hello my name is florence and am in my early 20s.those who read my posts may know i haven't been a satanist for very long and also am very open with my questions. well basically am just looking for like minded people- male or female or both who would be interested in meeting. i live in a dull town called aylesbury in the uk which is close to london. av been going through waves of depression and feeling discontent with life and everything. sometimes i just want to give up and die and reincarnate into a better life where i don't constantly feel unhappy or feel that nobody likes me or where i don't have low self esteem like i do.
i don't have a clue what to do sometimes. these days meditation has taken a downward toll because of my "moods". i try so hard to focus but its like ¬______¬ there is no willpower whatsoever.. no energy..ive never felt like this before becos even when i meditated for 5 mins sometimes i felt something! i am going to be getting some cbt therapy soon - i got a call from an association called HEALTHY MINDS UK and they said they were going to hook me up.
these few days i just feel like a zombie- from when i wake to when i go to bed, these couple of days and time just flies by and nothing great happens. ive been at home for 9 months and got 3 months till i start uni but no exciting memories- NOTHING. I ALSO SLEPT THIS AFTERNOON! I NEVER DO THAT...I ACTUALLY SLEPT COS I WAS SO BOREDDDD and fed up :O and i was having problems with my laptop but still.. i have some friends in my area but i don't even feel close to them. i have my own ideals of the kinds of friends i would like to attract who may understand my personality more or who can understand that i am a spiritual satanist but sometimes you just feel so lost in the world like no1 understands you..
even when i cleansed my aura this morning later on i still felt rubbish. it was only when i got a call from an old friend tonight that i actually smiled and even laughed for the first time all day. i know the life of a solitary satanist can be very trying. i never knew how hard satanism was till now. i av ordered some black tourmaline which i am dying for it to arrive soon so i can get some positivity off it, and also some watermelon tourmaline for emotional difficulties.
ive also been crying regularly now and then when the mood hits me and theres this guy whose also been testing my feelings- i know hes a good guy but i just cant be bothered with it right now. i feel like i hate life and i just cant be a$$ed to be honest! :O is anyone else experiencing feeling under the weather and regular tips that can help?? i do swimming lessons and trampolinin lessons and am contemplating joining pole dancing classes too (i love exotic/ erotic dance)
i don't have a clue what to do sometimes. these days meditation has taken a downward toll because of my "moods". i try so hard to focus but its like ¬______¬ there is no willpower whatsoever.. no energy..ive never felt like this before becos even when i meditated for 5 mins sometimes i felt something! i am going to be getting some cbt therapy soon - i got a call from an association called HEALTHY MINDS UK and they said they were going to hook me up.
these few days i just feel like a zombie- from when i wake to when i go to bed, these couple of days and time just flies by and nothing great happens. ive been at home for 9 months and got 3 months till i start uni but no exciting memories- NOTHING. I ALSO SLEPT THIS AFTERNOON! I NEVER DO THAT...I ACTUALLY SLEPT COS I WAS SO BOREDDDD and fed up :O and i was having problems with my laptop but still.. i have some friends in my area but i don't even feel close to them. i have my own ideals of the kinds of friends i would like to attract who may understand my personality more or who can understand that i am a spiritual satanist but sometimes you just feel so lost in the world like no1 understands you..
even when i cleansed my aura this morning later on i still felt rubbish. it was only when i got a call from an old friend tonight that i actually smiled and even laughed for the first time all day. i know the life of a solitary satanist can be very trying. i never knew how hard satanism was till now. i av ordered some black tourmaline which i am dying for it to arrive soon so i can get some positivity off it, and also some watermelon tourmaline for emotional difficulties.
ive also been crying regularly now and then when the mood hits me and theres this guy whose also been testing my feelings- i know hes a good guy but i just cant be bothered with it right now. i feel like i hate life and i just cant be a$$ed to be honest! :O is anyone else experiencing feeling under the weather and regular tips that can help?? i do swimming lessons and trampolinin lessons and am contemplating joining pole dancing classes too (i love exotic/ erotic dance)
