Ave Satanas all my brothers and sisters and esp. all the HPs here,I have been blood dedicated since 2005 from some one in the group at that time she said father told her to ordain me and now lately i feel lost,I tried to use my ouija board few nights ago to call on Father Satan and my GDs and yes i know Father is very busy but i asked for my Gds to let me know they are here cause i realy needed help and i got no answer or signs. I used to get answers in the past using my board or signs but i feel nothing now.I am feeling very depressed/dont want to live anymore,and please this is not a pity trip either ive had a hard life.I dont do meditations nor believe they work for me I am a visual hands on type of person who learns by my own senses physicaly.I dont believe shit unless i see, hear, smell ,or feel with my own 2 eyes. Ive always been that way an will continue to be. Why am i not getting any signs from my GDs? BTW my GDs are Seth,Gusion,and Astaroth. and i have others too and it hurts me very deeply that im alone in my time of need.I wrote a very heartfelt letter to Father Satan and my GDs an Satanic mothers thanking them for everything they have done for me in the past. hoping they would listen an help me.I asked to be healed physicaly and to not be human anymore have my female Gd enter my body so i can be strong a warrior if you will and unstoppable and to fight for father Satan and to have special powers/gifts if you will thats right for me from father and other things like having a male demon lover forever to be with me an never leave me and also no harm jealousy from him with other lovers i wanted a open sexual relationship ect. Am i asking to much? I would do anything i am capable to give my graditude to father an my GDs for this i ask of them but so far no signs or answers an nothings changed in me. I no longer find interest in doing spells they never work an its quite boring an very frustrating so i quite doing them some time back.All i am keeping of my supplies are my baphomets and book of shadows an my journals. I dont see the need for my tools anymore and im going to give them to my brother whos satanic and known him since 2005. I feel like a ancient soul inside,Can any one relate to me here?. I need support from my family here and please dont judge me i only ask for comfort an advice from those experienced alot more than me so i learn an grow ect. Every day i dread waking up cause its the same old shit nothin changes for the better,i feel like a piece of meat with bones just existing thats not a life,i have no purpose it seems and i hate life! yes i am bi-polar and chronicly depressed an i have anxiety bad its got so much worse since i was a kid till now an still. I love reading Maxines posts an other HPs but the rest its always the same fucking q's i need much more or some one on my level to relate to and its seems impossible to even find someone close by in person to get together with to worship an give thanks to father and do rituals so to me whats the point.Also why doesnt any one HPs address how to teach us who have young kids fathers ways im not talkin teenagers either,i think that would be of great help. I'm tired of fighting sometimes its not worth it with ingrates in this world,to each his own,i dont care anymore. i just want to jump off a tall building an die an i dont care if i have to start all over either in another reincarnation. Seee, I need help here! positive help and i hope i find it here. im sorry if i wasted any ones time for thats not my intentions. Thank who do read this an care to reply privately to me. Always Satans Daughter-Me.