I've gone to a forum known as the PaganForum to get a little help to see where I possibly lean towards slightly.
There's going to be a small bit of whining, and it's probably extremely pointless and I got no clue why I'm posting it here either, maybe to see what other people say? Anyways I have a mix of Pagan beliefs, and a mix of Satanic beliefs. (maybe Luciferian beliefs, too, I'm not too sure.) So, yes, I'm confused. It's partly my fault, for skipping around and "testing" out some religions. (I have no real interest in Christianity, Judaism or Islam. I'm still left dumbfounded by my friends "If you enjoy life, you go to hell" statement.)
A run down of these beliefs would be as follows: I believe in separate gods and goddesses, I believe in reincarnation, I believe there is neither good or evil, I believe in balance, I believe in individuality, I believe in freedom.
During this time I felt a little drawn to Satanism again, theistic, and at the same time, a few days after I kind of asked for Satan to show me he is real, I kind of got this urge to write stuff down, the most meaningful thing is about dedication and how I didn't call it off, and that I still have a connection to a world that I try to deny. (Which in the end kind of left shaking[I doubt it was because I was cold], because most of it hit home for me.) And finally, one about standing my ground and fighting for my beliefs and values. Most of this was written down on paper, so it kind of leaves me somewhat doubtful but at the same time, there were things written down that I, myself, would never write down or even think about. Either way, I can't really deny that something happened that night and it had an effect on me.
What was written did get my fears right, though. Fear of rejection, wanting to be loved by others, which lead me to leave originally, because of guilt. Because I had to lie, when generally, I'm honest...most of the time...
A few days after I left, I made a vow to work with anything that wanted to work with me, and then a bit after that I started hearing my name being called, felt something sit beside me, felt a presence, and heard footsteps. (Not in that order, and certainly on and off. I've noticed a trend with all these occurrences, too, it usually takes months for something odd to happen, and a few days ago I heard a few more voices.) I've questioned my sanity, and many people tell me I'm not insane, so...
I didn't mean for this to get this long, nor off topic. I'm sorry. I more or less needed to get it out.
There's going to be a small bit of whining, and it's probably extremely pointless and I got no clue why I'm posting it here either, maybe to see what other people say? Anyways I have a mix of Pagan beliefs, and a mix of Satanic beliefs. (maybe Luciferian beliefs, too, I'm not too sure.) So, yes, I'm confused. It's partly my fault, for skipping around and "testing" out some religions. (I have no real interest in Christianity, Judaism or Islam. I'm still left dumbfounded by my friends "If you enjoy life, you go to hell" statement.)
A run down of these beliefs would be as follows: I believe in separate gods and goddesses, I believe in reincarnation, I believe there is neither good or evil, I believe in balance, I believe in individuality, I believe in freedom.
During this time I felt a little drawn to Satanism again, theistic, and at the same time, a few days after I kind of asked for Satan to show me he is real, I kind of got this urge to write stuff down, the most meaningful thing is about dedication and how I didn't call it off, and that I still have a connection to a world that I try to deny. (Which in the end kind of left shaking[I doubt it was because I was cold], because most of it hit home for me.) And finally, one about standing my ground and fighting for my beliefs and values. Most of this was written down on paper, so it kind of leaves me somewhat doubtful but at the same time, there were things written down that I, myself, would never write down or even think about. Either way, I can't really deny that something happened that night and it had an effect on me.
What was written did get my fears right, though. Fear of rejection, wanting to be loved by others, which lead me to leave originally, because of guilt. Because I had to lie, when generally, I'm honest...most of the time...
A few days after I left, I made a vow to work with anything that wanted to work with me, and then a bit after that I started hearing my name being called, felt something sit beside me, felt a presence, and heard footsteps. (Not in that order, and certainly on and off. I've noticed a trend with all these occurrences, too, it usually takes months for something odd to happen, and a few days ago I heard a few more voices.) I've questioned my sanity, and many people tell me I'm not insane, so...
I didn't mean for this to get this long, nor off topic. I'm sorry. I more or less needed to get it out.
lol I know about Spiritual Satanism, though. Or, as much as I can, but guilt and fear of rejection holds me back. Though, when I considered Theistic Satanism and asked if Satan was real, about a day or 2 later (I think a day) I was in the mood to write, and wrote something that seems to be stuff that would never come up as a thought, stuff I would never touch upon. So...a small part of me doubts it, but a huge part of me considers it as something more, something I shouldn't doubt. Because when reading it most of it sounds unlike me.
