I have failed my wife.

[ModernHeathen88]

Hello everyone.

This brings me great shame to post this.

A few weeks ago I cheated on my wife of 10 years (married for 2, 2 children, highschool sweethearts).

I was drinking with friends, at the height of the night I went to a massage parlour and received a "happy ending".

I immediately called my wife, crying, hyperventilating at what I had done.

She told me just to come home safely, I did and we spoke about it.

She is currently back in our home country with our children to have space.

She has told me the relationship is effectively over.

I've always struggled with a porn addiction, lusting over women and always having wandering eyes. I was emotionally abusive (I never intended to hurt her). I made her feel inadequate, like she was the problem due to having a low libido.

I'm not asking for sympathy.

I don't want to be that man anymore, I'm seeking therapy to address a lot of deep seated issues from my childhood that resulted in severe attachment issues.

I can only move on and try be better, for my kids.

I'm actually not really sure what I'm seeking here, I don't care if you all berate me and tell me what a POS I am, I know.

I fell straight into the goyim trap.

 

[Acolyte Of Pan 666]

Forgive yourself. Don’t let the guilt and shame pull you down. Try to reconcile with her in the appropriate way. Pray to the Gods for guidance on the matter. The key to improvement is learning from mistakes. Don’t dwell on the past or regret.

 

[Pammy]

Hello everyone.

This brings me great shame to post this.

A few weeks ago I cheated on my wife of 10 years (married for 2, 2 children, highschool sweethearts).

I was drinking with friends, at the height of the night I went to a massage parlour and received a "happy ending".

I immediately called my wife, crying, hyperventilating at what I had done.

She told me just to come home safely, I did and we spoke about it.

She is currently back in our home country with our children to have space.

She has told me the relationship is effectively over.

I've always struggled with a porn addiction, lusting over women and always having wandering eyes. I was emotionally abusive (I never intended to hurt her). I made her feel inadequate, like she was the problem due to having a low libido.

I'm not asking for sympathy.

I don't want to be that man anymore, I'm seeking therapy to address a lot of deep seated issues from my childhood that resulted in severe attachment issues.

I can only move on and try be better, for my kids.

I'm actually not really sure what I'm seeking here, I don't care if you all berate me and tell me what a POS I am, I know.

I fell straight into the goyim trap.

I wish you luck in getting better and being a better father.

A relationship like you described -pord addiction, low libido, emotional abuse- is not worth salvaging. Let it go. Approach her like a woman you can't take for granted. Not your high-school sweetheart. If she never wants a relationship with you again, it will be deserved on your side. In case she gives it a chance, you need to be decisive that this is not going back to the relationship you used to have, but a new start for a better one.

Also, you need to ask yourself if you have love, attraction, or respect for this woman? Was it you who wanted to break up but wasn't brave enough so went a round about way about it? Why would you call her right after cheating on her? Did you want to make her leave you, carry the responsibility of the decision to break up?

Be honest with yourself. Did you not want to get out of that relationship that she feels inadequate and has a low libido and you are unsatisfied and hurting her emotionally then regretting it? Now it hurts, of course it does, but did you not choose this? At every step you take you could turn back but chose to keep drinking and walking in that parlor and cheating on her and calling her?

You could have done this in a more dignified way, but in the end, you need to own your actions. Maybe I am wrong. I don't think I am wrong... but who thinks they are wrong? Anyway, be honest with yourself.

 

[Asra]

I'm surprised at the encouraging replies here. You valued your children less than a handjob from a random girl, since now you could be seeing them twice a year if their mother files for divorce. Besides, you wasted 10 years of her life, and made it insanely difficult for her if she chooses to raise them by herself. You're lucky she did not leave them with you indefinitely, since you're the one who dismantled the family and stepped down from his duties, but she probably doesn't trust you enough for this task. Not much can be said, honestly, your situation doesn't fit encouraging mottos like "do better next time".

 

[Epiphany]

It is good that you have self awareness and can reach out to seek guidance, as well as a sense of shame over this, and reaching out despite this shame.

You are responsible for your actions, you had many opportunities not to follow this road to the end, and you and your family will have to deal with the consequences, which even if you had not been honest about it, would have came anyway and weighed heavy on your conscience.

It sounds like this relationship had its own issues which culminated in unmet needs likely for both people, and therefore irrational ways of fulfilling those needs. It may not have been a good fit for both of you, you both certainly had longstanding issues that didn't get the work they needed, and blame never belongs purely to one side or another as a relationship is a two-party deal.

That may have lead to sabotaging behavior, such that if you were unhappy in this relationship and wanted it to end but didn't want to make the first move or take responsibility for it, you got drunk and cheated with a prostitute so that you can offload some of the sense of responsibility for breaking up. It could have been a way of testing the relationship. It was also you trying to fulfill a need that wasn't being met by the relationship, for whatever reason that may be.

This was a moment of clarity for you since it seems you are more aware of things you need to work on than you were before. This distance between you will be very sobering and you're right in that the only thing you can do is try to better yourself and move forward.

But with a betrayal of trust like this, that trust may very well be impossible to recover, and she will likely find it hard to be loyal or trust again in the future, trust you or anyone else. Things can go either way and there may be a long battle ahead of you to be in your kids' lives.

This is a tough situation to be in, but it is one potentially years in the making and completed by you, and it will be demanding in ways that could grow you or tear you down. Good luck, thanks for reaching out.

 

[Nikólaos666]

I'm surprised at the encouraging replies here. You valued your children less than a handjob from a random girl, since now you could be seeing them twice a year if their mother files for divorce. Besides, you wasted 10 years of her life, and made it insanely difficult for her if she chooses to raise them by herself. You're lucky she did not leave them with you indefinitely, since you're the one who dismantled the family and stepped down from his duties, but she probably doesn't trust you enough for this task. Not much can be said, honestly, your situation doesn't fit encouraging mottos like "do better next time".

I think you're being extremely harsh on him. Does having this kind of affair make him a bad father? There are thousands of men and women who don't have this kind of affair but who don't take better care of their children. Without justifying his pornography addiction, we also need to consider his needs as a man. How many men and women have extramarital affairs without destroying their marriage? Is a united family better than a separation because one partner no longer wants to have sex with the other for whatever reason? Calling his wife afterward wasn't the best idea. Letting the alcohol go and reflecting on the situation would have been better.

 

[Myniciorom]

You have low libido and couldnt control yourself into accepting a happy ending at a massage parlour? Anyway theres no point in crying over this, I know breakups are tough, no matter how cold we men sometimes try to be, this sort of thing gets to you as romantic intimate relationships are the most powerful form of exchange of emotions. I dont know your wife and your relationship with her so I dont know If you can still work through this. But what whatever you do, dont make desperate decisions.

 

[Asra]

I think you're being extremely harsh on him. Does having this kind of affair make him a bad father? How many men and women have extramarital affairs without destroying their marriage? Is a united family better than a separation because one partner no longer wants to have sex with the other for whatever reason? Calling his wife afterward wasn't the best idea. Letting the alcohol go and reflecting on the situation would have been better.

Yes, cheating on his children's mother makes him a bad father and sets a bad example for them. Now the children are aware their parents separated because one couldn't be loyal. I also don't believe in marriages where people are free to have affairs. They can certainly make it work, but they should consider the extent to which their partner can fulfil their needs before engaging with them seriously, let alone marrying them and starting families.