First and fore most I am requesting the assistance of any Clergy or advanced and reputable Zevism who has been active on these forums for years.
I am not asking something that involves simple research I can just take a few hours or days to find, as this is something deep on the soul level that is striking fear into me, actually stopping me from being able to meditate or do the Rituals as I wanted to start being consistent with them and be something useful.
I will not just give personal information to some random member, be aware I have been on this path for seven years and will know what members are active with what alias, so do not worry about me risking my life, I take responsibility for this and desperately need a concrete resolution to this haunting perspective.
I really don't know how to begin here.
Ive had these fears in the past, and I might have already been convinced otherwise as to these delusional fears, and possible enemy attacks, but never the less these are back full force in an even more critical state of my mental life.
Im reading new sermons which though fascinating now make me wonder if my minor ailments here and there are due to genuinely bad habits and genetics that I can fix, or if the Meditations and rituals I did in the past were to blame..
Ive heard many people claim the Rituals are something negative, and I never liked when I heard that from them, I just felt I was lazy when I didn't really do them, and I really want to stop lugging around, but something elses is getting to me now..
The most I meditated for in a row was forty two days, usually it only lasts about a month or so though, then I topple and lose my motivation.
I never felt like I was deteriorating I just felt a bit "bleached" after I maintained this routine twice a day at my best including pranayama frequently.
The sermons which concern me are the ones involving the sephiroth and the Klipoth trees of life and death to the jew...
You see where I am going with this and its really freaking me out to where I am starting to stay up at night just to type this.
Im trying to say I need someone who is experienced in reading the soul of someone through a picture and name etc.
I know this might just be dismissed but it can't, Im literally wondering what I will do if I am revealed to just be a deluded soul that was never meant to be an Zevism, and if I just deserve death, its almost unbearable, yet Im composing myself not to freak out.
I need to ask someone with superior spiritual clarity about my soul and whether or not it is jewish...
Please, this is not a game to me I just want the truth and its depressing to feel like I was straggling along a path that technically programs my destruction.
If someone can email me privately I will be glad to show them angled pictures of myself and give my name for whatever it is worth, but I cannot let this go anymore.
Just when I wanted to get my ass in gear to be something important without whining this shit had to pop up and freak me out.
I am not asking something that involves simple research I can just take a few hours or days to find, as this is something deep on the soul level that is striking fear into me, actually stopping me from being able to meditate or do the Rituals as I wanted to start being consistent with them and be something useful.
I will not just give personal information to some random member, be aware I have been on this path for seven years and will know what members are active with what alias, so do not worry about me risking my life, I take responsibility for this and desperately need a concrete resolution to this haunting perspective.
I really don't know how to begin here.
Ive had these fears in the past, and I might have already been convinced otherwise as to these delusional fears, and possible enemy attacks, but never the less these are back full force in an even more critical state of my mental life.
Im reading new sermons which though fascinating now make me wonder if my minor ailments here and there are due to genuinely bad habits and genetics that I can fix, or if the Meditations and rituals I did in the past were to blame..
Ive heard many people claim the Rituals are something negative, and I never liked when I heard that from them, I just felt I was lazy when I didn't really do them, and I really want to stop lugging around, but something elses is getting to me now..
The most I meditated for in a row was forty two days, usually it only lasts about a month or so though, then I topple and lose my motivation.
I never felt like I was deteriorating I just felt a bit "bleached" after I maintained this routine twice a day at my best including pranayama frequently.
The sermons which concern me are the ones involving the sephiroth and the Klipoth trees of life and death to the jew...
You see where I am going with this and its really freaking me out to where I am starting to stay up at night just to type this.
Im trying to say I need someone who is experienced in reading the soul of someone through a picture and name etc.
I know this might just be dismissed but it can't, Im literally wondering what I will do if I am revealed to just be a deluded soul that was never meant to be an Zevism, and if I just deserve death, its almost unbearable, yet Im composing myself not to freak out.
I need to ask someone with superior spiritual clarity about my soul and whether or not it is jewish...
Please, this is not a game to me I just want the truth and its depressing to feel like I was straggling along a path that technically programs my destruction.
If someone can email me privately I will be glad to show them angled pictures of myself and give my name for whatever it is worth, but I cannot let this go anymore.
Just when I wanted to get my ass in gear to be something important without whining this shit had to pop up and freak me out.
