Question #1919: help

[Ask Satya Operator]

Ok, I've been with the 40-day meditation plan for a while, but I've been neglecting myself, forgetting to do the morning meditations, all because of how I've been, I don't want to, I don't want to. Previously, I was driven a lot by severe masochism, self-harm and stuff, suicide, disgusting mind, I didn't know who the fuck I was, in terms of self-awareness, so I got used to my mind for who I had become, mainly I ended up doing that for fun Now that I can see that beyond, if not because of everything that has happened in my life and how it has affected it, until well, I guess I found a way to get my brain used to the situation I was in and normalize it. Totally swearing to myself that I was going to be like this for my whole life, I had no other option, I said, until I found spiritual Satanism, many things and I felt that I had finally found a way out, I have been thinking all this time about that moment, but, I feel that the essence of my true self has come out, but it is so strange, that I feel that that previous part of me still terrifies me, I am not that strong, I have Pisces in the sun and Aquarius in the ascendant

I've been telling myself that I can't let myself get caught up in that mental state again. I have prayed for help to God Satan, the same night I had a dream about a crows nest, I felt that a crow was stinging me through the opening of the shoes and when I turned around that is when I saw the crows nest, currently because of the I feel my true essence, but I don't know how to meet her, how to relate to her, how to be her, I have many internal problems with myself that overwhelm me, I don't know how to find myself, it may sound stupid, I have also told myself many times but as soon as I keep ignoring it, it doesn't disappear, I feel that because of how I'm changing I'm moving away from the part with which I was already fine, making me feel bad about myself, I've also wondered a lot, am I a bad person? internally I try to improve in the best way but I feel that I am falling into depression, I don't know what to do with myself, I feel that the idea of self-harming again has been wanting to torment me recently to "see how I feel", but I feel that it is the most easily stupid to fall back into the same thing. I know that this type of path towards the truth is not easy, it is a constant struggle, forming yourself as someone strong, I feel guilty at the same time of disappointing God Satan, too guilty. I don't want to leave this, I was recently vibrating runes to calm myself and they worked to some extent, but they make me feel too empty. How can I continue with this? sounds too stupid.

 

[Henu the Great]

I was recently vibrating runes to calm myself and they worked to some extent, but they make me feel too empty.

Raising energy: https://satanslibrary.org/Rituals/Raising_Energies.html

Another easy and quick way to raise energy is breathing exercises. Breathing exercises can be done before, during, and after other meditations you are doing to keep yourself energized. To this end, Yoga asanas are great as well.

 

[Head Guardian Blitzkreig]

You are being pretty hard on yourself. Although it is good to be proactive in your healing, you should not be beating yourself just because you are still learning and growing. No, the Gods are not disappointed. No, you are not a bad person.

What you describe is normal for a Pisces Sun, as the Sun rules the sense of self, self-esteem, confidence, and so on. As Pisces is the sign of Neptune, you can experience feelings of confusion about this. Pisces is mutable water and can feel like it is absorbing what is around it, rather than expressing itself here.

Pisces is also sensitive and desires perfection and purification, as it is an expansive sign. It opposes Virgo, which also desires these things, but in its own ways. As Pisces is also self-sacrificing, this can create self-harm tendencies. Being intuitive, you may be trying to harm yourself as means of both "purifying", but also to explore your emotions by provoking some sort of reaction.

Who you are is someone who is compassionate, emotional, sensitive, and ethereal, in a way. However, these same tendencies can turn negative, and this is what results in your confusion and stress.

Remember that Pisces also senses the future by probing cause and effect. It tries to predict what can happen based on what it presently sees. This is the manner in which it can become seriously disturbed, but also overreact to things which have not actually manifested yet. In regards to you and your identity, you are basically scaring yourself and allowing your feelings to get the better of you.

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What you should be doing is trying to strengthen your natal Sun, not in a way that destroys your existing Pisces uniqueness, but in a way that balances it with the missing confidence and self esteem in which everyone should have.

Focus on your solar chakra. Clean it, empower it very well. Do the breath of fire. Chant Sowilo and use it to make you feel a bit better about yourself. These are short term solutions.

Do your very best to maintain your spiritual routine because there is hope here. With some power in your soul, you can plan a larger working, especially as the Sun enters Leo very soon. You can start a working with Surya on the days marked "Sun Square" on the calendar.

Chant Surya perhaps x40 or x88 times; whatever you can comfortably do daily. Then affirm 8 times that is has positively and permanently strengthened your solar energies. You can visualize a white-gold aspect of your solar growing, or you can view your solar chakra and the areas of the soul it rules as growing and advancing inside you.

Feel a positive and warm fire growing within you, as this is what the energies have improved upon, as the solar energy of your soul is what creates a strong sense of identity and self-esteem. You will feel more happy about yourself and able to laugh about things which may be imperfect. You will feel more joyful and able to express yourself. You will have more energy and vitality, as the Sun rules all of these things.