Please stop for a moment and take a deep breath.
Listen, or rather read carefully, to what I am about to tell you.
The spiritual path, the real one, is not easy. It's not like in the movies, where with a snap of your fingers or the bite of some mystical insect you receive great powers and abilities.
You must study and commit yourself. You must break down mental barriers and wrong patterns you grew up with. You must open your heart and mind to the Truth and, above all, you must BE PATIENT.
Expecting to see results after a few months of meditation is delusional and will only lead you to have a distorted perception of yourself and of the practice of meditation itself. And this is coming from someone who, by nature, has little patience.
This path pushes you to improve yourself; you are required to move forward and become the best version of yourself. It is more than possible thanks to the knowledge that the Gods and our Priests have passed on to us, but it will not happen without effort.
Effort requires willpower and time. I can understand how you feel, but stop for a moment and think about everything you are giving up on: a community that is REALLY ready to help and support you, Gods who REALLY care about you and who will use any means necessary to guide you toward the right path and the person you are meant to be.
Do you really want to throw away the opportunity to save your soul on your own, instead of doing like the xtian sheep who pray to an egregore made by evil aliens that don't even think about them, prostrating themselves at their feet and humiliating themselves waiting for an answer that will never come?
Do you want to go back to spending your days rotting, watching TV series every hour, scrolling on social media and wasting precious time that you could instead use to take care of your soul, the most precious thing you possess?
It's hard work, yes. It's not easy, no one has ever hidden that. However, I can assure you that every single Zevist believes that this was the best choice they could have made and, looking back, they would do it again every time without hesitation.
I kindly ask you to think about it. I'm sure that deep down you don't really want that.