I hope to recover my lost money so I can rehabilitate myself (that's why I play)
but I'm bringing myself into a bigger disaster than the one I'm in
I think the gods forbade me from playing these games because they destroyed me
However, I have a fire inside and an immense will to play and win at these games
I've tried everything and nothing works
(normally the gods won't stoop to help a lower mortal of an andropodic level)
and if you're still asking let me vent a little by telling you that I've reached a state where I haven't spoken to anyone (I rarely exchange a word with my family) for 35 days isolated in a room I only do spiritual programs I simply have no purpose in this life and the pain is at a level beyond my limit
All that's left for me is to submit

and give up this addiction to get myself together and start building something useful in this life