Hello,
I am new to satanism. And id just like to share my a bit about my self and hopefully you can help me a bit.I am 21 years old male. Ive been reading nonstop of lately on joy of satan website to eat as much information as i can. I am from JHVH background which seems to have done a lot of damage to me i feel as though i am still licking my wounds the whole first feeling of being in a church made me feel off with all these people bowing there heads quietly or saying prayers and so forth it only got worse as i got older as my family forced me to go to conformation when that dident work they talked to the priest in to doing one on one sections with him to complete it when i refused to do that they said they would pry for me and i am now understanding just getting why i felt so awful after this. Finally they left me alone to be. Then skipping ahead i was an atheist for many years caring hatred in my heart.but for some reason odd reason i was very obsessive with magic and witches and the occult i had been reading all i could get out of some books on magic. Witch now i am sure of it was satan trying to lead me to him some how. Now skipping ahead to few weeks ago i decided to make a Commitment to him. I couldn't believe how it felt i had a few candles burning as i was writing the commitment i felt as though things were watching me almost guiding my pen as i wrote. Then i sat for a little wail and felt calm and relieved. I was hopeing he would just pop out of the ground and i would see him. That was not the case 2 days past and nothing happened and on the 2 night i was hungry it was 1:01 in the morning and went to get some food i was eating a chewy bar and as i was about to go back up stairs i had just stopped in my walk this feeling i felt was was pure joy i cant really explain it i was staring at this beautiful aura i just started crying i wasn't sad but for the first time in my life everything felt right and made sense i moved my self slowly to couch in the living room sitting there crying still starring at this aura not believing what i was seeing or feeling. All i could manage to say is thank you and something along the lines of i love you if i could of hugged him i would of after this had happened i made my way back to my room i felt tinkly all over as if had done e with out the drug. And as of lately ive been hearing voices but i cant make out what is trying to be said to me. It kinda bothers me that i cant be open about this in public because they would throw my ass in the crazy people place. But i know iam hearing these things. And as of write now ive been trying to find my guardian demon ive been going threw the lists one name did pop out at me as i was going down the list it was lilth as i said the name one time in my head it began to repeat and repeat and repeat with out me wanting it too but it says she is not to be summoned? So ill continue to see if any thing pops out at me like it did before. sigh i have soo many questions and not enough time in the day.
I am new to satanism. And id just like to share my a bit about my self and hopefully you can help me a bit.I am 21 years old male. Ive been reading nonstop of lately on joy of satan website to eat as much information as i can. I am from JHVH background which seems to have done a lot of damage to me i feel as though i am still licking my wounds the whole first feeling of being in a church made me feel off with all these people bowing there heads quietly or saying prayers and so forth it only got worse as i got older as my family forced me to go to conformation when that dident work they talked to the priest in to doing one on one sections with him to complete it when i refused to do that they said they would pry for me and i am now understanding just getting why i felt so awful after this. Finally they left me alone to be. Then skipping ahead i was an atheist for many years caring hatred in my heart.but for some reason odd reason i was very obsessive with magic and witches and the occult i had been reading all i could get out of some books on magic. Witch now i am sure of it was satan trying to lead me to him some how. Now skipping ahead to few weeks ago i decided to make a Commitment to him. I couldn't believe how it felt i had a few candles burning as i was writing the commitment i felt as though things were watching me almost guiding my pen as i wrote. Then i sat for a little wail and felt calm and relieved. I was hopeing he would just pop out of the ground and i would see him. That was not the case 2 days past and nothing happened and on the 2 night i was hungry it was 1:01 in the morning and went to get some food i was eating a chewy bar and as i was about to go back up stairs i had just stopped in my walk this feeling i felt was was pure joy i cant really explain it i was staring at this beautiful aura i just started crying i wasn't sad but for the first time in my life everything felt right and made sense i moved my self slowly to couch in the living room sitting there crying still starring at this aura not believing what i was seeing or feeling. All i could manage to say is thank you and something along the lines of i love you if i could of hugged him i would of after this had happened i made my way back to my room i felt tinkly all over as if had done e with out the drug. And as of lately ive been hearing voices but i cant make out what is trying to be said to me. It kinda bothers me that i cant be open about this in public because they would throw my ass in the crazy people place. But i know iam hearing these things. And as of write now ive been trying to find my guardian demon ive been going threw the lists one name did pop out at me as i was going down the list it was lilth as i said the name one time in my head it began to repeat and repeat and repeat with out me wanting it too but it says she is not to be summoned? So ill continue to see if any thing pops out at me like it did before. sigh i have soo many questions and not enough time in the day.
