I am a male, 20 years old, Indian, I recently began to worship our father Satan in the past month and a half. I first did the commitment to Satan ritual. I began to form a relationship with the goetic demon Marchosias. I have a history of substance abuse with opiates and benzodiazepines (such as xanax, an anti-anxiety medication). I have used marijuana to attempt to make myself more spiritually attuned to contact Marchosias. In the past month I have begun to light incense and Marchosias' candle color, along with Hindu incense (as it smells soothing). I followed the instructions on the Joy of Satan site to petition Satan to allow me to summon Marchosias. My first ritual nothing happened. My second summoning ritual I began to feel electric energy flowing through me, and that was it. Since then, I began pronouncing Marchosias' name properly (March-o-c-is) and feel as though I have made some contact, although I have not seen Marchosias' herself yet. As I stated before, I have a history of substance abuse with opiates and benzodiazepines, and recently I feel as though Marchosias' has been helping me get limited access to those opiates. I use the opiates sparingly, the only time I use them is when I go out on the prowl to meet women (I am a virgin) as the opiates give me the confidence to ask the women out. Recently, I took a knife and pricked my finger. I attempted to draw Marchosias' sigil in blood to the best of my ability. Since then, I have memorized only a small portion of Marchosias' sigil (I'm unable to memorize the entire sigil). I asked Marchosias' to help me with women, intellect, charisma, and wit, and unfortunately to also help me get some opiates and benzodiazapines. What Marchosias' wanted in return (I think so at least?) was she wanted me to convert my father who is an MD, PhD to Satanism. Recently, I took some benzodiazapines and told my entire family about my allegiance to our father Lucifer. I was trying to teach them about the original God Lucifer. In the past three days my mother's childhood friend died of Stage 4 brain cancer, and she has been grieving. After my confession to Satanism under the influence of the benzodiazipines, my older sister said she would not longer interact with me, and my mother said that the death of her friend is my fault for worshipping Lucifer. I began to tell them that I repent and do not believe in Lucifer (as stated on the Joy of Stan site, that we may show "allegiance" to other religion as the truth of our faith in Satan may bring unwanted prejudice and consequence). Well, unfortunetly, my mother didn't believe me and started to say once again that the death of her friend was my fault for praying to Lucifer, and not only that, but that she will kill herself since I have abondoned Hinduism and now worship Lucifer. I finally had enough and yelled at her, I told her that she can do whatever she wants.That her suicidal tendencies are not my responsibility, I looked her dead in the eye and told her "Who the hell do you think you're talking too?" and then stormed out of the room. So now, my sister won't talk to me, my mother claims the death of her friend is my fault, and now she says that she will not have a Satanist under her roof and will kill herself. Please note that this event was under the influence of the benzos (xanax). My question is this, have I actually been telepathically communicating with Marchosias who has helped me get the opiates to pursue women? Have I actually been telepathically communicating with Marchosias who helped lead me to the benzodiazipines in which this confession and terrible consequence has happened?
The flip side to this is that I have a date with a beautiful women tomorrow who I asked out the other day under the influence of heroin, I told her she was beautiful and asked her if she wanted to go out, and she told me upfront that she is an escort and a pornstar, but she just wants to date me tomorrow as a person. Along with that, a bank executive who wanted to get me a 6 figure job who told me about it 1 and a half years ago recently contacted me in the past two weeks and said he wants to meet me Friday.
There was also one more ritual that Marchosias wanted me to do, it involved sex magick and marijuana to get spriitually attuned. There was a women I was interested in almost half a year ago, my ideal type, blonde with blue eyes and beautiful..She wasn't interested in me and chose another guy. About 6 days ago I smoked alot of marijuana to get spiritually attuned so I could get in touch with Marchosias. Marchosias told me to get a picture of this girl on my iPhone, Marchosias told me that I should masturbate to the point of orgasm, but when I finally do orgasm she told me to orgasm on my phone with the picture of that girl. Almost immediately after I saw evil spirits around me, and an old man with a newspaper. Marchosias expelled all the evil spirit from my house, but the old man with the newspaper stayed, which leads me to believe that he is harmless. Now, the second result of the sex magick was this. A few days later I found some heroin, asked 6 girls out, got 5 nos, 1 yes which was the girl who turned out to be an escort/pornstar.
My main question is, am I communicating with Marchosias or not? Or is it a negative entity that I've been communicating with? Also, I know that Bauer is a goetic demon that specializes in Drug and Alcohol addiction, would it benefit me to get into contact with him?
You should also know that with Marchosias I have never seen her via scrying, or anything else such as the incense, no candles flaring up, etc... The most I can tell is telepathy, which I'm not even sure is me telepathically communicating with Marchosias or me making my own decisions. I could really use some guidance here guys, as I've still not been able to see a demon in any way.
The flip side to this is that I have a date with a beautiful women tomorrow who I asked out the other day under the influence of heroin, I told her she was beautiful and asked her if she wanted to go out, and she told me upfront that she is an escort and a pornstar, but she just wants to date me tomorrow as a person. Along with that, a bank executive who wanted to get me a 6 figure job who told me about it 1 and a half years ago recently contacted me in the past two weeks and said he wants to meet me Friday.
There was also one more ritual that Marchosias wanted me to do, it involved sex magick and marijuana to get spriitually attuned. There was a women I was interested in almost half a year ago, my ideal type, blonde with blue eyes and beautiful..She wasn't interested in me and chose another guy. About 6 days ago I smoked alot of marijuana to get spiritually attuned so I could get in touch with Marchosias. Marchosias told me to get a picture of this girl on my iPhone, Marchosias told me that I should masturbate to the point of orgasm, but when I finally do orgasm she told me to orgasm on my phone with the picture of that girl. Almost immediately after I saw evil spirits around me, and an old man with a newspaper. Marchosias expelled all the evil spirit from my house, but the old man with the newspaper stayed, which leads me to believe that he is harmless. Now, the second result of the sex magick was this. A few days later I found some heroin, asked 6 girls out, got 5 nos, 1 yes which was the girl who turned out to be an escort/pornstar.
My main question is, am I communicating with Marchosias or not? Or is it a negative entity that I've been communicating with? Also, I know that Bauer is a goetic demon that specializes in Drug and Alcohol addiction, would it benefit me to get into contact with him?
You should also know that with Marchosias I have never seen her via scrying, or anything else such as the incense, no candles flaring up, etc... The most I can tell is telepathy, which I'm not even sure is me telepathically communicating with Marchosias or me making my own decisions. I could really use some guidance here guys, as I've still not been able to see a demon in any way.
