Re: Need help with my life

Brian Gibbons · Sep 26, 2012

<td val[/IMG]My heart goes out to you and I know how you feel because I am with mine.But the only thing I can say and please don't be hurt by what I am about to say but here goes.A true soul mate would never or could never leave you.The soul mate relationship is one where both parties have that soul connection that can never be broken by any circumstances.Plus the true test is that there is the same amount of love between you.Not one loving there other more ever.To be true soul mates it has to be completely mutual between you.That is what I feel for my wife and she feels for me.If one loves the other more then it is very codependent and unhealthy.In my opinion if he was your soul mate his soul would be hurting too.You can never say goodbye to your true soul mate.What Satan has joined together that is the true meaning not the xtian BS.Our souls are connected and we feel it daily.You can be very compatable and not be soul mates.Hope you find your healing sister and a way to move on.

Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android [/TD]

From: dsterbik <dsterbik@...;
To: <[email protected];
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] Need help with my life
Sent: Tue, Sep 25, 2012 4:05:50 AM

<td val[/IMG] I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

[/TD]

James Makela · Sep 26, 2012

I would recommend that you should first start trying to get back into your meditations and yoga. And start thinking about stuff that you can do that you enjoy. I'm a loner and I know it sucks but feeling bad for yourself won't help you. Try meeting ppl. Try to meditate. Try try try. Do whatever it takes to get out of this mindset your in. Don't even think about suicide. That won't do shit for you. Life is going to throw challenges and problems at you relentlessly, and you can accept them and work to deal with them or you can run away. Just accept the situation for what it is and move forward. That's all I can say.

Hail Satan

Sent from my iPhone

On Sep 24, 2012, at 9:05 PM, "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

------------------------------------

Yahoo! Groups Links

blacksun1142 · Sep 26, 2012

What you wrote is very sad and I can relate since I've been through a very similar situation in the past but I'm glad that things worked out. Satan and my GD really helped me with this.

I don't know both sides of the story so I cannot tell what could have caused him to leave you unexpectedly but, bear in mind that the enemy works on messing up Satanic couples.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

hoodedcobra666 · Sep 26, 2012

I can feel what you say. I completely know and realize. This happened to me and my SS mate. It was fucking horrific and I have been suicidal almost everytime it happened. When I feel emotions I really and truly do and they strike me extremely hard. Can't eat, can't sleep and I just want to let go and go to die. When something similiar happened to us, I called in Satan and my Guardians as I truly, for fucking truly speaking I couldn't live. This happened a lot of times. In the end it was freaking obvious as we were both wrecked, in pain and the enemy worked to destroy us while apart.. I woke up devoid and went to sleep devoid. I felt like I should suicide because there was nothing else in my life, as if I lost this, then there was nothing else to lose.

We had many arguements of which were created by us most of the time, or by the enemy or just created by us and palpilated by the enemy to the point of arguing over hair and wanting to kill each other, or divorcing or something. Everytime I did an attack to the enemy that made impact, they attacked me through this as this was my weak point. Our relation too was over distance. The enemy knows the emotions of peole and can manipulate them pretty easily. If it wasn't for my Father Satan and the Gods... I would be dead meat. The problem is the enemy and sometimes the character of people or both. If he just went away without expectation by your part it could either be planetary, enemy, both and on top of this this guy being an asshole. He should behave like a fucking Satanist and don't hurt your emotions like that. For not practice void meditation and I would say, get the issue immidiately to Satan. He has to get into his right brains. Relations in Satan are not a game from which you leave like that. Build your aura of protection strong, please bear your weight and fight through this. Things will evantually get better. True Characters and True loves are always tested, as well as to whom much is given, much is tested. Be strong and you will find your way. Again if its urgent, please tell Satan because given this guy is an SS, he needs to behave like one.

HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

Don Danko · Sep 26, 2012

The worst thing you can do is drop off from your meditations. Aura of protection and the daily practice as a whole will carry you though. Stay strong in Satan. 88
From: blacksun1142 <blacksun1142@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 8:08:07 AM
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] Re: Need help with my life

What you wrote is very sad and I can relate since I've been through a very similar situation in the past but I'm glad that things worked out. Satan and my GD really helped me with this.

I don't know both sides of the story so I cannot tell what could have caused him to leave you unexpectedly but, bear in mind that the enemy works on messing up Satanic couples.

--- In mailto:JoyofSatan666%40yahoogroups.com, "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

Light · Sep 27, 2012

Stopping meditations will make every thing worst, honestly. In my opinion you need to find a way to move on from him, If he was your soul mate he would not have done this to you and stay strong on Father Satan. The Gods would never leave you.

Hail Satan!

--- In mailto:JoyofSatan666%40yahoogroups.com, "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

Monica Mau · Sep 27, 2012

You can message me any time you want to talk

ill listen to what you have to say and hopefully I will have found a new friend

On Sep 25, 2012 8:34 PM, "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

Click to expand...

cain masters · Sep 27, 2012

I really sympathize with your feelings & your situation. I had a bad relationship 2 years ago, got out, & jumped into an even worse relationship that ended about 6 months ago. It ended in complete emotional & financial ruin. I am recovering thru my self & SATAN'S help. I have found that I need to be strong by myself, before I can be in a relationship with another. If I am a strong independent man, who does not compromise my beliefs & takes care of my own self, no one can hurt me or destroy me. BE STRONG & STRONG WITH SATAN. You will recover & be stronger. It hurts but you will be OK.
HAIL SATAN

Andrew Chiteme · Sep 27, 2012

No matter what has happened Father Satan still loves you and wants you to reach Godhead. this is your goal. the Gods have not abandoned you,they do understand how you feel but its upto you to put yourself back up by power meditation. its not the end of everything. your most important goal should be reaching Godhead and Father Satan must be the most important figure in your life. He has not abandoned you my sis. NEVER GIVE UP! Father Satan has given us all that we want its up2 us to go get it using the powers of the mind and soul through Power meditation and Yoga. U can learn to love again and Father Satan will bring into your life the right partner for you. first accept what has happened has happened,love yourself,make yourself better and restart your POWER MEDITATION eventually everything will be ok.

------------------------------

On Wed, Sep 26, 2012 02:58 BST James Makela wrote:

I would recommend that you should first start trying to get back into your meditations and yoga. And start thinking about stuff that you can do that you enjoy. I'm a loner and I know it sucks but feeling bad for yourself won't help you. Try meeting ppl. Try to meditate. Try try try. Do whatever it takes to get out of this mindset your in. Don't even think about suicide. That won't do shit for you. Life is going to throw challenges and problems at you relentlessly, and you can accept them and work to deal with them or you can run away. Just accept the situation for what it is and move forward. That's all I can say.

Hail Satan

Sent from my iPhone

On Sep 24, 2012, at 9:05 PM, "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

------------------------------------

Yahoo! Groups Links

Anand Bon · Sep 27, 2012

Oh Sister.I know that pain that misery all too good.Because i have recently recovered from such a disastrous Satanic relationship.It is Overcome-able.
How did i Recover?
I''ve many Good Great friends.They Understood me. Shared my Burden.
The Gods also have helped me
Blacckat Helped me a lot and I am Deeply Grateful to her
Also Some Methods also proved very useful.Such as Cutting the Cords, I know it feels like you dont want to do it and such.Still feeling pain and such many many complications But it is a Neccesity, Also Programm Your aura to Repell the person.(I am Programming my aura to repell________in everyway,I Am Programming my aura to repell_____sexually, My Aura is Repelling_____in everyway) This really helps.This should be done consistently. Talk to people. Keep yourself Distracted,Get pleasure from small stuffs, Avoid Thinking of him as much as possible, It will take a while,But it is Possible Sister

From: Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@...
To: "JoyofSatan666@yahoogroups com" <[email protected]; "dsterbik@..." <dsterbik@...
Sent: Wednesday, 26 September 2012 11:16 AM
Subject: Re: [JoyofSatan666] Need help with my life

<td val[/IMG]My heart goes out to you and I know how you feel because I am with mine.But the only thing I can say and please don't be hurt by what I am about to say but here goes.A true soul mate would never or could never leave you.The soul mate relationship is one where both parties have that soul connection that can never be broken by any circumstances.Plus the true test is that there is the same amount of love between you.Not one loving there other more ever.To be true soul mates it has to be completely mutual between you.That is what I feel for my wife and she feels for me.If one loves the other more then it is very codependent and unhealthy.In my opinion if he was your soul mate his soul would be hurting too.You can never say goodbye to your true soul mate.What Satan has joined together that is the true meaning not the xtian BS.Our souls are connected and we feel it daily.You can be very compatable and not be soul mates.Hope you find your healing sister and a way to move on.

Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android [/TD]

From: dsterbik <dsterbik@...;
To: <[email protected];
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] Need help with my life
Sent: Tue, Sep 25, 2012 4:05:50 AM

<td val[/IMG] I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

[/TD]

Phillip1 · Sep 27, 2012

Someone please try to give her some useful advise.She didn't expect these kind of advise.I know her feelings.I know how it hurts.Because I'm also in the same situation and I'm still finding a way to get back my ex into my relationship.I already listened all kinds of advise from my friends.So I don't need any advice like this. Same situation goes to this person.She is asking for a solution.Please give her a useful solution.Everyone trying to give the same advice in different tone.Cmon guys. I'm suffering for 7 months. I was in relationship with my ex for 4 years.I know how bad it is. I recommend you to use any magic to him back. Because I'm doing the same thing.But the thing is I don't know which person is the correct person to do these kind of magic. I have some more ideas which I find uncomfortable to tell here. If you really want to know,private message me. I'll let you know.

Sent from my iPhone

On 25/09/2012, at 2:05 PM, "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

Christina1 · Sep 27, 2012

I have two things to say.
One: Never trust people over the Internet... No matter what.
I mean okay, here we are a community and we help each other, sharing our experiences etc but still, it's a bit risky to take it as far as... (we go to number 2)
Two: ...base your whole future on a person you met online. I mean damn, you shouldn't even base your future on a person you know in real life either...! Always be able to stay alone, move on on your own, survive without the help of others.
You can never trust anyone as much as you can trust yourself.

Moreover, were you actually 'talking' (with a mic etc) with that other person or not? Because if not... You should really consider the possibility that this person wasn't even a 'man'. Just sayin'... Out of experience. There are so many lies that can be said over the Internet that do not really intend to harm others, but to make ourselves feel better for what we are or what we are not and wish we could be...

I don't really know how much of a contact you had with this person (even if it wasn't physical) but you should always think deeper and not believe what's in the surface.
If this makes you paranoid, well that's life... And especially Internet.

I think you should move on.
If that person left you like that without even giving a proper excuse then you should realize that there was something terrible he/she (I'm sorry I don't know) had been hiding from you and maybe you'd be either really unhappy if you found out or disappointed and you wouldn't want to be with that person anyway...

You are hurt, I can understand that, but maybe if you met him you'd be even more hurt by all his lies. (again this is just a possibility)

And I will repeat, NEVER NEVER NEVER base your life on other people! I mean come on... Our parents gave birth to us, they raised us up until one point (with some good teachings, some wrong ones) and then we make our own decisions and we lead our own life. No parent, no friend, no lover should ever be the one defining your life.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

Inlovewithsatan1 · Sep 27, 2012

This can make one's eyes wet. This similar thing had happened with me too. but it was a relation with xtian girl. What i'm realizing now is "To love Yourself Deeply" I now love myself TRULY,DEEPLY ! Before when i was in the similar situation as your,i was totally broken. Had no hope,felt useless myself,the thoughts of suicide were popping up in my mind. BUT,then in the end I VALUED MYSELF ! For sure Father Satan has helped me as i cried for his help to cure me from that pain which could led me to death. But Many things are in your own hands.You become what you think. Now I know my value. I started to realize the value of my own life!
Well, The best suggestion would be to go to Lord Satan. As long as he is SS too so this issue should go into Satan's court. He should not have left you like this,unexpectedly.Relationships in Satanism becomes permanent if once a commitment is made with true heart,its eternal then. Relationships are not a game here to play with. I'm not sure if its the dirty work of enemy. Here i would say "Responsibility to the Responsible " One should not think that if he has Satan with him so the Whole Protection/Care of HIM & his relationship with loved ones/family etc, will always be taken by Satan.Enemy would try to mess with every development that has been made by SS or whatever as they do not want us to be happy,to empower ourselves. So,Get this issue immediately to Lord Satan as hoodedcobra said. It will be solved ! Don't worry Sister! We are with you.

Brian Gibbons · Sep 28, 2012

And let me add that it can work out if it is Satanically guided.As you people know Raven and I met on group a couple of years ago,then dated on the internet for 6 months,before she moved here with me, and we married, and our having a baby.Another successful internet marriage.But the thing that surprised us the most,was the fact that we were completely honest with each other through it all.So don't say it can't happen,because we are here to say it can.But I will agree that it is very rare to find people on here that are honest with each other,unless it is truly Satan that has brought you together.The other thing is,we were very fortunate to have many SS friends on this group that new us individually,and as a couple,that were there for both of us through it all.Plus we even had the advice and support of our clergy too.So it can happen if Satan and the Gods of Hell want it too.But be very careful!
Hail Satan
Brian

From: Christina <papia_quack@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 8:33 AM
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] Re: Need help with my life

I have two things to say.
One: Never trust people over the Internet... No matter what.
I mean okay, here we are a community and we help each other, sharing our experiences etc but still, it's a bit risky to take it as far as... (we go to number 2)
Two: ...base your whole future on a person you met online. I mean damn, you shouldn't even base your future on a person you know in real life either...! Always be able to stay alone, move on on your own, survive without the help of others.
You can never trust anyone as much as you can trust yourself.

Moreover, were you actually 'talking' (with a mic etc) with that other person or not? Because if not... You should really consider the possibility that this person wasn't even a 'man'. Just sayin'... Out of experience. There are so many lies that can be said over the Internet that do not really intend to harm others, but to make ourselves feel better for what we are or what we are not and wish we could be...

I don't really know how much of a contact you had with this person (even if it wasn't physical) but you should always think deeper and not believe what's in the surface.
If this makes you paranoid, well that's life... And especially Internet.

I think you should move on.
If that person left you like that without even giving a proper excuse then you should realize that there was something terrible he/she (I'm sorry I don't know) had been hiding from you and maybe you'd be either really unhappy if you found out or disappointed and you wouldn't want to be with that person anyway...

You are hurt, I can understand that, but maybe if you met him you'd be even more hurt by all his lies. (again this is just a possibility)

And I will repeat, NEVER NEVER NEVER base your life on other people! I mean come on... Our parents gave birth to us, they raised us up until one point (with some good teachings, some wrong ones) and then we make our own decisions and we lead our own life. No parent, no friend, no lover should ever be the one defining your life.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "dsterbik" <dsterbik@... wrote:

I've been thinking a lot if I should talk about it here or not. If I should let it all out or keep everything to myself...

This is going to be a very long post. If anyone cares to read, I appreciate it.

So basically, almost a year ago I met a spiritual satanist online. We were getting really close to each other. We got so close together, that eventually we fell in love. I never felt anyone so close to me ever before. As we were talking every single day (online), we realized that we are the perfect match, the perfect partners. Eventually, it turned out that we are soulmates.

Since we met online, and we live on two different continents, this relationship was never physical. Although we couldn't have been closer to each other. We would talk for hours every single day. This relationship gave me an extremely high amount of happiness, joy and help me to grow. We got so tied up together, I believed this relationship lasts forever, since we considered it sacred as it was based on satanic beliefs.

We decided to meet up in the future. In about half a year or so. We also had our own plan how we could help the gentile race to break free. We were to use our financial gain to promote Satanism and make an effort to destroy the enemy once and for all. I had dedicated 6 months of my life to study the financial world. It was the most complex system I have ever seen. But I had to learn it, because we had serious plans with it.

When I finally got a job after months of searching, although it pays terribly low and I find it VERY humiliating to work there, I accepted it. Because I wanted to get enough money to see my love as soon as possible, no matter what.

We were so perfect for each other. Until one day when he completely unexpectedly confronted me that he can no longer stay with me. I don't need to make it clear, it was the most painful feeling I've ever been through my life.
This situation got so far, that he has been avoiding me ever since. Ever since I've been feeling left, lonely and destroyed. I feel that I'm guilty, but I can't see what went wrong.
It has been causing me so much pain, I can't meditate, nor can I train. I am unable to sleep more than 3 hours every night.
I simply can't accept it and move on. This is what I wanted to have, this is what I have been working on (including spiritually)all my life. About a year ago, I asked a Demon to help me attract the perfect mate to me. I've been doing magick for many many months to help build upon the energy.
He was the perfect mate I could have ever dream of.

Since our breakup, my life has been miserable. I don't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Everything I have been working on for an eternity, has disappeared within the blink of an eye, and I seriously don't know what to do with my life. This was really what my plan was in my entire life. And it's now gone. I feel like I cannot ever stand up from this pain. I have to admit, I've been suicidal. I just want to forget everything, but I can't. I want to start a new life, to get reincarnated again. I've been through so many terrible things in the past, I believed, it's about time I deserve to be happy.
I tried to hate him in order to block out all my emotions, but it doesn't work. I love him with all my heart to this day, and I know for a fact that he will be the only man in my life. I'd rather stay alone depressed than to be with someone else.
I've tried to forget him and do something else with my life. But I feel like a part of me has died forever. This is not something that time will tell. It hurts so badly, that when I come home from work, I end up crying all day and eventually pass out.
I'm afraid I'll never be able to talk to him again or to see him in real life. That is the worst part in it. That I'll never be able to be with him physically. I'll never know what it's like to be with him.
Since he doesn't want me in his life anymore, he never will help me to visit him. And I REALLY, honestly can't live without not seeing him at least once. We had planned to move out together. As for now, unlikely that will ever happen. I'll never be able to give him a hug or to kiss him. For the rest of my life, I'll be thinking of what it would have been to be with him. He does not want to see me anymore, although he told me he wants to be in contact. He never wrote to me since... This is killing me. I'm suffering.

I was a loner until I met him. Since I had nobody to be with, not even family, I developed skills to live on my own. It seems, I'm going get thrown out of the house soon enough anyways and I don't know what to do. I'm lost. My life reached a dead end. What I'm trying to say is that, it's not about I've been desperately searching for someone. I would not say I have been perfectly fine alone, because of the horrible things that I had to experience in the family in my childhood. I really wanted to move out, to find a home where I could be living with the man I would die for. I'm seriously going insane because I don't know what's going on. Why is this happening? I don't deserve to be treated like this.
Now, all of this is gone. I'm honest when I'm saying, I'm only living to survive. My life has been a nightmare and I'm waiting to wake up, but it never happens.
I don't understand how this could have possibly happened, turned out this way. We had one of the strongest, most beautiful relationship. More than what I could have ever dreamed of. We were working on a serious business for Satan. Today, none of this exists anymore. I can't understand how can it be. I feel like the Gods have abandoned me and I don't deserve to work for them.
This might not seem that bad at all, but please believe me, it kills me. I woke up in the middle of the night, because of depression and I have nobody to talk with and then I decided to tell it to you fellow satanists.
I'm really the type of person, who better stays silent instead of letting it all out. I couldn't keep it all to myself. But the pain is getting worse and worse with each day. I can't get back to training and meditating. Mainly for the reason, that all my energies that I have had raised during the past years to manifest into reality, is now gone. Everything got suddenly ruined when things were getting close to perfection.
I'm even afraid to meet new people now. Everyone I met during my life, eventually left me. Maybe this is a part of my soul, who I really am? How can I get rid of it?

I don't know if anyone reads this or replies. If you do, thank you for taking the time.

D.

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