Newbie: Need advice (not chastising pls)

[Addicted2Addiction]

28 yo in Las Vegas. I've been adrift the last year or so (cliff note version: all my life i've sold out my truth for practical gain, and i realize the payments received are worthless).

Full candor: Last summer an ex dom "GF" got me into guys and pnp, After, it was my nihilism that attracted me to the occult (then Satanism). But then a "left handed path" girl binded me, and the potency of that power has me wanting to go deeper.

I hold out hope that there's a way for me to live contentedly, but for now i'm just trying to make it through each day. Truth is i crave a powerful person to lead me. (cue the chastising ... dangerous, predators, ...)

Obviously they're right. But it's equally true that my compulsion is too strong to resist. So my hope is to approach this stupid pursuit as intelligently as possible.

I accept that this would be a transaction, and that those who desire to corrupt will value my corruptibility the most. I accept that. I just want someone who will let me decide each step down the road. At least then, the worse it gets, the more courage I can claim. Any advice is appreciated.

Jamie

 

[Novice Priest Karnonnos]

You need to start meditations and figure out your own hang ups with all this stuff. If you are submissive by nature there are healthy ways of expressing that, but there has to be boundaries, you cannot completely surrender your personhood and expect to advance. Whatever is going on in your life with chemsex or whatever is a mess and the nihilistic mentality springing from that is clearly opening you up to all kinds of parasites.

 

[NinRick]

28 yo in Las Vegas. I've been adrift the last year or so (cliff note version: all my life i've sold out my truth for practical gain, and i realize the payments received are worthless).

Full candor: Last summer an ex dom "GF" got me into guys and pnp, After, it was my nihilism that attracted me to the occult (then Satanism). But then a "left handed path" girl binded me, and the potency of that power has me wanting to go deeper.

I hold out hope that there's a way for me to live contentedly, but for now i'm just trying to make it through each day. Truth is i crave a powerful person to lead me. (cue the chastising ... dangerous, predators, ...)

Obviously they're right. But it's equally true that my compulsion is too strong to resist. So my hope is to approach this stupid pursuit as intelligently as possible.

I accept that this would be a transaction, and that those who desire to corrupt will value my corruptibility the most. I accept that. I just want someone who will let me decide each step down the road. At least then, the worse it gets, the more courage I can claim. Any advice is appreciated.

Jamie

It is pretty stupid to put any personal information on the forums. We are not the only ones here, and all who are here, are somewhat knowledgeable of the occult... be it friend or even enemy.