This is a video about conflict control, I’ve had this saved for a while but certain people trying to teach things started to interest me.
There’s unavoidable conflict in life. I’ve had to watch this video over and over again - at different times, to really hear what this person is trying to say.
Sometimes when people are teaching, it’s also easy to get lost in your own perspective or even in what he’s describing - which is what he labeled as “ego threat,”
Someone teaching might not always even have a skill they’re talking about down perfectly but it matters especially if they understand something better. Someone I know that’s extremely talented with music, I met up with them and said “I was dealing with depression,” and his response - not afraid of sounding rude, was “What the f kind of answer is ‘I was dealing with depression’ when I ask how you’ve been, you’re an ARTIST, you could say anything other than ‘I was dealing with depression’ depression means nothing, you say what happened give details make it colorful, use other words”
I could only acknowledge that and laughed at the moment but it was true.
It reminds me of when I had also ridden horses, and a trainer (totally different context) who was teaching me demanded that I never say the word “I Know” in response to what she was saying. I was saying “I know,” half because it was a short phrase, I was focusing and I thought it was acknowledgment. I was maybe 7 or 9, but she wanted something else from me because I’d never get better not being more aggressive about what I was doing, on top of that people who are really active riders know it can be very dangerous. The part that differs from a horse versus a car is that they have a mind of their own. Something that actually helps you learn fast is actual danger, intentional danger when you’re young. But, still, danger. I changed the words that came out of my mouth so fast without any question.
Basically, when I’m watching this video not only am I hearing more things but sometimes when you’re reading you’re not really interpreting the persons perspective - or a video.
Something my “decent,” ex was really good at was actually what the person is talking about in the video. You always have to know not to judge a situation too hard, but with what I’ve learned to do over the past decade and what I know about “social constructs,”
It still impresses me in some ways. It’s the words he would say that came out of his mouth at any given moment, changing so fast and being able to control situations socially on a really different scale. I pointed it out one day, but questioned it. It’s what he had been through, but I felt like how difficult and how much energy that would take. It seemed like he would get stuck on that, without actually really being able to internally be himself or relax. He’d feel like he had to be at his best so much, partially because of an irrational sense of danger.
On the other hand, it’s easy to feel like a failure on both sides of a story & where there’s conflict, or something really consequential happens. You both failed, both tried your best.
I even feel like I failed in my other situation because it feels like there was something I failed to see that resulted in the “mess,” that happened.
I’m actually against involving any sort of state authority unless it’s absolutely necessary. Overall though, me being who I am - even in a situation where I’m being seen as someone who was at risk or in danger my own personal thing is I am already focusing on the people in front of me. So the officers, detectives, people who have seen things I ask questions back and sincerely knowing in advance THEY have been traumatized from their job. I’ve gotten a lot of information that way, mainly because I’m just me.
One of the detectives said she was lacking resources to manage her job. Her job was to “gather details from me,” and almost force them out but you can still have a human conversation with someone even if it feels like it can’t be. I also had to do it because I wanted to respect her job, she was avoiding certain things at first, then she said “there is a lack of mental health resources and therapy,” for her and for her job. I couldn’t help but actually not say anything else, because in good conscience I know that I’m going to say something traumatizing. It’s the opposite of my job to traumatize anyone.
It was hard because I had to talk to her for hours, literally hours, and going back and forth about the same thing over and over and over again. All the while, she’s gorgeous and it’s easy to see she cares immensely and has been through so much. I’d have to worry about being called a liar and/or under threat of not being able to speak and “hiding details,” if I said to her “I can’t say anymore” - but me not being able to say anymore is just me trying to say that’s enough for literally everyone, I am literally okay, this isn’t helping, and there’s nothing left to dig for.
Really a weird thing to try and wrap your head around. Basically if I could choose to be her friend long term I absolutely would. It was actually hard to hear that she felt like maybe she needed resources. She said that because I asked if her job was hard, and I asked if I was saying too much. It made me feel too privileged, really. Not in a good way, because someone like her can be in that position & meanwhile the world goes on. That’s also what PTSD is, and aside from controversy that’s what officers in direct field duty even get fired for.
I can literally see certain things that maybe other people don’t care about - except maybe on here. We met up two days in a row and the first day/night there was a lot of intensity & like changing emotion that I could see - even if she seemed like she was almost following a script & the next day she was completely different.
Interactions with other people that are fully conscious matter - a lot-
This is just me using someone as an example but this person might go their entire life without a single person being able to acknowledge something extremely important because of their job. That’s also why I’m good at talking to generally literally anyone - maybe online excluded.
This guy is a really good person to listen to, just to try to learn how to have friends if you do really have trouble having friends (like having trouble in the form of finding yourself excluded and truly in the wrong)
When I’m watching this persons video, I’m specifically listening at the points where he says “don’t do ______” he obviously really means it lol.