@peliterapeutti You really sound anxious. Telling from your posts you've been rushing some things, skipping others (basic things by the way) and expecting results to come sooner than they take.
Here's my advice, and you don't need to insult me for that: take some steps back. It's good to have enthusiasm but if you're serious about taking this path then you need to do it the right way. Take it easy, step by step. Spiritual progress is a journey and not something to rushed. You have to learn how to walk before you learn how to run.
And the first thing, and this is a basic thing, is to take your time to read the JoS website throughoutly, patiently and in a way you really absorb the information. Knowledge is power. J.l3mm0n has been replying to you with basic information that you should have already gotten from the website. You wouldn't have many of the questions you've been making if you read all of it. There lies all you need to know. If you started by this step then you would know, among other things, that through power meditation you can overcome mental problems such as anxiety and within some time you would no longer need to take the medicine and even your parents would know that; although they wouldn't know the source of your cure.
Getting into a meditative state already means getting to a point of balance, that is, when you are neither anxious nor depressed; your mind is neither in the future not in the past! You're simply in peace and your mind is in the here and now. So, meditating consistently alone will help lessen your anxiety to some extent. But keep in mind that this, as well as any other results from meditation such as feeling the effects like you said, comes gradually and with consistency.
After you absorb the information on the website you'll even feel more secure about dedicating, which is what you MUST do before starting any of these meditations.
As for not thinking of anything in void meditation, don't expect to be able to do it right away. Void meditation in my opinion is one of the most difficult disciplines and many people, even some non-beginners from what I've seen, struggle with it. You will not succeed right away. But don't get discouraged from that. What comes easy goes easy. The key once again is consistency. What you need to do is to practice dodging your thoughts during void meditation. Do some effort to dodge these thoughts and to keep your mind in the present. You can start with thirty seconds which is a realistic goal to start with, then aim for one minute, two minutes and so on. Just so you know you don't have to do much, five minutes is an adept level. Practice this everyday and just do your best without getting discouraged if it doesn't go like you expected. The more you do it, the better you get at it.
Also have in mind that the moment you meditate is a moment to be enjoyed and not to get anxious about the results.
And well, you said you don't meditate because of your parents and medicine.
But you said you've been doing the reverse torah rituals. So tell me, what's the difference? Why can you do the rituals but not meditate? A well done ritual is practically a kind of meditation.
And btw you should not be messing around with the rituals. That's dangerous. Much emphasis is put on how dangerous it is to meditate without being dedicated. If it's not safe to even meditate without dedication, what makes you think doing these rituals is?
And as you have already been told, the medicine does not prevent you from meditating.
These are my advices and I hope you don't get me wrong. No one is giving these advices to you with the intention of pissing you off.
So summing it up, take some steps back and take your time with all of this progress. Start this journey from the right point and make sure you know how to walk.
After this, I just want to point out one thing: I see you post random questions in the form of replies in random posts. And I noticed you mention that you aren't able to start new topics. Have you tried solving this issue? Checking out the help tutorials?
Good luck
HAIL SATAN!!!
