Personal struggles, inner turmoil.

[Desdemona_666]

My apologies to everyone who missed me or wondered where the heck I went.

 

[NinRick]

My apologies to everyone who missed me or wondered where the heck I went.

I am just glad you are back!

 

[Aquarius]

I did wonder why I didn't see you around anymore.
Hopefully these personal struggles are the past.

 

[Jack]

The title of the thread got me to think about the meaning of inner turmoil. I hope you don't mind if I share my thoughts here.

I can give reasons as to why the things I've done were right, and I can scrutinize those reasons to show they were wrong. I can give reasons as to why I should've done something else, and I can explain clearly why that would also have been wrong. When all the reasons as to why something I've done is right or wrong are sound yet contradictory, I become unable to discern right and wrong; that is what inner turmoil is to me. Because no matter what I do, it will be "wrong" in several ways; and yet I'm unable to regret it because it is also "right", since the alternatives are just as "wrong".

Morality dissolves and I ask myself if I've gone insane, only to find that I'm still completely sane, now confused as to why I ever tormented myself with such thoughts in the first place, as I only ever did the best thing I could. Because I'm incapable of explaining it to myself or others, I have no choice but to hide it, from myself and others alike; and yet I feel no shame nor regret, for what I did was as right and wrong as any other option.

If someone said, "you were right", I would feel relief; if someone said, "you were wrong", I would feel despair. But is there a point in being a puppet of the opinions of others? Inner strength starts with believing in yourself. But when logic can't tell me if I am right or wrong, wouldn't it be delusional for me to believe in myself, regardless of what I do, and no matter whether it "is" right or wrong?
That very feeling is my inner turmoil.

When I feel that way, I wonder if there are others who would feel that way too if they didn't tune out the information they didn't like. I've seen that some people just believe whatever is convenient for them, because it makes sense of their convictions. Disagreements exists because different people choose to believe in differing information just because it suits them; but does that make it wrong? Or am I wrong for letting my convictions remain ambiguous due to a lack of sufficiently satisfying evidence, instead of relying on mere speculation to justify my decisions like most people do? Can I still call myself sane when my indecisiveness leads me to one unjustifiable decision or the other? Can I still call myself sane after I find the strength of conviction befitting a fanatic?

I don't know what to do, but I do know what I want to do. I know what feels "right" to me, even if I cannot explain it. Just like any other idiot, that's what I'll believe in. That is not insanity; that is freedom. That is my conclusion.

https://1lib.in/book/768335/1abab6

https://1lib.in/book/865496/b3b833

https://1lib.in/book/2696174/e7ad93

 

[Desdemona_666]

@NinRick: I will never leave, if I disappear forever, I am probably dead. I’ll message you and others in PM.

@Aquarius: No, it didn’t go away. However, I’ll try to make it go away.

@Meteor: I cannot seem to relate, as cause of our troubles do not seem to be the same, but...damn that’s rough. I don’t know if I or anyone else here could help you in some way.

 

[Head Guardian Blitzkreig]

My apologies to everyone who missed me or wondered where the heck I went.

If there is something we can help you with, let us know! Sometimes someone may know a solution or better way forward.

 

[One Wire Phenomenon]

My apologies to everyone who missed me or wondered where the heck I went.

If there is something we can help you with, let us know! Sometimes someone may know a solution or better way forward.

Blitzkreig you are probably the most kindest and helpful person on this forum. Thank you for truely caring for us Zevism.

 

[NinRick]

@NinRick: I will never leave, if I disappear forever, I am probably dead. I’ll message you and others in PM.

Lets hope you will be here forever!
It is just like Blitzkrieg said, you are not alone. We are Family.

 

[SSinHeartandSoul]

My apologies to everyone who missed me or wondered where the heck I went.

I hope it has nothing to do with that identity thief :lol:

Anyways don't sweat it, The number one thing you have to take care of as an Zevism is yourself. Self empowerment / advancement is most important, The rest comes later.

 

[Shadowcat]

My apologies to everyone who missed me or wondered where the heck I went.

Hey larissa ! I was actually thinking of you the other day wondering if you were ok. Then sure enough i saw a post of yours shortly after. I hope everything works out for you. you can always talk to us if you need to

 

[Jack]

https://1lib.in/book/768335/1abab6

https://1lib.in/book/865496/b3b833

https://1lib.in/book/2696174/e7ad93

Could you give a brief summary as to why you recommended those books to me, so I know if they're worth a read?

To let go of the inner turmoil and to let go of the societal zeitgeist. You can make up your own value system and operate inside of that which gives you ultimate freedom. Since nothing is Good or Bad ,you can make up your own good and bad but according to processes of Nature. Once you let go of the inhibitions that bind your mind, you will truly be free. There will be certainty in your actions and decisions. You will be free of psychological suffering.

 

[Shadowcat]

https://1lib.in/book/768335/1abab6

https://1lib.in/book/865496/b3b833

https://1lib.in/book/2696174/e7ad93

Could you give a brief summary as to why you recommended those books to me, so I know if they're worth a read?

To let go of the inner turmoil and to let go of the societal zeitgeist. You can make up your own value system and operate inside of that which gives you ultimate freedom. Since nothing is Good or Bad ,you can make up your own good and bad but according to processes of Nature. Once you let go of the inhibitions that bind your mind, you will truly be free. There will be certainty in your actions and decisions. You will be free of psychological suffering.

Curious. I will give these a look myself thanks jack.

 

[Head Guardian Blitzkreig]

Blitzkreig you are probably the most kindest and helpful person on this forum. Thank you for truely caring for us Zevism.

Of course! And thank you for being so nice to me in return.

The qualities of mine that you refer to are simply a reflection of my natal chart. This is not anything anyone else cannot also achieve. One should always look at the elements, or look at the zodiac, and see what qualities they are missing and do a working to gain them.

Ideally, one would go around the whole zodiac and "level up" their qualities from each element/sign. One can still maintain a "high level" in their specialty areas, but of course one needs balance for success. Even the Gods of fire have a level of empathy that is millions of times greater than mine. This is because they focus some effort on upgrading their water, not just their fire traits.

A 40 day working is a decent undertaking, and should be planned in accordance with all other priorities. The "secret" here, is that one can invoke the energy they need on a daily basis, without needing a full working. For example, one can invoke the elements, through the balanced ether format, to gain what they are lacking. One can do the same for zodiac signs by vibrating them or breathing them in.

Check your north node on your astrology chart to see exactly what sort of qualities you are in need of. Then, either invoke the element or signs pertaining to it.