Well...what now?

[Kieith666]

I really hope this gets approved, as this is gonna be a bit of a rant and kinda long..but I gotta come clean and I have no where else to turn.

Recently I think I might have made Satan so angry with me that he might have left me.

I had a misunderstanding with another God who said something along the lines of "you're not a soldier" (I think I misheard it??) recently and I freaked out because I have done so much warfare the past year...not even joking. My emotional reactions are intense btw. I cry, my brain goes a 10 miles a second and I have trouble calming down. When I did calm down and ask for clarification, it felt like they didn't want to answer me after that freak out. So I panicked more. I want to say that I HAVE been working on this with void meditation and runes..etc, so I've been trying to make an effort to change my emotional reactions and outburst

I've also been working on my clairaudience points for a year and they are kinda opening. So obviously I can't hear everything (my own fault). I went somewhere with a friend that day and did online warfare almost the whole time on my phone. Practically begging Satan internally to not leave me. This has happened a few times already regrettably. I misunderstand, I panic, it feels like he left, I cry and beg, things are ok for a while....then another misunderstanding happens...repeat.

This time though, I swore I wouldn't be bothersome. I broke that promise and bothered Satan almost the whole day in a panic..begging him not to leave me and that I could still change. I want to mention most of the promises I've made to Satan/Gods I write down as I have shit memory. I even had a working to fix that planned soon...) but I broke all of them in the heat of the moment. They were things like "don't complain", "no pitty parties"...etc things like that.

Then things were ok for a day or two (as I WAS doing something to keep control of my emotions) then.. I focus on Satan's sigil before bed, and I find out he hasnt forgiven me.

I had a somewhat broken conversation with a couple of Gods (I think?) and I won't go into detail but I could tell these were Satanic beings, as Satan's sigil was right there and I tend to see blue dots when I talk to the Gods, or when theyre around. It turns out I've been really disrespectful and rude to him by doing this and the promise thing, and that he's left me(?), even though I never wanted to, or felt like I've left him (I still refuse to leave him...) but when I say things like "I've never left him" I hear things like "I didn't ask" or "enough" or "this is embarrassing" (I...agree, it is )
not to mention I feel an angry/annoyed pushback when i focus on his sigil.

I promised them a while back that I would never commit suicide because I wanted to repay them for everything they've done for me. The enemy has been trying their hardest to get me to do that AND has been putting some nasty invasive thoughts in my head. But now I don't know what to do..

I KNOW the consequences of suicide. Which is why I WON'T be doing that. I heard a God say "you shouldn't" and "you'll regret it" when I was contemplating it a while back. And yeah... I agree.
But I'm more worried about my AOPs not doing shit against a more powerful enemy attack (especially when I'm asleep) And I'm worried where my soul will go should something happen.

Not to be dramatic, but Satanism is my everything. How could I live without the truth??? The enemy can take EVERYTHING away from me if I do RTRs, or even meditate maybe.

I was thinking about staying alive just to spite the enemy...but I know myself well enough that I'll end up doing an RTR or 2 or 8 and then the enemy would take notice... i don't want the enemy to harm me or any Gentile... I heard something along the lines of "they'll blind you" and "they'll reveal you/are looking for you" which makes me want to panic. Not to mention I've been seeing 6 and 66 EVERYWHERE for the past few weeks!

I still refuse to leave Satan... and I still refuse to turn my back on him and the Gods...(I just heard "I'm sorry" as I typed this) I won't ever leave him, but I don't think he really sees any value in me anymore.. I have had some SERIOUSLY fucked up thoughts that come into my head about Satan that I WOULD NEVER EVER SAY TO HIM!!!

According to another God (the same God I had the panic over I think), I have to wait until Friday with this uncertainty and pain... I don't know if I should trust this, or if it's the enemy (I suspect so) cause "taking a break from Satanism" is suspicious to me. But the God who told me to do this I felt was the real deal.. but then why would a God tell me "this is a good thing for you" and tell me to wait until Friday and to not do RTRs (they've tried to stop me)....they said something about wisdom and I didn't clearly hear the rest. Is this supposed to be a lesson or is this the enemy? I'm so scared he doesn't accept me anymore... my day has been full of panic and I really fear for my life.

I do spiritual/online warfare, I contribute to the online groups/forum, I meditate and was starting to make healthy changes... why is this happening? The Gods are never wrong and they act just. So obviously I'm doing something wrong.

I know some answers may be like "ignore it it's the enemy!" And i really wish this was the case, so I COULD ignore it and continue to do RTRs, (especially on Halloween!!!!), meditate and advance myself.


I'm looking for honest advice here... I really fear for my loved ones lives and mine. And I don't want my path to end here. I keep hearing "this is/was a mistake" and "[you're]? horrible" and such..

Honestly... if I didnt care for the path, there is NO WAY I would be worrying about it THIS much... I really am desperate to stay..

 

[Dahaarkan]

This is a waste of time for everyone involved including yourself. Perform your duties as a Satanist and continue to work on your soul. I recommend you simply stop pestering Satan or any of his demons with this, and IGNORE everything that is told to you by any entities, until you can understand clearly what is being told to you and who is speaking.

I did this for the first year or so of being a Satanist and it has quite literally saved me from delusion and insanity. You are absolutely hysterical over nothing, really. Satan is highly unlikely to waste time with such petty matters.

You're doing alright Kieith, and you're not the first to experience this kind of thing. Just focus and keep going.

 

[Waric_Lyco]

Sermon from HPS Maxine, copied from Joy of Satan sermons 2010 pdf in Satan's Library.


Does Satan Ever Leave His Disciples?

Does Satan ever leave is disciples? Sometimes I feel like he has left me.
Reply: Be strong and keep up on your meditations and try to do kundalini and hatha
yoga every day. Satan and his Demons are and have been extremely busy.
There are times I don't hear from them for days or more. I understand because I
know they are busy. There is a lot at stake here and what is going on in this
world right now.
The Eve of Beltane will more than likely be exceptionally busy for the Powers of
Hell this year. Try to work on empowering yourself and join in the fight to destroy
our enemies. Christianity is falling fast. We need more and more people to work
relentlessly to completely destroy this hideous and most odious monster.
Hell's Army E-Group
There have been many times I have not heard from Satan or any Demons for
days, but they are responsible and always on top of things. There was a near
extremely serious and potentially disastrous situation, which would have been
catastrophic for a loved one. I called upon Satan urgently and again, experienced
another one of his miracles. Nothing happened to my shock and amazement.
The loved one was shocked as well, and will always remember this, and knows
Satan is real. This was very personal, but I can't say enough of how thankful I
was to Satan [again and hundreds of times over], and how Satan handled this
situation, which was nothing short of a total miracle. I have experienced many of
his miracles.
Satan doesn't leave us."

 

[Kieith666]

Thank you everyone, your replies are very very helpful

@FanyMancy and @Dahaarkan are absolutely right. The energy vampire stuff is especially something I should keep an eye out for, Thanks. I still completed all my duties yesterday, despite the panicky tone in my OP. I'm not letting this happen agin.

@ Lydia you're right, i just don't want to be disrespectful or anything in case it IS them. But i guess thats how it happened in the first place. Sometimes i know 100% it's them, other times i don't. Your advice is heavily appreciated.

They haven't stopped me from meditating or anything like that, but they have expressed concern that my meditation sessions usually aren't good enough. (which may or may not be of the enemy) which again makes me uneasy, since i do feel like i put in real effort. (maybe not enough?) then that leaves me to believe that my best isn't enough so i try harder and harder and it just causes more stress. But i've never heard anything about them discouraging me from mediating, even recently.

As for the thing with the dates, i don't usually hear whats going to happen. but something usually does. Nothing major though, just good days or bad days with meditation. It might not even be them telling me those things though. I know we have 2 spirits in our house, so for all i know they could be saying things to me too.

I really am sorry to have wasted people's time here, i didn't realize. lesson learned. But all of this advice has been very helpful. I hope everyone has a good Samhain!

 

[High Priestess Lydia]

@Kieith: You'll be fine And I don't think it was a waste of anyone's time to write your OP, as I'm sure there are other SS who are experiencing the same thing and can benefit from this thread.

 

[13th_Wolf]

...

you don't want to be sat in front of Satan's sigils crying forever

:lol: :lol: :lol: I'm sorry but I couldn't help myself. 'twas a funny picture that ended my mind when I read that XD.

 

[FancyMancy]

...

you don't want to be sat in front of Satan's sigils crying forever

:lol: :lol: :lol: I'm sorry but I couldn't help myself. 'twas a funny picture that ended my mind when I read that XD.

Hehe. I like to toss in a bit of humour, be it subtle or obvious. ;-)

 

[Lasollor]

, my brain goes a 10 miles a second and I have trouble calming down..

Tip: Vibrating (white energy) AUM to the brain will really help still the raging rivers of the mind.

Hail Satan

 

[Aquarius]

, my brain goes a 10 miles a second and I have trouble calming down..

Tip: Vibrating (white energy) AUM to the brain will really help still the raging rivers of the mind.

Hail Satan

This is from 2 years ago