Hey I'm really down right now. It just seems right now that whole family is against me. They just seem to tear me down, but then follow it with something nice. This emotional rollercoaster is unhealthy and damaging. Most of them don't realize that I am a very passionate and emotional person. This means that when I am angry, I scare the shit out of them and they don't forget it. When I am speaking to them directly about an issue I have with them, I hit the nail on the head. When I speak about controversy, they see it from both sides. And when I show that I care for them, I tug at their hearts.
What I am getting at is they all seem to think is that I am the source of their divorce. That I am the source of all the chaos, all the hate in the family, and the financial problems (based on my sickly childhood). My dad is constantly tearing me down both verbally and physically. He casts so much doubt and shame upon me. He says I don't know the truth, but look where his "faith" has led him. He is so bent out on proving to me I am wrong and that I am evil and always will be that he proves what xianity is really about. They just don't get it that I DO NOT WANT TO FOLLOW XIAN BELIEFS. Yes I meditate and look to Father Satan for guidance in the toughest times that I feel I have no control; but I know that I have to get over it myself.
Is there anything that would be useful to help battle this? It only comes to a point where it seems that even meditations feel not as effective as they should be.
Hail Father Satan!!!
What I am getting at is they all seem to think is that I am the source of their divorce. That I am the source of all the chaos, all the hate in the family, and the financial problems (based on my sickly childhood). My dad is constantly tearing me down both verbally and physically. He casts so much doubt and shame upon me. He says I don't know the truth, but look where his "faith" has led him. He is so bent out on proving to me I am wrong and that I am evil and always will be that he proves what xianity is really about. They just don't get it that I DO NOT WANT TO FOLLOW XIAN BELIEFS. Yes I meditate and look to Father Satan for guidance in the toughest times that I feel I have no control; but I know that I have to get over it myself.
Is there anything that would be useful to help battle this? It only comes to a point where it seems that even meditations feel not as effective as they should be.
Hail Father Satan!!!
