How to deal with my childhood trauma

[Kavya Shukra]

This post is personal and quite touchy, and it's been affecting me for a long time. I grew up without my brothers and my dad due to them divorcing. Me and my mom moved to the U.S from Mexico and lived most of our lives here. I barely knew English at the time and became a really bright and smart student over the years. At around the age of 12 was the most dark points of my life. I was bullied at school for being gay, my mom had an abusive relationship with her now ex for over 10+ years. I was traumatized seeing and hearing my mom getting beaten and not being able to be strong enough to stop him. And tried calling the police multiple times and they deny everything and I end up looking stupid. I would scream from desperation and be alone at home and at school, since I have little to no friends. Loneliness haunts me and I always end up by myself no matter what I do. I feel alone when I'm around people, and then never could keep friends or keep a conversation going. I became a Christian and starting going to church at around 15 years old. I thought Jewsus and that filthy god would help me, as I saw testimonies of people's lives turning around for the better after meeting Jewsus, and it went from bad to worse. I ended up insane in a mental hospital twice, screaming and forced to take a lot drugs from the doctors that had my body stiff like a zombie. And this was while having to pass all my classes at school while my mom continued to ignore all advice from me and my family to let her abusive partner go. They FINALLY broke up by force because he went to jail, and not because she decided enough was enough. She never had intentions to break up. At first I thought it was for the money so she won't end up in the streets. But it was because my mom doesn't want to be alone so she prefers bad company than to be by herself, as I've seen her be desperate when she's alone. My dad passed away in 2018, and I had little to no contact with him. And I cherished him a lot because he was the ONLY man I know I can see as a role model. He was never abusive, never into alcohol or drugs, hard working man, but I never really had him to guide me and have that fatherly love and direction I desperately needed. My mom also grew up in an abusive home and it's not surprising why she finds abusive situations like this normal, but I'm just mentally drained. After graduation, I couldn't afford college and had very few ways to get work legally. I wanted to go back to Mexico, but it's way worse there than even in the U.S. I have been feeling like lost, like what am I supposed to do, where is the best place to go, and basically wandering throughout life alone. And I hate it. Not because loneliness is a bad thing, but because it's a curse I can never run away from, especially when everyone told me at school I was going to be someone in life and go very far. And now, life has been boring, dull, and even after dedicating my life to Satan, not a lot has changed. I've talked to Satan about my issues, which I'm pretty sure he listens. But the reason I'm posting is because I am hopeful things will change. If Jewsus couldn't help me (and never was going to anyway), then Satan, and most importantly, my own self, can.

After studying astrology, certain planets are in places where childhood abuse is prevalent, but looking at my birth chart, I have REALLY good placements and I want to make the best of life that I humanely can because I love my placements, save for a few. But it's just really just how to move on.

 

[****]

man you have been through alot , you have to know that no one will save you cause no one cares except you , even father satan and the gods are here to guide only , well why ? cause you could become god in your own level. anything is possible its just need effort

now if you dont have money well study astrology yourself ( this is what i did) cause trust me the only why to help yourself is by it then learn how to use it for you ... maybe you start doing mantra like for saturn or sun or moon etc.. you could work using your natal chart and you keep yourself up to date where the planets are ... the boss is saturn try to know where is your saturn ( i suggest in 10th house cause your dad was absent i dont know or in gemini cause there is lack of communication with him )

and finally i personally advice doing vit d blood test .

 

[Kavya Shukra]

man you have been through alot , you have to know that no one will save you cause no one cares except you , even father satan and the gods are here to guide only , well why ? cause you could become god in your own level. anything is possible its just need effort

now if you dont have money well study astrology yourself ( this is what i did) cause trust me the only why to help yourself is by it then learn how to use it for you ... maybe you start doing mantra like for saturn or sun or moon etc.. you could work using your natal chart and you keep yourself up to date where the planets are ... the boss is saturn try to know where is your saturn ( i suggest in 10th house cause your dad was absent i dont know or in gemini cause there is lack of communication with him )

and finally i personally advice doing vit d blood test .

Vit D blood test?

 

[Elite]

Maybe you can try a working with Waunyo when Moon is in Pisces and waning.

 

[****]

then that is why your life is dull cause saturn in your "having fun" house the 5th and it depend on the sign also , so work on it

and dont think my life is any better i'm fucked up, i have been subject to black magic from 3 of my family for many years until now i know , i lost alot but i'm trying to fight back .. im doing saturn mantra and its helping alot in depowering the spells and curses send at me , so what i suggest is doing your own thing and you have the information here in the site and else where like yesterday i did not know that there is something called progressed chart ..
self healing dude is a process

and from my experiance vit d helped me alot like 180 degree man i used to be drained out of energy 24/7 and depression etc..( search in youtube dr.berg vit d )
you will learn alot about this vit that it is a hormone .. its natural antidepression and its vital for immune system .... you will have alot of energy

 

[Kavya Shukra]

then that is why your life is dull cause saturn in your "having fun" house the 5th and it depend on the sign also , so work on it

and dont think my life is any better i'm fucked up, i have been subject to black magic from 3 of my family for many years until now i know , i lost alot but i'm trying to fight back .. im doing saturn mantra and its helping alot in depowering the spells and curses send at me , so what i suggest is doing your own thing and you have the information here in the site and else where like yesterday i did not know that there is something called progressed chart ..
self healing dude is a process

and from my experiance vit d helped me alot like 180 degree man i used to be drained out of energy 24/7 and depression etc..( search in youtube dr.berg vit d )
you will learn alot about this vit that it is a hormone .. its natural antidepression and its vital for immune system .... you will have alot of energy

As for the Saturn sign, it's Pisces retrograde. And yeah, it being in the 5th house makes sense as I had a horrible childhood, and with Pisces, it kinda makes sense.

Mars conjucts Zosma, which brings victimization and abuse, and given the abusive environment I grew up on, it definitely makes sense.

 

[fairy666]

This post is personal and quite touchy, and it's been affecting me for a long time. I grew up without my brothers and my dad due to them divorcing. Me and my mom moved to the U.S from Mexico and lived most of our lives here. I barely knew English at the time and became a really bright and smart student over the years. At around the age of 12 was the most dark points of my life. I was bullied at school for being gay, my mom had an abusive relationship with her now ex for over 10+ years. I was traumatized seeing and hearing my mom getting beaten and not being able to be strong enough to stop him. And tried calling the police multiple times and they deny everything and I end up looking stupid. I would scream from desperation and be alone at home and at school, since I have little to no friends. Loneliness haunts me and I always end up by myself no matter what I do. I feel alone when I'm around people, and then never could keep friends or keep a conversation going. I became a Christian and starting going to church at around 15 years old. I thought Jewsus and that filthy god would help me, as I saw testimonies of people's lives turning around for the better after meeting Jewsus, and it went from bad to worse. I ended up insane in a mental hospital twice, screaming and forced to take a lot drugs from the doctors that had my body stiff like a zombie. And this was while having to pass all my classes at school while my mom continued to ignore all advice from me and my family to let her abusive partner go. They FINALLY broke up by force because he went to jail, and not because she decided enough was enough. She never had intentions to break up. At first I thought it was for the money so she won't end up in the streets. But it was because my mom doesn't want to be alone so she prefers bad company than to be by herself, as I've seen her be desperate when she's alone. My dad passed away in 2018, and I had little to no contact with him. And I cherished him a lot because he was the ONLY man I know I can see as a role model. He was never abusive, never into alcohol or drugs, hard working man, but I never really had him to guide me and have that fatherly love and direction I desperately needed. My mom also grew up in an abusive home and it's not surprising why she finds abusive situations like this normal, but I'm just mentally drained. After graduation, I couldn't afford college and had very few ways to get work legally. I wanted to go back to Mexico, but it's way worse there than even in the U.S. I have been feeling like lost, like what am I supposed to do, where is the best place to go, and basically wandering throughout life alone. And I hate it. Not because loneliness is a bad thing, but because it's a curse I can never run away from, especially when everyone told me at school I was going to be someone in life and go very far. And now, life has been boring, dull, and even after dedicating my life to Satan, not a lot has changed. I've talked to Satan about my issues, which I'm pretty sure he listens. But the reason I'm posting is because I am hopeful things will change. If Jewsus couldn't help me (and never was going to anyway), then Satan, and most importantly, my own self, can.

After studying astrology, certain planets are in places where childhood abuse is prevalent, but looking at my birth chart, I have REALLY good placements and I want to make the best of life that I humanely can because I love my placements, save for a few. But it's just really just how to move on.

Hi baby I can help you.

Please listening to these morphogenic fields 3 times a day each and also go into a forest or unpopulated area and perform osho dynamic meditation and get any repressed trauma out. The only way to overcome trauma is to face and release it, and stop fearing your emotions. Smash a guitar, make some voodoo dolls of your abusers and stab it a bunch of times then put it in a box with a bunch of nails, chickens feets, and some cars and other items to represent danger of safety, then bury the box 6 feet deep in a graveyard somewhere. under no circumstance should you look back when you leave. just leave and forget about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyOa8kFARWE&t=1s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZojruWSVLU&t=147s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4QCtz7LZe8

This has been very cathartic for me.

Next create a self love potion. Add vervain, rose hips, camollie, roses, lavender, and mugwarts. Add a small drop of your blood, masterbatee next to the potion then drink it. This gave me a lot of self love and confidence that hasn't gone away ever since i made it and provided emotional healing.

also theres lots of trauma based yoga, TRE, and shaking helps a lot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeUioDuJjFI&t=2s

 

[fairy666]

This post is personal and quite touchy, and it's been affecting me for a long time. I grew up without my brothers and my dad due to them divorcing. Me and my mom moved to the U.S from Mexico and lived most of our lives here. I barely knew English at the time and became a really bright and smart student over the years. At around the age of 12 was the most dark points of my life. I was bullied at school for being gay, my mom had an abusive relationship with her now ex for over 10+ years. I was traumatized seeing and hearing my mom getting beaten and not being able to be strong enough to stop him. And tried calling the police multiple times and they deny everything and I end up looking stupid. I would scream from desperation and be alone at home and at school, since I have little to no friends. Loneliness haunts me and I always end up by myself no matter what I do. I feel alone when I'm around people, and then never could keep friends or keep a conversation going. I became a Christian and starting going to church at around 15 years old. I thought Jewsus and that filthy god would help me, as I saw testimonies of people's lives turning around for the better after meeting Jewsus, and it went from bad to worse. I ended up insane in a mental hospital twice, screaming and forced to take a lot drugs from the doctors that had my body stiff like a zombie. And this was while having to pass all my classes at school while my mom continued to ignore all advice from me and my family to let her abusive partner go. They FINALLY broke up by force because he went to jail, and not because she decided enough was enough. She never had intentions to break up. At first I thought it was for the money so she won't end up in the streets. But it was because my mom doesn't want to be alone so she prefers bad company than to be by herself, as I've seen her be desperate when she's alone. My dad passed away in 2018, and I had little to no contact with him. And I cherished him a lot because he was the ONLY man I know I can see as a role model. He was never abusive, never into alcohol or drugs, hard working man, but I never really had him to guide me and have that fatherly love and direction I desperately needed. My mom also grew up in an abusive home and it's not surprising why she finds abusive situations like this normal, but I'm just mentally drained. After graduation, I couldn't afford college and had very few ways to get work legally. I wanted to go back to Mexico, but it's way worse there than even in the U.S. I have been feeling like lost, like what am I supposed to do, where is the best place to go, and basically wandering throughout life alone. And I hate it. Not because loneliness is a bad thing, but because it's a curse I can never run away from, especially when everyone told me at school I was going to be someone in life and go very far. And now, life has been boring, dull, and even after dedicating my life to Satan, not a lot has changed. I've talked to Satan about my issues, which I'm pretty sure he listens. But the reason I'm posting is because I am hopeful things will change. If Jewsus couldn't help me (and never was going to anyway), then Satan, and most importantly, my own self, can.

After studying astrology, certain planets are in places where childhood abuse is prevalent, but looking at my birth chart, I have REALLY good placements and I want to make the best of life that I humanely can because I love my placements, save for a few. But it's just really just how to move on.

Hi baby I can help you.

Please listening to these morphogenic fields 3 times a day each and also go into a forest or unpopulated area and perform osho dynamic meditation and get any repressed trauma out. The only way to overcome trauma is to face and release it, and stop fearing your emotions. Smash a guitar, make some voodoo dolls of your abusers and stab it a bunch of times then put it in a box with a bunch of nails, chickens feets, and some cars and other items to represent danger of safety, then bury the box 6 feet deep in a graveyard somewhere. under no circumstance should you look back when you leave. just leave and forget about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyOa8kFARWE&t=1s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZojruWSVLU&t=147s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4QCtz7LZe8

This has been very cathartic for me.

Next create a self love potion. Add vervain, rose hips, camollie, roses, lavender, and mugwarts. Add a small drop of your blood, masterbatee next to the potion then drink it. This gave me a lot of self love and confidence that hasn't gone away ever since i made it and provided emotional healing.

also theres lots of trauma based yoga, TRE, and shaking helps a lot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeUioDuJjFI&t=2s