The feeling of love is destroying me...

[Tongoenabiago]

Hey guys, I'm writing this because I want advice, tips, to hear sermons, I don't know, anything.

I feel like shit for having to write this, because it's something that is so shallow compared to other problems that it makes me angry and sad for letting it affect me. Well, in fact, love is driving me crazy, destroying me, I don't know what that feeling is.

I won't go on too much, but the fact is that I fell in love with a woman. Throughout my life I've fallen in love several times, the famous platonic love, and time has healed the wounds, I've always had this problem of falling in love very easily.

The fact is that this woman simply destroys my heart for not having her, it's a feeling of dependence and desire that I've never felt before, I'm simply crazy about her and seeing her every day only makes it grow. I met her at work and I've already expressed my interest in her, but she was dating someone.

Well, I've been at the company for a few months and, in fact, I tried to perform a love spell twice, but I gave up because I felt guilty about her dating, I didn't think it was right... but because I couldn't forget her at all, I said "fuck it" and started a spell focused on lust (I vibrate Ehwaz, Kenaz and Gebo)... well, I never felt a great improvement in relation to her with this spell, but I promised I wouldn't give up, I'm going to complete the 40 days (I'm on 32).

A few days ago I started a new spell (everything was aligned... Venus in a good house, the moon in a good sign...) and I vibrate Aum Klim KamaDevaya Namah 108*, it's the highest amount of vibrations I've ever performed... Well, I've been performing this spell for 13 days and a few things have happened, the first was this story that I posted here: https://www.ancient-forums.com/thre...ed-while-you-were-sleeping-love-magic.292482/ and I recently found out that she broke up with me...

Well, at first I think the spell is working, but... the problem is in this damn feeling... Because I'm crazy about her, I feel that any sign of rejection, even if it's not a negative one, makes me feel "destroyed", that is, I feel like the spell doesn't work and I start to question everything. I know I created a gigantic illusion in my mind and, because of that, I end up being very disappointed.

I know I'm still weak and when I started the magic I imagined that it wouldn't work and I would move on if it didn't work, but I simply fell more in love...

I'm writing this exactly because at that moment I felt rejected, that maybe I'll never have her... and that destroys me because I start to question if the magic is really working... I've read reports of magic here and they all say that I should act, show interest... but when I do that she doesn't reciprocate (then I feel the rejection) and when I don't do anything it seems like things flow, but if I take action it seems like I'm doing it wrong and my advances aren't reciprocated... I can't understand when it's the magic "forcing" me to do something or me forcing something... I don't know if I should wait for her to manifest herself first... like... I don't know...

Because sometimes I have that pain of feeling love that ends up hurting, I ask my guardian demon for a sign (I don't know what it is yet), Satan... anything... if I'm on the right path, if I should give up on her... because I can't forget her, because I can't see an answer, I feel abandoned, spiritually weak, this ends up eating me away, because I really wanted her and, I don't know, it's destroying me...

As I said, when I found out she ended the relationship, we had a fun conversation talking about asking her out, that we wanted to be next in line... but she said we were just going to be friends, but not in a gross sense, I don't know, I noticed in her voice that it wasn't a total rejection, because she said that her ex-boyfriend was her friend and she was the one who asked to date him, which ends up indirectly feeding me with hope.

Well, the fact is that I want to end this feeling, I want to understand that if she doesn't want to, okay, I want to move on... but I know that right now I can't do that at all. And I write this because I know that if she gets a new boyfriend, I know that it will leave me even more destroyed. And, as I said, when I see that I am still not completely reciprocated, I start to question whether magic works and I question whether "if it doesn't work with her, I know it won't work to attract the right person"...

I don't know, this text may seem like a pity party, but I just want to get rid of this feeling, or at least I want to insist on it, but without getting hurt if I am rejected...

 

[Tongoenabiago]

A few days ago I started a new spell (everything was aligned... Venus in a good house, the moon in a good sign...) and I vibrate Aum Klim KamaDevaya Namah 108*, it's the highest amount of vibrations I've ever performed... Well, I've been performing this spell for 13 days and a few things have happened, the first was this story that I posted here: https://www.ancient-forums.com/thre...ed-while-you-were-sleeping-love-magic.292482/ and I recently found out that she broke up with me...

I use Google Translate
Correct translation of the last sentence:
"[...]and I recently found out that she broke up with her boyfriend..."

 

[Lightning_Puma]

She is just flesh + astrological influences that messes with your mind, with a dirty aura probably.

Nothing more than that, there is no reason on why she should have more value than anyone else, and your attention.

She brought only dishounour to you. You are acting desperate and you are giving cuck/simp vibes. In your SS life, she stole a lot of your time and energy. I warned a lot about making targeted working on love, but not everyone listened to them.

Other than this, maybe you are trying to use her to solve subconsious problems and issues, this may be the whole point, so think about it.

Stop the workings and tell her to go fuck herself, she is just a curse uppon you and every dude she randomly fucks. I feel whore vibes without self value here.

If you should do a work, you should curse her, but it will be a waste of time, so move forward.

What the fuck is your problem??

Women have every right, just as much as you, to reject people they don't like.

Women aren't "Whores" or "Flesh". They're living human beings like you and me.

You need to do workings to remove this hatred of Women you seem to be having and stop giving people harmful advice.

Getting rejected doesn't mean you must "curse" somebody.

 

[Onbael_]

For the guy that put an oven on me, life can bring positive and negative things, this depend on karma, natal chart and current planets positions.

If one isn't ready and has issues to work on, this "falling in love" thing is a total bullshit.

These random girls have nothing, they just have a congiuntion or something with the planets of your chart.
They are like a pile of shit that wear your favorite parfume, or you just gave them that parfume, because you can't see the bigger picture and you have issues/self decievment.

These random girls can give you a lot of pain, new issues that follows you for years, waste your time and energies, embarass yourself, all for nothing. All of this even if you don't talk to them, or if you talked to them once.

They are a living "curse", so see them as such.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

Hey guys, I'm writing this because I want advice, tips, to hear sermons, I don't know, anything.

I feel like shit for having to write this, because it's something that is so shallow compared to other problems that it makes me angry and sad for letting it affect me. Well, in fact, love is driving me crazy, destroying me, I don't know what that feeling is.

I won't go on too much, but the fact is that I fell in love with a woman. Throughout my life I've fallen in love several times, the famous platonic love, and time has healed the wounds, I've always had this problem of falling in love very easily.

The fact is that this woman simply destroys my heart for not having her, it's a feeling of dependence and desire that I've never felt before, I'm simply crazy about her and seeing her every day only makes it grow. I met her at work and I've already expressed my interest in her, but she was dating someone.

Well, I've been at the company for a few months and, in fact, I tried to perform a love spell twice, but I gave up because I felt guilty about her dating, I didn't think it was right... but because I couldn't forget her at all, I said "fuck it" and started a spell focused on lust (I vibrate Ehwaz, Kenaz and Gebo)... well, I never felt a great improvement in relation to her with this spell, but I promised I wouldn't give up, I'm going to complete the 40 days (I'm on 32).

A few days ago I started a new spell (everything was aligned... Venus in a good house, the moon in a good sign...) and I vibrate Aum Klim KamaDevaya Namah 108*, it's the highest amount of vibrations I've ever performed... Well, I've been performing this spell for 13 days and a few things have happened, the first was this story that I posted here: https://www.ancient-forums.com/thre...ed-while-you-were-sleeping-love-magic.292482/ and I recently found out that she broke up with me...

Well, at first I think the spell is working, but... the problem is in this damn feeling... Because I'm crazy about her, I feel that any sign of rejection, even if it's not a negative one, makes me feel "destroyed", that is, I feel like the spell doesn't work and I start to question everything. I know I created a gigantic illusion in my mind and, because of that, I end up being very disappointed.

I know I'm still weak and when I started the magic I imagined that it wouldn't work and I would move on if it didn't work, but I simply fell more in love...

I'm writing this exactly because at that moment I felt rejected, that maybe I'll never have her... and that destroys me because I start to question if the magic is really working... I've read reports of magic here and they all say that I should act, show interest... but when I do that she doesn't reciprocate (then I feel the rejection) and when I don't do anything it seems like things flow, but if I take action it seems like I'm doing it wrong and my advances aren't reciprocated... I can't understand when it's the magic "forcing" me to do something or me forcing something... I don't know if I should wait for her to manifest herself first... like... I don't know...

Because sometimes I have that pain of feeling love that ends up hurting, I ask my guardian demon for a sign (I don't know what it is yet), Satan... anything... if I'm on the right path, if I should give up on her... because I can't forget her, because I can't see an answer, I feel abandoned, spiritually weak, this ends up eating me away, because I really wanted her and, I don't know, it's destroying me...

As I said, when I found out she ended the relationship, we had a fun conversation talking about asking her out, that we wanted to be next in line... but she said we were just going to be friends, but not in a gross sense, I don't know, I noticed in her voice that it wasn't a total rejection, because she said that her ex-boyfriend was her friend and she was the one who asked to date him, which ends up indirectly feeding me with hope.

Well, the fact is that I want to end this feeling, I want to understand that if she doesn't want to, okay, I want to move on... but I know that right now I can't do that at all. And I write this because I know that if she gets a new boyfriend, I know that it will leave me even more destroyed. And, as I said, when I see that I am still not completely reciprocated, I start to question whether magic works and I question whether "if it doesn't work with her, I know it won't work to attract the right person"...

I don't know, this text may seem like a pity party, but I just want to get rid of this feeling, or at least I want to insist on it, but without getting hurt if I am rejected...

Given what you have stated here about your history and feelings regarding love outside of just her, as well as your overall description of sensitivity, I believe that the working was "backlashing" or interacting with these feelings within you, as it could have led to negative behaviors towards love that could've created obstacles towards a successful relationship with either this girl or another, such as clinging or giving too much of yourself, improper inflation of her within your head, or feeling like only this girl would satisfy you, and so on.

Backlash is normal with magic; another way of thinking about this is confrontation with past negative patterns. Your magic was driving you towards the end goal (successful relationship), but to first get there, these existing feelings needed to be dealt with, and therefore they reappeared and it seems that you have been able to properly identify them. Feeling like these emotions are out of control can help you recognize it the next time; it is like experience gained by your soul, therefore next time you will have more success.

So I would be cautious about conflating these events with the magic not actually working, because it sounds like it created a lot of activity around relationships which led you to look outside just one girl and find new ways to not feel hurt. With that in mind, you should probably switch these workings away from a specific person, rather with programming such as "advancing my success with romance in the best way for me" x5 or something like that.

It is certainly possible to find a woman with the same or better synastry as what this one had with you. Don't feel like she is the only one possible for you, especially if your soul has the ability to project or create love at high degrees.

Lastly, please stop beating yourself up over some of this. I had read quite a few times here that you are feeling "destroyed", being angry about feeling this way, etc. Sure, you could be going through a lot and I am not saying you aren't, but it is also necessary to calm yourself and enable yourself to know these situations are progressing and healing. Every person has their own bad or embarrassing karma; yet we confront and evolve out of this. There is no reason to metaphorically punch yourself in the head due to this. Your soul is learning and correcting itself.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

For the guy that put an oven on me, life can bring positive and negative things, this depend on karma, natal chart and current planets positions.

If one isn't ready and has issues to work on, this "falling in love" thing is a total bullshit.

These random girls have nothing, they just have a congiuntion or something with the planets of your chart.
They are like a pile of shit that wear your favorite parfume, or you just gave them that parfume, because you can't see the bigger picture and you have issues/self decievment.

These random girls can give you a lot of pain, new issues that follows you for years, waste your time and energies, embarass yourself, all for nothing. All of this even if you don't talk to them, or if you talked to them once.

They are a living "curse", so see them as such.

What exactly did this women do that deserves any sort of spiritual assault? As far as I see, she exercised her own will and desire in a manner that she was entitled too. The feelings of OP are his own fault, not hers.

There is a big difference between being cautious and warning people about the potential pitfalls in love, as opposed to projecting hostile intent onto any women. The latter suggests you have your own karma which influences your perception. If my "meter" measures the danger at "2 units" and yours measures at "10", to the point where you deem the person as a "pile of shit" and "curse", then this should be cause for re-calibration and self-questioning, rather than pushing this on others.

 

[Onbael_]

I just hate how they mess with people's minds.

I fall in love with a girl and I can see her inner beauty, but then she behave in other stupid ways, and I'm not talking about rejection here.

Then you feel bad, because you put all yourself at play, and they shows terrible results.

Then I love them again, then hate, then suffer. Again and again, they mess with the mind.

Then I see the larger picture, these girls are just shit, but this shit is covered by something that seems beautiful. And you feel attracted to that only for some karma reasons and planetary influences.

They just pretend to be valuable, but they are worthless.

For this kind of joke I lost energies, time, mental sanity.
I recivied damages, and cycles of torment.

They did nothing in practice, but still, the circumstances bring this "curse" to make you fall.

Not every woman is like that, and I don't know if there is a woman with carateristics that I want.
But I want one for some reasons, I hate that.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

I just hate how they mess with people's minds.

I fall in love with a girl and I can see her inner beauty, but then she behave in other stupid ways, and I'm not talking about rejection here.

Then you feel bad, because you put all yourself at play, and they shows terrible results.

Then I love them again, then hate, then suffer. Again and again, they mess with the mind.

Then I see the larger picture, these girls are just shit, but this shit is covered by something that seems beautiful. And you feel attracted to that only for some karma reasons and planetary influences.

They just pretend to be valuable, but they are worthless.

For this kind of joke I lost energies, time, mental sanity.
I recivied damages, and cycles of torment.

They did nothing in practice, but still, the circumstances bring this "curse" to make you fall.

Not every woman is like that, and I don't know if there is a woman with carateristics that I want.
But I want one for some reasons, I hate that.

I understand, and it was not fair for you to receive such damages, however, what happened then won't apply to all women, especially not those who advance themselves. Any element of life has potential danger to it and some of us have felt this more intensely than others, however there are ways to defeat these dangers so we can still get what we want, in due time.

Further, if you are subconsciously carrying these memories around, including the idea that you will be subjected to it in the future, then this creates a psychological obstacle which could impact your future interactions with women. By believing they will always hurt you, this can attract similar circumstances until you are able to mentally distinguish your past from the future. In all of life, we have to separate the painful lessons of Saturn with the potential blessings of Jupiter and not let ourselves get pulled too far in either direction, such that we are moving all the proper "path".

Regarding what you say here, it sounds like you opened yourself too much and got burnt, but now you are thinking that most or all feminine qualities can burn you, rather than looking a little deeper and learning to be more specific in your judgement. There is a way to retrain your sensitivities that allows you to both guard yourself against future and true damage without seeing this in every women.

It is like if my phone malfunctioned and shocked me. This would reasonably create a fear against electronics and maybe even cause the soul to have a sensitivity to electric movement. However, we can transmute this and release the fear of this so we can use our phone again, yet still keep the intuition relating to our security. Further, we also know that our soul experienced this pain and survived; now we know our to more easily pull ourselves out of these painful circumstances even if it does occur again. That is another aspect of this which becomes a reason for confidence, rather than fear.

Then you can better enjoy being around a girl and her behaviors without feeling anger or a looming idea that she is trying to mess with you or maneuver you into a bad position, for example.

 

[Tongoenabiago]

Given what you have stated here about your history and feelings regarding love outside of just her, as well as your overall description of sensitivity, I believe that the working was "backlashing" or interacting with these feelings within you, as it could have led to negative behaviors towards love that could've created obstacles towards a successful relationship with either this girl or another, such as clinging or giving too much of yourself, improper inflation of her within your head, or feeling like only this girl would satisfy you, and so on.

So the mistake would be wanting too much? Having created illusions and wanting too much? So the "magic turned against me"? I don't know if those would be the right words...

Backlash is normal with magic; another way of thinking about this is confrontation with past negative patterns. Your magic was driving you towards the end goal (successful relationship), but to first get there, these existing feelings needed to be dealt with, and therefore they reappeared and it seems that you have been able to properly identify them. Feeling like these emotions are out of control can help you recognize it the next time; it is like experience gained by your soul, therefore next time you will have more success.

I understand what you mean, but how do I resolve this? I've been having these feelings for months, for example, now that I'm writing I'm thinking: "I'm not going to suffer because of this anymore, I'm going to forget her and move on...", but I know that if, for example, I compliment her and she doesn't react the way I would like (an illusion created), I'll keep ruminating over all these bad feelings. I simply don't know how to process these feelings, I don't feel that "time is healing"


Well, about all this, as I said, I'm willing to forget, but I can't. I mean, I can't stop thinking about her, I desire her, maybe it's all the result of an illusion. I talk to her almost every day, even if very little, and I end up thinking that for me we fit together and I really believe that she's not unique, but the feeling I have is that she is unique, it's like a chariot between reason and emotion and I feel that reason is losing.

Regarding magic. Should I stop doing it, would that be the best thing? Or where am I going wrong in doing it?

At the same time, I want to stop, but I don't know the consequences of that.

Throughout my Satanist life, I tried to perform some magic, but I always gave up, I was very little effort, and when I started this spell (as a Satanist who is now very committed) I committed to finishing these spells, I don't know, I want to finish so much to prove to myself that I'm capable, but to be sure that I did what I could do.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

So the mistake would be wanting too much? Having created illusions and wanting too much? So the "magic turned against me"? I don't know if those would be the right words...


I understand what you mean, but how do I resolve this? I've been having these feelings for months, for example, now that I'm writing I'm thinking: "I'm not going to suffer because of this anymore, I'm going to forget her and move on...", but I know that if, for example, I compliment her and she doesn't react the way I would like (an illusion created), I'll keep ruminating over all these bad feelings. I simply don't know how to process these feelings, I don't feel that "time is healing"


Well, about all this, as I said, I'm willing to forget, but I can't. I mean, I can't stop thinking about her, I desire her, maybe it's all the result of an illusion. I talk to her almost every day, even if very little, and I end up thinking that for me we fit together and I really believe that she's not unique, but the feeling I have is that she is unique, it's like a chariot between reason and emotion and I feel that reason is losing.

Regarding magic. Should I stop doing it, would that be the best thing? Or where am I going wrong in doing it?

At the same time, I want to stop, but I don't know the consequences of that.

Throughout my Satanist life, I tried to perform some magic, but I always gave up, I was very little effort, and when I started this spell (as a Satanist who is now very committed) I committed to finishing these spells, I don't know, I want to finish so much to prove to myself that I'm capable, but to be sure that I did what I could do.

If you used a positive affirmation then your magic didn't "turn against you". Remember, workings are like transformations and can pull up dross or make us confront negative patterns, which could then appear negative to us on the surface, but these events ultimately lead to improved behaviors or manifestations within our lives.

Yes, love involves some element of creating bonds with people that can involve feeling attached to that person. Pisces is the exalted state of Venus and this can create dreamy feelings towards them. However, all energies can have negative manifestations until transmuted, so if you are experiencing hypersensitivity or unrealism, then that is not good and can lead to mistakes being made.

If you continued magic for success in your love life, it would likely help you feel more relaxed about this. I cannot give the specifics of this because it is personal to your situation, but imagine how your current rumination may look energetically, then compare this to the strong bonds created in a healthy relationship. So if you are applying energies relating to healthy bonding, like Gebo or Ehwaz, this would apply "over" and merge with your existing capacity to give and receive love. The new energies would then help transmute and advance the old in accordance with your programming, which could then ultimately make you feel more secure in the relationship, rather than overthinking or fearing the worst.

So, whether you continue this working or start a new one, don't doubt yourself just because some turbulence has occurred. Instead, remind yourself that some of this is normal while the energies in your soul transform to meet what you programmed in the working.

As long as your programming is safe and you are not neglecting other aspects of this path (like cleaning and protection), then I don't see a reason to stop, unless you wish to try your magic towards a different partner. It is important that you gain some experience with workings so you don't feel incapable; I wouldn't beat yourself up if you are new to this, instead look at it like good practice and experience.

To be sure that your magic is working, make sure you competent with the fundamentals of magic. Read this Omni page on directing magic and practice the meditation. Additionally, when doing the working, spend some time sensing the energy you will direct, the target, and most importantly, the result itself. This gives "proof" to your soul of the transformation you have created within reality.

After that, do not worry so much about the magic itself, because everything was programming correctly. Instead, keep yourself clean and protected as your soul transforms. In this case, cleaning your heart chakra well will likely help you process these feelings without enduring as much stress.

 

[Tongoenabiago]

If you used a positive affirmation then your magic didn't "turn against you". Remember, workings are like transformations and can pull up dross or make us confront negative patterns, which could then appear negative to us on the surface, but these events ultimately lead to improved behaviors or manifestations within our lives.

Yes, love involves some element of creating bonds with people that can involve feeling attached to that person. Pisces is the exalted state of Venus and this can create dreamy feelings towards them. However, all energies can have negative manifestations until transmuted, so if you are experiencing hypersensitivity or unrealism, then that is not good and can lead to mistakes being made.

If you continued magic for success in your love life, it would likely help you feel more relaxed about this. I cannot give the specifics of this because it is personal to your situation, but imagine how your current rumination may look energetically, then compare this to the strong bonds created in a healthy relationship. So if you are applying energies relating to healthy bonding, like Gebo or Ehwaz, this would apply "over" and merge with your existing capacity to give and receive love. The new energies would then help transmute and advance the old in accordance with your programming, which could then ultimately make you feel more secure in the relationship, rather than overthinking or fearing the worst.

So, whether you continue this working or start a new one, don't doubt yourself just because some turbulence has occurred. Instead, remind yourself that some of this is normal while the energies in your soul transform to meet what you programmed in the working.

As long as your programming is safe and you are not neglecting other aspects of this path (like cleaning and protection), then I don't see a reason to stop, unless you wish to try your magic towards a different partner. It is important that you gain some experience with workings so you don't feel incapable; I wouldn't beat yourself up if you are new to this, instead look at it like good practice and experience.

To be sure that your magic is working, make sure you competent with the fundamentals of magic. Read this Omni page on directing magic and practice the meditation. Additionally, when doing the working, spend some time sensing the energy you will direct, the target, and most importantly, the result itself. This gives "proof" to your soul of the transformation you have created within reality.

After that, do not worry so much about the magic itself, because everything was programming correctly. Instead, keep yourself clean and protected as your soul transforms. In this case, cleaning your heart chakra well will likely help you process these feelings without enduring as much stress.

Wow, you simply opened my eyes to many things now, a vision I had not thought of. Very enlightening!!

I know that my feelings will not really disappear overnight, but I will work on it and pay more attention to the information provided. Despite the succinct text, it is invaluable information, which, at least for me, is explained in an extremely clear way now. lol lol

And, in fact, if it doesn't work out, many things were learned along this path, I will use this to grow both personally and spiritually.


And... If it's not too much trouble, I have another question about the spell... when do I know that it is acting and when do I know that it is me forcing situations?

From what I know, the energy will use the path of shortest distance. For example, in the case of a love spell, when I know that a thought like "I'm going to ask her out" is the magic acting or is it me trying to create a situation, because I am confident with the magic. I say this because if I'm hasty I could ruin everything, but if it's magic acting, it's a great opportunity... at least that's how I understand how magic would act in a shorter way, for example.

I question this beyond the love spell... for example, in a spell to attract money, how do I know that I should do something to earn more money, that is, that spell acting for me to get money, or is it entirely my action aimed at getting money... I don't know if I explained it very well...

In short, will the magic act on its own, that is, will the magic give the first sign? I mean, in a love spell, will the desired person come to you? For money, will money somehow increase in your life?

 

[Onbael_]

I spoke out of anger and suffering, I hope to see what I really want in the future, it's confusing for now.

Sorry and thanks for the replies.