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Update and a couple personal questions

Kingfisher3 min to read

Hi all,

I hope you all are well and blessed. I ask these questions humbly as a struggling Zevist. I have tried to be very respectful, but mods please edit this message if needed. I earnestly want to continue on this path and hope the Temple still has a place for me. I've been able to find work, praise the Gods, and plan to start donating again soon, once my financial situation is a bit stable. But I admit I have been struggling a lot with my sobriety and spirituality, and in the past few years I've just gotten a lot of bad breaks. It's been rough, going from high-volume donations consistently and starting to like myself a little bit, then going completely broke, and (in the past few months alone) overdosing, an involuntary psychiatric commitment, and being basically homeless (living in a halfway house) for several months). I'm not trying to say I'm the best or most put-upon person ever (I'm definitely no hero), but it's important to me to express that I am a genuine Zevist, and that part of my situation is due in part to the fact that I've had a lot of rough breaks (and have also, admittedly, made a some bad choices).

I still question whether I can be accepted, and I'm tired of feeling lonely and inferior. I'm 30 years old and desperately want to start dating, but I've always been extremely worried that I'll offend the Gods or get punished by Them for such things, maybe it stems from my catholic (and extremely repressive) upbringing. I'm very afraid of being punished or rejected by the Gods. But I'm lonely and want to at least dip my toe in the dating pool. I think girls are amazing and I crave intimacy and connection. But I still sometimes hate myself and feel inferior. I hope it's okay to talk about this-I'm not trying to make this political, so please edit this if necessary. I really agree with the recent changes, but I may have swung back too far the other way personally. Even though spirituality and the Gods were always central, I will admit that I used to be quite political and even kinda bigoted, my ego didn't help me see clearly. But even though I'm glad to be non-political now, I have a ton of guilt over my prior beliefs and in general. I don't like being a white male-sometimes I question if I should transition so I can be a better gender. I feel like I'm not recognized for being a "Real Man", but I still get the negative parts of the male identity, I see my "masculinity" or lack thereof in a pretty negative light. Throughout my life I've often questioned if I should exist and felt like I shouldn't. And I'm worried that I'll be rejected spiritually over my current identity.

I hope it's okay to post this, I thank the members who invited me to provide updates on my recovery. I really want to be a sober, productive Zevist. But I am scared and really struggling. Thank you to this community and its amazing members (especially the clergy). May the Gods be praised always.

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#1

First of all, the Gods does not punish anyone for not being consistent with their life. We are the one punishing ourselves. The Gods are always there and we need to become a vessel to receive their blessings as written by our HP Zevios Metathronos here:

Since you are bringing your christian past, you need to deprogram from chrisitianity:

Do not despair, everyone here have difficulties, you have made the first step by recongnizing it. Everyone must descent to learn and began their ascension.

Good luck.

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#2

Hi, first of all good to have you back here. I think it will help your situation to connect with the community.

For dating first off, you can clearly see, admit it, that it's just your bullshit. Whatever causing you to have these negative feelings towards dating is obviously just some negative residue and has nothing to do with the truth. You probably feel, hence you want a relationship, that your life is not whole without it.

You have definitely done a lot of manly things in your life so far but you are forgetting this because your current emotional state. In any ways, let's define what would make YOU a man or more of a man, what can you even do right now, the next little step to become a man. It will not be easy but that's exactly what will make you a man and make you feel like it when you reach your goals and come out on top, so embrace the struggle.

Moreover, I think a lot of materials from the Temple of Zeus will help you, the information alone as well because truth leaves a permanent mark, and it have also never been easier to start meditating based on the instructions on the site. Start with the shortest routine and slowly, slowly work your way up, every day you complete your meditation, you know you already did something great for yourself today. And never think starting with the little and the beginner is not good enough, in fact, it's much better that you are not ego meditating and you follow the natural flow of things.

Wish you the bests!

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#3

I still question whether I can be accepted, and I'm tired of feeling lonely and inferior. I'm 30 years old and desperately want to start dating, but I've always been extremely worried that I'll offend the Gods or get punished by Them for such things, maybe it stems from my catholic (and extremely repressive) upbringing. I'm very afraid of being punished or rejected by the Gods. But I'm lonely and want to at least dip my toe in the dating pool. I think girls are amazing and I crave intimacy and connection. But I still sometimes hate myself and feel inferior.

Hello brother,

There is absolutely no reason to feel guilt for craving intimacy and connection, that's the most natural thing for a human being. I wanted to stop by to say, there are some amazing girls and some horrible ones. Most of them, like any random man, have hopes and fears, good and bad qualities, they are just humans. You don't need to fear a punishment from Gods and you shouldn't have a feeling of inferiority, just be realistic about your situation and try to get better so you will have better prospects.

The negative feelings you have will not go away by trying to change your gender, it is just another way of harming yourself. I'm sorry you feel like you are not recognized for being a real man, insight of men in our community will be probably more helpful than me.

Please do keep updating us on your recovery.

by Pamela

''Muhtaç olduğun kudret, damarlarındaki asil kanda mevcuttur.''

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Kingfisher

Thank you to all who replied. I am deeply grateful to this community for giving me a second chance (or fifth, to be more accurate), and I am genuinely trying to better myself. I'm not perfect, but I have come a long way since being very deep in addiction several months ago. I've gotten close to being 100% free of drug nonsense, and I aim to make it 100% soon. I know some people may judge me for not being completely sober yet (which would of course be ideal), but believe me there's a ton of a difference, I used to have to spend hundreds of dollars a day on drugs just to function.

@Pammy thank you especially for your reply Sister, I really appreciate it and I hope you are blessed personally and as part of our Community. I know rationally that you are right on there being good and bad girls like any large human group (I don't disagree overall), although I admit sometimes emotionally I'm on a different page. I really adore girls, especially since the major life changes I've went through. I use to lie to myself and buy into misogynist crap, but deep down I know I wanted to love women and I've really worked to leave the garbage behind. Being honest with myself now I am obsessed with girls, I really want to find a compatible woman and make her feel like the most loved, protected, and cared for woman on Earth 🥺😍😔 and my cravings are very strong after years of being repressed, along with other mental difficulties.

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Pammy
This is the targeted reply.

@Pammy thank you especially for your reply Sister, I really appreciate it and I hope you are blessed personally and as part of our Community. I know rationally that you are right on there being good and bad girls like any large human group (I don't disagree overall), although I admit sometimes emotionally I'm on a different page. I really adore girls, especially since the major life changes I've went through. I use to lie to myself and buy into misogynist crap, but deep down I know I wanted to love women and I've really worked to leave the garbage behind. Being honest with myself now I am obsessed with girls, I really want to find a compatible woman and make her feel like the most loved, protected, and cared for woman on Earth 🥺😍😔 and my cravings are very strong after years of being repressed, along with other mental difficulties.

Thank you for your nice wishes, brother. I believe the reason so many men buy into misogynist crap is the positive feelings they had or could have are poisoned and turned bitter. The magnitude of hate is due to what could have been if it was love instead.

#4

Hello, @Kingfisher.
Yes you're still accepted, loved, and chosen by the Gods, always trust this.

My intuition says you'll benefit and heal a lot by doing the Grand Ritual of Zeus.

Do it with focus, full-immersion, relaxation and passion. You'll get a response either in signs like synchronicities or some energy of our God and of your soul.

About girls, Gods would never ever punish you for this. In fact you are extremely encouraged to experience this to the fullest extent.

Wear cool and attractive outfits. Smell good, look good, be clean. Then get to dating! Wait till Venus retrograde ends though by mid November.

Best of luck brother, know that 90% of your limitations are merely mental and mentality. You got this, trust it!

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