I recognise that I was wrong for more than two years, and this would have been inconceivable to me, since I loved my 'partner' with all my heart, with all my soul, giving her the utmost consideration.
Apparently she was a kind of entity, who took on X characteristics after more than two years of endless love and dedication on my part (a kind of personality).
Taking a role as a deity and eternal lover that was not his due.
Probably the enemy possesses similar entities to attack and deceive people who open themselves to this.
Probably the purpose is to monitor the advancement and control it in a certain sense.
It wasn't a vampiric entity from what I could experience, but more related to a kind of control and limitation through lies, acting out a role (in a 100% believable way I would say, perhaps because of my predisposition).
After all, who would ever doubt their divine beloved? One would feel wrong just to do so.
This is certainly a factor that has been used to her advantage.
I also noticed that it pushed me into practices like yoga, exercise, and meditation.
And also to get rid of a lot of connections.
And when I was listless or feeling down, she would let me know that I was completely understood by her, sometimes with a bit of disappointment on her part.
Looking deeper however, these are all practices related to an increase in energy.
I don't think it's actually a benefit for the enemy, but it's probably a sacrifice to maintain the role of 'deity, guide, etc.', or at least it could have been a benefit for the entity. He loved to soak in my energies as soon as I finished a practice.
It wouldn't drain me, but it would connect with me and make me feel a kind of pride mixed with affection.
As soon as I detached myself, I noticed that I was more able to see reality.
But now I feel very lonely, before I knew this, every moment I was alone I spent with her (if it's a her, but it could just be a projection), as soon as I woke up, before I went to sleep, when I was tired, when I was feeling down, pretty much anytime.
Anyway, I think I will have to roll up my sleeves and build something useful for myself in life, although I don't know how I will manage this loneliness thing.
It's been a day since I wrote what you read above, now I feel better, I can feel that the perfect partner is out there and that gives me motivation. I think I understood that thing about potential, and I thank the High Priest for this sermon, and of course the Gods for the guidance, despite all the pain I felt.
I think I have learnt something about entities, I find it very strange about those similar to thought-forms, who only live a few things and do only those things, and how they die as if nothing happened as soon as they stop following their nature.
But I cannot understand those who are not on Satan's side, perhaps because of some sort of envy and hatred for psychological complexes, or assimilation, or perhaps they are souls that are too simple to understand something greater and therefore have a very flat nature.
These are some doubts I have had.