This is just precious. I love stories like this!
There is nothing more fun than terrorizing the pathetic saps that actually try to go door-to-door in order to promote their lies.
The sad part is, most of the time they believe the shit they tell you, but the wonderful part is, it's instances such as these that make them question the validity of what they are representing.
I'm going to share a couple of stories that are really in no way related to this aside from the whole "door-to-door" aspect, but I find them quite humorous none-the-less.
So I used to run an independent cafe' a few years ago, and it of course was no secret to my regular patrons that I am a Satanist.
I intentionally often wear clothing to attract attention to this, or to simply incite curiosity amongst the ignorant but open-minded. Anytime I have an opportunity to cultivate awareness and spread truth of our beliefs, or to debunk any xian vilification of our Father, I gladly seize it. Point being, one day I was standing out front with one of my regulars, smoking a cigarette, having a pleasant conversation, when I notice in the distance a couple of guys in white button-up shirts, black ties, and black slacks on bicycles with back packs. Yep, you know the ones I'm talking about... the mormons.
Keep in mind, at the time I was wearing a t-shirt with the traditional pentagram/goat head emblem on it, black jeans, black boots, and my hair of course is long and black, along with my goatee. Pretty BLATANTLY Satanic if you ask me.
...and they approach, riding their bikes right up into my breezeway. My friend just puts his head down and starts to chuckle, placing his hand on my shoulder and saying "Damien, don't..." I think he had a pretty good idea of what was about to transpire, given my extreme disdain and hatred from all things xian affiliated. He still continued to laugh, shaking his head at them in pity.
Mormons: "Good afternoon Brothers!"
Me: "You are not my Brothers."
Mormons: "Ah, well, maybe not by blood, but we are all brothers in christ."
Me: "No."
Mormons: "Do you know of christ? Do you mind if we talk to you for a minute about this really great book?"
Me: "Yeah, see, the thing is, I'm already QUITE happy in my religious practices, and they sure as FUCK do not permit filth such as that to touch my hands or eyes."
Mormons: "Oh, I wasn't aware there such a religion. What religion are you?"
Me: "I'm a very devout Satanist." (How they could not instantly see that befuddles me. lol.)
There was a moment of silence, and a look of fear as they just stood there, not knowing what to say.
Me: "This would be the point where you apologize for interrupting my conversation, get back on your little bikes and pedal away, and I would advise quickly."
Mormons: "Yes sir. We apologize. Have a good afternoon."
On another occasion, I was at my home, sitting on my front porch, smoking a cigarette, enjoying a beautiful summer afternoon when I see what appeared to be a man and his wife in their sunday best, carrying a bible, going from door-to-door. They were about 2 houses down from me at this point, so I went inside to prepare. I put on Setherial and cranked the volume and waited. Only a few moments passed before they had arrived at my door. I open the door, and we stand there staring at each other for a few short seconds. They did not even open their mouths. They just looked at me, then turned around and power-walked away as quickly as their feet would carry them. lol. I was really hoping to have a chance to debate them, but alas I must admit that it really couldn't have played out any better than it did. The look on their faces was PRICELESS. I just sat back down on my porch and laughed as they passed about 4 or 5 houses before actually going to anyone else's door. lol.
One more quick story...
So I currently live on a very large piece of land and have a 3 acre pond in front of my house. I have signs posted all over the place that clearly state "NO TRESPASSING". One afternoon I hear a knock at the door, and I open it to find 2 gentlemen standing there with fishing rods and tackle boxes...
"Hi, it's such a beautiful day, we wondering if you'd mind if we fish in your pond for a while."
My initial response: "Yes, I do mind. Perhaps you did not see the NO TRESPASSING signs. I did not put those up for amusement purposes."
Them: "Yes, we saw those, that's why we wanted to ask your permission. I am a pastor at the church down the street, and this is my brother..."
I was home alone, but they did not know this, so I interrupted his sentence and yelled back into the house behind me:
"Billy, we've got trespassers again, get the rifle..."
I had no idea that a pastor could run so fast, especially trying to carry fishing gear at the same time. lol.
It really is the little things in life that truly amuse me. lol.
HAIL SATAN!
On Sun, Apr 25, 2010 at 9:22 PM, thesataniclazy <
thesataniclazy@... wrote:
My cousins friends brother is autistic and his sister was at work and her brother kept calling her asking if leprecons like skiddles.... It turns out he grabbed this jw dwarf at the door and locked him in the laundry room thinking he was a leprecon.... holy shit that has to be one of the funniest things that I have ever heard happening to a jw.... LOL. If that kid made a video of that I hope he posts it.... LOL. I don't think he had charges prested against him either so it all works out lol. Except for those few hours the jw leprecon spent in humiliation. (I do NOT mean disrespect to anyone that may be autistic or smaller of stature).
Hail Father Satan and The Gods of Old!!!!
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