I have failed my wife.

[ModernHeathen88]

Hello everyone.

This brings me great shame to post this.

A few weeks ago I cheated on my wife of 10 years (married for 2, 2 children, highschool sweethearts).

I was drinking with friends, at the height of the night I went to a massage parlour and received a "happy ending".

I immediately called my wife, crying, hyperventilating at what I had done.

She told me just to come home safely, I did and we spoke about it.

She is currently back in our home country with our children to have space.

She has told me the relationship is effectively over.

I've always struggled with a porn addiction, lusting over women and always having wandering eyes. I was emotionally abusive (I never intended to hurt her). I made her feel inadequate, like she was the problem due to having a low libido.

I'm not asking for sympathy.

I don't want to be that man anymore, I'm seeking therapy to address a lot of deep seated issues from my childhood that resulted in severe attachment issues.

I can only move on and try be better, for my kids.

I'm actually not really sure what I'm seeking here, I don't care if you all berate me and tell me what a POS I am, I know.

I fell straight into the goyim trap.

 

[Acolyte Of Pan 666]

Forgive yourself. Don’t let the guilt and shame pull you down. Try to reconcile with her in the appropriate way. Pray to the Gods for guidance on the matter. The key to improvement is learning from mistakes. Don’t dwell on the past or regret.

 

[Pammy]

Hello everyone.

This brings me great shame to post this.

A few weeks ago I cheated on my wife of 10 years (married for 2, 2 children, highschool sweethearts).

I was drinking with friends, at the height of the night I went to a massage parlour and received a "happy ending".

I immediately called my wife, crying, hyperventilating at what I had done.

She told me just to come home safely, I did and we spoke about it.

She is currently back in our home country with our children to have space.

She has told me the relationship is effectively over.

I've always struggled with a porn addiction, lusting over women and always having wandering eyes. I was emotionally abusive (I never intended to hurt her). I made her feel inadequate, like she was the problem due to having a low libido.

I'm not asking for sympathy.

I don't want to be that man anymore, I'm seeking therapy to address a lot of deep seated issues from my childhood that resulted in severe attachment issues.

I can only move on and try be better, for my kids.

I'm actually not really sure what I'm seeking here, I don't care if you all berate me and tell me what a POS I am, I know.

I fell straight into the goyim trap.

I wish you luck in getting better and being a better father.

A relationship like you described -pord addiction, low libido, emotional abuse- is not worth salvaging. Let it go. Approach her like a woman you can't take for granted. Not your high-school sweetheart. If she never wants a relationship with you again, it will be deserved on your side. In case she gives it a chance, you need to be decisive that this is not going back to the relationship you used to have, but a new start for a better one.

Also, you need to ask yourself if you have love, attraction, or respect for this woman? Was it you who wanted to break up but wasn't brave enough so went a round about way about it? Why would you call her right after cheating on her? Did you want to make her leave you, carry the responsibility of the decision to break up?

Be honest with yourself. Did you not want to get out of that relationship that she feels inadequate and has a low libido and you are unsatisfied and hurting her emotionally then regretting it? Now it hurts, of course it does, but did you not choose this? At every step you take you could turn back but chose to keep drinking and walking in that parlor and cheating on her and calling her?

You could have done this in a more dignified way, but in the end, you need to own your actions. Maybe I am wrong. I don't think I am wrong... but who thinks they are wrong? Anyway, be honest with yourself.

 

[Asra]

I'm surprised at the encouraging replies here. You valued your children less than a handjob from a random girl, since now you could be seeing them twice a year if their mother files for divorce. Besides, you wasted 10 years of her life, and made it insanely difficult for her if she chooses to raise them by herself. You're lucky she did not leave them with you indefinitely, since you're the one who dismantled the family and stepped down from his duties, but she probably doesn't trust you enough for this task. Not much can be said, honestly, your situation doesn't fit encouraging mottos like "do better next time".

 

[Epiphany]

It is good that you have self awareness and can reach out to seek guidance, as well as a sense of shame over this, and reaching out despite this shame.

You are responsible for your actions, you had many opportunities not to follow this road to the end, and you and your family will have to deal with the consequences, which even if you had not been honest about it, would have came anyway and weighed heavy on your conscience.

It sounds like this relationship had its own issues which culminated in unmet needs likely for both people, and therefore irrational ways of fulfilling those needs. It may not have been a good fit for both of you, you both certainly had longstanding issues that didn't get the work they needed, and blame never belongs purely to one side or another as a relationship is a two-party deal.

That may have lead to sabotaging behavior, such that if you were unhappy in this relationship and wanted it to end but didn't want to make the first move or take responsibility for it, you got drunk and cheated with a prostitute so that you can offload some of the sense of responsibility for breaking up. It could have been a way of testing the relationship. It was also you trying to fulfill a need that wasn't being met by the relationship, for whatever reason that may be.

This was a moment of clarity for you since it seems you are more aware of things you need to work on than you were before. This distance between you will be very sobering and you're right in that the only thing you can do is try to better yourself and move forward.

But with a betrayal of trust like this, that trust may very well be impossible to recover, and she will likely find it hard to be loyal or trust again in the future, trust you or anyone else. Things can go either way and there may be a long battle ahead of you to be in your kids' lives.

This is a tough situation to be in, but it is one potentially years in the making and completed by you, and it will be demanding in ways that could grow you or tear you down. Good luck, thanks for reaching out.

 

[Nikólaos666]

I'm surprised at the encouraging replies here. You valued your children less than a handjob from a random girl, since now you could be seeing them twice a year if their mother files for divorce. Besides, you wasted 10 years of her life, and made it insanely difficult for her if she chooses to raise them by herself. You're lucky she did not leave them with you indefinitely, since you're the one who dismantled the family and stepped down from his duties, but she probably doesn't trust you enough for this task. Not much can be said, honestly, your situation doesn't fit encouraging mottos like "do better next time".

I think you're being extremely harsh on him. Does having this kind of affair make him a bad father? There are thousands of men and women who don't have this kind of affair but who don't take better care of their children. Without justifying his pornography addiction, we also need to consider his needs as a man. How many men and women have extramarital affairs without destroying their marriage? Is a united family better than a separation because one partner no longer wants to have sex with the other for whatever reason? Calling his wife afterward wasn't the best idea. Letting the alcohol go and reflecting on the situation would have been better.

 

[Myniciorom]

You have low libido and couldnt control yourself into accepting a happy ending at a massage parlour? Anyway theres no point in crying over this, I know breakups are tough, no matter how cold we men sometimes try to be, this sort of thing gets to you as romantic intimate relationships are the most powerful form of exchange of emotions. I dont know your wife and your relationship with her so I dont know If you can still work through this. But what whatever you do, dont make desperate decisions.

 

[Asra]

I think you're being extremely harsh on him. Does having this kind of affair make him a bad father? How many men and women have extramarital affairs without destroying their marriage? Is a united family better than a separation because one partner no longer wants to have sex with the other for whatever reason? Calling his wife afterward wasn't the best idea. Letting the alcohol go and reflecting on the situation would have been better.

Yes, cheating on his children's mother makes him a bad father and sets a bad example for them. Now the children are aware their parents separated because one couldn't be loyal. I also don't believe in marriages where people are free to have affairs. They can certainly make it work, but they should consider the extent to which their partner can fulfil their needs before engaging with them seriously, let alone marrying them and starting families.

 

[Nordicsupreme]

Yes, cheating on his children's mother makes him a bad father and sets a bad example for them. Now the children are aware their parents separated because one couldn't be loyal. I also don't believe in marriages where people are free to have affairs. They can certainly make it work, but they should consider the extent to which their partner can fulfil their needs before engaging with them seriously, let alone marrying them and starting families.

What you say might or might not be true since relationships are far more complex, I have seen "loyal" couples stay together for the sake of it and end up ruining their children's lives and their own lives in the process. I can understand your frustration and sometimes truths need to be said without being sugarcoated so that a person takes initiative to change their lives.
We should leave the judgement of these with the Gods and not be too harsh seeing how they want to improve themselves and be a better person (by seeking therapy, asking for help on the Forums and other ways). There is a case where people can have no real awareness of their wrong doings which I believe is not the case here. Till a person isn't dead and hasn't committed actions so bad that even the Gods despise them there is always room for improvement, which is why the Gods through the Temple provide an opportunity to humanity to better themselves.

@ModernHeathen88 I request you take advice of the members here and start making changes in your life. As you might be aware your problems are greater than just the possibility of having lost your partner, they are addictions which have consumed your life altering your personality and resulting in you having lower impulse control, possible mental and emotional dysregulation from your childhood.
1. What I can recommend is doing a Standard ritual to the Gods stating your problems and seeking guidance in your life.
2. While you are at it possible begin this to rid your self of alcohol addiction (if you have it) - https://ancient-forums.com/threads/how-to-stop-drugs-a-guide.307462/#post-1195628
3. Perform a working to rid yourself of porn addiction and to seek out meaningful and fruitful relationships
4. Here are some tools shared by our High Priestess Lydia Conventina which might be helpful in bettering yourself - https://ancient-forums.com/threads/...body-for-men-too-don’t-disregard-this.292496/ and https://ancient-forums.com/threads/self-love-meditation.301583/

All the best and I hope you get better and improve your situation.

 

[Nikólaos666]

Yes, cheating on his children's mother makes him a bad father and sets a bad example for them. Now the children are aware their parents separated because one couldn't be loyal. I also don't believe in marriages where people are free to have affairs. They can certainly make it work, but they should consider the extent to which their partner can fulfil their needs before engaging with them seriously, let alone marrying them and starting families.

He might be the best dad there is, and could want to stay healthy and become completly crazy over the fact that he can't have sex with his wife, for some reason. Like Nordicsupreme said, relations are complex. Sometimes, events happens that the relation isnt 100% perfect for both people, communication is the key, but you can't force a woman to have sex or a man to absinate too.

The problem here, is how society see sexual activities. For some, you need to abstinate if one of the partner doesn't want sex more than once every 3-4 months and other people think that it should be everyday. Porn isn't the solution and he must overcome this.

 

[Asra]

What you say might or might not be true since relationships are far more complex, I have seen "loyal" couples stay together for the sake of it and end up ruining their children's lives and their own lives in the process.

If some loyal couples ruined their lives by staying together for the sake of their children (which is completely true), what makes you think the case of this couple will be any different? Many members suggested reconciliation, which is, essentially, still a form of staying together, for those children. I don't think your spouse and children being aware of your affairs and overlooking them is what traditional family values should be about. Ignoring values, the relationship has great chances of feeling toxic to the person that gets cheated on, or emotionally abusive, as OP seems to be aware.

 

[Tethys333]

What happened has certainly caused a lot of suffering, but see it as the turning point that will lead you toward change.

The fact that you’ve recognized your mistake is already an achievement, but now is the time to reflect and grow spiritually and mentally, becoming more self-aware. If you’re here, it’s no coincidence. All of this was meant to happen.

I'm surprised at the encouraging replies here. You valued your children less than a handjob from a random girl, since now you could be seeing them twice a year if their mother files for divorce. Besides, you wasted 10 years of her life, and made it insanely difficult for her if she chooses to raise them by herself. You're lucky she did not leave them with you indefinitely, since you're the one who dismantled the family and stepped down from his duties, but she probably doesn't trust you enough for this task. Not much can be said, honestly, your situation doesn't fit encouraging mottos like "do better next time".

Pointing fingers won't do any good, sister. He's admitted he was wrong, and if he's here, it's because he wants to change. I'm not making excuses for him at all; I'm not taking his side, I'm just looking at it objectively. What he did was wrong, but he clearly doesn't want to do it again, so let's help him.

I don't agree with you about the time wasted on his wife: everything that happens to us in life happens for a reason, to help us grow. So often we think we’ve found the love of our life, but then it turns out to be just a relationship that left its mark on us.

It’s not a waste of time, though: that’s life, it can’t always be perfect, and it’s made up of experiences.

My advice is simply to give him a hand, just as we’ve done with people who’ve committed much more serious offenses legally. Let’s help people bring out the best in themselves.

 

[Epiphany]

emotionally abusive, as OP seems to be aware.

Things cannot be taken at face value because we only know what we're told and what we're told is a version of reality as experienced and filtered through the person telling it. Just like in those relationship posts on reddit, there are many sides to a story, and none of them necessarilu represent factual reality.

OP declaring himself as emotionally abusive may be a reactionary label rooted in guilt and shame, the source of which may extend much further back than the recent incident, or even the relationship as a whole.

Or it could have began in this relationship and he was experiencing abuse himself that he takes responsibility and blames himself for. It is not known.

Without knowing the details, it wouldn't be right to reinforce or dismiss this notion that he was or was not "emotionally abusive", especially where he clearly seems to have a conscience and was at least honest and truthful about the incident.

 

[Asra]

OP was improving, in my opinion, by admitting to his actions and recognizing their impact. Then all of a sudden, he was told these are not a problem, not a big deal, worthy of encouragement in some conditions, and that he would even deserve to be in the life of the people that he betrayed. In my mind, this approach is entirely wrong. I recognize that everyone will simply continue to pump their perspective because everyone believes they are correct, me included, so I will not comment on this thread further.

 

[logicalmind]

I can say this. I am not going to show full support to the OP as actions are really immoral in this scenario. But I will not try to one-sidedly blame as this would not serve the purpose of clarifying some important things. I just hope my reply is balanced enough in such circumstances and follows the Zevist teachings to the core of the Zevist spirit. With my reply, I intend to show the situation for what it is, so a potential path would open for the OP.

Now my reply. You made a decision that you can not turn back. If you married your wife, then it means you have agreed automatically to be faithful to each other.

I was drinking with friends, at the height of the night I went to a massage parlour and received a "happy ending".

This is what you must internalize. The "blowjob" from another woman destroyed your marriage and a huge part of the life of your two children. Was it worth it? I think not. Eventually, if you want to move on, you will have to forgive yourself. Even if your ex-wife will never forgive you for entire life, you must take responsibility to forgive yourself. And this is actually a hard lesson. Such a lesson will teach what real forgiveness to yourself is. I will describe it partially, but you will not forgive yourself just because you intellectually understand this. You will need to go through the whole path. It is naive to assume you can get out of such a situation easily given the fact you did not do necessary things when first signs appeared of your behavior. But basically this is how forgiveness to yourself works.

1. You accept the responsibility without any shame to yourself. You made a mistake, you can not take it back. This is irreversible. However, you did not murder anyoney, so at least this is the situation where people still can rebuild their lives. You, your ex-wife and two children.

2. If you create new relationship, you become faithful not because you are scared for the same thing (consequence of being dumped from relationship) happening again, but because you actually are able to respect a woman you choose to live with, you treat her as individual personality, being.

3. You should reflect on this, ask for guidance from the Gods. Gods have seen much worse than this, so They will definitely be understanding and will guide you in your personal journey. But you must be very respectful, honest as much as possible. You can not hide anything from the Gods, but if you try to hide, they will respect your free will and just pretend they "see nothing". And in this case, the result will be harmful to yourself. Which is why you must be willing to open yourself to the Gods absolutely, so you can be guided. In other words, you should become such a person that it is possible to guide.

4. You actually become empathic and understanding enough to see actual implications of such decisions. Being drunk is just an excuse here. Courts regarding crimes actually treat circumstances of being drunk as aggravating and this is actually one of those small parts of Divine wisdom applied in real life by humans. If you would not be broken and emotionally unfaithful in the first place, then being drunk would not lead to such decisions. Being drunk just removes your fear which is why you took such a decision and that's it. Simply, you were scared to do what you wanted to do at least since the moment your wife became pregnant. If your morality would be strong, being drunk would actually even reinforce your conviction to never betray your loved ones. Of course, stronger morality results in people drinking at least less. In my personal opinion, drinking should not be promoted at all, but I am not going to push my own ideas about abstinence.

I've always struggled with a porn addiction, lusting over women and always having wandering eyes. I was emotionally abusive (I never intended to hurt her). I made her feel inadequate, like she was the problem due to having a low libido.

If I understood correctly, her libido was low? If so, I think her libido became lower after giving birth to two children and your contribution to the household after children being born was not adequate enough. Most men do not have enough understanding about this and they assume that only hard work, earning enough money should be enough for their contribution. This understanding does not make men evil as no one properly taught any men in this world about these matters, so those women humiliating men for such low understanding are low value themselves as they just blame everyone around instead of actually contributing to introducing a higher level of consciousness.

What you should have basically done is this. You should have rearranged your priorities with her, made sure she has enough rest, sleeps enough, eats enough, and you take as much time as possible in taking care of your children. And yes, talked about sex as well and at least agreed on how it is going to be. There is no shame in talking about it and having some agreement. It is actually mandatory, because everything changes when the children are born. Mature people should be able to agree on these things. If the woman treats a man as some slave, then yes, your actions in this case would have at least slight understanding. But not justification as getting married and then being unfaithful is literally breaking the promise made to each other. If you can’t keep your promise, you should get divorced first, make sure children are taken care of, and then you can do whatever you like. And even in this case, I would say this is very selfish and immoral in the eyes of children. If you are unable to preserve marriage as promised, then why having children in the first place? Children mostly are very traumatized when parents get divorced. Even in the Declaration of the Rights of the Child, it is clearly established that children have a right to have both parents. So divorcing is basically violating this right. But in this case, it is actually you who violated this right. The wife just took the decision which is automatic. You broke the promise, she can no longer trust you which is why she does not see as worthy of being her husband and maybe even father. Of course, your value as a father is going to be determined not by her, but by your children, and breaking this promise will make it much harder to ensure you are worthy of being a father. Before this so-called "blowjob", you had trust and support of your wife to ensure you are a good father. Now you lost it.

Even so, given the fact you had two children means that this woman probably did not treat you badly. In any case, if it is difficult to agree on basic things like these, then you should have contacted a professional therapist with genuine success stories. To understand if success stories are genuine or not is very simple. Contact people who shared them and ask them directly. It is nonsensical that people should pay in order to learn basic skills like these, but this is the current reality. At least payment is not that high if people are financially safe enough to have two children.

As for your porn addiction, this is not that bad, but also not good as well. It should be eliminated eventually, but blaming yourself over it actually reinforces the addiction cycle. Same is with lusting. What would you get different from other women? Maybe a different set of problems which is always a part of any type of relationship. It is impossible for humans to have a perfect relationship. This is reality. It is impossible for people to agree on everything. Which is why some people make compromises (not the best strategy), the main point is to be able to reach conclusions fitting both people in a way that is not humiliating to any of the participants in the relationship, i.e. win-win scenario which is above a simple compromise where both parties lose something. And getting a so-called "happy ending" is no solution at all. It is the destruction of any potential solution.

I don't want to be that man anymore, I'm seeking therapy to address a lot of deep seated issues from my childhood that resulted in severe attachment issues.

If your therapies will focus on childhood only, then this likely will not help. If you intend to seek professional help, make sure to seek help from a genuine professional with a proven track of success stories. Most professionals who apply only one-sided theories do not achieve a lot and they usually treat their patients as experiments. In your case, you need to rebuild your life, attitude and morality completely. Your whole psyche needs to be purified and rebuilt from scratch. I am not humiliating you, but you should consider even psychiatric help as such conditions also might have even deeper issues. If you are afraid that a psychiatrist will put a record in your medical book that you do not like, then there are options of certified psychiatrists who do not fill such a book, completely respecting the patient’s confidentiality. But if you intend to consult these, you will need to make sure you actually go to a serious specialist.

But this is a clear fact. You should have tried to resolve your problems before you made such a mistake. This will not change anything at this point, but understanding this is necessary, so next time you would not leave such problems hanging for years. Since you made such a decision, you still have a chance and you should use it in the best way possible. I suggest reading, internalizing and using the sermon of HPZM: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/how-to-stop-drugs-a-guide.307462/ . Understanding the root cause of some problems from childhood is not bad, but this literally solves nothing as it already was in the past. Way too many modern psychologists are faulty in overanalyzing and trying to find solutions from childhood which is why I suggested looking for certified specialists that focus on practice more than just theory. But how can you be sure that this was childhood? Maybe this was the program that was run over and over again for the last dozens of your previous life times? You see, you can not be too sure. But what you can be sure about right now is the following.

1. Your nervous system is broken and it needs fixing. The sermon I posted from HPZM can help with this. Some people especially underrate cold showers. It does not have to be for dozens of minutes, hours. It does not have to be ice cold water. Even a minute can help you given you practice consistently for months and years and you make water cold enough to cause you at least some level of discomfort.

2. Your spirit is also broken. By saying broken, I do not mean your own being is broken (you might think I imply with some harsher words, but I do not devalue you as human, as being, but I must reflect what your actions actually have done as from your post I clearly see you do not understand this). You have a potential to Godhood as anyone else who dedicates and decides to go with the Zevist path. But the fact you need to go through the path remains. And also the fact remains to reflect on what situation you really are in, so you better see what needs to be done to get out of it. Which is why you perform rituals for our Gods, meditate, so you would purify, transform, be guided and move further.

I can only move on and try be better, for my kids.

This might sound very nice and fine, but this is actually not ideal. You should move on and be better for yourself first. And your children automatically deserve your best behavior and support. You must prove you are worthy to be their father. However, you have broken it with that "blowjob" which I will just repeat again. You are going to have a much harder time right now. For the kids, the trauma is for all of their life, it is done and hardly reversible.

I'm actually not really sure what I'm seeking here, I don't care if you all berate me and tell me what a POS I am, I know.

I will be direct here again. You as a being definitely are not a so-called POS, but your behavior was entirely on this level. As far as I see, you had no idea of the consequences and harm that your decision to have that "blowjob" had on people who trusted you and justifiably expected better out of you. You were not a perfect husband, but you have broken what made you a husband in the first place. A father in the first place. And this is the decision you are going to live with for the rest of your life.

I fell straight into the goyim trap.

And this just confirms you were unable to take full responsibility here for your own actions. What you demonstrated here is just a reaction towards the situation which is the consequence of your own actions. And it seems your wife was very composed, even after this behavior she wished you to come home safely. She either was so broken she had no strength left to even yell at you. Or she is a really composed woman.

To finalize this reply, I wish you the best and I wish you to internalize fully what you have done, learn from it, and do your best to become a better person. Rebuild your spirit, body, and become a better person, so such decisions would never enter your being ever again. Everyone has hope until one does not do something so irreversible that there is absolutely no turning back. I can see empathy from the Gods in this situation, but I am unable to see them saying something like this: "Oh this is just small stuff, get over it". It is not. The sacred promise of marriage was broken and consequences must unfold. Not just the wife was betrayed, but children as well.

 

[newestwarrior666]

The Gods understand the human condition and the mistakes that come with our circumstances as individuals. From what I understand, what the Gods do want from us is genuine self honesty and the continuous effort to improve ourselves, and the first step to improving anything is acknowledgment / awareness. A lot of deep rooted hangups that follow us around throughout life are karmic and take work to overcome. Take note of the truths that you opened up about and use them as starting points for improvement. The tragedy is ignoring the opportunity to grow as a person and continuing to make the same mistakes. You did fail, but the question is will you continue to do so? It doesn't feel good, but growth comes from facing these things, not running from them. Therapy can be very helpful, and TOZ has plenty of information on tools for emotional and sexual healing.

 

[nema]

Hello everyone.

This brings me great shame to post this.

A few weeks ago I cheated on my wife of 10 years (married for 2, 2 children, highschool sweethearts).

I was drinking with friends, at the height of the night I went to a massage parlour and received a "happy ending".

I immediately called my wife, crying, hyperventilating at what I had done.

She told me just to come home safely, I did and we spoke about it.

She is currently back in our home country with our children to have space.

She has told me the relationship is effectively over.

I've always struggled with a porn addiction, lusting over women and always having wandering eyes. I was emotionally abusive (I never intended to hurt her). I made her feel inadequate, like she was the problem due to having a low libido.

I'm not asking for sympathy.

I don't want to be that man anymore, I'm seeking therapy to address a lot of deep seated issues from my childhood that resulted in severe attachment issues.

I can only move on and try be better, for my kids.

I'm actually not really sure what I'm seeking here, I don't care if you all berate me and tell me what a POS I am, I know.

I fell straight into the goyim trap.

She left you after 10 years over a hand**b? A little harsh don't you think..

 

[Henu the Great]

She left you after 10 years over a hand**b? A little harsh don't you think..

He got a handjob in a 10-year relationship with children, a little careless don't you think.

Sorry, I had to. My initial thought was that this is insane to throw everything away in this manner, but we live in crazy times.

 

[Pan_Shaman]

I am sorry (not really), but you reap what you sow.

I sincerely hope you live through this after changing your mind set and the attitude towards the Gods

 

[Voice of Enki [SG]]

She left you after 10 years over a hand**b? A little harsh don't you think..

Would you not if your partner did this?

 

[Pan_Shaman]

Meanwhile... You posted this Wednesday... And you haven't responded to the messages that this Family is giving to you.

You should re evaluate your life

 

[Voice of Enki [SG]]

Let this be a lesson going forward to any person reading here..

Problems, like unsatisfactory sex life in marriage, are actually things that you can resolve.

After you make a choice like this however, regardless of the circumstances, you have essentially destroyed any chance for reconciliation. Any possibility to resolve what is a relatively solvable issue will be gone for good, and your life going forward will be much more difficult as a result.

One must not let momentary urges and emotions overrule their logos and control their consciousness.

If anyone has issues like this man experienced in their relationship, know that if you speak about it with each other, or ask for help to us on here before making an irreversible and irreconcilable mistake like this, your problems can very likely be resolved rather painlessly.

To the OP, a lot of good advice was given. Unfortunately a lot was too late in this case, because you did not ask for advice before making a significant mistake.

For now, you need to look ahead and be ready to adjust to the new reality you have created for yourself.

You will go through a divorce, you won't see your children as much going forward. You will be alone going forward, will have to take care of everything in your life alone.

Rather drastic change will take place now, and you must adapt to this rather than remain stuck in the past, the past will not come back, you need to build a new life path now.

Forgive yourself for the mistake. Self blame will not make things better. The punishment of life is already enough of a punishment, do not punish yourself further but allow yourself to move forward steadily and start anew, adapt to your new situation and go from there.

Lastly, do not shift blame, be responsible for your own part and accept your own mistake, take responsibility for the mistake properly. Don't play the victim after being one to make the gravest error.

In a relationship, issues are never just caused by one person, there is a mutual responsibility and interplay here, however the one in right or wrong ultimately is the one who makes the irreconcilable error first. One is responsible for themselves and their own part in the scales of life.

Small problems can be resolved, but small problems which remain unresolved pile up and grow into large problems over time, until something like this happens.

As a lesson going forward, this applies not just to relationships, but all things in life. Do not let small problems go unresolved and grow into large problems. Learn to recognize them and resolve them one by one.

Good luck going forward. What has happened cannot be reversed, but you haven't done any unforgivable evil. You still have a long life ahead of you. Find a new balance in this existence, learn from your mistakes and learn from the relationship in general.

Allow yourself to move on from the past. It's easy for normal people to have their life spiral out on control after such an event, because people don't manage to adjust to the drastic changes of their own making. Don't let that happen to you.

Go one step at a time and be responsible for yourself, your well being, your mental and physical health, your finances, and for the children you have left behind in the ways that you still can and are reasonable.

 

[Asra]

Excuse me for butting in. I want to express my disappointment. As it appears, Guardians are needed to clarify that cheating on one's spouse is immoral and preventable. Knowing some members who were pro-this situation have families, this general attitude is concerning. Being lightyears behind in mentality creates a bad image of the Temple when it comes from anyone who is not a new member. There are of course confusions and everyone is wrong occasionally, but being adamant on obviously unethical perspectives is something I didn't think I would be seeing around here.

 

[nema]

Would you not if your partner did this?

I would literally laugh.
Only on TV that's a reason to break 10 years of relationship and f**k up the life of two kids. But that's what people are today.. TV worshippers. They take there their "emotional response" from there (in reality, they barely care about anything at all).
That's why i like places like Russia.. people (especially women) have an effing brain there. This WON'T fly there.

 

[nema]

Excuse me for butting in. I want to express my disappointment. As it appears, Guardians are needed to clarify that cheating on one's spouse is immoral and preventable. Knowing some members who were pro-this situation have families, this general attitude is concerning. Being lightyears behind in mentality creates a bad image of the Temple when it comes from anyone who is not a new member. There are of course confusions and everyone is wrong occasionally, but being adamant on obviously unethical perspectives is something I didn't think I would be seeing around here.

What do you mean "disappointed"..Who are you to judge someone for One mistake (and a "Happy ending" is not even that, it's literally nothing). How much more morally evolved than him do you think you are..

 

[Asra]

What do you mean "disappointed"..Who are you to judge someone for One mistake (and a "Happy ending" is not even that, it's literally nothing). How much more morally evolved than him do you think you are..

This is a bigger mistake than some want to acknowledge. Like everyone else, I am free to have my opinion. I also never cheated, so I have my actions to back me up. Besides, my disappointment is not even related to OP, who is a new person here. This is apparent if you read my reply correctly.

 

[Arcadia [NG]]

I would literally laugh.
Only on TV that's a reason to break 10 years of relationship and f**k up the life of two kids. But that's what people are today.. TV worshippers. They take there their "emotional response" from there (in reality, they barely care about anything at all).
That's why i like places like Russia.. people (especially women) have an effing brain there. This WON'T fly there.

You would laugh if your partner was unfaithful? Perhaps that's just you. It's not really about it being "just" a handjob, or just anything. If you have married and had children with someone under the pretence of faithfulness, betraying this trust is something most people would consider something especially major. Whether this is grounds for divorce or not, is obviously up to the individual. Some people may work through it, for others, it may create irreconcilable differences. Sometimes it's a symptom of there being larger issues in a relationship.

Yes, a divorce is hard for children to go through, but so is living through parents who obviously loathe each other and argue constantly, which is certainly a thing that can happen once resentment starts to build. Again, not everyone is able to work through these issues once they occur. If you're going to choose to be unfaithful (or do anything that would endanger your marriage), it's your responsibility to factor in what the consequences may be for your children.

You use Russia as an example of supposed common sense. From what I've heard, women murdered by their husbands account for half of all murders nation wide, and domestic violence rates were statistically high. Legally, domestic violence protections were significantly weakened in 2017 when Russia decriminalized first-time battery (causing no "serious" harm), downgrading it to an administrative offense punishable only by a fine. This isn't me vilifying Russia specifically, all nations have their pros and cons, but more using it as an example (seeing as you used it) that there can be a darker side to these seemingly idyllic realities.

As for OP, everyone has already offered constructive advice. If their remorse is genuine, I hope they successfully find their path to becoming a better person.

 

[Beauty]

I would literally laugh.

Thats beginner, i will enjoy it.

 

[Beauty]

let’s be serious, we believe in reincarnations, so we have been with many partners, many of them reincarnated and married others, we even do freeing soul from past life relationship. So there is no ‘cheating’ in the way its discussed in the big scheme of things, cheating concept comes from wanting someone to be with you forever thats weird.

I also find it weird that we in other reincarnations marry other people, i would have loved it to be like an eternal marriage, and talking eternally it should be soul based not physically related, s*x is for procreation, and i do not imagine souls sleeping with each other,

That whole matter confuse me, but i still meanwhile repulsed by being cheated on and by cheating, i would rather just state i want to have relation with multiple girls instead of cheating, cheating means she is not allowing it and i am being sneaky with possibility of being caught, this feels not great.

 

[Beauty]

Sorry, I had to. My initial thought was that this is insane to throw everything away in this manner, but we live in crazy times.

We live in crazy times ? Here is how you reacted to Alexander the Great k*lling a person because he mocked him:

High social status is high social status despite all the current nonsense around it. That is the root there.

Those are not crazy times ?

I do not know how come a h*ndjob is worse and crazy than alexander k*lling a person just because of being mocked.

if someone post a thread:

Hi a person mocked my achievement can i do Goddess Nemesis ritual for him to be ruined,

He will be called childish and not mature.

So why alexander is excluded from that,

I believe we should not glorify everything that moves in history, and to instead do more of the good that has been done and learn from peoples mistake in history, rather than blindly glorifying them

 

[Henu the Great]

We live in crazy times ? Here is how you reacted to Alexander the Great k*lling a person because he mocked him:

Those are not crazy times ?

I do not know how come a h*ndjob is worse and crazy than alexander k*lling a person just because of being mocked.

if someone post a thread:

Hi a person mocked my achievement can i do Goddess Nemesis ritual for him to be ruined,

He will be called childish and not mature.

So why alexander is excluded from that,

I believe we should not glorify everything that moves in history, and to instead do more of the good that has been done and learn from peoples mistake in history, rather than blindly glorifying them

Just so you know, some messages are missing from the topic since the recent forum cleansing. So your quote is so out of context that it is not even funny. Second, you have not understood this topic at all based on your recent reply here, so your weak comparisons are wholly irrelevant.

 

[Head Guardian Sophiles Phylax]

The relationship was already fatally wounded due to the sexual incompatibility which was present beforehand; this event with the massage parlor was just an outward manifestation of that.