Perhaps there is someone who has shared similar experiences...

[chronokid3]

Before I get to the main point of my post I wanted to tell a little background info about myself. First off, I'm very new to being a Satanist and I'm still learning, but since it is a lot to take in at once, it's been a slow process for me. I was raised by xtian parents who eventually caused me to become numb on a spiritual level, where I once excelled greatly. Now to get to the point:

Growing up I've come to learn some things that both bother me and fascinate me. But what I really want to know is... am I the only one like this or are there others? The following are things I have learned/experienced and if there is anyone who can shed light on these, or has had similar experiences, I would like to hear(read) what you have to say:

I have always felt strange in this world and have walked a path that I like to call the "twilight." I call it this as it is neither the left nor the right hand path, neither light nor dark, but it's more like the "in-between" if that makes any sense. Growing up, my spiritual senses have always been rather high and I have seen things that would cause many to tell me I was crazy or would try to convince me that I was wrong.

I have also come to find that I am feared/awed by many and I don't understand why. To elaborate, I have walked up to kids-whom are said to still very in tune with our world-and they often react to me in one of two ways: 1) stare at me with awe and great fascination or 2) freak out and start to scream. I have been to places many would state were full of paranormal activity, but the moment I got there everything would go silent and nothing would happen until I had left.

I have always taken a great fascination to demons, dragons, and gods but have always disliked/distrusted the very thought of the xtian's words/teachings including their god and jesus. However, it feels like there is a war over me... if that makes any sense at all. I may be reading too much into this, but when I was a kid I had things happen to me, and things recently as well. My mother-who's sanity I ALWAYS question-and my step-father would tell me of incidents as a child in which I would talk of seeings several beings in my room at night and would wake up with scratches all over my body. One incident in particular still leaves me scarred to this day.

When I was about 8-9, I had gone to sleep with my door open allowing the hallway light to filter into the room and this made me feel a lot better about things; however, this night I would be awoken by the feeling of something entering my mouth. I awoke completely started and freaked out almost instantly as I saw that my room was covered in what looked like thousands upon thousands of queen ants. I panicked and ran out of my room and to my parents door (just on the other end of the hall but still within eyesight of my door) and began pounding upon their door. I began frantically calling out to my parents and then looked back at the room and was confused. I saw the insects crawling out of my room but the moment they entered the light they vanished... I never could explain just what happened that night.

Recently I have been assaulted as well. So far, that I can recall, there have been two incidents. One of which was I feel asleep after spending several days playing a rather fascinating game in which you kill various angels. Well I had what felt like a terrible nightmare in which I was snatched up by two angels, I am not certain of who they were, but they made me very uneasy. They told me that I was to die soon and attempted to show me heaven, saying that my actions have condemned my soul and that when I die I would never be permitted into their kingdom. They continued to proceed to try and prove to me that-without any form of doubt-heaven existed, that the xtian god was real and that there was still a chance to redeem myself. The next incident was when I attempted to go to sleep the other day. In my minds eye I felt my astral self sit up and look at the doorway (I was still facing the wall with my eyes closed at this time) and I saw a man walk into my room, he looked rather pissed off about something. He walked straight over to my fan that was sitting upon a chair in my room and I suddenly sat up with a start. As I did my fan fell off the chair and when I looked around the man was gone...

There were more incidents, but I'll leave it at this. Anyways... I don't know if any one has had anything similar happen to them, but yeah... I just hope I didn't do anything wrong by talking of this...

 

[starmithril]

Thank you for sharing this, a lot of people deal with this on a daily basis, but don't really talk about it with others, for fear of being labelled or criticized. It's brave of you. =)
You say that you are a newly dedicated Satanist. Have you done the beginning basic foundation meditation, as well as doing the protection meditation? Do you put an aura of protection around yourself twice a day, more if necessary? This will help deter and/or lessen attacks.
http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... ation.html
http://www.666blacksun.com/Protection.html

It is important to start a Power Meditation when we start in Satanism, that way, you slowly become stronger, and are able to defend yourself from attacks at nighttime, or from enemy beings that seek to hurt you, as well as advancing your soul.
Have you prayed to Father Satan and asked if He could send you a Guardian Demon? Have you opened up your chakras yet? This, along with doing meditation, will help make you more spiritually aware and sensitive so you can speak to Father and the Demons.
Entities will come to us and bother us, or surround and watch us when we have a strong soul and aura, even when we are young and do not know this until later. It's very likely that Father Satan has called you to Him. Keep strong in Him, do your meditations and know that you are stronger then you think. You have it in you, that's why enemy "angels" will make you feel guilty, make you doubt yourself, make you feel as if you are not good enough as you are, and make you think you must "repent" of your sins in order to enter some phoney idea of a christian Heaven. DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. They know what you are, what you will become. Father Satan made you, He knows you, and will protect you, but you have to learn how to protect and defend yourself too. Best of luck on your new walk in Satanism.
Hail Satan!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "chronokid3" <chronokid3@... wrote:

Before I get to the main point of my post I wanted to tell a little background info about myself. First off, I'm very new to being a Satanist and I'm still learning, but since it is a lot to take in at once, it's been a slow process for me. I was raised by xtian parents who eventually caused me to become numb on a spiritual level, where I once excelled greatly. Now to get to the point:

Growing up I've come to learn some things that both bother me and fascinate me. But what I really want to know is... am I the only one like this or are there others? The following are things I have learned/experienced and if there is anyone who can shed light on these, or has had similar experiences, I would like to hear(read) what you have to say:

I have always felt strange in this world and have walked a path that I like to call the "twilight." I call it this as it is neither the left nor the right hand path, neither light nor dark, but it's more like the "in-between" if that makes any sense. Growing up, my spiritual senses have always been rather high and I have seen things that would cause many to tell me I was crazy or would try to convince me that I was wrong.

I have also come to find that I am feared/awed by many and I don't understand why. To elaborate, I have walked up to kids-whom are said to still very in tune with our world-and they often react to me in one of two ways: 1) stare at me with awe and great fascination or 2) freak out and start to scream. I have been to places many would state were full of paranormal activity, but the moment I got there everything would go silent and nothing would happen until I had left.

I have always taken a great fascination to demons, dragons, and gods but have always disliked/distrusted the very thought of the xtian's words/teachings including their god and jesus. However, it feels like there is a war over me... if that makes any sense at all. I may be reading too much into this, but when I was a kid I had things happen to me, and things recently as well. My mother-who's sanity I ALWAYS question-and my step-father would tell me of incidents as a child in which I would talk of seeings several beings in my room at night and would wake up with scratches all over my body. One incident in particular still leaves me scarred to this day.

When I was about 8-9, I had gone to sleep with my door open allowing the hallway light to filter into the room and this made me feel a lot better about things; however, this night I would be awoken by the feeling of something entering my mouth. I awoke completely started and freaked out almost instantly as I saw that my room was covered in what looked like thousands upon thousands of queen ants. I panicked and ran out of my room and to my parents door (just on the other end of the hall but still within eyesight of my door) and began pounding upon their door. I began frantically calling out to my parents and then looked back at the room and was confused. I saw the insects crawling out of my room but the moment they entered the light they vanished... I never could explain just what happened that night.

Recently I have been assaulted as well. So far, that I can recall, there have been two incidents. One of which was I feel asleep after spending several days playing a rather fascinating game in which you kill various angels. Well I had what felt like a terrible nightmare in which I was snatched up by two angels, I am not certain of who they were, but they made me very uneasy. They told me that I was to die soon and attempted to show me heaven, saying that my actions have condemned my soul and that when I die I would never be permitted into their kingdom. They continued to proceed to try and prove to me that-without any form of doubt-heaven existed, that the xtian god was real and that there was still a chance to redeem myself. The next incident was when I attempted to go to sleep the other day. In my minds eye I felt my astral self sit up and look at the doorway (I was still facing the wall with my eyes closed at this time) and I saw a man walk into my room, he looked rather pissed off about something. He walked straight over to my fan that was sitting upon a chair in my room and I suddenly sat up with a start. As I did my fan fell off the chair and when I looked around the man was gone...

There were more incidents, but I'll leave it at this. Anyways... I don't know if any one has had anything similar happen to them, but yeah... I just hope I didn't do anything wrong by talking of this...

 

[artifergolem1]

I feel like lately (even though I wouldn't consider myself very active at all in regards to spiritual warfare. Maybe I'm wrong?) that I've been harassed by our enemy. (Bad dreams, externally induced feelings, and generally feeling like crap even though nothing is wrong out of the ordinary.)
I find that just visualizing intently Algiz (the rune) is effective at alleviating spiritual harassment.
That and doing the stuff suggested on JoS. I have a feeling I'm going to have step that up.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "starmithril" <starmithril@... wrote:


Thank you for sharing this, a lot of people deal with this on a daily basis, but don't really talk about it with others, for fear of being labelled or criticized. It's brave of you. =)
You say that you are a newly dedicated Satanist. Have you done the beginning basic foundation meditation, as well as doing the protection meditation? Do you put an aura of protection around yourself twice a day, more if necessary? This will help deter and/or lessen attacks.
http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... ation.html
http://www.666blacksun.com/Protection.html

It is important to start a Power Meditation when we start in Satanism, that way, you slowly become stronger, and are able to defend yourself from attacks at nighttime, or from enemy beings that seek to hurt you, as well as advancing your soul.
Have you prayed to Father Satan and asked if He could send you a Guardian Demon? Have you opened up your chakras yet? This, along with doing meditation, will help make you more spiritually aware and sensitive so you can speak to Father and the Demons.
Entities will come to us and bother us, or surround and watch us when we have a strong soul and aura, even when we are young and do not know this until later. It's very likely that Father Satan has called you to Him. Keep strong in Him, do your meditations and know that you are stronger then you think. You have it in you, that's why enemy "angels" will make you feel guilty, make you doubt yourself, make you feel as if you are not good enough as you are, and make you think you must "repent" of your sins in order to enter some phoney idea of a christian Heaven. DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. They know what you are, what you will become. Father Satan made you, He knows you, and will protect you, but you have to learn how to protect and defend yourself too. Best of luck on your new walk in Satanism.
Hail Satan!
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "chronokid3" <chronokid3@ wrote:

Before I get to the main point of my post I wanted to tell a little background info about myself. First off, I'm very new to being a Satanist and I'm still learning, but since it is a lot to take in at once, it's been a slow process for me. I was raised by xtian parents who eventually caused me to become numb on a spiritual level, where I once excelled greatly. Now to get to the point:

Growing up I've come to learn some things that both bother me and fascinate me. But what I really want to know is... am I the only one like this or are there others? The following are things I have learned/experienced and if there is anyone who can shed light on these, or has had similar experiences, I would like to hear(read) what you have to say:

I have always felt strange in this world and have walked a path that I like to call the "twilight." I call it this as it is neither the left nor the right hand path, neither light nor dark, but it's more like the "in-between" if that makes any sense. Growing up, my spiritual senses have always been rather high and I have seen things that would cause many to tell me I was crazy or would try to convince me that I was wrong.

I have also come to find that I am feared/awed by many and I don't understand why. To elaborate, I have walked up to kids-whom are said to still very in tune with our world-and they often react to me in one of two ways: 1) stare at me with awe and great fascination or 2) freak out and start to scream. I have been to places many would state were full of paranormal activity, but the moment I got there everything would go silent and nothing would happen until I had left.

I have always taken a great fascination to demons, dragons, and gods but have always disliked/distrusted the very thought of the xtian's words/teachings including their god and jesus. However, it feels like there is a war over me... if that makes any sense at all. I may be reading too much into this, but when I was a kid I had things happen to me, and things recently as well. My mother-who's sanity I ALWAYS question-and my step-father would tell me of incidents as a child in which I would talk of seeings several beings in my room at night and would wake up with scratches all over my body. One incident in particular still leaves me scarred to this day.

When I was about 8-9, I had gone to sleep with my door open allowing the hallway light to filter into the room and this made me feel a lot better about things; however, this night I would be awoken by the feeling of something entering my mouth. I awoke completely started and freaked out almost instantly as I saw that my room was covered in what looked like thousands upon thousands of queen ants. I panicked and ran out of my room and to my parents door (just on the other end of the hall but still within eyesight of my door) and began pounding upon their door. I began frantically calling out to my parents and then looked back at the room and was confused. I saw the insects crawling out of my room but the moment they entered the light they vanished... I never could explain just what happened that night.

Recently I have been assaulted as well. So far, that I can recall, there have been two incidents. One of which was I feel asleep after spending several days playing a rather fascinating game in which you kill various angels. Well I had what felt like a terrible nightmare in which I was snatched up by two angels, I am not certain of who they were, but they made me very uneasy. They told me that I was to die soon and attempted to show me heaven, saying that my actions have condemned my soul and that when I die I would never be permitted into their kingdom. They continued to proceed to try and prove to me that-without any form of doubt-heaven existed, that the xtian god was real and that there was still a chance to redeem myself. The next incident was when I attempted to go to sleep the other day. In my minds eye I felt my astral self sit up and look at the doorway (I was still facing the wall with my eyes closed at this time) and I saw a man walk into my room, he looked rather pissed off about something. He walked straight over to my fan that was sitting upon a chair in my room and I suddenly sat up with a start. As I did my fan fell off the chair and when I looked around the man was gone...

There were more incidents, but I'll leave it at this. Anyways... I don't know if any one has had anything similar happen to them, but yeah... I just hope I didn't do anything wrong by talking of this...

 

[chronokid3]

I appreciate the reply. I unfortunately haven't started the protection meditations yet; however, I have looked at the basic meditations and I have been working upon the breathing exercises. I'm still very poor at those and I am slowly working to improve upon that. I'll shall read over the protection meditation as soon as I have a chance (I currently have a guest with me) and I'll work on preforming that each day.

I haven't prayed to Father Satan in regards to obtaining a guardian Demon. Honestly some of these areas confuse me a little. What is the most appropriate way to approach this? Is there a proper procedure that I should follow? Should I give an offering? If so, what would be appropriate? Forgive me for still being so "green" in all of this. I just really don't want to be offensive in any way. After all, knowledge is the best defense against the enemy.

Thanks again for all your assistance and knowledge.

Hail Father Satan!
Hail All the Gods that Follow Father!
Hail my Brothers and Sisters!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "starmithril" <starmithril@... wrote:


Thank you for sharing this, a lot of people deal with this on a daily basis, but don't really talk about it with others, for fear of being labelled or criticized. It's brave of you. =)
You say that you are a newly dedicated Satanist. Have you done the beginning basic foundation meditation, as well as doing the protection meditation? Do you put an aura of protection around yourself twice a day, more if necessary? This will help deter and/or lessen attacks.
http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... ation.html
http://www.666blacksun.com/Protection.html

It is important to start a Power Meditation when we start in Satanism, that way, you slowly become stronger, and are able to defend yourself from attacks at nighttime, or from enemy beings that seek to hurt you, as well as advancing your soul.
Have you prayed to Father Satan and asked if He could send you a Guardian Demon? Have you opened up your chakras yet? This, along with doing meditation, will help make you more spiritually aware and sensitive so you can speak to Father and the Demons.
Entities will come to us and bother us, or surround and watch us when we have a strong soul and aura, even when we are young and do not know this until later. It's very likely that Father Satan has called you to Him. Keep strong in Him, do your meditations and know that you are stronger then you think. You have it in you, that's why enemy "angels" will make you feel guilty, make you doubt yourself, make you feel as if you are not good enough as you are, and make you think you must "repent" of your sins in order to enter some phoney idea of a christian Heaven. DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. They know what you are, what you will become. Father Satan made you, He knows you, and will protect you, but you have to learn how to protect and defend yourself too. Best of luck on your new walk in Satanism.
Hail Satan!
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "chronokid3" <chronokid3@ wrote:

Before I get to the main point of my post I wanted to tell a little background info about myself. First off, I'm very new to being a Satanist and I'm still learning, but since it is a lot to take in at once, it's been a slow process for me. I was raised by xtian parents who eventually caused me to become numb on a spiritual level, where I once excelled greatly. Now to get to the point:

Growing up I've come to learn some things that both bother me and fascinate me. But what I really want to know is... am I the only one like this or are there others? The following are things I have learned/experienced and if there is anyone who can shed light on these, or has had similar experiences, I would like to hear(read) what you have to say:

I have always felt strange in this world and have walked a path that I like to call the "twilight." I call it this as it is neither the left nor the right hand path, neither light nor dark, but it's more like the "in-between" if that makes any sense. Growing up, my spiritual senses have always been rather high and I have seen things that would cause many to tell me I was crazy or would try to convince me that I was wrong.

I have also come to find that I am feared/awed by many and I don't understand why. To elaborate, I have walked up to kids-whom are said to still very in tune with our world-and they often react to me in one of two ways: 1) stare at me with awe and great fascination or 2) freak out and start to scream. I have been to places many would state were full of paranormal activity, but the moment I got there everything would go silent and nothing would happen until I had left.

I have always taken a great fascination to demons, dragons, and gods but have always disliked/distrusted the very thought of the xtian's words/teachings including their god and jesus. However, it feels like there is a war over me... if that makes any sense at all. I may be reading too much into this, but when I was a kid I had things happen to me, and things recently as well. My mother-who's sanity I ALWAYS question-and my step-father would tell me of incidents as a child in which I would talk of seeings several beings in my room at night and would wake up with scratches all over my body. One incident in particular still leaves me scarred to this day.

When I was about 8-9, I had gone to sleep with my door open allowing the hallway light to filter into the room and this made me feel a lot better about things; however, this night I would be awoken by the feeling of something entering my mouth. I awoke completely started and freaked out almost instantly as I saw that my room was covered in what looked like thousands upon thousands of queen ants. I panicked and ran out of my room and to my parents door (just on the other end of the hall but still within eyesight of my door) and began pounding upon their door. I began frantically calling out to my parents and then looked back at the room and was confused. I saw the insects crawling out of my room but the moment they entered the light they vanished... I never could explain just what happened that night.

Recently I have been assaulted as well. So far, that I can recall, there have been two incidents. One of which was I feel asleep after spending several days playing a rather fascinating game in which you kill various angels. Well I had what felt like a terrible nightmare in which I was snatched up by two angels, I am not certain of who they were, but they made me very uneasy. They told me that I was to die soon and attempted to show me heaven, saying that my actions have condemned my soul and that when I die I would never be permitted into their kingdom. They continued to proceed to try and prove to me that-without any form of doubt-heaven existed, that the xtian god was real and that there was still a chance to redeem myself. The next incident was when I attempted to go to sleep the other day. In my minds eye I felt my astral self sit up and look at the doorway (I was still facing the wall with my eyes closed at this time) and I saw a man walk into my room, he looked rather pissed off about something. He walked straight over to my fan that was sitting upon a chair in my room and I suddenly sat up with a start. As I did my fan fell off the chair and when I looked around the man was gone...

There were more incidents, but I'll leave it at this. Anyways... I don't know if any one has had anything similar happen to them, but yeah... I just hope I didn't do anything wrong by talking of this...

 

[starmithril]

It's good that you are establishing a meditation routine, that's really important. Even if you cannot do one hour in one sitting, it's always good to cut up meditation into 15 sessions, once or twice a day, or more, if you can. Just to start. See what works best with you. =)
When we dedicate to Father Satan, we will notice that people stop harassing or bullying us. However, it is often common that we notice or are more aware of psychic attacks, or physical ones, coming from a source that is NOT human (enemy Nordics, Greys, Reptilians.) Or it's just bogus xians trying to leech onto you, as they would anyone. Like they have an inbuilt detector for non-xians, the slimy fuckers.
... But my point is, please consider working on the protection meditation, and building an aura of white-gold light around you, programming the aura by saying something along the lines of, " I am safe and protected, at all times, in every way", etc. after you breathe in white gold light and are exhaling it into your aura.
As for praying to Father Satan, you can pray at your altar. If you do not have one because of money issues or because you live in an xian home, or where your parents are nosy and/or not understanding, no worries. Just do the best you can. Father understands!
You can pray in your closet, or kneel by your bed, with palms flat against each other, at your heart chakra or higher, whatever is comfortable. Or you can just clasp your hands, fold them in your lap, and just pray in your mind or quietly out loud. Just talk to Father Satan as you feel is best. He is our God, Creator, Father, Lord, Teacher, Friend, and Guide. He is the best Friend and most understanding Parent and God one can ever know! You can tell Him your thoughts about life, people, Satanism, Him, your problems, your fears, hopes, worries, dreams, and you can also use this time to read poems or stories that you have written about and to Him, the Gods and Demons. Poems and stories, or even songs, are always really awesome!
You can close your prayer with "Hail Satan!", "Ave Satanas", or even "Amen", but it's not xian, don't worry. It comes from "Amon-Ra", which is Egyptian in origin, and xianity stole that.
There's really no proper procedure you should follow. What was listed above is just an outline, it does not have to be followed word by word, but it's just an idea to get you started.
Always be respectful, and honest. Father Satan values honesty VERY highly. Even in your prayers, if you feel awkward admitting something you know is true, just admit it anyways, it's to Father Satan, and He does NOT judge or think less of us.
Please consider doing, if you can, a standard/thanksgiving ritual to Father Satan once a week, it helps us get closer to the Gods, and is very nourishing to the soul.
http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... TUALS.html

Hail Satan!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "chronokid3" <chronokid3@... wrote:

I appreciate the reply. I unfortunately haven't started the protection meditations yet; however, I have looked at the basic meditations and I have been working upon the breathing exercises. I'm still very poor at those and I am slowly working to improve upon that. I'll shall read over the protection meditation as soon as I have a chance (I currently have a guest with me) and I'll work on preforming that each day.

I haven't prayed to Father Satan in regards to obtaining a guardian Demon. Honestly some of these areas confuse me a little. What is the most appropriate way to approach this? Is there a proper procedure that I should follow? Should I give an offering? If so, what would be appropriate? Forgive me for still being so "green" in all of this. I just really don't want to be offensive in any way. After all, knowledge is the best defense against the enemy.

Thanks again for all your assistance and knowledge.

Hail Father Satan!
Hail All the Gods that Follow Father!
Hail my Brothers and Sisters!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "starmithril" <starmithril@ wrote:


Thank you for sharing this, a lot of people deal with this on a daily basis, but don't really talk about it with others, for fear of being labelled or criticized. It's brave of you. =)
You say that you are a newly dedicated Satanist. Have you done the beginning basic foundation meditation, as well as doing the protection meditation? Do you put an aura of protection around yourself twice a day, more if necessary? This will help deter and/or lessen attacks.
http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... ation.html
http://www.666blacksun.com/Protection.html

It is important to start a Power Meditation when we start in Satanism, that way, you slowly become stronger, and are able to defend yourself from attacks at nighttime, or from enemy beings that seek to hurt you, as well as advancing your soul.
Have you prayed to Father Satan and asked if He could send you a Guardian Demon? Have you opened up your chakras yet? This, along with doing meditation, will help make you more spiritually aware and sensitive so you can speak to Father and the Demons.
Entities will come to us and bother us, or surround and watch us when we have a strong soul and aura, even when we are young and do not know this until later. It's very likely that Father Satan has called you to Him. Keep strong in Him, do your meditations and know that you are stronger then you think. You have it in you, that's why enemy "angels" will make you feel guilty, make you doubt yourself, make you feel as if you are not good enough as you are, and make you think you must "repent" of your sins in order to enter some phoney idea of a christian Heaven. DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. They know what you are, what you will become. Father Satan made you, He knows you, and will protect you, but you have to learn how to protect and defend yourself too. Best of luck on your new walk in Satanism.
Hail Satan!
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "chronokid3" <chronokid3@ wrote:

Before I get to the main point of my post I wanted to tell a little background info about myself. First off, I'm very new to being a Satanist and I'm still learning, but since it is a lot to take in at once, it's been a slow process for me. I was raised by xtian parents who eventually caused me to become numb on a spiritual level, where I once excelled greatly. Now to get to the point:

Growing up I've come to learn some things that both bother me and fascinate me. But what I really want to know is... am I the only one like this or are there others? The following are things I have learned/experienced and if there is anyone who can shed light on these, or has had similar experiences, I would like to hear(read) what you have to say:

I have always felt strange in this world and have walked a path that I like to call the "twilight." I call it this as it is neither the left nor the right hand path, neither light nor dark, but it's more like the "in-between" if that makes any sense. Growing up, my spiritual senses have always been rather high and I have seen things that would cause many to tell me I was crazy or would try to convince me that I was wrong.

I have also come to find that I am feared/awed by many and I don't understand why. To elaborate, I have walked up to kids-whom are said to still very in tune with our world-and they often react to me in one of two ways: 1) stare at me with awe and great fascination or 2) freak out and start to scream. I have been to places many would state were full of paranormal activity, but the moment I got there everything would go silent and nothing would happen until I had left.

I have always taken a great fascination to demons, dragons, and gods but have always disliked/distrusted the very thought of the xtian's words/teachings including their god and jesus. However, it feels like there is a war over me... if that makes any sense at all. I may be reading too much into this, but when I was a kid I had things happen to me, and things recently as well. My mother-who's sanity I ALWAYS question-and my step-father would tell me of incidents as a child in which I would talk of seeings several beings in my room at night and would wake up with scratches all over my body. One incident in particular still leaves me scarred to this day.

When I was about 8-9, I had gone to sleep with my door open allowing the hallway light to filter into the room and this made me feel a lot better about things; however, this night I would be awoken by the feeling of something entering my mouth. I awoke completely started and freaked out almost instantly as I saw that my room was covered in what looked like thousands upon thousands of queen ants. I panicked and ran out of my room and to my parents door (just on the other end of the hall but still within eyesight of my door) and began pounding upon their door. I began frantically calling out to my parents and then looked back at the room and was confused. I saw the insects crawling out of my room but the moment they entered the light they vanished... I never could explain just what happened that night.

Recently I have been assaulted as well. So far, that I can recall, there have been two incidents. One of which was I feel asleep after spending several days playing a rather fascinating game in which you kill various angels. Well I had what felt like a terrible nightmare in which I was snatched up by two angels, I am not certain of who they were, but they made me very uneasy. They told me that I was to die soon and attempted to show me heaven, saying that my actions have condemned my soul and that when I die I would never be permitted into their kingdom. They continued to proceed to try and prove to me that-without any form of doubt-heaven existed, that the xtian god was real and that there was still a chance to redeem myself. The next incident was when I attempted to go to sleep the other day. In my minds eye I felt my astral self sit up and look at the doorway (I was still facing the wall with my eyes closed at this time) and I saw a man walk into my room, he looked rather pissed off about something. He walked straight over to my fan that was sitting upon a chair in my room and I suddenly sat up with a start. As I did my fan fell off the chair and when I looked around the man was gone...

There were more incidents, but I'll leave it at this. Anyways... I don't know if any one has had anything similar happen to them, but yeah... I just hope I didn't do anything wrong by talking of this...