I think I'm going to end it all.

[Tala]

It sounds like you're being way too hard on yourself. Comparing yourself to others is pointless. There will always be someone more advanced, more popular more: insert whatever quality. Not that you should settle for less but dwelling will not help you reach any goals.

Depression does suck though and I understand it seems there is no way out but there always is. It's kind of like falling down a slippery dark hole and you just have to feel your way out of it. To start you need to feel around in the dark and grab onto something to pull yourself out.

Luckily, you already have something and starting or restarting a meditation schedule will be the best place to start! Start small with the basics and keep track on a notepad or journal everyday. Make sure to reward yourself for completing whatever you planned. Each week review your goals and add something new when you can handle it. If you backtrack and procrastinate don't dwell or beat yourself up just start over until you get there.

Once you are steady everyday then you can add a 40-90 days working to help keep you out of this.

I keep a checklist myself of my meditation schedule among other things. It helps keep me on track and feels good when I have finished everything

Another thing is make sure you are eating properly and getting exercise. Sometimes this causes the problem but it can also develop because of depression and keep you down longer.

 

[ess]

...

I went through a deep depression like this a while ago, I can totally empathize with you. I'm sure a lot of people on these forums can empathize with you. One thing that helped me during these times were sermons by HP Cobra.

https://web.archive.org/web/20160506025546/http://dawn666blacksun.angelfire.com/Hphoodedcobra666vol1.pdf

Mainly the "Never quit, keep striving" sermon. Also as Mageson said, you need a daily meditation program and the final rtr.

 

[darkmonkey666]

Dont kill yourself those are enemy thoughts. Myself I really dont have any friends who believe in Satanism but that motivates me to do the rtr more cause I want to eventually be able to Join a true Satanic church temple (whatever we would call it) and so I fight the enemy to help cause this to happen eventually. I do feel sad lonely and misunderstood a lot and i kind of messed up my chakras the last year or two with drugs and stuff the enemy forcefully took over. It may be awhile before I can find a Demon friend to talk to when I feel alone. I also want human friends who can understand me. I have one friend who will stick with me no matter what I believe but she doesnt understand Satanism etc or want to be one right now. She has the same ascendant as me so at least I have someone to talk to when I feel so alone I can barely take it.

Try and see if you find someone like that. If you cant find a Satanist friend.

I dont have many friends I felt suicidal sometimes I wanted to end it all.

Here is what stopped me:
I dont fully know what is on the astral.
I would have to reincarnate and go through childhood school and growing up again.
I would be kind of betraying Satan and the demons.
I dont know where on earth I would end up in as there are at least a few white people in most countries. I could end up in a communist or oppressive country or a third world country.

I might end up with a non healthy body.
Also since I'm not extremely advanced I could not get a chance to reincarnate at all and just die.
My chart is somewhat good in this life despite a few things. I could be reborn with the influence of a lot of misfortunes or bad planet placements.
Also I could help the world through warfare like the rtrs if I die this means one less person here to help out.
Maybe I will somehow be put in a situation that allows me do something really important and maybe not but I will never know if I die the same thing applies to you as well.
Ask yourself (i dont at all mean to be blasphemous or anything just putting something out here to think about) What if Hitler or one of the important Founders of the USA committed suicide. What if Anton Levay committed suicide. The world would be fucked that's what.

So do your duty as a Satanist be strong dont back down think about all this.
Think about your family and friends.

There are a lot of things to think about.
Look at these things and ask yourself about them.

These words can help you
https://youtu.be/yuQXl2KKCok
Hail Satan

 

[starcannon]

Breathe. Practice void meditation. Get your thoughts under control.

Power meditate. Do a daily aura of protection. And do the latest rtr. Clean your aura. Clean your chakra. Empower your solar chakra.

Baby steps. If you fail, just dust yourself off and keep trying. Start small.

Breathe. It'll be ok.

 

[EnkiUK]

Wont get anywhere doing that friend.

Stay strong, get they thoughts out your head and phone someone to come sit with you.

 

[Powstanie Pogańskie]

It pleases me immeasurably to see all the support and advice everyone here is giving.

To Jigsaw, I empathize very much with a great deal of what you wrote. The similarities are so striking that I am inclined to say that Satan moved you to post this not only for your own wellbeing, but also for others who are undergoing similar struggles. I've been in a depressed funk for over a year now, with suicidal ideation sprinkled throughout. I struggle to do basic tasks, even tending to my hygiene, because I am often so overcome with this thick fog of hopelessness that makes me feel like absolutely nothing is worth it and it would be better to simply dissipate into pure nothingness. Couple this with my very poor health, which leaves me fatigued and sleeping most of the day away, and I'm constantly battered with thoughts telling me that not only is it not worth it, but that I'm so incompetent and without value that I wouldn't be able to fix my life even if I gave up all recreational activities in pursuit of that goal.

Another similarity, I too look upon myself and my actions with shame, I wonder if Father Satan is fed up with my uselessness, and I tell Him how I, like you, will change - but I don't. I trip and fall again and I stay there, and I absolutely fucking hate this about myself with every fiber of my being. On top of all that, I can't tell anyone; socially awkward I may be, but I do have some friends, yet none of them will know any of this because I am filled with an intense distrust of all those who are without. I am too accustomed to them not understanding or being unsettled by my poor mental state, and I cannot share any of my spiritual struggles or what I believe the enemy is trying to do to me because, well, they are not Satanists. They exist on a different level than we do and until they're ready to reach this level, I cannot open up to them about these things. It's one of the reasons why I finally pushed myself to make an account here and stick with it. People here may get into spats at times but they're also the only people on this planet that I believe I can be 100% open and honest with. I read posts here when I just get so fed up with how shitty the world can be, and knowing that there are those out there like the fellows posting here, it soothes me. It makes me want to just sob with relief that there's a way out and there are genuine brothers and sisters fighting for and desperately wanting the same thing.

As for what should be done, such has already been stated: You, like me, need to kick ourselves in the asses and just fucking do these meditations, perform the final RTR with zeal, and recognize these things as being just as necessary to continued living as eating and breathing. I understand this is hard. Part of it is likely the enemy recognizing you as a potential warrior of Satan and exploiting your depression to keep you down. This can only happen for so long, as they cannot keep down a Satanist who grows in power through consistent, daily spiritual exercise. Our Satanic souls and the help we receive is just too powerful for them in the long run. This is why Satan is where He is and what He is, and why they are...well, what they are. We all know well enough about that.

And also, if you're feeling bad about being a Satanist for so long and having not made as much progress as you could've, I just wanted to say that I dedicated way back when in the summer of 2011. It's been over seven years for me. I remember when HPs Hoodedcobra and Shannon were just fellow posters on the groups who were always responding and explaining shit to new members. I should be so much further along, as I would be if I didn't fuck up and keep myself in this hole. Once again I'm climbing up, as it's only if I want it and fight for it that I'll actually get out and have a life controlled by me, directed by me, in service of Father Satan. Let us climb out together and be happy for the lives we fought for, instead of being chained down by the lives imposed upon us.

 

[Templarmkd]

The ancient Greeks were horrified by the thought of suicide. There’s a reason behind it.

Remember, it’s not just about yourself sometimes. It’s about those who are close to you also. Family, friends, JoS. Would they be happy if you weren’t around? I doubt it.
Sometimes it’s the other way around. Don’t bury yourself with too many expectations. One goal at a time.

You have found this site for a reason and have been called to stand for Truth. The path has been set before you. When you know this nothing can touch you.

 

[Tyrone1978]

Mate, I think many of us have experienced the same thing with relating to people and it's a soul thing.

Many people lack spirituality and when you're aware the energies clash because you're on a different wavelength to them.

I think it's the same phenomena like for example when I used to smoke weed. I could just see a stranger and know that he also smokes. I can't do that now because I have reason to be clean and sober. And so do you my brother from another mother.

I tell you we are unique and very special because we are spiritual souls.

I thought about my meaning of life and that's why I have the username, 'Personal Growth'.

We are here to continue evolving and spiritually advance through our power meditation practice.

I take it you're younger and your emotions can be more all over the place and stronger when you're still young. So what you need to do is not act on the spur of the moment but to take it one day at a time.

You know the sun will shine another day.

And it's great that you are so keen and beating yourself up over laziness and procrastination. If you're to advance you need to have self awareness and you know what's holding you back and what you need to do. All you need to do is put your important meditation and study into your daily routines.

I tell you if you want to you can make yourself too busy to worry about other people.

Learn Astrolgy and write easy for noobs like me to follow self study course and post it in the astrolgy section.

Yes you can find you don't have time for other people if you focus fully on researching topics and posting the informative information here for us.

Remember the saying: 'Rome wasn't built in a day.' And how do eat an elephant?...Bit by bit not all in one go.

I promise you that you are very special and valuable. We all are because out of the billions of brainwashed animal level materialistic people out there. We truly are unique in being true spiritual beings.

Your RTR's are needed. And you want so badly to advance I no doubt you will. One day at a time now spud. It's not the quantity it's the quality. You're just looking to do a little each day until power starts to compound and grow. Just slot your RTR's meditation and study into your daily routine and you will be investing in the most valuable thing a person can invest in and that's themselves at the soul level.

And you know what happens then? As you know everything is on the astral before it comes down to the material. After you've reached seriously high levels of spiritual power you will find things just work out in your favour.

And if you're still not content then you would have the power spiritually to manifest whatever it was you wanted.

As my dad said. 'If I cannot go to the mountain then the mountain must come to me.' Mmm I see now buybull quote there but you get my drift.

We are all of Satans family here. We have challenges and emotions to deal with. But there is a war going on. And we are on the winning team but because our numbers are small we need to take care of and look after ourselves.

You are very special and valueable. We all here are very unique, special and valueable.

And I love and appreciate our community and Satanic Family we have here. You're in a good place here and you will get there. One step at a time. And you have the desire and drive to keep keeping on.

Onwards and upwards

 

[HailMotherLilith]

Mate, I think many of us have experienced the same thing with relating to people and it's a soul thing.

Many people lack spirituality and when you're aware the energies clash because you're on a different wavelength to them.

I think it's the same phenomena like for example when I used to smoke weed. I could just see a stranger and know that he also smokes. I can't do that now because I have reason to be clean and sober. And so do you my brother from another mother.

I tell you we are unique and very special because we are spiritual souls.

I thought about my meaning of life and that's why I have the username, 'Personal Growth'.

We are here to continue evolving and spiritually advance through our power meditation practice.

I take it you're younger and your emotions can be more all over the place and stronger when you're still young. So what you need to do is not act on the spur of the moment but to take it one day at a time.

You know the sun will shine another day.

And it's great that you are so keen and beating yourself up over laziness and procrastination. If you're to advance you need to have self awareness and you know what's holding you back and what you need to do. All you need to do is put your important meditation and study into your daily routines.

I tell you if you want to you can make yourself too busy to worry about other people.

Learn Astrolgy and write easy for noobs like me to follow self study course and post it in the astrolgy section.

Yes you can find you don't have time for other people if you focus fully on researching topics and posting the informative information here for us.

Remember the saying: 'Rome wasn't built in a day.' And how do eat an elephant?...Bit by bit not all in one go.

I promise you that you are very special and valuable. We all are because out of the billions of brainwashed animal level materialistic people out there. We truly are unique in being true spiritual beings.

Your RTR's are needed. And you want so badly to advance I no doubt you will. One day at a time now spud. It's not the quantity it's the quality. You're just looking to do a little each day until power starts to compound and grow. Just slot your RTR's meditation and study into your daily routine and you will be investing in the most valuable thing a person can invest in and that's themselves at the soul level.

And you know what happens then? As you know everything is on the astral before it comes down to the material. After you've reached seriously high levels of spiritual power you will find things just work out in your favour.

And if you're still not content then you would have the power spiritually to manifest whatever it was you wanted.

As my dad said. 'If I cannot go to the mountain then the mountain must come to me.' Mmm I see now buybull quote there but you get my drift.

We are all of Satans family here. We have challenges and emotions to deal with. But there is a war going on. And we are on the winning team but because our numbers are small we need to take care of and look after ourselves.

You are very special and valueable. We all here are very unique, special and valueable.

And I love and appreciate our community and Satanic Family we have here. You're in a good place here and you will get there. One step at a time. And you have the desire and drive to keep keeping on.

Onwards and upwards

This is so uplifting and helpful! Thank you for taking the time to write this!

 

[Tweedledee]

I don’t feel the need to roll my eyes and ridicule someone who is feeling the way you do, and from the looks of it neither does anyone who writes here. It wasn’t all too long ago when I was in a similar place myself. I spent a considerable amount of time there, seeking help from people who couldn’t help me. So many years utterly wasted. The number of memories I have of those years can be counted with the fingers of one hand. I haven’t forgotten that time.

Read the responses of everyone here as many times as it takes for the good advice to sink in. And I’ll add something of my own as well.

You said ”I want to be like all of you”. Being inspired by others in such a way is very understandable but also problematic. When it comes to such inspiration, what we see in others is far from the true picture of who and what they are. We see the highlight reel of what they have accomplished. We see a certain part of the road they have travelled. What we do not see is the other 99,9% of things they have done to be able to shine the way they do. We do not see the countless of steps they have taken to reach where they stand right now. All that wouldn’t make much of a home movie, but at the same time all that is what matters most.

You are gazing far beyond the horizon, trying to see the end of a very long road and trying to determine whether you have what it takes to jump your way there. You are looking at the wrong place. You should be looking at your feet. Your heart and mind should be invested in placing your foot in front of the other one. The aforementioned inhuman jump is something no one can accomplish, but taking a single step – that is doable. Will it. Do it. And then (and only then) reaccess where that has taken you, and what you need to do when you are there. Another step ahead. You will it, and you do it. Becoming powerful, becoming the best you can be, these will come in time. Start by being powerful and good enough to take that next step.

Hmm, I began to think about Bilbo just now. Anyhow.

You want to feel happy. Often we tend to think that we cannot be happy because we are missing some crucial ingredient that forms the happiness in us. We lack something that would make for happiness. We must gain something. But I believe the opposite to more often be true, we cannot be happy because we have excess. We must give up something. Namely our tendencies to focus on the wrong things, the different illusions that we invest ourselves in. Our fears, anxieties, memories of the past and how good things were but aren’t anymore, or perhaps how bad things were. Images of different futures and how there are good things that cannot come to be, or perhaps bad things that will definitely come to be. Creations of imagination, fantasies that would be so wonderful if they only were true. And so on. And so on. The many forms of living that isn’t life.

Regular meditation will help you with giving up this excess. It won’t happen instantly, but with time it will change you for the better. Again, don’t concern yourself with all the meditation sessions to come, concern yourself only with the very next one. The very next step.

You want to feel happy and you want to feel loved. Both extremely important aspects of a good life. But perhaps you, along with many others in general tend to see both of those things as a result of the actions of other people? You are happy if others make you so, you feel loved when others make it so. This is a mindset you need to free yourself from. The only solid foundation for happiness and feeling loved is within yourself. Anything else is surrendering to the mercy of other people’s whims. This is not to say that things other people do, or love other people show isn’t important. But it must not be the definition. It all begins within you. Discover it within you.

I am rambling about and I don’t really know how to finish this in style. But I sincerely hope you take heart of the many things people have written here. You have so much more power than you would believe right now.

 

[Luna Black]

Guys do you think he killed himself.I am asking because he has very much time to log in!I will feel guilty for not writing to him sooner !

In any case the answers will help other people many who might just be reading without posting.

 

[Jigsaw_666]

Do not worry, brother and sisters.
I am alive, and well.

I cannot describe the emotions I am feeling at the moment, but they are happy ones.

I thank you all for your wisdom, you guys really saved me.

I understand things better now.

By the way, a Daemon/ess (I think it was Daemoness but I can't be sure!) visited me only seconds after posting this.

They said things like: "You will save lives one day"

I feel a strong call to action.
I feel like a true individual.

I know my destiny is to be among the stars, and not 6 feet underground.

I can see through the enemy now: they tried to kill me, knowing very well what I would do to them now, and in the future. I can see them panicking as they realized the terrible mistake they made. Hahaha!

I must serve myself to this cause. I must give it my all.

Nothing can stop me now.

I am a warrior. I am a winner. I am a success.

We are all monumental keys to this war, our names will be in history books.

-Jigsaw

 

[Astardastar]

Do not worry, brother and sisters.
I am alive, and well.

I cannot describe the emotions I am feeling at the moment, but they are happy ones.

I thank you all for your wisdom, you guys really saved me.

I understand things better now.

By the way, a Daemon/ess (I think it was Daemoness but I can't be sure!) visited me only seconds after posting this.

They said things like: "You will save lives one day"

I feel a strong call to action.
I feel like a true individual.

I know my destiny is to be among the stars, and not 6 feet underground.

I can see through the enemy now: they tried to kill me, knowing very well what I would do to them now, and in the future. I can see them panicking as they realized the terrible mistake they made. Hahaha!

I must serve myself to this cause. I must give it my all.

Nothing can stop me now.

I am a warrior. I am a winner. I am a success.

We are all monumental keys to this war, our names will be in history books.

-Jigsaw

Hey Great Man, I m so happy you are here and I m so happy to hear you talking like this!!!
Keep on like this and never ever ever feel bad again.
Above All put yourself and never think about harm yourself or even get sad for any shit.

Keep on being fine

 

[Lindoram666]

...And also, if you're feeling bad about being a Satanist for so long and having not made as much progress as you could've, I just wanted to say that I dedicated way back when in the summer of 2011. It's been over seven years for me. I remember when HPs Hoodedcobra and Shannon were just fellow posters on the groups who were always responding and explaining shit to new members. I should be so much further along, as I would be if I didn't fuck up and keep myself in this hole. Once again I'm climbing up, as it's only if I want it and fight for it that I'll actually get out and have a life controlled by me, directed by me, in service of Father Satan. Let us climb out together and be happy for the lives we fought for, instead of being chained down by the lives imposed upon us.

I want to say thank you for everything you shared, but especially this part. I'm in the same boat, depression is a bitch. I dedicated in 2011 as well, and I feel like I've become an "armchair satanist" for lack of a better term. I got caught up in trying to learn everything I could but I never put it into practice. Now I tend to beat myself up over where I could/should be. This thread has really inspired me tho. I'll be climbing out of this hole with you guys.
And to jigsaw: I'm happy to see you're out of that funk. Best of luck in everything you pursue

 

[Fufotto]

I'm happy you are alive jigsaw, good job and have a nice day.