I just got back from yet another bad meditation and im really pissed off. I feel like im losing my grip and i almost dont know why. My main problem is EFFORT and motivation. I have recently started destroying the enemy links and i feel beter afterwards but its like every night that little shit puts another one on me. I was doing fine a while back I could feel my chakras and my energy with no hesitation. I was at the point where my thoughts began to manifest. Now i feel like our father is guiding me so that i may be able to CONTROL those manifested thoughts. BUT that was more than half a year ago and now i know that im not putting enough time and effort into my meditations so it cant be that. Im really in the dark here i dont know if its because of my dramatic schedule change or what but i feel like going on a rampage right now. Perhaps im putting more effort in my workouts that im lacking energy at work and in my meditations. It feels like the enemy has lowered my morale like there trying to get me to stop doing everything good that im doing. I really just want to rest in my room in the dark for a week or two without any contact with the outside world so i can find myself again. I hate having to ask for help from anybody because it damages my pride but this time i just cant help it. Anybody been here before? Anybody know a way that i can get back on track. Is there a rune i can vibrate to give me that motivation to continue my routines ? The moment i grab a dumbell its " ugh " The moment i go to meditate its "Ugh i just want to finish this quickly" The moment i begin work its " Fuck why is a teenager the only man here" ........................NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I EVER BEEN SO LOW!! NEVER HAVE I BEEN SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF! IM SICK OF THIS! I WISH MY GUARDIAN CAN PROJECT ME AND HAVE A TALK WITH ME TO RAISE MY MORALE BUT IM NOT AT THAT FUCKING LEVEL YET! BETER YET WHY CANT SHE PROJECT ME TO THAT COCKSUCKING GREY THAT BEEN COWARDING IN THE DARK POKING ME EVERY CHANCE IT FUCKING GETS!!! FUCK GREYS!! FUCK THOSE REPTILIAN COCKSUCKING FAT ASS FUCKING LIZARDS THEY CAN ALL SUCK MY FUCKING DICK!