I think I'm going to end it all.

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Jigsaw_666
Posts: 16

I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Jigsaw_666 » Sat Sep 22, 2018 6:41 am

For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw
"The truth will set you free"

Mageson666
Posts: 2425

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Mageson666 » Sat Sep 22, 2018 11:31 am

Your fine you simply lack discipline. Killing yourself over that is pointless just start a daily meditational practice and a daily aura of protection and do the Final rtr daily.

Νίκος
Posts: 632
Location: Greece

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Νίκος » Sat Sep 22, 2018 11:56 am

Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw

I know exactly how you feel!I live the same thinks like you in my school!No one likes me,no one loves me !All the xians in my school have friends and have fun every day but there is no fun or love for me!I am a Satanist for more than 1 year now and I have less than a 4 months meditation streak !The person I love doesn't give a f*ck about me!I have thought to kill myself countless times but Every time Satan has stopped me!He told to not care about idiots who make fun at me,He told if I try hard I can have whatever I want and also he told me that loves me!
Finally look what I have now:
A 4 months meditation streak
I became wiser
I use magic to take what I want
And most important now Satan is proud for me!

If I have suicide what I would have?
I would have a big NOTHING!
I hopen you willn read my post before you do something stupid!I hope you will get convinced,fix your life and make Satan proud for you!

User avatar
Larissa666
Posts: 1277
Location: Earth, Satan's Kingdom

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Larissa666 » Sat Sep 22, 2018 12:36 pm

Jigsaw_666 wrote:Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.


Sorry, to disappoint you, but yes, you will be a "failure", as you described yourself over and over, until the day you realize that you have to do something about this what is bothering you.

Reincarnation doesn't fix anything. It is not a factory reset thing for your soul.
Thank You, Lord Azazel!!! Hail to you, The Shining One! Forever!!!

Daily reminder that Gods do not condone mediocrity.

User avatar
Tala
Posts: 101

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Tala » Sat Sep 22, 2018 1:06 pm

It sounds like you're being way too hard on yourself. Comparing yourself to others is pointless. There will always be someone more advanced, more popular more: insert whatever quality. Not that you should settle for less but dwelling will not help you reach any goals.

Depression does suck though and I understand it seems there is no way out but there always is. It's kind of like falling down a slippery dark hole and you just have to feel your way out of it. To start you need to feel around in the dark and grab onto something to pull yourself out.

Luckily, you already have something and starting or restarting a meditation schedule will be the best place to start! Start small with the basics and keep track on a notepad or journal everyday. Make sure to reward yourself for completing whatever you planned. Each week review your goals and add something new when you can handle it. If you backtrack and procrastinate don't dwell or beat yourself up just start over until you get there.

Once you are steady everyday then you can add a 40-90 days working to help keep you out of this.

I keep a checklist myself of my meditation schedule among other things. It helps keep me on track and feels good when I have finished everything :)

Another thing is make sure you are eating properly and getting exercise. Sometimes this causes the problem but it can also develop because of depression and keep you down longer.

Bascal
Posts: 139

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Bascal » Sat Sep 22, 2018 2:43 pm

Man, you can't die, if you die Jews will win the battle between them and you. The life is beautiful, this is the best gift which Satan gave us. You can be weak, but you mustn't hate yourself but you must hate your weakness. Be strong bro. You can do it. If you haven't a sense for your live, the sense will be fighting for our father.

FancyMancy
Posts: 4713

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby FancyMancy » Sat Sep 22, 2018 3:04 pm

I'm going to say the blatantly-obvious thing - don't be, nor try to be, like me and this member and that member and the other member and this clergy and that clergy and the other clergy. You know you can't. Instead, don't just try to be yourself, but actually be yourself.

Your "existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering". All of ours have; we're not letting the enemy win, and none of us asked for it. You can't be like us if you choose to lose.

You won't be joining them in the great beyond, for very long - you might not be reincarnated, and if you are, then you'll have the same problems and worse ones next time, which might be that you won't be able to know Satan again, and die long before you can choose to know him again.

Don't try to be above average. Just be. Controversially, I'll say to not try too hard, either - just start lowly and slowly.

You must have heard the saying "ignorance is bliss". You're saying all of these things, but you know the things about them, the answers already. You know that you have to do things to make things work.

You tell Satan you will change. When? "Will" is ambiguous. Don't promise anything, don't expect anything, don't put time limits or degrees/amounts of advancenent/success on anything. Just do, just get on with it.

You're not an embarrassment to me nor any of us. We don't look at you and see what you are or are not doing. We do our own things.

How do you know how advanced any of us are? It's not a race or competition. It's genuine and serious and important work that must be done, by each. It's not impossible, unless we make it, choose for it, to be impossible. That is the choice we have. Choose to make it possible. I understand what it's like to be failing all the time. While I was an xian I employed the bullshit that it would all be fine in the end, and that "god" would sort everything out. That was stupid. If left alone, it doesn't get better at all. We save our own Souls. Relying on others gets us nowhere.

Dont expect things, because that fucks you up psychologically, and it limits you. Just get on with it.

Maybe you do need to be ridiculed, but why should you care? We can pick on you on here, but that's just immature trolling and a waste. You can still do things, regardless. If you do choose to lose, quit, and die, then we'll carry on. We'll be doing our own things and our collective things - and we'll forget about you. You, on the other hand, might not reincarnate, or if you do then you'll be in a worse state with these same problems but more shit shovelled on top. What will you be like in that next life, if you are like you are, like this, in this life? You have no idea, and you should dread to think.

Actually, it was the jew's and its ilk's fault. How do you think being tortured by "all-loving" "all-caring" "all-benevolent" "god" felt to those who suffered and died? Those who were stretched on the rack? Those who were stoned to death? Those who were burnt at the stake? Those who had these things happen to their loved ones?

It was the enemy's fault. Now you can do things. For millenia, people were unable to save themselves. Today, you can. Just get on with it and don't promise, don't limit, don't expect; just do. If it takes a year to get past the preliminary stages, then fine. There are centuries upon centuries of curses placed upon us with our Chakras being sealed, and the blood, sweat, and tears - and I mean that literally - that was, is, and still will be needed to get out of the earliest stages. This literal blood, sweat, and tears will also still be needed for quite a while to come yet, for many individuals. Imagine you here and now with this knowledge. Think about that for several seconds or more. Then think about all of everyone else being fucked about; raped; tortured; cheated; robbed; cursed; etc.; etc.; etc. who are lost fully and completely, who don't have this knowledge nor any means of escape. Think about that for 10 minutes. A lot of them probably won't be able to reincarnate, so they may very well be lost forever, once their Souls die.

You're here. They're not. You're much greater than they - and think of this - in this context, the worst of the best (us) is still much better than the best of the worst (the lost Gentile Souls, and the enemy). You might have a load of faecal jew shit drowning you, but you have the knowledge of being able to escape that.

The first rockets couldn't reach escape velocity, but they managed to eventually. Those lost Gentile Souls are more in a limbo than you, and they can't understand how to escape. The jew might be more powerful than you at the moment but that's because the jew dragged you down surreptitiously and sneakily, then pushed you under it. As I said - only for now; you have the knowledge to improve yourself, you have the knowledge to be able to do "immeasurably more than" the jew "could ever ask or imagine" (a buybull(shit) quote). Notice a heck of a lot of the things we have these days in all manners - scientific things, technological items, industrial manufacturing... - the jew is much less able of doing these things Spiritually. It lacks the abilities to do so as greatly as we. (Believe it or don't, but there are some meditations excluded on the JoS because they are very important in particular ways, that you can only know and learn from Guardian Daemon/Daemoness intervention.)

All the jew can do is try to replicate Spirituality with and by Physical means. Take the phone, for example. This should never have existed. A few millenia ago, we were able to communicate over vast distances just with our thoughts. Now, we have to be on CONtracts (which have been overcharging people, which has been in the j/news) if not PAYG, but before that it was wired and limited. The radio used to repeat programmes/bulletins every few minutes as the satellites passed. It's a bit less limited now with wireless/mobile and improved technology. The communication between Base and Satellite/ISS takes x amount of time. In Star Trek, the Voyager could, in theory, travel 75000 light-years in about 75 years at warp 9.975, if it travelled non-stop in a straight line home; subspace communication is quicker than that. Telepathic communication is instantaneous. (Praying/speaking to Satan is also telepathy, but the n00b just wouldn't be able to hear back yet.)

The jew takes such a long time to achieve things Physically that we should be able to do Spiritually, which we should have been able to do Spiritually already. After WW2, the jew turned it up to 11, to try and damn us all with the microchip - non-Spiritual advancement has exploded in the last decades since WW2. Originally, we didn't need technology as we do today. The jew is limited by nature; we are unlimited by Nature. The jew understands Spirituality, though. While the non-Spiritual advancement has exploded, the jew still makes people angry and suffer and things. All of these thought energies, and all of these emotion energies, can be stolen and redirected to what the jew's agenda is; and most people haven't a clue. They might know that things are shit and etc., and also use things such as "In this day and age" or "It's 2018, what does it matter?", but they really don't understand.

As I said, you're here and have this knowledge and the abilities, so just start lowly and slowly, don't put limits or expectations on things, don't promise things or say "I will..."; just do them - and firstly, and this is also extremely important, stop saying "I am a failure", "I am shit", etc. Those are affirmation, and they strengthen the jew's curses upon you and they make you weaker. Even if you have to go a bit OCD-ly and tell yourself 1000 times per day that you are able and capable, that you are a winner, that you are achieving, then do so. Don't say, "I am not a loser", "I am not weak/incapable", etc.; instead, say, "I am winning", "I am strong/capable", etc.

User avatar
HauptSturm
Posts: 528

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby HauptSturm » Sat Sep 22, 2018 3:06 pm

Every time "you think you are going to end it all" just remember that hundreds of millions of people died in the worst ways imaginable because of communism and judaism and it is still happening to this day and there is something you can do to help.
"When you sacrifice for your community, then you can walk with your head held up high." - Adolf Hitler

Astardastar
Posts: 325

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Astardastar » Sat Sep 22, 2018 3:17 pm

Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw



OK carefully what I m telling you. I was one like you when I was small. No friends st all, many things caused that but I found very much later what and how to defeat it.

One thing you say its not good but once you know you can try fix it. You must not be judging yourself. No one must not be judging himself. You see others have friends and think they re notfailures? You think they have true friends? I ensure you no. they have frienemies even if you think different.

Everyone wants to be loved. Love is rare in our days.

Do see yourself as natural not as failure. Necer judge yourself even if you are wrong. Protect yourself. If you need people to talk with, you must give them a small bite as a fisherman does.

Your problem is lack of self confidence. Just have to try talk with a person for these cases to help you build it up.

Don't be jealous of others for they don't have friends either. They have fake relationships and one can betray othrr when there is sonething to gain.

You go to a scientist psychologue to help you built your confidence and after that you ll feel better.

Dont blame yourself for anything. Watch yourself and learn things about him. Watch others and learn what they need. If you know what they need you know hiw to approach then.
I m lonely also and you know what? Its fine.

Everytjing will be better.
I dont know you, but you remind me myself. I feel close to you and i want you to be fine. Just dont worry only think if a problem needs two days and you want to solve it in one they you do wrong.

Stay calm care for yourself for if we don't care ourselves nobody else will really do. Ok?
Just dont blame yourself.

If you don't manage some things so what? Its ok . no problem. Really there is no problem and those who thing different are fools. Keep that in mind and go on. You will be strong.

Tale care of yourself, I mean it. And you ll be fine

ess
Posts: 255

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby ess » Sat Sep 22, 2018 3:36 pm

Jigsaw_666 wrote:...

I went through a deep depression like this a while ago, I can totally empathize with you. I'm sure a lot of people on these forums can empathize with you. One thing that helped me during these times were sermons by HP Cobra.

https://web.archive.org/web/20160506025 ... 66vol1.pdf

Mainly the "Never quit, keep striving" sermon. Also as Mageson said, you need a daily meditation program and the final rtr.

Astardastar
Posts: 325

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Astardastar » Sat Sep 22, 2018 5:36 pm

Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw



You are NOT a failure. You do t deserve bad, YOY DESERVE GOOD.
Thse who can not appreciate you they are idiots and they fail to understand life, being such misaerable to criticise one other for they feel better for they dont feel good.

How old are you? I know was alone at school too , i was a bullying victim too but now i m better than all those. i can know how you feel.

The thi g which you do and its bad is self blaming. Stop it now.

You must talk to a psycologue anf he pl help you. You are not the only one in thus place. There are many children like you. Don't want to be perfect for you be good. You are fine now too and what is needed is to gain self confidence.

Those who treat you ask his to punish them. Dont wait immediatelly for some thing may take time.

You all be OK, just don't blame yourself for not doing something as well as you want. Its ok with this really.

Astardastar
Posts: 325

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Astardastar » Sat Sep 22, 2018 5:45 pm

Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw



Hey look we are writing to you here and just show yourself to say you are ok.
Written i m here. OK?
Dont blame yourdelf and dont criticise as failure. You are ok, no need to be perfect to be ok.

Astardastar
Posts: 325

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Astardastar » Sat Sep 22, 2018 6:05 pm

Νίκος wrote:
Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw

I know exactly how you feel!I live the same thinks like you in my school!No one likes me,no one loves me !All the xians in my school have friends and have fun every day but there is no fun or love for me!I am a Satanist for more than 1 year now and I have less than a 4 months meditation streak !The person I love doesn't give a f*ck about me!I have thought to kill myself countless times but Every time Satan has stopped me!He told to not care about idiots who make fun at me,He told if I try hard I can have whatever I want and also he told me that loves me!
Finally look what I have now:
A 4 months meditation streak
I became wiser
I use magic to take what I want
And most important now Satan is proud for me!

If I have suicide what I would have?
I would have a big NOTHING!
I hopen you willn read my post before you do something stupid!I hope you will get convinced,fix your life and make Satan proud for you!


Niko buy pheromenes (φερομονες), which are supposed to be the sex hormones. I don't know if they work but it worthes to try. You all make her mad and without she knows why such suddenly.
Don't give her too mych importance too , its the best way for she dont look at you. They say women like tje bad guy. Means tje one who fo not sacrify his quietness for any woman.

Pheromones are sold in sex shops and online too. I never tried but I think I will

darkmonkey666
Posts: 482

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby darkmonkey666 » Sat Sep 22, 2018 7:57 pm

Dont kill yourself those are enemy thoughts. Myself I really dont have any friends who believe in Satanism but that motivates me to do the rtr more cause I want to eventually be able to Join a true Satanic church temple (whatever we would call it) and so I fight the enemy to help cause this to happen eventually. I do feel sad lonely and misunderstood a lot and i kind of messed up my chakras the last year or two with drugs and stuff the enemy forcefully took over. It may be awhile before I can find a Demon friend to talk to when I feel alone. I also want human friends who can understand me. I have one friend who will stick with me no matter what I believe but she doesnt understand Satanism etc or want to be one right now. She has the same ascendant as me so at least I have someone to talk to when I feel so alone I can barely take it.

Try and see if you find someone like that. If you cant find a Satanist friend.

I dont have many friends I felt suicidal sometimes I wanted to end it all.

Here is what stopped me:
I dont fully know what is on the astral.
I would have to reincarnate and go through childhood school and growing up again.
I would be kind of betraying Satan and the demons.
I dont know where on earth I would end up in as there are at least a few white people in most countries. I could end up in a communist or oppressive country or a third world country.

I might end up with a non healthy body.
Also since I'm not extremely advanced I could not get a chance to reincarnate at all and just die.
My chart is somewhat good in this life despite a few things. I could be reborn with the influence of a lot of misfortunes or bad planet placements.
Also I could help the world through warfare like the rtrs if I die this means one less person here to help out.
Maybe I will somehow be put in a situation that allows me do something really important and maybe not but I will never know if I die the same thing applies to you as well.
Ask yourself (i dont at all mean to be blasphemous or anything just putting something out here to think about) What if Hitler or one of the important Founders of the USA committed suicide. What if Anton Levay committed suicide. The world would be fucked that's what.

So do your duty as a Satanist be strong dont back down think about all this.
Think about your family and friends.

There are a lot of things to think about.
Look at these things and ask yourself about them.

These words can help you
https://youtu.be/yuQXl2KKCok
Hail Satan

Starcopper
Posts: 58

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Starcopper » Sat Sep 22, 2018 8:08 pm

Breathe. Practice void meditation. Get your thoughts under control.

Power meditate. Do a daily aura of protection. And do the latest rtr. Clean your aura. Clean your chakra. Empower your solar chakra.

Baby steps. If you fail, just dust yourself off and keep trying. Start small.

Breathe. It'll be ok.

User avatar
EnkiUK2
Posts: 42

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby EnkiUK2 » Sat Sep 22, 2018 8:36 pm

Wont get anywhere doing that friend.

Stay strong, get they thoughts out your head and phone someone to come sit with you.

Thunder
Posts: 89

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Thunder » Sat Sep 22, 2018 9:02 pm

I know how you feel but seriously, don't exagerate your situation! It's simpler than you think, you just need to organize yourself. Trust me, here you have all the tools you need to fix your life :) . You just need a good organisation and discipline, being observant to that organisation. After that, you'll understand how time will be your best friend. Persistence is the trick.
And, many times such episodes of depression etc are caused by transits, the movements of the planets in your chart.
Learn from your errors and move on, don't connect yourself to your errors.

Start doing hatha yoga and build a powerful aura of protection (You can use Aum Suryaye to clean, Algiz aswell, Bercna protects, Sowilo and Ehiwaz act like shields, Thaur reflects.)
Do the returning curses posted by Maxine! Very effective, essential!
Add a meditation you like (such as Directing energy or Void meditation) and keep your program simple to control it.
Be combative! Challenge yourself to get out of this limbo state! Observing a program with discipline will build up your character and you will feel better about yourself :)

User avatar
Hps.mlimlal666
Posts: 306
Location: Pandemonium
Contact:

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Hps.mlimlal666 » Sun Sep 23, 2018 12:23 am

You need clean your aura, with ball of energy. All this negative stuff you can remove it. Push yourself harder and just do it.
Hail Satan and all Gods of Duat .

"The meaning of life is to better yourself, and the universe" - Satan

User avatar
Powstanie Pogańskie
Posts: 473

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Powstanie Pogańskie » Sun Sep 23, 2018 12:27 am

It pleases me immeasurably to see all the support and advice everyone here is giving.

To Jigsaw, I empathize very much with a great deal of what you wrote. The similarities are so striking that I am inclined to say that Satan moved you to post this not only for your own wellbeing, but also for others who are undergoing similar struggles. I've been in a depressed funk for over a year now, with suicidal ideation sprinkled throughout. I struggle to do basic tasks, even tending to my hygiene, because I am often so overcome with this thick fog of hopelessness that makes me feel like absolutely nothing is worth it and it would be better to simply dissipate into pure nothingness. Couple this with my very poor health, which leaves me fatigued and sleeping most of the day away, and I'm constantly battered with thoughts telling me that not only is it not worth it, but that I'm so incompetent and without value that I wouldn't be able to fix my life even if I gave up all recreational activities in pursuit of that goal.

Another similarity, I too look upon myself and my actions with shame, I wonder if Father Satan is fed up with my uselessness, and I tell Him how I, like you, will change - but I don't. I trip and fall again and I stay there, and I absolutely fucking hate this about myself with every fiber of my being. On top of all that, I can't tell anyone; socially awkward I may be, but I do have some friends, yet none of them will know any of this because I am filled with an intense distrust of all those who are without. I am too accustomed to them not understanding or being unsettled by my poor mental state, and I cannot share any of my spiritual struggles or what I believe the enemy is trying to do to me because, well, they are not Satanists. They exist on a different level than we do and until they're ready to reach this level, I cannot open up to them about these things. It's one of the reasons why I finally pushed myself to make an account here and stick with it. People here may get into spats at times but they're also the only people on this planet that I believe I can be 100% open and honest with. I read posts here when I just get so fed up with how shitty the world can be, and knowing that there are those out there like the fellows posting here, it soothes me. It makes me want to just sob with relief that there's a way out and there are genuine brothers and sisters fighting for and desperately wanting the same thing.

As for what should be done, such has already been stated: You, like me, need to kick ourselves in the asses and just fucking do these meditations, perform the final RTR with zeal, and recognize these things as being just as necessary to continued living as eating and breathing. I understand this is hard. Part of it is likely the enemy recognizing you as a potential warrior of Satan and exploiting your depression to keep you down. This can only happen for so long, as they cannot keep down a Satanist who grows in power through consistent, daily spiritual exercise. Our Satanic souls and the help we receive is just too powerful for them in the long run. This is why Satan is where He is and what He is, and why they are...well, what they are. We all know well enough about that.

And also, if you're feeling bad about being a Satanist for so long and having not made as much progress as you could've, I just wanted to say that I dedicated way back when in the summer of 2011. It's been over seven years for me. I remember when HPs Hoodedcobra and Shannon were just fellow posters on the groups who were always responding and explaining shit to new members. I should be so much further along, as I would be if I didn't fuck up and keep myself in this hole. Once again I'm climbing up, as it's only if I want it and fight for it that I'll actually get out and have a life controlled by me, directed by me, in service of Father Satan. Let us climb out together and be happy for the lives we fought for, instead of being chained down by the lives imposed upon us.
Image

"I think you're all being irrational. Just breathe through your balls to obtain true enlightenment." - Malkom2

Νίκος
Posts: 632
Location: Greece

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Νίκος » Sun Sep 23, 2018 6:15 am

Astardastar wrote:
Νίκος wrote:
Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw

I know exactly how you feel!I live the same thinks like you in my school!No one likes me,no one loves me !All the xians in my school have friends and have fun every day but there is no fun or love for me!I am a Satanist for more than 1 year now and I have less than a 4 months meditation streak !The person I love doesn't give a f*ck about me!I have thought to kill myself countless times but Every time Satan has stopped me!He told to not care about idiots who make fun at me,He told if I try hard I can have whatever I want and also he told me that loves me!
Finally look what I have now:
A 4 months meditation streak
I became wiser
I use magic to take what I want
And most important now Satan is proud for me!

If I have suicide what I would have?
I would have a big NOTHING!
I hopen you willn read my post before you do something stupid!I hope you will get convinced,fix your life and make Satan proud for you!


Niko buy pheromenes (φερομονες), which are supposed to be the sex hormones. I don't know if they work but it worthes to try. You all make her mad and without she knows why such suddenly.
Don't give her too mych importance too , its the best way for she dont look at you. They say women like tje bad guy. Means tje one who fo not sacrify his quietness for any woman.

Pheromones are sold in sex shops and online too. I never tried but I think I will

I will not need sex hormones !I am doing the Venus square for love since 17 Of August !I have very little days left and my guardian demon told me that it will be successful!Thank your for the suggestion any way! :)
Also I am gay so obviously I like guy not a woman! :mrgreen:

User avatar
Coraxo
Posts: 367

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Coraxo » Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:56 am

Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw


You're already way beyond average just by being a Satanist :)
You're just being hard on yourself, I can tell just by reading your post that you're a smart individual, you just lack some discipline.

No one said that the journey to godhood is easy, if it was, everybody would've been a god by now.

Also, it's only been a year in your journey, that's nothing. The first year people usually spend on learning more than meditating, adapting your life to this whole new reality is not easy and takes a lot of time.

I highly recommend you to spend your time everyday by reading the JoS website (read the sermons there), it will give you the motivation to meditate. I got out of my long lasting depression just by doing so when I was still new.

And when you meditate, don't do so for long, just 15 mins per day is more than enough for now, and after you make it a habit you can add 10 more mins or so every few weeks.

Focus on the basic stuff, don't rush your way, slow and steady win the race. It's not even a race, but you get what I mean.

And don't ever compare yourself to other Satanist, we all are INDIVIDUALS, advanced Satanists might have been old souls who have meditated in several lives before, it's just stupid to compare.
Even the gods started from 0, no one is born a god.

You just need to go easy on yourself and to integrate the habit of meditating into your life, which is exactly why you shouldn't make the meditation session long.

Good luck!
Hail Satan!!!!

Astardastar
Posts: 325

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Astardastar » Sun Sep 23, 2018 12:11 pm

Νίκος wrote:
Astardastar wrote:
Νίκος wrote:I know exactly how you feel!I live the same thinks like you in my school!No one likes me,no one loves me !All the xians in my school have friends and have fun every day but there is no fun or love for me!I am a Satanist for more than 1 year now and I have less than a 4 months meditation streak !The person I love doesn't give a f*ck about me!I have thought to kill myself countless times but Every time Satan has stopped me!He told to not care about idiots who make fun at me,He told if I try hard I can have whatever I want and also he told me that loves me!
Finally look what I have now:
A 4 months meditation streak
I became wiser
I use magic to take what I want
And most important now Satan is proud for me!

If I have suicide what I would have?
I would have a big NOTHING!
I hopen you willn read my post before you do something stupid!I hope you will get convinced,fix your life and make Satan proud for you!


Niko buy pheromenes (φερομονες), which are supposed to be the sex hormones. I don't know if they work but it worthes to try. You all make her mad and without she knows why such suddenly.
Don't give her too mych importance too , its the best way for she dont look at you. They say women like tje bad guy. Means tje one who fo not sacrify his quietness for any woman.

Pheromones are sold in sex shops and online too. I never tried but I think I will

I will not need sex hormones !I am doing the Venus square for love since 17 Of August !I have very little days left and my guardian demon told me that it will be successful!Thank your for the suggestion any way! :)
Also I am gay so obviously I like guy not a woman! :mrgreen:



Hey so good then, work on the square.
About the feromons again no problem, there are feromons to magnet women and feromons to magnet men. One takes what he needs.
But if demod told you so then its great , continue working on that. I try me too to do so, I never worked with squares!

User avatar
HailMotherLilith
Posts: 644
Location: Father Satan's Earth :)

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby HailMotherLilith » Sun Sep 23, 2018 3:57 pm

Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw



If I'm gonna be honest here, I'm dedicated for two and a half years now and the first year was hard for me too. I was lazy too, I was barely even able to do anything good, felt the same way as you do now, but let me tell you something, it has changed.

As a good SS friend (who's like a sister to me) Zolaluckystar, has given me great advice, what I say next, came from her to me.

Feed yourself positive thoughts, you become what you think. A thought begins on the astral, everything begins on the astral.

Start out slow and slowly build yourself up.

Start by doing the 40 days meditation program from High Priest Hooded Cobra: https://www.google.lt/url?sa=t&source=w ... 7717472540

Also, afterwards, or before 40 day meditation program, do 6 month spiritual warfare program: https://www.google.lt/url?sa=t&source=w ... INEeNT7bAy

Also, make sure to do aura + chakras cleaning and Aura of Protection EVERYDAY. And start doing both Hatha Yoga: https://www.google.lt/url?sa=t&source=w ... NfTwIIUaes

And Kundalini Yoga: https://www.google.lt/url?sa=t&source=w ... a8zmfX87Q1

Make sure to do The Final Reverse Torah Ritual: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=11506

Here is Frequently Asked Questions About The Final Reverse Torah Ritual: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=11560

The Final Reverse Torah Ritual helps remove curses, bindings and everything else nasty from the Gentile Soul. Do it everyday, you are going to benefit from it a lot! :)

Oh and, do chakra spinning! It's important! :) http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... _Spin.html

And if you are capable and have time, study the Joy of Satan website: www.joyofsatan.org

Study the exposing Christianity webpage: www.exposingchristianity.com

And study the Black Sun 666: https://eridu666.webs.com/BlackSun.htm

Also,the third sex pdf: https://www.google.lt/url?sa=t&source=w ... 4Kq02gIE6k

Good luck to you brother! Satanic Blessings to you!

And one more thing... ALWAYS BE YOURSELF, NOT like the others. We are all different individuals, and we are good at different things.

For example, one person is very good at painting, the other one is good at singing, the third one is very good at sports, etc.

Learn to accept yourself for who you are, but don't abuse this!

HAIL SATAN!
HAIL FATHER SATAN AND THE TRUE GODS OF HELL!!! :333333

"There may be darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have The Light (Power) inside you!" - Commander Abigor

HAIL LADY LERAJIE LORD PHENEX LORD HAEL COMMANDER ABIGOR FOREVER!

User avatar
Templarmkd
Posts: 56

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Templarmkd » Sun Sep 23, 2018 4:34 pm

The ancient Greeks were horrified by the thought of suicide. There’s a reason behind it.

Remember, it’s not just about yourself sometimes. It’s about those who are close to you also. Family, friends, JoS. Would they be happy if you weren’t around? I doubt it.
Sometimes it’s the other way around. Don’t bury yourself with too many expectations. One goal at a time.

You have found this site for a reason and have been called to stand for Truth. The path has been set before you. When you know this nothing can touch you.

Mageson666
Posts: 2425

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Mageson666 » Sun Sep 23, 2018 5:19 pm

When people feel like a failure they should ask themselves what is it that they have failed at? They don't really know because its just a false belief system put in their mind by the jew run society to keep them down so big jew can profit off them.

User avatar
Personal Growth
Posts: 564
Location: Scotland

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Personal Growth » Mon Sep 24, 2018 9:52 am

Mate, I think many of us have experienced the same thing with relating to people and it's a soul thing.

Many people lack spirituality and when you're aware the energies clash because you're on a different wavelength to them.

I think it's the same phenomena like for example when I used to smoke weed. I could just see a stranger and know that he also smokes. I can't do that now because I have reason to be clean and sober. And so do you my brother from another mother.

I tell you we are unique and very special because we are spiritual souls.

I thought about my meaning of life and that's why I have the username, 'Personal Growth'.

We are here to continue evolving and spiritually advance through our power meditation practice.

I take it you're younger and your emotions can be more all over the place and stronger when you're still young. So what you need to do is not act on the spur of the moment but to take it one day at a time.

You know the sun will shine another day.

And it's great that you are so keen and beating yourself up over laziness and procrastination. If you're to advance you need to have self awareness and you know what's holding you back and what you need to do. All you need to do is put your important meditation and study into your daily routines.

I tell you if you want to you can make yourself too busy to worry about other people.

Learn Astrolgy and write easy for noobs like me to follow self study course and post it in the astrolgy section.

Yes you can find you don't have time for other people if you focus fully on researching topics and posting the informative information here for us.

Remember the saying: 'Rome wasn't built in a day.' And how do eat an elephant?...Bit by bit not all in one go.

I promise you that you are very special and valuable. We all are because out of the billions of brainwashed animal level materialistic people out there. We truly are unique in being true spiritual beings.

Your RTR's are needed. And you want so badly to advance I no doubt you will. One day at a time now spud. It's not the quantity it's the quality. You're just looking to do a little each day until power starts to compound and grow. Just slot your RTR's meditation and study into your daily routine and you will be investing in the most valuable thing a person can invest in and that's themselves at the soul level.

And you know what happens then? As you know everything is on the astral before it comes down to the material. After you've reached seriously high levels of spiritual power you will find things just work out in your favour.

And if you're still not content then you would have the power spiritually to manifest whatever it was you wanted.

As my dad said. 'If I cannot go to the mountain then the mountain must come to me.' Mmm I see now buybull quote there but you get my drift.

We are all of Satans family here. We have challenges and emotions to deal with. But there is a war going on. And we are on the winning team but because our numbers are small we need to take care of and look after ourselves.

You are very special and valueable. We all here are very unique, special and valueable.

And I love and appreciate our community and Satanic Family we have here. You're in a good place here and you will get there. One step at a time. And you have the desire and drive to keep keeping on.

Onwards and upwards
What is the meaning of life? To meditate daily, empower and advance the soul because the soul is immortal. And to do the Final RTR daily. In the end all we really have is our soul. Spiritual Satanism is the best investment a person can make.

Sinistra
Posts: 644
Contact:

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Sinistra » Mon Sep 24, 2018 3:29 pm

HP Mageson666 wrote:When people feel like a failure they should ask themselves what is it that they have failed at? They don't really know because its just a false belief system put in their mind by the jew run society to keep them down so big jew can profit off them.

It must be a chronic lack of money. That's what many SS suffer or suffered from unfortunately and the jews as you have pointed out turned money into the sole measure of worth of people.

User avatar
HailMotherLilith
Posts: 644
Location: Father Satan's Earth :)

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby HailMotherLilith » Mon Sep 24, 2018 3:42 pm

Personal Growth wrote:Mate, I think many of us have experienced the same thing with relating to people and it's a soul thing.

Many people lack spirituality and when you're aware the energies clash because you're on a different wavelength to them.

I think it's the same phenomena like for example when I used to smoke weed. I could just see a stranger and know that he also smokes. I can't do that now because I have reason to be clean and sober. And so do you my brother from another mother.

I tell you we are unique and very special because we are spiritual souls.

I thought about my meaning of life and that's why I have the username, 'Personal Growth'.

We are here to continue evolving and spiritually advance through our power meditation practice.

I take it you're younger and your emotions can be more all over the place and stronger when you're still young. So what you need to do is not act on the spur of the moment but to take it one day at a time.

You know the sun will shine another day.

And it's great that you are so keen and beating yourself up over laziness and procrastination. If you're to advance you need to have self awareness and you know what's holding you back and what you need to do. All you need to do is put your important meditation and study into your daily routines.

I tell you if you want to you can make yourself too busy to worry about other people.

Learn Astrolgy and write easy for noobs like me to follow self study course and post it in the astrolgy section.

Yes you can find you don't have time for other people if you focus fully on researching topics and posting the informative information here for us.

Remember the saying: 'Rome wasn't built in a day.' And how do eat an elephant?...Bit by bit not all in one go.

I promise you that you are very special and valuable. We all are because out of the billions of brainwashed animal level materialistic people out there. We truly are unique in being true spiritual beings.

Your RTR's are needed. And you want so badly to advance I no doubt you will. One day at a time now spud. It's not the quantity it's the quality. You're just looking to do a little each day until power starts to compound and grow. Just slot your RTR's meditation and study into your daily routine and you will be investing in the most valuable thing a person can invest in and that's themselves at the soul level.

And you know what happens then? As you know everything is on the astral before it comes down to the material. After you've reached seriously high levels of spiritual power you will find things just work out in your favour.

And if you're still not content then you would have the power spiritually to manifest whatever it was you wanted.

As my dad said. 'If I cannot go to the mountain then the mountain must come to me.' Mmm I see now buybull quote there but you get my drift.

We are all of Satans family here. We have challenges and emotions to deal with. But there is a war going on. And we are on the winning team but because our numbers are small we need to take care of and look after ourselves.

You are very special and valueable. We all here are very unique, special and valueable.

And I love and appreciate our community and Satanic Family we have here. You're in a good place here and you will get there. One step at a time. And you have the desire and drive to keep keeping on.

Onwards and upwards



This is so uplifting and helpful! Thank you for taking the time to write this! :)
HAIL FATHER SATAN AND THE TRUE GODS OF HELL!!! :333333

"There may be darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have The Light (Power) inside you!" - Commander Abigor

HAIL LADY LERAJIE LORD PHENEX LORD HAEL COMMANDER ABIGOR FOREVER!

Sinistra
Posts: 644
Contact:

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Sinistra » Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:07 pm

What about you just make a sort of pact with yourself to just carry on and do what you can for Satan, for yourself and for the world at large before you die ? This way you would have reason to keep living. Maybe something like this would work better for you then the advices others gave.

Tweedledee
Posts: 4

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Tweedledee » Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:15 pm

I don’t feel the need to roll my eyes and ridicule someone who is feeling the way you do, and from the looks of it neither does anyone who writes here. It wasn’t all too long ago when I was in a similar place myself. I spent a considerable amount of time there, seeking help from people who couldn’t help me. So many years utterly wasted. The number of memories I have of those years can be counted with the fingers of one hand. I haven’t forgotten that time.

Read the responses of everyone here as many times as it takes for the good advice to sink in. And I’ll add something of my own as well.

You said ”I want to be like all of you”. Being inspired by others in such a way is very understandable but also problematic. When it comes to such inspiration, what we see in others is far from the true picture of who and what they are. We see the highlight reel of what they have accomplished. We see a certain part of the road they have travelled. What we do not see is the other 99,9% of things they have done to be able to shine the way they do. We do not see the countless of steps they have taken to reach where they stand right now. All that wouldn’t make much of a home movie, but at the same time all that is what matters most.

You are gazing far beyond the horizon, trying to see the end of a very long road and trying to determine whether you have what it takes to jump your way there. You are looking at the wrong place. You should be looking at your feet. Your heart and mind should be invested in placing your foot in front of the other one. The aforementioned inhuman jump is something no one can accomplish, but taking a single step – that is doable. Will it. Do it. And then (and only then) reaccess where that has taken you, and what you need to do when you are there. Another step ahead. You will it, and you do it. Becoming powerful, becoming the best you can be, these will come in time. Start by being powerful and good enough to take that next step.

Hmm, I began to think about Bilbo just now. Anyhow.

You want to feel happy. Often we tend to think that we cannot be happy because we are missing some crucial ingredient that forms the happiness in us. We lack something that would make for happiness. We must gain something. But I believe the opposite to more often be true, we cannot be happy because we have excess. We must give up something. Namely our tendencies to focus on the wrong things, the different illusions that we invest ourselves in. Our fears, anxieties, memories of the past and how good things were but aren’t anymore, or perhaps how bad things were. Images of different futures and how there are good things that cannot come to be, or perhaps bad things that will definitely come to be. Creations of imagination, fantasies that would be so wonderful if they only were true. And so on. And so on. The many forms of living that isn’t life.

Regular meditation will help you with giving up this excess. It won’t happen instantly, but with time it will change you for the better. Again, don’t concern yourself with all the meditation sessions to come, concern yourself only with the very next one. The very next step.

You want to feel happy and you want to feel loved. Both extremely important aspects of a good life. But perhaps you, along with many others in general tend to see both of those things as a result of the actions of other people? You are happy if others make you so, you feel loved when others make it so. This is a mindset you need to free yourself from. The only solid foundation for happiness and feeling loved is within yourself. Anything else is surrendering to the mercy of other people’s whims. This is not to say that things other people do, or love other people show isn’t important. But it must not be the definition. It all begins within you. Discover it within you.

I am rambling about and I don’t really know how to finish this in style. But I sincerely hope you take heart of the many things people have written here. You have so much more power than you would believe right now.

Νίκος
Posts: 632
Location: Greece

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Νίκος » Mon Sep 24, 2018 7:38 pm

Guys do you think he killed himself.I am asking because he has very much time to log in!I will feel guilty for not writing to him sooner ! :(

Sinistra
Posts: 644
Contact:

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Sinistra » Mon Sep 24, 2018 8:16 pm

Νίκος wrote:Guys do you think he killed himself.I am asking because he has very much time to log in!I will feel guilty for not writing to him sooner ! :(

In any case the answers will help other people many who might just be reading without posting.

Jigsaw_666
Posts: 16

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Jigsaw_666 » Wed Sep 26, 2018 5:33 am

Do not worry, brother and sisters.
I am alive, and well.

I cannot describe the emotions I am feeling at the moment, but they are happy ones.

I thank you all for your wisdom, you guys really saved me.

I understand things better now.

By the way, a Daemon/ess (I think it was Daemoness but I can't be sure!) visited me only seconds after posting this.

They said things like: "You will save lives one day"

I feel a strong call to action.
I feel like a true individual.

I know my destiny is to be among the stars, and not 6 feet underground.

I can see through the enemy now: they tried to kill me, knowing very well what I would do to them now, and in the future. I can see them panicking as they realized the terrible mistake they made. Hahaha!

I must serve myself to this cause. I must give it my all.

Nothing can stop me now.

I am a warrior. I am a winner. I am a success.

We are all monumental keys to this war, our names will be in history books.

-Jigsaw
"The truth will set you free"

Astardastar
Posts: 325

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Astardastar » Wed Sep 26, 2018 1:26 pm

Jigsaw_666 wrote:Do not worry, brother and sisters.
I am alive, and well.

I cannot describe the emotions I am feeling at the moment, but they are happy ones.

I thank you all for your wisdom, you guys really saved me.

I understand things better now.

By the way, a Daemon/ess (I think it was Daemoness but I can't be sure!) visited me only seconds after posting this.

They said things like: "You will save lives one day"

I feel a strong call to action.
I feel like a true individual.

I know my destiny is to be among the stars, and not 6 feet underground.

I can see through the enemy now: they tried to kill me, knowing very well what I would do to them now, and in the future. I can see them panicking as they realized the terrible mistake they made. Hahaha!

I must serve myself to this cause. I must give it my all.

Nothing can stop me now.

I am a warrior. I am a winner. I am a success.

We are all monumental keys to this war, our names will be in history books.

-Jigsaw


Hey Great Man, I m so happy you are here and I m so happy to hear you talking like this!!!
Keep on like this and never ever ever feel bad again.
Above All put yourself and never think about harm yourself or even get sad for any shit.

Keep on being fine:)

User avatar
HailMotherLilith
Posts: 644
Location: Father Satan's Earth :)

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby HailMotherLilith » Wed Sep 26, 2018 4:46 pm

Jigsaw_666 wrote:Do not worry, brother and sisters.
I am alive, and well.

I cannot describe the emotions I am feeling at the moment, but they are happy ones.

I thank you all for your wisdom, you guys really saved me.

I understand things better now.

By the way, a Daemon/ess (I think it was Daemoness but I can't be sure!) visited me only seconds after posting this.

They said things like: "You will save lives one day"

I feel a strong call to action.
I feel like a true individual.

I know my destiny is to be among the stars, and not 6 feet underground.

I can see through the enemy now: they tried to kill me, knowing very well what I would do to them now, and in the future. I can see them panicking as they realized the terrible mistake they made. Hahaha!

I must serve myself to this cause. I must give it my all.

Nothing can stop me now.

I am a warrior. I am a winner. I am a success.

We are all monumental keys to this war, our names will be in history books.

-Jigsaw


Glad to see you back Brother! :)

Good luck and much Satanic Blessings to you! :D

HAIL SATAN!
HAIL FATHER SATAN AND THE TRUE GODS OF HELL!!! :333333

"There may be darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have The Light (Power) inside you!" - Commander Abigor

HAIL LADY LERAJIE LORD PHENEX LORD HAEL COMMANDER ABIGOR FOREVER!

Lindoram666
Posts: 9

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Lindoram666 » Wed Sep 26, 2018 8:13 pm

Powstanie Pogańskie wrote:...And also, if you're feeling bad about being a Satanist for so long and having not made as much progress as you could've, I just wanted to say that I dedicated way back when in the summer of 2011. It's been over seven years for me. I remember when HPs Hoodedcobra and Shannon were just fellow posters on the groups who were always responding and explaining shit to new members. I should be so much further along, as I would be if I didn't fuck up and keep myself in this hole. Once again I'm climbing up, as it's only if I want it and fight for it that I'll actually get out and have a life controlled by me, directed by me, in service of Father Satan. Let us climb out together and be happy for the lives we fought for, instead of being chained down by the lives imposed upon us.

I want to say thank you for everything you shared, but especially this part. I'm in the same boat, depression is a bitch. I dedicated in 2011 as well, and I feel like I've become an "armchair satanist" for lack of a better term. I got caught up in trying to learn everything I could but I never put it into practice. Now I tend to beat myself up over where I could/should be. This thread has really inspired me tho. I'll be climbing out of this hole with you guys.
And to jigsaw: I'm happy to see you're out of that funk. Best of luck in everything you pursue :D

Tweedledee
Posts: 4

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Tweedledee » Thu Sep 27, 2018 10:25 am

I am extremely happy to hear (well, read) about your new sense of empowerment and hope. In fact, it's not just me who is happy about this. Bes the demon says hi and we both wish you the best of fortune. Your anguish is known to the demons, and just like you suspect, you have been visited by one. Bes does not tell me who exactly but he and them are aware of your situation. We wish you the best. :)

Bascal
Posts: 139

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Bascal » Sat Sep 29, 2018 5:23 pm

I'm happy you are alive jigsaw, good job and have a nice day.

returner
Posts: 95

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby returner » Sat Sep 29, 2018 5:41 pm

I get that this guy is depressed and needs help but Im getting attacked from every side. The lives of a whole lot of people. Good people are on the line.

The light is slipping.

Mageson666
Posts: 2425

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Mageson666 » Sat Sep 29, 2018 9:16 pm

You' all need to learn Slothz life.

User avatar
HailMotherLilith
Posts: 644
Location: Father Satan's Earth :)

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby HailMotherLilith » Sat Sep 29, 2018 9:25 pm

HP Mageson666 wrote:You' all need to learn Slothz life.


:lol:
HAIL FATHER SATAN AND THE TRUE GODS OF HELL!!! :333333

"There may be darkness surrounding you, but don't forget that you have The Light (Power) inside you!" - Commander Abigor

HAIL LADY LERAJIE LORD PHENEX LORD HAEL COMMANDER ABIGOR FOREVER!

Sinistra
Posts: 644
Contact:

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Sinistra » Sun Sep 30, 2018 1:38 am

HP Mageson666 wrote:You' all need to learn Slothz life.

Teach us your ways Sloth-Sensei

User avatar
schwarze Krähe
Posts: 21
Location: GERMAN AMERICA

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby schwarze Krähe » Thu Nov 29, 2018 4:53 am

Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw





Hello, allow me to introduce.
I'm a Brazilian SS who was looking for suicide, because
I've been thinking about this for a long time.


Well, I'm going through things similar to what you wrote about yourself.
even when I try to do the right things, I think positively (I am extremely negative), everything is wrong for me,
I try to rise and fall again and fall into a hole of infinite negativity.

I'm 20, I feel that everything in my life is wrong for some reason, it seems that there is a curse or some black cloud above me that makes everything go wrong, especially the social part because I have very few social skills and therefore I do not I have girls, which made me fall into depression several times during my life due to extreme lack and insecurity (this is very embarrassing for me), I even think it is a curse or karma, or something, but the fact is that this is simply destroying my mind and my psychology, I want to get rid of this limitation.

I'm in financial trouble, I can not get a job at all, I even dared to ask the Gods for help on this, but I still can not ... I insisted on the companies and nothing I'm doing makes it seem that I'm being denied on purpose by companies is really very difficult.
    Things are generally very difficult for me, with depression I do not feel like studying, meditating or doing anything, I just do not believe in myself anymore.
I already informed myself about suicide here and saw that it really can not do as it will get much worse if I actually do this.
    the only feeling I have now is to sleep and not wake up, because I see no hope, nothing works!

 I am very afraid of the future because I have few or no opportunities (I have already made some serious mistakes with other opportunities that I have had)
if everything goes on like this for a long time I think I'm going to end up committing suicide, it's really very sad, because I'm very tired.
The world had known i was right-adolf hitler

User avatar
Dypet Rod
Posts: 596

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Dypet Rod » Thu Nov 29, 2018 6:09 pm

schwarze Krähe wrote:
Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw





Hello, allow me to introduce.
I'm a Brazilian SS who was looking for suicide, because
I've been thinking about this for a long time.


Well, I'm going through things similar to what you wrote about yourself.
even when I try to do the right things, I think positively (I am extremely negative), everything is wrong for me,
I try to rise and fall again and fall into a hole of infinite negativity.

I'm 20, I feel that everything in my life is wrong for some reason, it seems that there is a curse or some black cloud above me that makes everything go wrong, especially the social part because I have very few social skills and therefore I do not I have girls, which made me fall into depression several times during my life due to extreme lack and insecurity (this is very embarrassing for me), I even think it is a curse or karma, or something, but the fact is that this is simply destroying my mind and my psychology, I want to get rid of this limitation.

I'm in financial trouble, I can not get a job at all, I even dared to ask the Gods for help on this, but I still can not ... I insisted on the companies and nothing I'm doing makes it seem that I'm being denied on purpose by companies is really very difficult.
    Things are generally very difficult for me, with depression I do not feel like studying, meditating or doing anything, I just do not believe in myself anymore.
I already informed myself about suicide here and saw that it really can not do as it will get much worse if I actually do this.
    the only feeling I have now is to sleep and not wake up, because I see no hope, nothing works!

 I am very afraid of the future because I have few or no opportunities (I have already made some serious mistakes with other opportunities that I have had)
if everything goes on like this for a long time I think I'm going to end up committing suicide, it's really very sad, because I'm very tired.


Hey, a fellow Brazilian :) Bem vindo ao fórum.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's currently tough to get a job here in Brazil, so I feel you on that part. If you have any unique skills of your own, you could also consider starting your own business. I'm an English teacher and am currently developing my own English course which I plan to set up once I have everything ready.

As for the suicide part, as you could see it's definitely not an option for anyone of us. You seem to be new to Satanism. Once you start meditating consistently, you can start noticing a lot of gradual improvements on your life. Cleaning your soul, as well as freeing it from negativity, helps to attract positive things for us, as well as attracting that which we desire. So be consistent in cleaning your aura and doing the RTR, which works to free your soul.

Also, I suggest you start doing yoga, if you're not doing it already. Yoga gradually increases our bioelectricity levels, which can help to fight depression, as depression is often a symptom of low bioelectricity. Not to mention that bioelectricity is the very fuel that's used in magick. Magick is essentially directing energy through focusing on a goal, and the more energy we have for this, the more efficient it will be. When our energy levels are high, we cause many of our desires to manifest through will by itself. So start doing yoga at your own pace, in order to increase your energy levels.

By consistently practicing the above, in a matter of time you are likely to feel much better and more confident and no longer think of committing suicide. Not that this is a sure result, but it's likely to be of great help.
You only fear dangers that are not happening to you.

When they do happen, the damage is already done, and you feel anything but fear.

My Video for Agares
https://youtu.be/h6JeSfuh2rA

User avatar
Aldrick Strickland
Posts: 955

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Aldrick Strickland » Fri Nov 30, 2018 12:14 pm

Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw


I am Sure many of you here have felt the same way. Fighting at odds with everything in this life. Lack of friends and a surplus of enemies. Wondering how to make it day by day. The Jewish monetary system crushes you to the ground. Having to work, yet never having enough money to meet your needs.

Feeling Hopeless and full of dispair. The answer is quite simple. Throw yourself head first into Meditation and doing the ritual. Advance yourself with everything you have. Death will be here soon enough for those who do not escape it completely. So why not go down fighting with all you have?

Sometimes its not about feeling better. Its about accepting your pain and letting it make you stronger. People telling you oh no its fine, feel all sun shiny will do nothing. Motivation is a fleeting high. Sink to the lows and accept it. Let it make you stronger. Let it make you a warrior.
Aldrick Strickland
Hail Father Satan Forever

User avatar
Powstanie Pogańskie
Posts: 473

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby Powstanie Pogańskie » Fri Nov 30, 2018 7:12 pm

Aldrick Strickland wrote:
Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw


I am Sure many of you here have felt the same way. Fighting at odds with everything in this life. Lack of friends and a surplus of enemies. Wondering how to make it day by day. The Jewish monetary system crushes you to the ground. Having to work, yet never having enough money to meet your needs.

Feeling Hopeless and full of dispair. The answer is quite simple. Throw yourself head first into Meditation and doing the ritual. Advance yourself with everything you have. Death will be here soon enough for those who do not escape it completely. So why not go down fighting with all you have?

Sometimes its not about feeling better. Its about accepting your pain and letting it make you stronger. People telling you oh no its fine, feel all sun shiny will do nothing. Motivation is a fleeting high. Sink to the lows and accept it. Let it make you stronger. Let it make you a warrior.


I think the enemy has tried to hit a great number of us with these feelings as of late, as is to be expected with how things have been panning out for them as of late. Members having rough emotional periods and upheavals in their personal lives that test their constitution. I've found myself accepting that I'm at a low point and truly there is something liberating and motivating in that. It's like it puts into perspective that there's in fact a path forward to take and shit will get better if I walk it. I've made a good deal of progress as of late so I've confirmed its possibility against enemy-induced doubt, but it's grown so blatant how desperate they've become in trying to sink people. I can feel how hateful and repugnant they are when I reflect on what they try to do to me and what others report experiencing. Continuing to fight against them daily genuinely is the only way out of the shit they try to pull, regardless of how long it may take.
Image

"I think you're all being irrational. Just breathe through your balls to obtain true enlightenment." - Malkom2

User avatar
schwarze Krähe
Posts: 21
Location: GERMAN AMERICA

Re: I think I'm going to end it all.

Postby schwarze Krähe » Mon Jan 07, 2019 2:59 am

Aldrick Strickland wrote:
Jigsaw_666 wrote:For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.

Joy of Satan, my old friends.

This is the last straw.

I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.

So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.

Help me. :cry:

-Jigsaw


I am Sure many of you here have felt the same way. Fighting at odds with everything in this life. Lack of friends and a surplus of enemies. Wondering how to make it day by day. The Jewish monetary system crushes you to the ground. Having to work, yet never having enough money to meet your needs.

Feeling Hopeless and full of dispair. The answer is quite simple. Throw yourself head first into Meditation and doing the ritual. Advance yourself with everything you have. Death will be here soon enough for those who do not escape it completely. So why not go down fighting with all you have?

Sometimes its not about feeling better. Its about accepting your pain and letting it make you stronger. People telling you oh no its fine, feel all sun shiny will do nothing. Motivation is a fleeting high. Sink to the lows and accept it. Let it make you stronger. Let it make you a warrior.




I discovered that a lot of entities and attacks, trying to make me give up Satanism and life, but I will not give up, there is always a way out, I was not doing the end rtr, I started right away .... worse than it seems, in the worst moments of despair, it is NEVER death. Good luck to all, always very helpful. HAIL SATAN
The world had known i was right-adolf hitler


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