My friends

[First L]

For 6 years, I've poured myself into my friends from high school (i'm 21 so that was during high school). I'd always had my doubts about them and thought I was just being too selfish and possessive of them because, at that time, they were all I had. I'd draw comics for them, write stories, make myself look like a complete and UTTER fool just to see them laugh. For whatever reason, I found validation in their laughter. Without thinking, I'd drop hundreds of dollars in a day for them (we're NOT rich! I worked my ass off for my money!)

After graduation, we grew apart. I went through a trying time and found Father Enki and, after 2 YEARS of no communication, one of those friends (the one I knew LESS than the others) called me up and asked me to be a brides maid in her wedding... Out of habit, I said yes. Deep inside, I knew I should've refused out right!!

I recently learned to trust my instincts, but that time I didn't. This may get long winded...

TO START, she had TWO MONTHS to get her wedding together. The best maid and I (another friend I knew in high school) went looking at the dress. $160. I'm paid minimum wage! Not only that but my birthday was in between the wedding and I wanted to have an amazing birthday (last year was my first birthday with Father Enki and I was NEVER happier!)

I paid for my birthday myself, which didn't bother me. What DID bother me was that the bride, of whom I had told THREE times when the party is (and even reminded the best maid NOT to miss it) COMPLETELY IGNORED IT AND WENT TO WORK. She's self-employed so she could RUSH right over... despite that I was happy (I invited 8 people only 4 showed up...)

THEN the best maid and I planned out the bachelorette party. Okay. That's fine. I had to pay half of the hotel room. $89. That's cool. I can do that. Then I had to get ALL the food.... $60+ That's a little annoying but I get it. She has responsibilities I don't. NOW I had to get the entertainment (songs on Rock Band). $48.

When I got there, it was late because I was JUST off of work (there from 2 pm, party's at 10pm. Worked the night before 10pm to 7am) and she gave me the WORSE possible directions. They were playing a stupid card game (not even poker, like a KIDS game). I was tired. I was pissed. And I decided NO MORE. After downing my bottle of wine, I left.

I drove around for a bit, thinking.

I thought back on what they've done to me. How empty I always felt around them. Everything I put into them. I tried to remember a time when I NEVER doubted their friendship. I couldn't find a single time. I never believed them to be my friends. And I'm not lay back, put on the boots for them and watch them walk all over me. It's now a week before the wedding and I'm finally going to trust my instincts and get out of it. Like I should have in the beginning.

I had more fun that night, walking around at walmart and eating at Denny's (my waitress was REALLY nice AND I got free pie C than I could have possibly had sitting around watching my pg-13 friends drink to Monty Python and NOT play Rock Band (which was the only reason I went there). I've had so much stress from all of this but when I think of leaving those parasites behind, I get so happy I cry. I can live for Father Enki. For Lord Dagon!! And for myself!!!

I'm free.

Hail Father Enki!!
Hail Lord Dagon!!

 

[sillynut]

wow! i wish i ad a friend like u like 10 years ago lool!!. ive always been different from others becos i was really into xtianity from a young age and a good girl and a little bit more sensitive than those around me and spoke and thought differently and more maturely even so young and tolerated a lot of shit 4rm ppl in the past cos i hated speaking out or beign confrontational and sometimes also had low self worth so ppl wud often sit around me and not talk to me,or plan stuff and not even invite me to it, regardless of whether i hang round with them or not.i was kinda like an extra wheel i guess. and once i was with a group of acquaintances (i say acquaintances for obv reasons)at lunchtime in 6th form. nobody told me it was one of the girls' bdays. they just cut a cake and ate it without inviting me- although i was sat right there!!! and started taking pictures of each other and asked me to take pictures of them..naturally i did bt i felt so isolated.i know it sounds like high school stuff bt at the time it really hurt, cos my self esteem was like down to 0; esp when one of the acquaintances told me ppl were chattin shit about me at school just cos i didnt always wear makeup or dress "a certain way!! and that if i didnt change my personality she wud "back off me". YES SHE LITERALLY SAID THAT. she was so ashamed to be associated with me. Bitchy girls or what??WHAT SO I AV TO BE A BITCH TO HAV FRIENDS??LOL. I WAS AN XTIAN THEN. FOR 11 YEARS OF MY LIFE. i personally im also a giver. its naturally becos my mum is that way as well,and is a nurse whereas i do carework. and we both find ourselves doin stuff for others (not just money cos we av money problems lool) bt in anyting else! time, effort etc. bt they never retaliate!! even some of our cousins and aunties dnt communicate with us or bother to call us. some of our family is very selfish. i never thought for once that i ad any close friends and even til now am isolated. am also 21 btw. Had quite a testing teenage years to be honest bt i guess its made me the person i am today; good or bad i dno. took a year out from uni, cos didnt enjoy the course, dint enjoy the environmentand was terribly homesick. i stayed with a girl in 2nd yr(well i met her in the 1st yr of uni) bt after livin with her i realized me and her had nothin in common. i mean i wud always go out of my way for her bt she didnt do the same, and oftentimes she also ignored me and was rude to me, esp wen i went to see her whilst on holiday in africa. like as if takign me for granted, esp when we were out with other ppl. comin from an affluent background she was used to ppl doing things for her bt the funny thing is she made more friends at uni than i did and people were always comin to the house to see her, even old friends of mine.she was so spoiled and never worked a day in her life. she was so lazy but she always complained when there were dishes in the sink. im so tired of her and dnt even communicate with her anymore. when we left our accomodation at the end of term i cleaned the entire house (her room icnluded) and also offered to keep her tv, duvet and mirror cos she cudnt take it with her. when school reopened she phoned me shouting down the fone at me tellin me why did i leave her expensive duvet and mirror behind (cos i wasnt sure if id taken it or not) and i told her off and told her not to speak to me like that again. no-one from school bothers to communicate with me or even pick up the fone to call me, bt now am so used to it and cudnt care less. since returning from holiday in africa av completely isolated myself from those leeches and fake people. Only want to talk to u when its their bday so they can make up the numbers, or when theres some drama. u kno those kind of friends!! as for the 362 days in the year ud be lucky if u heard a peep from them. i know what u meant by they drain u. and u dnt even feel like ur personalitites are compatible and they make u feel isolated; their unpredictable, u sometimes wonder if they talk shit about u when ur not there, and u ask urself "whats the point??" although they are the same people who say, "oh ur isolating yourself from us." YOU CAN FEEL ISOLATED WITHOUT ACTUALLY BEING PUSHED OUT. I wish to find like minded friends, esp wen i start college nxt yr.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "First L" <l33t_v4sh@... wrote:

For 6 years, I've poured myself into my friends from high school (i'm 21 so that was during high school). I'd always had my doubts about them and thought I was just being too selfish and possessive of them because, at that time, they were all I had. I'd draw comics for them, write stories, make myself look like a complete and UTTER fool just to see them laugh. For whatever reason, I found validation in their laughter. Without thinking, I'd drop hundreds of dollars in a day for them (we're NOT rich! I worked my ass off for my money!)

After graduation, we grew apart. I went through a trying time and found Father Enki and, after 2 YEARS of no communication, one of those friends (the one I knew LESS than the others) called me up and asked me to be a brides maid in her wedding... Out of habit, I said yes. Deep inside, I knew I should've refused out right!!

I recently learned to trust my instincts, but that time I didn't. This may get long winded...

TO START, she had TWO MONTHS to get her wedding together. The best maid and I (another friend I knew in high school) went looking at the dress. $160. I'm paid minimum wage! Not only that but my birthday was in between the wedding and I wanted to have an amazing birthday (last year was my first birthday with Father Enki and I was NEVER happier!)

I paid for my birthday myself, which didn't bother me. What DID bother me was that the bride, of whom I had told THREE times when the party is (and even reminded the best maid NOT to miss it) COMPLETELY IGNORED IT AND WENT TO WORK. She's self-employed so she could RUSH right over... despite that I was happy (I invited 8 people only 4 showed up...)

THEN the best maid and I planned out the bachelorette party. Okay. That's fine. I had to pay half of the hotel room. $89. That's cool. I can do that. Then I had to get ALL the food.... $60+ That's a little annoying but I get it. She has responsibilities I don't. NOW I had to get the entertainment (songs on Rock Band). $48.

When I got there, it was late because I was JUST off of work (there from 2 pm, party's at 10pm. Worked the night before 10pm to 7am) and she gave me the WORSE possible directions. They were playing a stupid card game (not even poker, like a KIDS game). I was tired. I was pissed. And I decided NO MORE. After downing my bottle of wine, I left.

I drove around for a bit, thinking.

I thought back on what they've done to me. How empty I always felt around them. Everything I put into them. I tried to remember a time when I NEVER doubted their friendship. I couldn't find a single time. I never believed them to be my friends. And I'm not lay back, put on the boots for them and watch them walk all over me. It's now a week before the wedding and I'm finally going to trust my instincts and get out of it. Like I should have in the beginning.

I had more fun that night, walking around at walmart and eating at Denny's (my waitress was REALLY nice AND I got free pie C than I could have possibly had sitting around watching my pg-13 friends drink to Monty Python and NOT play Rock Band (which was the only reason I went there). I've had so much stress from all of this but when I think of leaving those parasites behind, I get so happy I cry. I can live for Father Enki. For Lord Dagon!! And for myself!!!

I'm free.

Hail Father Enki!!
Hail Lord Dagon!!

 

[morticia]

i know what u guys mean. ive always been dif from evbody else just because i took my studies seriously and didnt fail all my classes just to be "cool". i was emo/goth b4 it was cool to be one. i was cutting myself b4 the whole world started doing it. i feel isolated also specially when it comes to fam. im the only free-thinker and its hard being so open-minded while evone else is a conformist. put it to u this way, if my mom found out i was a satanist id get thrown out. i wish the 3 of us couldve known ea other back then. we'd look out for ea other and fuck evbody else.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "sillynut" <asamoahflorence@... wrote:


wow! i wish i ad a friend like u like 10 years ago lool!!. ive always been different from others becos i was really into xtianity from a young age and a good girl and a little bit more sensitive than those around me and spoke and thought differently and more maturely even so young and tolerated a lot of shit 4rm ppl in the past cos i hated speaking out or beign confrontational and sometimes also had low self worth so ppl wud often sit around me and not talk to me,or plan stuff and not even invite me to it, regardless of whether i hang round with them or not.i was kinda like an extra wheel i guess. and once i was with a group of acquaintances (i say acquaintances for obv reasons)at lunchtime in 6th form. nobody told me it was one of the girls' bdays. they just cut a cake and ate it without inviting me- although i was sat right there!!! and started taking pictures of each other and asked me to take pictures of them..naturally i did bt i felt so isolated.i know it sounds like high school stuff bt at the time it really hurt, cos my self esteem was like down to 0; esp when one of the acquaintances told me ppl were chattin shit about me at school just cos i didnt always wear makeup or dress "a certain way!! and that if i didnt change my personality she wud "back off me". YES SHE LITERALLY SAID THAT. she was so ashamed to be associated with me. Bitchy girls or what??WHAT SO I AV TO BE A BITCH TO HAV FRIENDS??LOL. I WAS AN XTIAN THEN. FOR 11 YEARS OF MY LIFE. i personally im also a giver. its naturally becos my mum is that way as well,and is a nurse whereas i do carework. and we both find ourselves doin stuff for others (not just money cos we av money problems lool) bt in anyting else! time, effort etc. bt they never retaliate!! even some of our cousins and aunties dnt communicate with us or bother to call us. some of our family is very selfish. i never thought for once that i ad any close friends and even til now am isolated. am also 21 btw. Had quite a testing teenage years to be honest bt i guess its made me the person i am today; good or bad i dno. took a year out from uni, cos didnt enjoy the course, dint enjoy the environmentand was terribly homesick. i stayed with a girl in 2nd yr(well i met her in the 1st yr of uni) bt after livin with her i realized me and her had nothin in common. i mean i wud always go out of my way for her bt she didnt do the same, and oftentimes she also ignored me and was rude to me, esp wen i went to see her whilst on holiday in africa. like as if takign me for granted, esp when we were out with other ppl. comin from an affluent background she was used to ppl doing things for her bt the funny thing is she made more friends at uni than i did and people were always comin to the house to see her, even old friends of mine.she was so spoiled and never worked a day in her life. she was so lazy but she always complained when there were dishes in the sink. im so tired of her and dnt even communicate with her anymore. when we left our accomodation at the end of term i cleaned the entire house (her room icnluded) and also offered to keep her tv, duvet and mirror cos she cudnt take it with her. when school reopened she phoned me shouting down the fone at me tellin me why did i leave her expensive duvet and mirror behind (cos i wasnt sure if id taken it or not) and i told her off and told her not to speak to me like that again. no-one from school bothers to communicate with me or even pick up the fone to call me, bt now am so used to it and cudnt care less. since returning from holiday in africa av completely isolated myself from those leeches and fake people. Only want to talk to u when its their bday so they can make up the numbers, or when theres some drama. u kno those kind of friends!! as for the 362 days in the year ud be lucky if u heard a peep from them. i know what u meant by they drain u. and u dnt even feel like ur personalitites are compatible and they make u feel isolated; their unpredictable, u sometimes wonder if they talk shit about u when ur not there, and u ask urself "whats the point??" although they are the same people who say, "oh ur isolating yourself from us." YOU CAN FEEL ISOLATED WITHOUT ACTUALLY BEING PUSHED OUT. I wish to find like minded friends, esp wen i start college nxt yr.
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "First L" <l33t_v4sh@ wrote:

For 6 years, I've poured myself into my friends from high school (i'm 21 so that was during high school). I'd always had my doubts about them and thought I was just being too selfish and possessive of them because, at that time, they were all I had. I'd draw comics for them, write stories, make myself look like a complete and UTTER fool just to see them laugh. For whatever reason, I found validation in their laughter. Without thinking, I'd drop hundreds of dollars in a day for them (we're NOT rich! I worked my ass off for my money!)

After graduation, we grew apart. I went through a trying time and found Father Enki and, after 2 YEARS of no communication, one of those friends (the one I knew LESS than the others) called me up and asked me to be a brides maid in her wedding... Out of habit, I said yes. Deep inside, I knew I should've refused out right!!

I recently learned to trust my instincts, but that time I didn't. This may get long winded...

TO START, she had TWO MONTHS to get her wedding together. The best maid and I (another friend I knew in high school) went looking at the dress. $160. I'm paid minimum wage! Not only that but my birthday was in between the wedding and I wanted to have an amazing birthday (last year was my first birthday with Father Enki and I was NEVER happier!)

I paid for my birthday myself, which didn't bother me. What DID bother me was that the bride, of whom I had told THREE times when the party is (and even reminded the best maid NOT to miss it) COMPLETELY IGNORED IT AND WENT TO WORK. She's self-employed so she could RUSH right over... despite that I was happy (I invited 8 people only 4 showed up...)

THEN the best maid and I planned out the bachelorette party. Okay. That's fine. I had to pay half of the hotel room. $89. That's cool. I can do that. Then I had to get ALL the food.... $60+ That's a little annoying but I get it. She has responsibilities I don't. NOW I had to get the entertainment (songs on Rock Band). $48.

When I got there, it was late because I was JUST off of work (there from 2 pm, party's at 10pm. Worked the night before 10pm to 7am) and she gave me the WORSE possible directions. They were playing a stupid card game (not even poker, like a KIDS game). I was tired. I was pissed. And I decided NO MORE. After downing my bottle of wine, I left.

I drove around for a bit, thinking.

I thought back on what they've done to me. How empty I always felt around them. Everything I put into them. I tried to remember a time when I NEVER doubted their friendship. I couldn't find a single time. I never believed them to be my friends. And I'm not lay back, put on the boots for them and watch them walk all over me. It's now a week before the wedding and I'm finally going to trust my instincts and get out of it. Like I should have in the beginning.

I had more fun that night, walking around at walmart and eating at Denny's (my waitress was REALLY nice AND I got free pie C than I could have possibly had sitting around watching my pg-13 friends drink to Monty Python and NOT play Rock Band (which was the only reason I went there). I've had so much stress from all of this but when I think of leaving those parasites behind, I get so happy I cry. I can live for Father Enki. For Lord Dagon!! And for myself!!!

I'm free.

Hail Father Enki!!
Hail Lord Dagon!!