders say that these relationships were the most traumatizing thing in their lives and things they were accused of nearly drove them to suicide. They were browbeaten and gaslit to believe they were the sole and only problem in EVERYTHING, while constantly trying to love and fix someone that NEVER believed they were loved, pouring energy into a bottomless pit. It is a red flag if someone lovebombs you or wants to enmesh too quickly too fast. RUN. if they black list all their exes without taking accountability. RUN. if they have addictions or any serious mental health problems...you know the drill. Don't look back.

Codependents think "well its one last time...they say they are going to change for real this time." "we can go to counseling" "he told me he stopped drinking."...on and on. This is called hoovering. Never fall for it. Have the self respect to leave and never look back.

Get off your knees. The world isn't all like mom and dads house where you had to grow up too fast or school where you had to throw yourself under the bus to keep the peace. Build your life, your hobbies, your body, your friend circle (with good people), and find a purpose worthy of a Zevist. Go foraging and hiking, go to an animal shelter. Work with your hands. When you have this you feel your worth, accomplishment and meaning and know you are worthy of quality love and time. You will understand finally that your energy, time and money and love are conditional and are a precious currency. Be willing to walk away ALWAYS. never tolerate disrespect. Do not let addicts or the mentally ill into your life. Fix what is broken in you to stop this from happening so you won't feel so low and lonely that you will grab the first piece of garbage that comes along. Cut off that toxic family member. Set boundaries. Learn that it is ok to say no. Do not be afraid to be alone. Do not hoard the toxic because you feel unworthy of acceptance or feel useless. Would you drink poison just because there is no water?

Freeing the soul workings or the Ganesha mantra for Lord Janus works wonders in letting go of these obstacles. Be open to the things and opportunities to take to actively do the work for transformation to a solid self worth and attracting people of worth.

Codependency is a disease. If this rings true for anyone who reads this. Get well soon. Your life depends on it.


Hail Zeus!

 

[Heimdall]

I've come across these narcissistic, psychic vampires, and it doesn't have to be in personal relationships. Their in all walks of life.

Always good remedial posts here, thank you!

 

[Detacher]

Very powerful message.

 

[Apprentice]

Great, eye-opening post. Thank You, Sister

 

[Shines666]

I have wanted to make this post for sometime, Seeing a lot of people post about loneliness and isolation, fear of losing or never finding the right friends or partners or even clinging on to the wrong people to keep the peace or to not lose someone at all.

If one is so stubborn and oblivious, Saturn and the strict lessons it has, will make a point eventually to make one understand what the problem is and understand for one's own good why this must never be repeated again. You will either have to purge Saturn or be purged by Saturn. Both have the same outcome with the latter being far more painful and "learning the hard way" and depending on the situation, you may not be the same person for it anymore. Saturn is not always inherently a negative planet. It is either the teacher, the inspector, or the disciplinary or in extreme cases even the punisher. Where ever you fall on the spectrum is your responsibility and yours alone. Most people do not realize their Saturn Is their own self made blockages or obstacles that one refuses to face either from fear or even habit, being completely oblivious as to why the same negative patterns happen over and over again.

Many people as we know happen to have Saturn or even other planets in places that can affect how relationships with others manifest for better or worse. Neptune can blind one to reality or being prone to believe an illusion, or giving in to dissolution or being too weak. Pluto can make one obsessive and cause one to enmesh too quickly. The list goes on.

One of the ugliest things that can manifest for toxic relationships, romantic, familial, or platonic is codependency to an addict, or someone who is mentally ill or abusive.
Codependents often grow up in families that:

• Where chaotic emotionally where appeasement was used to calm an angry or stressed parent or relative
• Where saying no felt like shamed or would make others angry or aggressive
• Where a child had to grow up too quickly to look after a weak addict parent
• Where a child felt responsible for trying to "save" a vulnerable family member from harm or punishment

These people often grow into adults that run with programming that tells them it is their job to save others, or to overextend to keep the peace. They are taught from a young age that love and acceptance is conditional based on appeasement and the utility they are able to provide, i.e. how useful they can be. As a result they go through life feeling always they have to feel needed to feel love and acceptance. It is common for codependents to always look for the approval of others, because they always feel unloved and are always looking for ways to feel needed. As a result, they will play white knight to drug addicts, abusers, and mentally ill people to the extreme that comes at a great personal cost to their finances, sanity, and even at times their personal safety.

Codependency in of itself is a mental illness, and because like attracts like, until this is unlearned, either through a hard lesson, or ideally, waking up to negative patterns before life changes and teaches you, codependents will thus continually attract, friends and partners, and keep around family members who are toxic to their existence that continue to abuse and take advantage of them. Broken attracts broken, and most codependents don't realize that they are very broken people. The sad reality is, most relationships ARE codependent, because so many people have very little self worth. They go through great lengths to tolerate and endure what should not be forgiven and forgotten because they fear conflict or being alone. When one grows up with the aforementioned, especially in a household that is run by abrahamic religions, these people will have the toxic mindset of confusing love with endurance, and red flags as challenges to be overcome.

Stop enabling the alcoholic parent or the cousin addicted to meth. Stop trying to figure out and appease the constant mood swings of the Borderline or Histrionic Narcissist as they begin to devalue you after telling you a week ago they were your favorite person. Stop making excuses for the partner who cheats on you or hits you, or hides things and lies about it. Don't let yourself be someone's emotional tampon or let them force you to go with their flow of feelings being facts. These people can be unhinged and make accusations against you that can cost you your life or your freedom. The drunkard and drug addict will play with your life if you keep the peace by letting them drive. The cousing with constant moodswings who is on SSRIS who refuses effective treatment or to better their lives in any way will drain you until you have nothing left.

IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE THESE PEOPLE OR GIVE THEM ADVICE. You cannot help people who refuse to help themselves. Especially if you are a minor, you cannot take on an adult responsibility of trying to save a parent from the one that is abusive. This is not your job. You cannot continuously help a person financially with a gambling problem because they will never learn their lesson. The will keep bumming money off of you knowing you will always say yes. The narcissist and the borderline will discard you time and time again knowing you will take them back after they get bored with whoever they left you for or when they think the reason they devalued you no longer applies. Your sanity will be drained. Your pocketbook will be drained. Your life and freedom can be put at risk as well as your mental, physical and emotional health.

There have been people who have been mentally and financially ruined by gambling and drug addicts. People close to partners and close family with cluster B personality disorders say that these relationships were the most traumatizing thing in their lives and things they were accused of nearly drove them to suicide. They were browbeaten and gaslit to believe they were the sole and only problem in EVERYTHING, while constantly trying to love and fix someone that NEVER believed they were loved, pouring energy into a bottomless pit. It is a red flag if someone lovebombs you or wants to enmesh too quickly too fast. RUN. if they black list all their exes without taking accountability. RUN. if they have addictions or any serious mental health problems...you know the drill. Don't look back.

Codependents think "well its one last time...they say they are going to change for real this time." "we can go to counseling" "he told me he stopped drinking."...on and on. This is called hoovering. Never fall for it. Have the self respect to leave and never look back.

Get off your knees. The world isn't all like mom and dads house where you had to grow up too fast or school where you had to throw yourself under the bus to keep the peace. Build your life, your hobbies, your body, your friend circle (with good people), and find a purpose worthy of a Zevist. Go foraging and hiking, go to an animal shelter. Work with your hands. When you have this you feel your worth, accomplishment and meaning and know you are worthy of quality love and time. You will understand finally that your energy, time and money and love are conditional and are a precious currency. Be willing to walk away ALWAYS. never tolerate disrespect. Do not let addicts or the mentally ill into your life. Fix what is broken in you to stop this from happening so you won't feel so low and lonely that you will grab the first piece of garbage that comes along. Cut off that toxic family member. Set boundaries. Learn that it is ok to say no. Do not be afraid to be alone. Do not hoard the toxic because you feel unworthy of acceptance or feel useless. Would you drink poison just because there is no water?

Freeing the soul workings or the Ganesha mantra for Lord Janus works wonders in letting go of these obstacles. Be open to the things and opportunities to take to actively do the work for transformation to a solid self worth and attracting people of worth.

Codependency is a disease. If this rings true for anyone who reads this. Get well soon. Your life depends on it.


Hail Zeus!

Dear brother, it seems like you wrote this post for me, haha.

Jokes aside, I found myself in every line. I'm finally at the stage where I'm recognizing my worth without needing to do so in a toxic way, without letting myself be used by selfish people.

I'm recognizing my worth despite the people around me fearing I'll recognize it so they can't use me anymore. It's too late for them.

Thank you so much, brother. Reading it written by you here is a great confirmation of what I've understood in my mind.

 

[Khem Nefermed]

Very sensible way of putting it and something many need to hear. Thank you sister, more posts like this would greatly help our members.

 

[Shadowcat]

Dear brother, it seems like you wrote this post for me, haha.

Jokes aside, I found myself in every line. I'm finally at the stage where I'm recognizing my worth without needing to do so in a toxic way, without letting myself be used by selfish people.

I'm recognizing my worth despite the people around me fearing I'll recognize it so they can't use me anymore. It's too late for them.

Thank you so much, brother. Reading it written by you here is a great confirmation of what I've understood in my mind.

*Sister. And thank you I'm glad this was of help to you

 

[Shines666]

*Sister. And thank you I'm glad this was of help to you

I realized it shortly after... I had already sent it. Thank you very much, Sister!

 

[High Priestess Lydia]

Very important message, Shadowcat. I am so thankful my parents were both strong and responsible parents, I've never had this type of problem that so many people unfortunately had to deal with repeatedly in their life.

 

[Shadowcat]

Very important message, Shadowcat. I am so thankful my parents were both strong and responsible parents, I've never had this type of problem that so many people unfortunately had to deal with repeatedly in their life.

I am glad for you High priestess. You are one of the few.

 

[Chrysallida]

Luckily my parents were responsible enough to take care of their children, but I have a couple of family members that gave headaches to them.
NEVER trust your stuff (and yourself) with unreliable people.

I've written somewhere (maybe on the Portuguese threads) that my grandma (my mother's mother) was an alcoholic. Since she didn't care about her daughters (she had 4), other family members took care of each one of them. My mother was raised by her grandma. She was the only one that decided to stay away from bars, drinking, and night life. The other 3 were more into that style of life. At least each one of them had a son or daughter that took the "wrong path", clearly Neptune related stuff. One of my cousins started drug dealing. The other took the whoring and partying style life to the point of having disabled children, she quits and returns again, her sister had to cut ties from her completely, even if she loved the children. The folks even said that the house was somehow haunted, that the air there was 'heavy'. The city didn't help either, nowadays it is still a ugly place filled with problems, a ghetto that got crime infested, drug dealers and users everywhere. No wonder my mother never wanted her children to meet the place she spent her childhood.

Because of the bad family members (compared to the decent ones from my father's side), my mother decided to stay away from them, that they weren't good examples to their children to see. My cousin that got into drug dealing, he has a decent brother, and when he was younger, he stayed with us at vacation sometimes. He used to bring toys and games, saying that he "borrowed" them from another friend (I suspect that he was already stealing at that time). The other cousin that I mentioned, my mother used to ask my aunt if her girls could spend the holidays with her, and she never let them stay. This aunt was also an alcoholic, drug user, that whored as well, giving the same bad example to her daughter. At the end she got AIDS, for revenge her daughter took all her pension, did a lot of loans and even kept her starving (leaving her weak and fragile). Because of the disease and the treatment she was having at home, my aunt didn't last long enough.

My mother's other sister (the mother of the first cousin I mentioned) stayed at her apartment while my family decided to live in another country. Since my aunt already had a family that looked stable, my mother trusted her. We stayed for more than 6 years in America, I spent my early childhood there and still have some happy memories from there. My parents decided to return to our country, and for some reason the other family members didn't want my mother to see her apartment. They would always invite her to stay at their home, make some excuses to do something else, and my mother was finding it all suspicious. When she finally went to her apartment, she had to argue with her sister, because her sister insisted that it was hers, and my mother didn't have any permission to enter. Some time passed, other family members had to intervene, and my mother finally got into her apartment. The place was a mess, like it was never cleaned before, filled with trash (and cockroaches freely living in there). They had a dog too in there. My aunt sold all my father's LPs (he was a collector and music appreciator his entire life). His LP with Mick Jagger's autograph was gone. Most of the dishes, dinnerware set, was gone. At least the documents of the apartment (proving who the owner is) stayed with my grandmother from my father's side. Not only the objects disappeared, but the condo fee didn't get payed either. My parents had to get a loan to pay everything. The most shocking is that my aunt worked as a nurse at a hospital, and she died from pancreas failure (she was into drinking too).

My parents have some trouble dealing with my brother as well, he goes in and out of our house. I might have wrote somewhere about him, his staying in another country didn't last long, and he's returning again to our house. It is the 4th time that he leaves us to stay with another woman and the relationship doesn't go right. He's the type that he doesn't like to work, and when he does, he only stays a few months on the job. But, this time he had to work when he was by himself, even being a construction worker that he disliked so much at the past. Not only the job, but the women that he chooses are difficult to deal with. If my parents didn't want to give him another chance, he probably would return to the streets again. Besides the only aunt that survived at my mother's side, no other family member wants to know about him. I definitely don't want to carry that weight, I'm not related to anything stupid that he did at the past, and I'm not the one making decisions for him. My older brother wants to give him another chance too, giving a job at his garden company (this brother also chose some reckless women back then). When we have close family members that brings problems, it is important to set boundaries, and not get involved deeply with anything that doesn't concern you. Even if I never been in a relationship, I know that choosing another bad person to be with you will make you feel worse. He had a lot of chances to start over again, even if he feels worthless sometimes, he has people still willing to support him. There are times that I feel like I'm the oldest one around. Probably the Gods had to deal with more problems caused by my family members than me. There was a year that both my brothers were with crazy women, one with a overdramatic type that made him even more jealous (and my mother irritated too because of her annoying talking), another with a witch that was trying to love bind him (making him send a lot of money to 'help' her). That new age witch even was threatening to end her life, my older brother was getting crazy with it, thinking that he was the reason for anything wrong that happened.

 

[serpentwalker666]

Thank you deeply for sharing this Shadowcat. I'm sure it will be helpful to many of our Zevist Brothers and Sisters.

I found myself in extremely bad circumstances with friends, family and relationships for much of my life. Like much of what you described here in the post.

Unfortunately, I had to basically bend circumstances and life to my will in order to exist in the confines of these unsustainable circumstances for a long time.

The rest of my posts already detail much in regards to health, so I don't feel I should go further into that. But it was a combination of all these factors and poverty that left me down and powerlessness for a long time, even with the Gods I struggled to claw my way out of the worst pits in life.

I definitely know how dark this can feel.

Anything is possible as we walk the path of Zevism. Even the ground zero, worst of the worst situations is escapable up to a certain point.

As for the less severe cases.. (not what is listed here in severity, just those that are still manageable and can be turned around) sometimes we are able to transform life and others to a noticable extent to where things are a bit better. But of course this is never "completely".

But it stands to be said the individual has to weigh what should be done for that reason.

The cases above you mention are of course a no go, and to always be walked away from. That's for certain.

However I did want to at least share some of these thoughts with how I experienced a bit of the other side of this spectrum, of being able to shift life and abysmal circumstances when this was necessary.