Something interesting that sort of resolved itself I guess

[wargamer44]

I live in the bible damn belt.  I have been a teacher on an off for years (for adults, Physics and mathematics) and a computer programmer for 20 years.  I figured I'd attempt using my public speaking to be an on-air radio personality.  holy fuck...  it was all xian shit and was horrible.  I had people calling making requests for birthdays and saying I was a nice young man and doing well.  But mess up the damn obituaries and that's your ass.  I got a call stating "that's tacky reading old obituaries."  How was I to know?  it was in my file to read!!  look things are hard on a MAJOR radio station, and the creep of the bad vibe and trying to hide whom I AM dedicated to...The last month has been a struggle and I don't know who won.  I know longer work there, and the preacher that works there "allegedly" molested his own daughter.  I WILL NOT mention names.  
but the aura of that place was at battle with me and it was something I seriously wanted to do, but I cannot sustain doing 2 days of 8 hours of continuous desk banging, hellfire and brimstone preaching, and them actually coming in to drop off the tapes. want hear some of it? trust me.  bunch of hypocrites and fools and scoundrels in my opinion...  I should've just played a few "choice" things when I knew it was over.  maybe the amazing atheist "jesus was an asshole?" What would it have even hurt?   
How do I meditate and cleanse now?  I just was following a dream of mine...  :-(  no one likes to fail