Fire Dragon666
New member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2026
- Messages
- 1
Hi there. I'm actually full of shame , and feeling weak. However I aspire, I fail to remain constant.
I'm addicted to alot of things, and after doing these I feel like an animal.
That is drugs, porn, gambling etc.
If come to figure that I'm lonely, desperate for change, and suffering depression.
All these bad constellations are connected to each other. One will always lead to another.
So I need get free from all if I want to stay free at all. No one step ever worked.
Such an abundance of knowledge TZ has I'm in the process of reading throughout.
...But how do I restructure myself. I have absolutely no idea where to start. I keep falling into the same destructive cycle.
I've found TZ. Now I need to prove myself and advance, as to find the God's.
I'm completely alone, no friends , no parents.
I'm staying with my mom. I'm trying to impress people, most of all her, but to no avail. I lack emotional support, and without it it's hard to move. I'm also going to share bits out of my journal. ALL IM ASKING IS CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE AND GUIDANCE.
Here under I have added bits of my journal.
I.
Monday 16 January 26
Night time....
I'm at work.
My mood is completely different from how I felt this morning.
I had just the day now _that explains the harsh truth of the state that my misplaced irrational live is in.
This morning I smoked Marijuana. And as a first crystal-math. Tonight to close it of_ I had two drags from a Mandrax pipe.
It's a lot, right? But that's the least.
Also had I watch porn to such extent it was like godly land. All the while feeling dirty and lonely.
Oh, and it doesn't stop there. As per usual I was just for blaming and rejected as a problem to big a burden.
It now seems like a world to deep, and dark. There is pain caussed by this.
II.
feeling guilty pain. How can I go on like this ? Do I want to go on like this. Feeling PAIN AND SUFFERING.. No, I want to feel something else. Something that enhances live, humanity, and makes me grow.
Everything I now experience.. the addictions..the loneliness...much of all the brokenness.
My entire live is broken* no whole piece at any turn...
How can I rebuild? From what angle, with which piece first.. I'm feeling like I'm facing a most fierce force, IN BATTLE, ALL ON MY OWN.WITH THE AID OF NO ONE IT SEEMS UNSURMOUNTEBLE.
TIII.
Friday 27 February 26
Daytime.
At home.. sitting with a bottle JnB.
All on my own now. I feel extremely bad.
The same things happen all over again. I used math, then waist alot of time on useless porn. I'm feeling isolated from the rest of the world. Alone, I am depressed and in pain. There is disappointment, self- shame and guild.
Also today my mom and.. they are heading to outa town. She said I must not fall asleep. I said I won't, I'm just feeling a but tired: I said. She said I tik'ed, and had not eaten .
I cannot say it ain't true. That's the reality, and it makes me feel like a worthless animal. I know greatness is not completely out of reach. It's just that I don't
IV.
know how to overcome these ghastly problems.
Where can I go from here? I DON'T KNOW.
I honestly don't know how to make to make sense of myself.
One problem is, I do not truly know myself.
Sunday 1 March 26
20:17
I'm laying in front of the telivision, eating a tuna salad. Like most of the time, I regret stuff. Waisting my time, money, being and all.
The meditation update on TZ, can be my breakthrough, methinks. as now, henceforth , my pain and unbearable state of life will be my strongest motivation.
V.
Wednesday 4 March 26
Not as desired, had I performed the past three days. I'm on the go however and from today, I'll keep doing what's essential, and more. I'm now setting up daily routine.
Sunday 8 March 26
Same day, night time.
Watching Rush hour 2
Looking very much forward to a good night's rest. Don't know how work is tomorrow.
I have one thing in mind.
VI.
Those affirmations I need to recite it daily. I have yet to follow a steady routine, that is robust. Giving that my live is in such a mess I need to change now, before it is to late. I need to set a proper creed, and get going.
So mote it be..... .
Truly I'm blessed to share in the highest power, that is.
Question is_ why I'm I taking this greatest treasure for granted, that too at the expense of my wellbeing.
With the knowledge of Lord Zeas I'm gonna heal. Move forward, and follow the God's.
A no Brainer, it is indeed. Enough time waisted, causing self inflicted suffering, NO MORE!!!!!
VII.
Monday 9 March 26
Today I'm awl from work, without saying anything. My domestic scene is cluttered, dirty, and disorganized. Where do I start to make my life better. Today I feel depressed, weary, and weak. I want to get organized in my life. Oh Lord Zeas, pleazzze!!!!!, help me. Help me now. My guardian please guide me. Where do I start this instant. Show me the way. I'm lost.
I must get free from all drug use, even smoking. I must start a healthy life.
Progress is my immediate goal. Comfort exceeds it, and comes way after.
Maybe I should just resign. I'm not going to allow any further abuse from anyone.
Getting up now, and reclaiming my life. Find joy
in this moment ( 10:05 ma 9/3/2026 )
VIII
Thursday 12 March 26
The third day now I have meditated good.
However from tomorrow I'm yet to get serious with void and other awareness meditations.
Monday March Yesterday and I want to go from here to make sense of myself. Can I rebuild my misplaced irrational live. I had just the day to make sense of myself being and all. Greenriver is completely different from
I had take bits out for my own safety.
Monday March Yesterday and I want to go from here to make sense of myself. Can I rebuild my misplaced irrational live. I had just the day to make sense of myself being and all
ALL HAIL ZEAS!!!!!!!
I'm addicted to alot of things, and after doing these I feel like an animal.
That is drugs, porn, gambling etc.
If come to figure that I'm lonely, desperate for change, and suffering depression.
All these bad constellations are connected to each other. One will always lead to another.
So I need get free from all if I want to stay free at all. No one step ever worked.
Such an abundance of knowledge TZ has I'm in the process of reading throughout.
...But how do I restructure myself. I have absolutely no idea where to start. I keep falling into the same destructive cycle.
I've found TZ. Now I need to prove myself and advance, as to find the God's.
I'm completely alone, no friends , no parents.
I'm staying with my mom. I'm trying to impress people, most of all her, but to no avail. I lack emotional support, and without it it's hard to move. I'm also going to share bits out of my journal. ALL IM ASKING IS CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE AND GUIDANCE.
Here under I have added bits of my journal.
I.
Monday 16 January 26
Night time....
I'm at work.
My mood is completely different from how I felt this morning.
I had just the day now _that explains the harsh truth of the state that my misplaced irrational live is in.
This morning I smoked Marijuana. And as a first crystal-math. Tonight to close it of_ I had two drags from a Mandrax pipe.
It's a lot, right? But that's the least.
Also had I watch porn to such extent it was like godly land. All the while feeling dirty and lonely.
Oh, and it doesn't stop there. As per usual I was just for blaming and rejected as a problem to big a burden.
It now seems like a world to deep, and dark. There is pain caussed by this.
II.
feeling guilty pain. How can I go on like this ? Do I want to go on like this. Feeling PAIN AND SUFFERING.. No, I want to feel something else. Something that enhances live, humanity, and makes me grow.
Everything I now experience.. the addictions..the loneliness...much of all the brokenness.
My entire live is broken* no whole piece at any turn...
How can I rebuild? From what angle, with which piece first.. I'm feeling like I'm facing a most fierce force, IN BATTLE, ALL ON MY OWN.WITH THE AID OF NO ONE IT SEEMS UNSURMOUNTEBLE.
TIII.
Friday 27 February 26
Daytime.
At home.. sitting with a bottle JnB.
All on my own now. I feel extremely bad.
The same things happen all over again. I used math, then waist alot of time on useless porn. I'm feeling isolated from the rest of the world. Alone, I am depressed and in pain. There is disappointment, self- shame and guild.
Also today my mom and.. they are heading to outa town. She said I must not fall asleep. I said I won't, I'm just feeling a but tired: I said. She said I tik'ed, and had not eaten .
I cannot say it ain't true. That's the reality, and it makes me feel like a worthless animal. I know greatness is not completely out of reach. It's just that I don't
IV.
know how to overcome these ghastly problems.
Where can I go from here? I DON'T KNOW.
I honestly don't know how to make to make sense of myself.
One problem is, I do not truly know myself.
Sunday 1 March 26
20:17
I'm laying in front of the telivision, eating a tuna salad. Like most of the time, I regret stuff. Waisting my time, money, being and all.
The meditation update on TZ, can be my breakthrough, methinks. as now, henceforth , my pain and unbearable state of life will be my strongest motivation.
V.
Wednesday 4 March 26
Not as desired, had I performed the past three days. I'm on the go however and from today, I'll keep doing what's essential, and more. I'm now setting up daily routine.
Sunday 8 March 26
Same day, night time.
Watching Rush hour 2
Looking very much forward to a good night's rest. Don't know how work is tomorrow.
I have one thing in mind.
VI.
Those affirmations I need to recite it daily. I have yet to follow a steady routine, that is robust. Giving that my live is in such a mess I need to change now, before it is to late. I need to set a proper creed, and get going.
So mote it be..... .
Truly I'm blessed to share in the highest power, that is.
Question is_ why I'm I taking this greatest treasure for granted, that too at the expense of my wellbeing.
With the knowledge of Lord Zeas I'm gonna heal. Move forward, and follow the God's.
A no Brainer, it is indeed. Enough time waisted, causing self inflicted suffering, NO MORE!!!!!
VII.
Monday 9 March 26
Today I'm awl from work, without saying anything. My domestic scene is cluttered, dirty, and disorganized. Where do I start to make my life better. Today I feel depressed, weary, and weak. I want to get organized in my life. Oh Lord Zeas, pleazzze!!!!!, help me. Help me now. My guardian please guide me. Where do I start this instant. Show me the way. I'm lost.
I must get free from all drug use, even smoking. I must start a healthy life.
Progress is my immediate goal. Comfort exceeds it, and comes way after.
Maybe I should just resign. I'm not going to allow any further abuse from anyone.
Getting up now, and reclaiming my life. Find joy
in this moment ( 10:05 ma 9/3/2026 ) VIII
Thursday 12 March 26
The third day now I have meditated good.
However from tomorrow I'm yet to get serious with void and other awareness meditations.
Monday March Yesterday and I want to go from here to make sense of myself. Can I rebuild my misplaced irrational live. I had just the day to make sense of myself being and all. Greenriver is completely different from
I had take bits out for my own safety.
Monday March Yesterday and I want to go from here to make sense of myself. Can I rebuild my misplaced irrational live. I had just the day to make sense of myself being and all
ALL HAIL ZEAS!!!!!!!
