The Name we Give

[Fraroderini]

Hi everyone.
This post wants to formulate a question of a matter that is regarding not only me but I think a lot of this humanity.

Intro
On February the 4th I have watched a psychological horror movie about homosexual s3xual abuse. I felt deeply traumatized and couldn't even know why, since there was no explicit scene involved. I have developed in a month the symptoms of depersonalization, PTSD, it all looked like a psychosis. I grew up in a christian family and I always fought against my homosexuality (looking more like a bisexuality btw), and only in 2019 I started realizing I could finally accept myself, since I had discovered satanism.
Even if I was convinced I had never been abused in my whole life, this short psychological movie has really consumed my physical and mental energy, at all.

Then I wondered something that now is costing me the price of not living a normal life.
In September 2022, on the 24th - so basically a year ago from now - I had a sexual intercourse with a 42 year old man, with me being barely 19. We had sex in a conscious and consenting manner, but I did not feel so respected.
I felt my persona was violated. I did not really want to have sex with him. I came home really sad and I was angry with myself.

The problem
So, in legal terms this could not be called "abuse", since I went to this man's home and I perfectly knew his intentions. I was not ready tho, I did not like him physically, I felt I was doing something I did not want to do. So maybe in "neurological" terms it could have had the effect of an abuse.
It wasn't until march 23rd 2023 that I realized that maybe this september experience could be the one causing me distress, and maybe the short film was just a trigger that made me explode.

This whole experience made me think about the Name we give things. We live in a society full of labels. Mine could not be defined as an "abuse" by people, but by me it was something I have somehow perceived. And I still don't know.

My concern, since I still struggle with depersonalization and depression, is that I am mentally dead and won't be able to recover.
My legs shake everyday, I do not recognize myself in pictures of some times ago. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and she has been really able to help me out. She said that a sexual abuse cannot be forgotten the way I did. She said that probably my brain is trying to keep acceptance away and so on it decides to make up a disease, a ptsd, an abuse, so that I don't have to accept myself, and she told me to accept fully myself first and things will become clearer.

How to heal and pondering on the concept of "name" and labels
Even if the psychiatrist is telling me that there is no heavy trauma and I do not show the clinical symptoms of PTSD and trauma-related conditions, I am still dying inside.
And as you see, I struggle with the Name I give to things that happen. Is this a trauma? Is this an abuse? i want to know how to heal, I want to know what happened to my brain. Who gives a trunk about labels?
I am afraid I will not enjoy sex anymore.
I want my sex life 100% back, want my life 100% back. I want to have an intercourse in a full and calm way, without triggers, without fears, without anxiety; I'd like to turn back to pre-trauma conditions.
Everyone keeps saying that those achievements are plausible in satanism. Well I really lost my faith and devotion to Satan in those times. I did not know how to call Belial, my guardian, I relied only on "material" things without caring about spirituality.

I wouldn't know how to thank whoever can give me suggestions and can tell me if this healing work is possible. I do not care how long it takes. If there is a way, I try my best. Should i work on the first two chakras...? Focusing on opening them all?

Regardless of my experience, I would like everyone to think about labels that people nowadays give. This shows how reality is perceived in different ways, how easily it can be manipulated, seen, interpreted.

 

[Lmnop]

Hi, you are still very young and your sexuality will continue to develop as you age. I am not blaming you, but for analytical reasons so I can understand better, why did you then have sex with him if you did not want to? The reason that experience weighs on you, as best as you can understand right now, is because you felt violated in some way? If that's the case maybe you could take something positive away from that and be sure to never make someone else feel how you feel. They say that time heals all wounds.. and there's an old latin saying, "amor vincit omnia," which means that "love conquers everything," and to the best of my understanding, love is the most powerful force in the world. Just like the yin and the yang, or duality, everything we do stems from either fear or love. Try not to feel what you don't want to - it can be a challenge to force ourselves to change how we feel, because the path of least resistance is more comfortable even though it involves feelings we don't like, but it's worth learning how to change the energy you are manifesting inside of yourself - this will unlock more potential for you to enjoy your life.

I personally in your shoes would keep asking Father to help me understand what happened and what it is that I'm feeling and why. I don't believe in psychiatrists or their medicines, for reasons maybe we could discuss later if you wanted to.
Just don't give up.. things will get better. Maybe read some of the sermons the high priests have posted on the forums here - they often give me insight into how to better navigate what I'm dealing with in life. Manifest what you want inside of your soul and it will soon surround you in your environment - it's called the "law of attraction," thoughts and feelings do affect the universe. Desire is like a magnetic force.

Ultimately, give it time and continue to work on yourself and advance and grow and live life to the fullest extent that you can. Not to offend you, I have nothing against consensual homosexuality, but if you have not had sex with a beautiful, loving woman, or a relationship, I would recommend at least trying it. Young people always have to figure out their identities and it can be a long tiresome path. If you could find a way to look more towards the future and dwell less on the past, then in this case you would be happier.

You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink.. in the end you will have to resolve this yourself, through whatever means it takes which only you will know for sure. Be open and try to find a way. Where there is a will, there are a thousand ways. Sometimes we know what we have to do but it isn't what we want to hear at the time. Good luck! You'll find your way eventually, and if you remember that then everything will be ok soon enough.

 

[AFODO]

This would be really hard to heal without doing strong cleanings. Start a strong cleaning, and do quality vibrations, and focuse especially on the Sacral chakra. Clean your whole soul, but make sure you are paying extra focus on the sacral.

This is the first step, now obviously, you should also empower your soul, and protect it, as these should be part of any Zevism everyday life.

I think this will help solve any problem, it will help accept yourslef, and nullify the impact of traumas. The only succesfull person, is the one who pay effort to the right thing. It might take years with meditations, but it's much better than forever, without meditation.