SatyaSitamanas
New member
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2025
- Messages
- 21
Thank you HPS Lydia for the Anti-Anxiety KY exercise. It came at just the right time and although I wasn't able to do the full 3 minutes, as the emotions started flooding me, it allowed me to access and work through some blockages that were causing a lot of problems. It really gave me clarity on what I need to be working on so I won't be held back from advancing, and so I can stop blaming other people for my own hurts. I wrote this and wanted to share it with my Zevist family as maybe it will help someone else to find some release, or food for thought, or forget about it all together. I am looking forward to where my mind will be continued practice of this meditation. Its interesting to see where the thoughts start and where they end up. I am so thankful for Zevism. I am looking forward to this weekend to sit down and start processing what behaviors are mine and good, and what were used to control my soul.
"If I’m not helping my partner, if I’m not saving my partners soul, if I'm not needed, then what am I? What purpose do I serve? I don’t have any other purpose than to cater to others because I offer nothing else. I was taught to be a people pleaser because I didn’t have any other redeeming qualities. In order to be liked I had to offer something.
I had to cater my personality to who ever I was with in order to be liked or accepted. Not being able to exist simply as I am: I always had to bend, twist, and contort into what I thought I needed to be, to be accepted. I was taught from a young age that my being was wrong, made to feel there was something different about me and that I couldn’t just be me. I had to be extra nice, extra smiley, extra pleased, extra thankful, extra happy. Relying on others to give my purpose meaning, to give meaning to -me-, my self esteem, my identity: my sense of self built on the validations (or disappointments and rejections) from other people. Never giving myself a strong foundation from me.
How does one stop believing the projections of other people? To stop believing the lies that our -self worth- must be forged from the views and validations that we didn’t even create? Ones we didn’t ask for or forge ourselves. Ones we were taught not to question because if we did, then we wouldn’t rely on their views and opinions, the validations from others… we would be free. Did they want our self esteem to come from external factors? Did they want our emotional stability to rise and fall from things out of our control? Is that how they thought they could control us and keep us small? Indoctrinating us to believe we only have value if they say we do, that our value and purpose comes from made up rules and criteria from religion and society? Always on their terms…
They conditioned us to believe what they wanted, so they could control us. They don’t want us to know the truth because they don’t want us to question the truth. Even if we do question it and are no longer full believers, our senses of self were forged in those beliefs and feel like they are truly ours. Thoughts and beliefs so ingrained that we even think they are OURS - accepted without question.
What else is my self esteem built on? What other thoughts and beliefs do I claim as my own but are actually keeping me from thriving -and- ruining things that could be great sources of joy and peace, like relationships? How much are thoughts and beliefs (that I never wanted) contributing to the destruction of my own happiness? Is that self sabotage? Or is that mind control from the enemy to keep us from advancing? These thoughts aren’t my own, I never wanted them. I must build my own foundation of self esteem, build myself from the bottom up with the help of the Gods to guide me. It makes me feel naked in the world, too vulnerable, too fragile, my faulty foundation gone as I create myself anew. How great can I be?
What makes me feel good about me? What gives me a sense of pride? What are the qualities I like about myself? What gifts do I think I have? -Are any of those answers dependent on feedback from others? If they are dependent on feedback from others, then I must question them.- What have I never questioned but believe? Now is my opportunity, better late than never. I won’t allow myself to believe what was never mine nor to be controlled by the enemy who wants to inhibit my happiness, my peace, ultimately to keep my soul from advancing.
"If I’m not helping my partner, if I’m not saving my partners soul, if I'm not needed, then what am I? What purpose do I serve? I don’t have any other purpose than to cater to others because I offer nothing else. I was taught to be a people pleaser because I didn’t have any other redeeming qualities. In order to be liked I had to offer something.
I had to cater my personality to who ever I was with in order to be liked or accepted. Not being able to exist simply as I am: I always had to bend, twist, and contort into what I thought I needed to be, to be accepted. I was taught from a young age that my being was wrong, made to feel there was something different about me and that I couldn’t just be me. I had to be extra nice, extra smiley, extra pleased, extra thankful, extra happy. Relying on others to give my purpose meaning, to give meaning to -me-, my self esteem, my identity: my sense of self built on the validations (or disappointments and rejections) from other people. Never giving myself a strong foundation from me.
How does one stop believing the projections of other people? To stop believing the lies that our -self worth- must be forged from the views and validations that we didn’t even create? Ones we didn’t ask for or forge ourselves. Ones we were taught not to question because if we did, then we wouldn’t rely on their views and opinions, the validations from others… we would be free. Did they want our self esteem to come from external factors? Did they want our emotional stability to rise and fall from things out of our control? Is that how they thought they could control us and keep us small? Indoctrinating us to believe we only have value if they say we do, that our value and purpose comes from made up rules and criteria from religion and society? Always on their terms…
They conditioned us to believe what they wanted, so they could control us. They don’t want us to know the truth because they don’t want us to question the truth. Even if we do question it and are no longer full believers, our senses of self were forged in those beliefs and feel like they are truly ours. Thoughts and beliefs so ingrained that we even think they are OURS - accepted without question.
What else is my self esteem built on? What other thoughts and beliefs do I claim as my own but are actually keeping me from thriving -and- ruining things that could be great sources of joy and peace, like relationships? How much are thoughts and beliefs (that I never wanted) contributing to the destruction of my own happiness? Is that self sabotage? Or is that mind control from the enemy to keep us from advancing? These thoughts aren’t my own, I never wanted them. I must build my own foundation of self esteem, build myself from the bottom up with the help of the Gods to guide me. It makes me feel naked in the world, too vulnerable, too fragile, my faulty foundation gone as I create myself anew. How great can I be?
What makes me feel good about me? What gives me a sense of pride? What are the qualities I like about myself? What gifts do I think I have? -Are any of those answers dependent on feedback from others? If they are dependent on feedback from others, then I must question them.- What have I never questioned but believe? Now is my opportunity, better late than never. I won’t allow myself to believe what was never mine nor to be controlled by the enemy who wants to inhibit my happiness, my peace, ultimately to keep my soul from advancing.
