I'm sick of living.

[Sta_Satanama]

Hey, everybody. I feel like whining. Excuse me. I'm 32 years old, male. Or rather, I'm still a child mentally. I was disliked as a child, abandoned, my mom didn't even hug me. And then there was a life of complexes, constant anxiety and stress, lonely.
Got into narcotics, and I'm still an addict. Addicted to marijuana for 13 years. You could say 13 years was in a coma. No job, no social life, I was running away from myself. I wanted to die. I still do. I can't solve my drug problem, I'm more comfortable being a wimp. It's hard to accept life, responsibility, discipline. I want a holiday all the time, I want to be like my mother in the womb - nourished, easy and safe. I want someone to live my life for me.

I don't even know why I ended up with Satan.

When I was young (under drug trips), I accidentally began to realize the energy of imagination, how it affects people, began to see different signs and for some reason there was no thought then that I was going crazy. And now 15 years later I find jos and realize that it was not my drug schizophrenia .

So what?

There's no free "circus" and performances. There's no one here to do anything for me, not Satan or the gods. I'm not even attracted to the idea that I can become some kind of god, raise a snake and all that.
I just don't want to do anything in life, to go to sleep and not wake up.

I was seven months sober a while ago. So what? Nothing's changed, I'm back on drugs. I have to work, live, socialize and all that. Why?
I didn't choose to be born here, I didn't want to. Mom, give me back.

 

[Head Guardian Blitzkreig]

....

It's ok. This is not really whining, but an elaboration on your problems, which is the first step towards solving them.

The reason you feel like not living is because you have not enjoyed the fruits of life, therefore you view the labors of life as overly harsh, or without purpose, and further why your sobriety may not have seemed meaningful to you.

The yin elements of life, such as Venus, the Moon, Pisces, plus the joy of the Sun, and so on all make life worth living. In particular, the nourishment of a home and mother gives us the inner security and comfort to branch out into our careers and employ discipline elsewhere. This is why Cancer and Capricorn exist on the same "axis".

All of these problems you are referring to: wanting to be a child, wanting to go to sleep, wanting to be cared for, etc all fall under the rulership of the Moon and Cancer. This is not a coincidence.

You may falsely assume that life is only about hardship, but this is not true at all. Satan himself has told HPS Pythia the point of life is to increase happiness and prosperity, which is like the end result of hard work (Wunjo). Life is not to work and nothing else, but it may be hard for you to accept if you have been without the joy of life for so long.

Furthermore, you are over-estimating the difficulty of work. Energies like Nauthiz fully enable us to be disciplined and not fear our work or other challenges. It is a regulatory energy that you have to use and develop. The earth side of our soul is meant to be developed through spiritual means, just like all others.

So your short term goals should be to fully seek out the happiness and love that you are missing, and put this as the goal that you work on daily. Start workings with Wunjo and Berkano, or a Moon Square. Do the rituals of Astarte, for example. Furthermore, work with Nauthiz and the upcoming Mars in Capricorn, which are means for you to achieve your goals.

I would also advise you to seek out a counselor or therapist, which is the closest thing you can find to professional "Cancer" or motherly care, and it will help you develop your emotions, which are probably stunted from years without a mother.

Cast off the subconscious programming that life has nothing for you besides work and set your sights on finding your happiness again. You had said you wanted more happiness, therefore you should pursue this. It is not unachievable.

Charity and compassion are part of life, too, and this includes from us and from the Gods. You need to work to accept this, and your own post here was a good start at reaching out for the help you deserve. Please pursue this further and until its completion, which may take time, but it is not impossible.

 

[Epiphany]

" post_id=480962 time=1704322893 user_id=21286]

....

It's ok. This is not really whining, but an elaboration on your problems, which is the first step towards solving them.

The reason you feel like not living is because you have not enjoyed the fruits of life, therefore you view the labors of life as overly harsh, or without purpose, and further why your sobriety may not have seemed meaningful to you.

The yin elements of life, such as Venus, the Moon, Pisces, plus the joy of the Sun, and so on all make life worth living. In particular, the nourishment of a home and mother gives us the inner security and comfort to branch out into our careers and employ discipline elsewhere. This is why Cancer and Capricorn exist on the same "axis".

All of these problems you are referring to: wanting to be a child, wanting to go to sleep, wanting to be cared for, etc all fall under the rulership of the Moon and Cancer. This is not a coincidence.

You may falsely assume that life is only about hardship, but this is not true at all. Satan himself has told HPS Pythia the point of life is to increase happiness and prosperity, which is like the end result of hard work (Wunjo). Life is not to work and nothing else, but it may be hard for you to accept if you have been without the joy of life for so long.

Furthermore, you are over-estimating the difficulty of work. Energies like Nauthiz fully enable us to be disciplined and not fear our work or other challenges. It is a regulatory energy that you have to use and develop. The earth side of our soul is meant to be developed through spiritual means, just like all others.

So your short term goals should be to fully seek out the happiness and love that you are missing, and put this as the goal that you work on daily. Start workings with Wunjo and Berkano, or a Moon Square. Do the rituals of Astarte, for example. Furthermore, work with Nauthiz and the upcoming Mars in Capricorn, which are means for you to achieve your goals.

I would also advise you to seek out a counselor or therapist, which is the closest thing you can find to professional "Cancer" or motherly care, and it will help you develop your emotions, which are probably stunted from years without a mother.

Cast off the subconscious programming that life has nothing for you besides work and set your sights on finding your happiness again. You had said you wanted more happiness, therefore you should pursue this. It is not unachievable.

Charity and compassion are part of life, too, and this includes from us and from the Gods. You need to work to accept this, and your own post here was a good start at reaching out for the help you deserve. Please pursue this further and until its completion, which may take time, but it is not impossible.

This is a great answer. Astarte's energy is wonderful, very healing & rejuvenating. She is a motherly goddess. Therapy may be necessary to begin recovering from the trauma of a neglectful/abusive/absent parent and move on. It is not easy or simple to overcome without help, and sometimes help is necessary.

I would also suggest Lydia's spell for using Wunjo to heal psychological damage and pain.
https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=96037#p95964

 

[Sta_Satanama]

Hey, everybody. I feel like whining. Excuse me. I'm 32 years old, male. Or rather, I'm still a child mentally. I was disliked as a child, abandoned, my mom didn't even hug me. And then there was a life of complexes, constant anxiety and stress, lonely.
Got into narcotics, and I'm still an addict. Addicted to marijuana for 13 years. You could say 13 years was in a coma. No job, no social life, I was running away from myself. I wanted to die. I still do. I can't solve my drug problem, I'm more comfortable being a wimp. It's hard to accept life, responsibility, discipline. I want a holiday all the time, I want to be like my mother in the womb - nourished, easy and safe. I want someone to live my life for me.

I don't even know why I ended up with Satan.

When I was young (under drug trips), I accidentally began to realize the energy of imagination, how it affects people, began to see different signs and for some reason there was no thought then that I was going crazy. And now 15 years later I find jos and realize that it was not my drug schizophrenia .

So what?

There's no free "circus" and performances. There's no one here to do anything for me, not Satan or the gods. I'm not even attracted to the idea that I can become some kind of god, raise a snake and all that.
I just don't want to do anything in life, to go to sleep and not wake up.

I was seven months sober a while ago. So what? Nothing's changed, I'm back on drugs. I have to work, live, socialize and all that. Why?
I didn't choose to be born here, I didn't want to. Mom, give me back.

You wrote, Start working with Wunjo and Berkano or the square of the Moon. For example, do the Astarte rituals. Also, work with Nautiz and the upcoming Mars in Capricorn.

Is it some kind of runes?
And my problem is that in life without drugs I can't get pleasure. In sobriety there is no such thing as taking something quickly and feeling good.

 

[Fufotto]

My dead,you can't die in this way. There Is a motivation if you are here. So don't despair. I desired death a loft of times, but i wasn't me because the idea of death Is a enemy thought. You don't like your Life,but you are alive. You can change the things, find a motivation tò live,if you can't get It, ask to the gods. Think It, do you want really tò meet Satan in the otherside? Or do you want to meet him as God? He Is the last Hope of humanity. So also your.

 

[sublimesatanist]

I actually know a Capricorn...

I lied, woops... I was thinking of a Taurus.