Why am I not the best version of myself?

I clicked this thread because I had recently been nagging myself about same sort of question. "Why can't I stay in my discipline?". I frustrate myself cyclicly and become overwhelmed and defeatist at any sense of failure, which is quick, as I am very much a bitter, cynical person deep down.

It sounds like your core belief is "destined to fail". It's hard to change that with mere willpower, but if you can manage to *remember to be kind to yourself* consistently, you will find yourself wanting to take the actions needed to reach your goals rather than feeling like you're dragging yourself through them.

We are probably very different people but I can sense you won't give up. Even if you want to sometimes. Keep Satan close to you. I recommend early morning meditation; it has been my lifesaver and sets a trajectory of gratitude, which makes the whole perseverance thing not only easy but enjoyable. You really just have to succeed long enough to give yourself credit, start by being grateful to yourself that you're reaching out to your community for help. That takes a lot.

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Thank you

As most know here orgasm is spiritual in nature and the sexual energy is vital for raising the serpent. But I recently heard that male masturbation regularly is essential to keeping the prostate gland healthy. When the orgasm occurs it flushes the prostate out of dead matter, guarding against infection (cancer) and the healthy secretions assist in other bodily functions.
20-60 years of age 3-4 times a week. Over 60 1-2 times a week, depending on general health.

This is nothing proven, it's just a questionable theory. There are other studies that suggest that actually excessive sexual activity is what could cause cancer. In young men this is extremely rare anyway.

If you want my opinion, this simply enemy nonsense to keep men as weak as possible. Many men are struggling with porn, so this 'fear' that one will get prostate cancer if he was to reduce ejaculation frequency, works perfectly in their favor.

This is nothing proven, it's just a questionable theory. There are other studies that suggest that actually excessive sexual activity is what could cause cancer. In young men this is extremely rare anyway.

If you want my opinion, this simply enemy nonsense to keep men as weak as possible. Many men are struggling with porn, so this 'fear' that one will get prostate cancer if he was to reduce ejaculation frequency, works perfectly in their favor.

Excessive sexual activity seems to be more of an issue for those with constitutional weaknesses and bad health patterns like Blood, Qi and Yin Deficiency, as someone who is already deficient will be just depleted more by excessive sexual activity.

A healthy balance is important, and some people just have high sex drives naturally, so what you mention can certainly vary on a variety of factors and circumstances. I get your reasoning behind finding some balance, it's just important to be mindful not to overdo this as being overly strict on this inhibits the kundalini shakti, as this is about letting this circulate and manifest freely.

You need to apply the knowledge on Jos. Have you tried to fix your life?

That’s what I’m talking about in this thread, trying to fix life. I don’t know where you got the impression that I’m crying doing nothing.

You feel the way you do because you have high standards, and that’s perfectly fine. However, when those standards aren’t met, we end up feeling the way we do now—and that, too, is okay. The first step towards growth is acknowledging where we are in the present. Those who don’t do this will only waste more time, but those who can admit, with maturity and wisdom, that they’re unhappy with their lives already have what it takes within them to take action. This is a process of reflection and introspection—one that we’re both going through, it seems.

You and I are around the same age, which means we have the advantage of time compared to others. But if we continue doing what we’ve always done, we’ll remain stuck in the same place. It’s time for change. We have to accept that what we’ve done so far hasn’t worked the way we planned or expected, so we need a new mindset and a new approach—both towards ourselves and towards life.

You are incredibly intelligent and capable, and I’m not just saying that to make you feel better—I mean it sincerely. I know you don’t need validation from others, and deep down, you know that what I’m saying is true. But we have to ask ourselves honestly: have we truly put in enough effort and sacrifice to reach the place we’ve always dreamed of? Personally, I can admit that I haven’t. If your answer is yes, then push even harder and change things for the better.

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Thank you.
Love this profile pic btw

Is something wrong with me? Will I ever succeed? Or is this just a pipe dream and I’m actually as worthless as my mind used to tell me?

This is most often caused by traumas, leading to a mind "split" or at least internal conflicts.
From your previous posts it was almost evident you lived into a traumatic family even if it seems you often try to deny this. (Just my feeling, I may be wrong but...)
This is most often caused by chaildhood demeaning, or worst abusive, behaviors and lack of love received. So the person grows up with the inner push to fail and be miserable, because he/she has been treated this way and this is his/her self image. Reprogramming with munka, cleaning and empowering involved chakra, but first of all finding and elaborating traumtic events that caused this,
And no it's not your fault, and you are not "wrong". You may be like a computer with a injectecmvirus working against healthy apps.

This is nothing proven, it's just a questionable theory. There are other studies that suggest that actually excessive sexual activity is what could cause cancer. In young men this is extremely rare anyway.

If you want my opinion, this simply enemy nonsense to keep men as weak as possible. Many men are struggling with porn, so this 'fear' that one will get prostate cancer if he was to reduce ejaculation frequency, works perfectly in their favor.

Yes, as I said I recently heard about it. I didn't say it was true, and you make a fair argument against it. But I did stipulate how many times a week, in my opinion, is healthy. Men are very confused about sex; it has been twisted into something "dirty" by xianity, and a lot of women use the male sex drive as a tool of manipulation.
It's an exchange of our different opinions, thanks😊

Sorry, do you mean that you have been meditating for eight years and haven't reached any spiritual progress? You haven't made any advancement in magic—haven't even succeeded in casting a simple love spell or communicating with demons? Honestly, if that's what you mean, it's quite disheartening for someone who has recently dedicated their life to Satan and is determined to meditate with commitment like me.....🫠

That’s what I’m talking about in this thread, trying to fix life. I don’t know where you got the impression that I’m crying doing nothing.

I'm sorry if I offended you with the crying all day part. It was just a way to say to say you need to do your best.

What I don't understand is what is your problem? I know magic can help fix problems, it takes time but it works. You are saying that you have used it but nothing was fixed? Or what exactly?

If you want you can describe what are the problems you need to fix right now in your life and we will help you with spells you can do.

Sorry, do you mean that you have been meditating for eight years and haven't reached any spiritual progress? You haven't made any advancement in magic—haven't even succeeded in casting a simple love spell or communicating with demons? Honestly, if that's what you mean, it's quite disheartening for someone who has recently dedicated their life to Satan and is determined to meditate with commitment like me.....🫠

No that’s not it I have been having troubles with consistency ever since I was young and had no privacy, so I have not been meditating for 8 years at all. That’s what I’m venting about, why am I not able to be consistent, not just with meditations, career too. Even if I know what’s right or wrong, and I no longer have any excuses.
I feel stuck or blocked.

I'm sorry if I offended you with the crying all day part. It was just a way to say to say you need to do your best.

What I don't understand is what is your problem? I know magic can help fix problems, it takes time but it works. You are saying that you have used it but nothing was fixed? Or what exactly?

If you want you can describe what are the problems you need to fix right now in your life and we will help you with spells you can do.

It’s okay.

Refer to my reply towards Serpentwalker to understand more of my problem.

Sorry, do you mean that you have been meditating for eight years and haven't reached any spiritual progress? You haven't made any advancement in magic—haven't even succeeded in casting a simple love spell or communicating with demons? Honestly, if that's what you mean, it's quite disheartening for someone who has recently dedicated their life to Satan and is determined to meditate with commitment like me.....🫠

This is different for everybody, as you can read he said he could not be consistent and didn't put effort into meditating.

Thank you brother.

Sometimes I just feel like I’m wasted potential and this feeling hurts.

I was speaking with a friend of mine recently talking about how fast the time passed.

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I can relate, as you know, from conversations we had before.

You have alot of external things going for you and that's great, but it's obviously not the key, because you didn't have those things when you used to have drive. That says that the key is internal, and you need to find out what that is.

Ordinarily I would say look at your natal chart, because Saturn and other tough placements can be the gatekeepers to the other side of life, and you can always look into that more, but I'm thinking that there's an energetic or health component that's not right.

Could be a lack of jing, or things that Serpentwalker mentioned. You're healthy and virile when young but that energy and resilience doesn't last forever. Maybe it would be best to consult Centralforce. Get lab work done if you can, including a hormone panel.

I can relate, as you know, from conversations we had before.

You have alot of external things going for you and that's great, but it's obviously not the key, because you didn't have those things when you used to have drive. That says that the key is internal, and you need to find out what that is.

Ordinarily I would say look at your natal chart, because Saturn and other tough placements can be the gatekeepers to the other side of life, and you can always look into that more, but I'm thinking that there's an energetic or health component that's not right.

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This is a great advice, I was about to say and send a message.

Lately I become very fogy and doing loads of mistakes and I am very frustrated and my mind goes uhm..yea, then I check my current transits and was like " Well all makes sense now " .

Saturn is a fucker and it will influence in your mind and all levels , becoming more pessimistic and negative , therefore enforcing this energy , we got to keep the good mental and keep moving , awareness is good. Thanks for this Brother

I can relate, as you know, from conversations we had before.

You have alot of external things going for you and that's great, but it's obviously not the key, because you didn't have those things when you used to have drive. That says that the key is internal, and you need to find out what that is.

Ordinarily I would say look at your natal chart, because Saturn and other tough placements can be the gatekeepers to the other side of life, and you can always look into that more, but I'm thinking that there's an energetic or health component that's not right.

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Thank you brother.

Yeah I feel that my health is a part of this. My gut and stomach might be a reflection of this.

Lack of fire/solar energies, etc.

Thank you brother.

Yeah I feel that my health is a part of this. My gut and stomach might be a reflection of this.

Lack of fire/solar energies, etc.

This post by @Blitzkreig [JG] is pertinent.

If you're severely lacking fire then I think it doesn't even matter if you have earth, because there's not an impetus to move in the first place, and you don't have the drive to break through obstacles. Hence the feeling of being "stuck or blocked".

Or, maybe more accurately, your engine is stalled. You can get a rolling start from an outside push, but when your engine stalls again, it's dead until you get that push again.

That's why it was easier to do things during periods of stress. It puts energy in the system(for the purpose of metaphor. In reality it's probably inducing a release of finite reserve energy).

This post by @Blitzkreig [JG] is pertinent.

https://ancient-forums.com/threads/76135-depression.297126/post-1117502ancient-forums.com

If you're severely lacking fire then I think it doesn't even matter if you have earth, because there's not an impetus to move in the first place, and you don't have the drive to break through obstacles. Hence the feeling of being "stuck or blocked".

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Thank you!

Yeah I wondered if I have so much Earth, I should be a master in discipline and routine. But I’m actually very lost and haven’t been disciplined as I should be for quite a while. Making routines then failing, no energy, purpose or drive. Just bursts of this every now and then.

This is interesting what you mentioned thanks.

Thank you!

Yeah I wondered if I have so much Earth, I should be a master in discipline and routine. But I’m actually very lost and haven’t been disciplined as I should be for quite a while. Making routines then failing, no energy, purpose or drive. Just bursts of this every now and then.

This is interesting what you mentioned thanks.

Earth is associated with fat and oil in some respects and this is how you can think of it. It's a lubricant, a friction reducer, so you can roll along a trajectory. But you still need fire to burn fuel to generate power and move. Just like with that engine. It won't run long without oil but it won't run at all without the ignition of fuel.

This is different for everybody, as you can read he said he could not be consistent and didn't put effort into meditating.

Alright my friend, if that's the case... he shouldn't feel guilty, he did what he could (I advise him to try more). I think he gained wisdom and experience from this situation that will benefit him in his life, and perhaps the awareness he gained will help him a lot in his next life...

No that’s not it I have been having troubles with consistency ever since I was young and had no privacy, so I have not been meditating for 8 years at all. That’s what I’m venting about, why am I not able to be consistent, not just with meditations, career too. Even if I know what’s right or wrong, and I no longer have any excuses.
I feel stuck or blocked.

Never back down, you must not give up, don't convince yourself otherwise. Bruce Lee once said that the worst thing you can do is speak negatively about yourself, even if you're joking! My friend, you need to understand the reason behind your problem and work on solving it. You need to commit to your career, you need to realize how important this is. If you can deeply understand and realize this, you won't face any problems, because you will align yourself with your conviction. You may think you know what's right and wrong, but if your inner self is not convinced of what is right, that’s something you need to change – convince it! If you need help, I'm here, we are brothers. (By the way, how old are you?)