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- Aug 24, 2010
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I was raised Southern White Baptist. As early as the age of 6, I experienced what I can only call a spiritual awakening. It was if I suddenly realized I was being misled, the supposed everlasting wellspring of God's love was without and had a substance like that of plastic, the scriptures seemed hollow and false, though I had no knowledge of the systematic rape and perversions of ancient traditions at that age. I felt like a singular burning candle in a sea of darkness surrounded by soulless robots wearing plasticine facades of joy. Every fiber of my being screamed against all that was forcefed to me. As a result, I felt like an outcast inside a spiritual community where I should have felt loved. I couldn't identify with any of the miryad of biblical characters save that of Satan. He too was an outcast, he too was denied God's supposed unconditional love. The mention of Satan's name was the only thing to cause me to pay attention and sit quietly in those dreadful hardwood pews. I can remember listening to the preacher and cursing him underneath my breath when he spew forth the vomit that is the Christian view concerning the character and attributes of Satan. I was like a moth drawn to a flame and became determined to learn all I could about Satan.
So my questions are:
1) Given the above description, would you call that a form of satanic spiritual awakening? Or is it more like Skynet from the Terminator movies and I just simply became self aware?
2) If what I described above was a satanic spiritual awakening then what could be attributed to the cause of it?
3) If it was Satan working to free both my mind and soul from the suffocating oppression that is Christianity, why then was I allowed to wander the wastes for so long before finding the truth ( I am 42 now and only found JoS on angelfire this past Saturday)?
I am seeking possible answers to these questions, I know that, for my part, I must ask Satan himself for the reasons behind these questions and although I have thoroughly read the articles on the JoS webpage I am fearful of approaching our liberator and father. You see while seeking for the truth I had read of many different ways to give the sacrament to Satan. My first attempt at offering sacrament was that of trying to recreate a satanic pact that was provided from loosely pieced together fragments from the Malius Malifacarum as presented in the Encyclopedia of Witchcraft and Demonology (at the time I was 14 and was desperate to fill the void I had felt so long and mistakenly fell prey to Christian lies in attempt to be devoted to Satan). Again, at 16 I had read one must rebuke God in his own house of worship and afterwards declare one's allegiance to Satan, I did this as well. But having no direction, knowing how to comunicate, or develop my spiritual power in his name, I couldn't attain the spiritual fulfillment that is desperately craved. As a result my path led me to Wicca only to realize that the three fold law was yet another way for others to exert their authority over others. I even read up on LaVayathan Satanism and was dissapointed that the Satan that they worshiped was not a real being but only a figurehead and that the church was created for purely monetary purposes.
So my final question at this time is, have I in anyway blasphemed against the true creator? Am I forever to be damned because Christian lies have prevented me from finding the truth until now?
So my questions are:
1) Given the above description, would you call that a form of satanic spiritual awakening? Or is it more like Skynet from the Terminator movies and I just simply became self aware?
2) If what I described above was a satanic spiritual awakening then what could be attributed to the cause of it?
3) If it was Satan working to free both my mind and soul from the suffocating oppression that is Christianity, why then was I allowed to wander the wastes for so long before finding the truth ( I am 42 now and only found JoS on angelfire this past Saturday)?
I am seeking possible answers to these questions, I know that, for my part, I must ask Satan himself for the reasons behind these questions and although I have thoroughly read the articles on the JoS webpage I am fearful of approaching our liberator and father. You see while seeking for the truth I had read of many different ways to give the sacrament to Satan. My first attempt at offering sacrament was that of trying to recreate a satanic pact that was provided from loosely pieced together fragments from the Malius Malifacarum as presented in the Encyclopedia of Witchcraft and Demonology (at the time I was 14 and was desperate to fill the void I had felt so long and mistakenly fell prey to Christian lies in attempt to be devoted to Satan). Again, at 16 I had read one must rebuke God in his own house of worship and afterwards declare one's allegiance to Satan, I did this as well. But having no direction, knowing how to comunicate, or develop my spiritual power in his name, I couldn't attain the spiritual fulfillment that is desperately craved. As a result my path led me to Wicca only to realize that the three fold law was yet another way for others to exert their authority over others. I even read up on LaVayathan Satanism and was dissapointed that the Satan that they worshiped was not a real being but only a figurehead and that the church was created for purely monetary purposes.
So my final question at this time is, have I in anyway blasphemed against the true creator? Am I forever to be damned because Christian lies have prevented me from finding the truth until now?
