My greetings, warriors of our father. It has been some time since I have dared count myself among you, due to my own cowardice and disbeleif in my personal self-worth. I do not ask for your pardon, neither do I expect it. I have been weak. I should not be. As I write this I make an affirmation never to be so again. If my word holds, then I am redeemed. If it does not, then I was never worth redeeming.
In retrospect that was a bit of a ramble, but I am trying to be as true to my circumstances as possible, and if I were to hide my failure it would be no less than a miscomunication of my situation. Months ago I went so far as to attempt, through prayer, to revoke my vow of service to Satan, since I beleived myself unworthy of his notice and support. Now I realise that I am only as weak as I allow myself to be, and am capable of proving my worth accordingly. It is with this in mind that I return.
Now to the main purpose of this message. I have been practicing simple meditations for over a year now, but still can barely perceive energy. I can feel it, barely, and that is all. Sometimes I wonder if its not energy at all, simply body heat that I am feeling. The thing is, whenever I try to stretch my perceptions, I run into a sort of mental block. Let me give an example. I was working on a past life regression with a non-Satanist channeler I knew. After meditating for a while and "warming up", which I most definately felt, we moved on to the actual process of the past life regression. I could feel myself being lead into a higher state, but I kept feeling this sensation akin to walking into a wall. I could almost hear my own voice ridiculing my efforts. Every time I tried to push past this barrier I felt more and more removed from that higher state. The mystic said I had some sort of blockage, some issues that had to be resolved before I could proceed.
Has anyone had similar experiences? Can anyone give me a clue as to the nature of this "blockage"? Is there anything I can do to encourage the resolution of these issues?
In retrospect that was a bit of a ramble, but I am trying to be as true to my circumstances as possible, and if I were to hide my failure it would be no less than a miscomunication of my situation. Months ago I went so far as to attempt, through prayer, to revoke my vow of service to Satan, since I beleived myself unworthy of his notice and support. Now I realise that I am only as weak as I allow myself to be, and am capable of proving my worth accordingly. It is with this in mind that I return.
Now to the main purpose of this message. I have been practicing simple meditations for over a year now, but still can barely perceive energy. I can feel it, barely, and that is all. Sometimes I wonder if its not energy at all, simply body heat that I am feeling. The thing is, whenever I try to stretch my perceptions, I run into a sort of mental block. Let me give an example. I was working on a past life regression with a non-Satanist channeler I knew. After meditating for a while and "warming up", which I most definately felt, we moved on to the actual process of the past life regression. I could feel myself being lead into a higher state, but I kept feeling this sensation akin to walking into a wall. I could almost hear my own voice ridiculing my efforts. Every time I tried to push past this barrier I felt more and more removed from that higher state. The mystic said I had some sort of blockage, some issues that had to be resolved before I could proceed.
Has anyone had similar experiences? Can anyone give me a clue as to the nature of this "blockage"? Is there anything I can do to encourage the resolution of these issues?
