Returning after a Long Period of Depression, Isolation and Bad Drug Abuse

[BrightSun]

I have been away from JoS/Toz for about 2 and a half years now I've been a member since 2015. I've been neglecting myself, letting myself go and not doing meditations properly all while dealing with extreme drug abuse.

In the past I was doing ok. I was meditating and everything was going fine but a bad karmic Neptune influence started happening to me a few years ago and I sort of slowly went downhill from there. I keep getting the notion to return to the forums and start trying to heal myself and recover from all of this but this Site and the Main site has changed so much that I don't know where to even get started anymore.

I'll have to start over from scratch and try to build myself spiritually. Over the last 2 years I've been sort of trying to use the old Mantras and info I have but I just feel so isolated and in a state of decay and I need to start socializing more and to move out of this.

I have to admit to everyone in the past I was (not on these forums, but personally) an asshole. I had an extremely bad ego problem and that combined with negative karmic influences of Xianity and other dross on my soul along with bad drug addictions caused me to go downhill and start losing faith in the Gods. I've done specific things and workings in the past that Zeus and the Gods probably didn't like or approve of me doing. Things like Love/lust spells on specific 'high quality' and attractive women and stuff like that - I was a dumbass who was trying to use these powers we teach here for all the wrong reasons and because of that I think I angered our Gods and I was punished for it. I was behaving like an egotistical prick who believed he deserves everything and that was the wrong mindset to have.


Im back here trying to get used to the new name ToZ and the new info. I started slouching off and not visiting the forums for over 2 years so everything feels brand new to me. Where should I begin with my spiritual development?

I want to return and try cleansing this negative drug addiction influence out my soul and show the Gods that I can recover from this and my bad overall mindset.
I just want some support of other members here, not that I'm asking for anything from anyone - I just want to be here with you guys and know that you guys are here for me too. I have lived with very bad karmic influences and its hard dealing with them all. Thank you. Just being on the forums and main site and reading the new info and stuff gives me courage and a sort of mental/spiritual strength to carry on and get out of this negativity.

I have a extremely bad problem with Marijuana and THC Vapes and its gotten to the point where im constantly high and its doing bad damage to my lungs and brain. That combined with a bad past neptune transit influence is causing chaos and insanity in my life, I just want all this chaos to end and to heal from it and get back on the spiritual path. I'm going to read the main site and study a little more and i'll be posting more here too whenever I can to start being part of the community start healing myself from the negative effects of drugs and isolation

To be honest the Marijuana and Vape problem is still ongoing and im trying to resist it and get back onto the path of advancement. Its just difficult for me at the moment, everything feels depressing and hopeless and I also barely have any financial income at the moment and im living with a family member but atleast I have something and somewhere to start with but the negative outlook and depression keeps me going back to the drugs for some cheap dopamine fix.
Just wanted to come back with a fresh account and talk about these issues and get some type of topic or discussion going to keep my mind off of the negativity and addiction.
What would be the best meditation routine for someone returning after a while of stagnation? I also keep getting thoughts in my head saying that I should wait a while and heal before I go full-force with meditations. I dont know if this is from the gods or if its my own mind, but either way it seems that its the right thing to do.

When I was younger and around the time I first found ToZ - back when it was called Joy of Satan I swore to Satan/Zeus that I wouldn't give up on him and my Spiritual development. It's embarrassing that I let myself go like this for so long.