I have failed my wife.

[Asra]

What advice do you have then? [...]

Since it was requested, I will list my advice below. I didn't include it as people are already offended by as much as naming reality, calling it harsh, or excessively judgmental, since you stress exact wording.

Up to the point of this reply I'm quoting, nobody has said it's "not a problem", nor that it's "not a big deal", nor has anybody encouraged cheating that I can see. I wonder if you were cheated on in the past so this is a sensitive subject for you.

If you insist on clarity, there was a member who called a handjob nothing and leaving over it hysterical. Others did not use these exact words, but the undertone is clear.

I was thankfully not cheated on. I addressed a topic with the gravity it deserves. You are going ad hominem as an attempt to discredit me. I'll let you know it's visible, and that if we go there, I could also assume all people who were not as "harsh" are cheating on their spouse. But you don't see me naming members.

Now, to OP: first of all, I'd say acknowledge and accept this grave mistake as well as the potential divorce as a consequence to one's actions. Don't waste time trying to salvage broken relationships that will be hurtful on both ends and look forced to the children who will be witnessing it and might involuntarily replicate it when they become adults. This is freeing in a way, because the incompatibilities between you are essentially solved, and now you are both able to find partners better suited to you, sexually and otherwise. Before future relationships, I say go for a period of working on the porn addiction, and when dating, be upfront about your expectations, especially sexual, from the beginning. Despite a possible end of the relationship, you are still the children's father, and I think you should be present in their life. If it works for you logistically, you could ask for dual custody. If this can't be achieved, make sure they spend holidays at your place, or have them visit every time possible as per the judge's arrangements. Make sure to pay the child support, it's proof of your involvement in case family members try to alienate the children from you. Children might not be aware of the details (their age also factors), but they will remember whether you fought to see them, and they can be shown proof of the payments when they are older.