Family #79143 how can I change this

[Ask Satya Operator]

ive been feeling kinda down lately, i got nothing to do in my free time, i spend the whole afternoon looking for a video to watch or a game to play and im tired of that, ive been locked in my room all day since i was a kid and i dont know what to do about it, cuz i got nothing to do and even though i work digitally, meaning i dont even have a way to get out of the house every now and then. i miss being with my family but since i was little i was raised alone, i never had friends on my street, i was always a nerd and never good at making friends and at home i just had my pc and nothing else, and now im still like that, i feel like i wasted my whole life because of this, i wanna do something with my family but everyones so busy with work or other stuff, i feel like im at a point where theres nothing i can do. even going to the gym and trying to look better, it seems like every time i see myself in the mirror or on camera i feel disgusted. lately ive been getting really extremist, every day i just think about the bad things the jews do to society it keeps pounding in my head more and more, everything i see on social media is the bad stuff they do and it makes me hate them even more. i want someone in my life i want to find the woman of my dreams, but every time i think about that i remember how despicable i am as a person, how boring i am and how im not visually attractive. i feel like i wanna be in nature, i wanna connect more with the world, but i dont know how to do that, i have extreme communication problems cuz i dont know how to talk to others, i dont know how to make new friends. i miss being a kid, when i saw all my family united on special dates like christmas, easter, new year, after my grandma died i feel like my family drifted apart so much, and now as an adult i feel like everything is more gray obviously thats natural but i miss at least being close to everyone, seeing others talking and that feeling of belonging to something of having my family close. what should i do to change this? I want to feel better about the word, I want to make my family happy not just me, I want to be close to them