Re: emotions

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i feel like im being attacked everyday. my wife wont quit drugs and now our relationship is distraught, stress everyday, and she wants me to move on i think, but i am not sure but i strongly feel it because we talked about it before. the thought without her is terrible. im a pisces that grew up with a single parent no friends or family. and she is a cancer that had an extremely abusive alcoholic mother and  a father that died at 11. and we live with my father along with a friend mike he has a terrible history of drugs and dope making, he doesnt do much but stay home all day and he has just givin up on life i even had him understanding and believing jos but he has no will it seems. i have no job im wanting my life to change so much. this environment is difficult peer pressured alot. in another very unhealthy relationship. i havent healed any and ive tried and even once blacked out and had a huge laceration which im am SO surprised thats didnt kill me. i have collected everything i could. to help me but then my hard drive crashed.
my mother at a young age took me away from my father 5yr - 8yr
i feel self hatred because i have made my dedication but ive failed at making any progress. self pitty i know isnt of satan. the one thing i recently accomplished is ignoring the emotions, but it also feels like it may just be building up. i wont lie i am a very emmotional person i have never known why.
i have always known of ET's always hated christianity. but before jos got into my lige women of the past tried to program me fuck them.
i see greys (when i say that i mean in the sky at night and maybe my dreams i feel that could be why i cannot dream at all)  quite often believe and i always feel their extreme hatred. im confused lost, i haven't by far given up and i never will. but i strongly needs ss support.. a friend... company away from the corruption and hollowness.

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