My mentality regarding diabetes

[DarkAries]

Greetings!

So... sorry for writing this, it will be raw, long, sometikes evil and bitter, and mostly just ranting. I try to write down my problem as precise as I can. I try to stay away from self hatred, but its not the easiest. Still, I trusth some can provide me an answer, that can hold even in the worst cases.

As some of you know, in july 2023, I got diagnosed with type one diabetes, which is uncurable, and require a lot of insulin every day. I was hopeful at the start that Ill be the one who fix it, but all I got just failures. Even after all of my efforts, all medical things downgrade just as fast as it would be for the lowest anthropod. I know, I could try to fix it with other techniques, maybe it will work, have faith and be positive, but its crushing my spirit, with every failure screaming that I failed. This, alone makes me feel miserable, but its not the most problematic part.

So, self critique. I strongly belive that all problems should either be fixed and healed or destroyed. I overall dont think every humans worth some. If you have over billions of something, its lose its value, its quality, and only the quantity seems to matter. We all should perfect ourselves, why waste time on something broken then? Instead of fixing the broken, helping the damaged get back to zero, you could make the strong and flawless even better, even stronger, a better human being.

I couldnt heal diabetes just yet. Even for getting it, I saw as I failed. The fact, that I would literally die without a daily medicine is just beyond shameful. I dint see it as some 'great human technological succes'. Just keeping alive something, that should have been dead by nature, and oh how far humanity strayed from nature! I see it s something that cant survive on its own isnt worthy for existing. Humanity made a lot of waste. For examble, chihuahuas are shameful parodies of the wolves, and they would just cease to exist if humans wouldnt take care of them.

The fact that others got it worse, or that others with way bigger health issues live a 'fulfilling and happy' life feels a miserable excuse. Something the weaks tells to themselves, to mke themselves feel better. Fulfilling and happy life is nothing. Even perfection would be just the first step in our path, something only for the best of the best, just the top 1 percent, or even top 0,8 percent of humanity. And this case, me getting diabetes, it doesnt make any sense for me. Its been years, but I still dont see it any better, dont see the reason or any of the order on it. What horrendous crime should have I been commited to deserve it, yet I havent done such. Or why I havent healed it yet? At least a small succes, a small increase in cpeptid number(which directly shows how much beta cells and own insulin you have), but I repeat, so far it decreased as it is written for the doctors, like it would decrease for any of the lowest antropod. Arent there a million, billion more, who would have been deserve it!? Yet it happened with me, from all existence. I dont see how it could happen...

Just why? Havent I fought all of my young years? Havent I sacrificed a lot of my free times to train and advance myself? Havent I did RTRs with the motivation of a bloodthirty warrior, every single day? Havent I did all I could, to try to show the truth to others!? Just why... why this shit happened to me. It makes no bloody sense. Fuck, my whole reason tonstay alive when I got diagnosed(and not overreacting I nearly died at the hospital) was that there were still havey RTRs, and I wanted to fight. That was my whole reason to live. Fight, and destroy the jews. Kill my enemies. Repaying all that they have done to us. Sure, building a divine world from our planet, but that wasnt my reason. And humans near their death shows their true side.

Yes, I can find some positive sides on it, telling it will make me stronger, but no. Nothing, I have achived, came from this sickness, and all would have been achived sooner, better or with less time/energy without it.

I could see how we could view modern medicines as a gift from the gods, even my insulin as a gift to keep me alive, but its miserable to know that Im forced to this. I see that as Im no lomger strong enough to survive on my own. Something broken, thats still being kept alive because it have use.

I know how I sound like, I know. I try to stay positive, but truth is, I never have answers for these. And things dont seem to be better without having something to answer for these, something to live for. I run the same circles, same fucking mental lows, whiches I can never get better. Just I get over it for a while after a few weeks, or days. Getting cpeptid back to zero, to healthy would be equal of regrowing a lost limb, as I said somewhen early in this year. I dont know anyone, even godlike humans who ever achived something like that. Maybe Asclepios, but He was literally a Demigod, while he walked the earth. What chance I have then.

So... sorry for this long and angry yapping. I meant not to provoke, just writing out my most honest. It might be bad and maybe I shouldnt have, since most of it has already been said, but I feel like I have to.
Hail Zeus!

 

[DarkAries]

The only reason I could think of, I once cursed adam. He was an idiot, he called himself a Satanist, but shared jewish practices, thinked that he fully raised kundalini in a month, and he have 'snake poison' from it, and other delusional shit. He havent even done the dedication ritual properly, just wrote it with jewish names in his own sick image. He might not have deserved me to curse it, but he was not one of us

 

[MT Kim]

I remembered this case study published a year ago in a journal about a patient with type 1 diabetes undergoing stem cell therapy. You probably already read it, but if not I would like to share: https://www.cell.com/cell/fulltext/...m/retrieve/pii/S0092867424010225?showall=true

A quote from the study: "Within 2 weeks after transplantation, the patient’s daily exogenous insulin dose requirement began to reduce from baseline of 54 ± 0.9 units/day (...) From day 18 post-transplantation, the patient’s daily insulin dose requirement decreased steadily from 43 units/day. The patient achieved complete insulin independence on day 75. Thereafter, the patient remained insulin-independent for the follow-up period of 1 year."

Those are incredible results. I hope this treatment becomes available to you and with no complications

 

[DarkAries]

I remembered this case study published a year ago in a journal about a patient with type 1 diabetes undergoing stem cell therapy. You probably already read it, but if not I would like to share: https://www.cell.com/cell/fulltext/S0092-8674(24)01022-5?_returnURL=https://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0092867424010225?showall=true

A quote from the study: "Within 2 weeks after transplantation, the patient’s daily exogenous insulin dose requirement began to reduce from baseline of 54 ± 0.9 units/day (...) From day 18 post-transplantation, the patient’s daily insulin dose requirement decreased steadily from 43 units/day. The patient achieved complete insulin independence on day 75. Thereafter, the patient remained insulin-independent for the follow-up period of 1 year."

Those are incredible results. I hope this treatment becomes available to you and with no complications

I highly doubt China would share it with the world, even more that I ever will have the chance of recieving it. Still, I feel like it would be late, the amount of self hatred and failures this shit caused me left nothing of me. I feel like I died there, just still moving

 

[AFODO]

What does the material body worth anyways? It's just a well arranged piece of wet coal, all inanimate without the soul, and most importantly the mind.
The mind is the most important part of a being, if your mind is healthy the rest shall be healthy as well. If your mind is great, you shall be great as well.

 

[MasterJ192216]

I know that you are ranting here, getting some pressure off, but why just accept your condition and keep moving higher? Why are you stuck on this phase of your life? There is one way to cure yourself but you won't attain it if you focus on your previous attempt to cure it. Accept that you have Type 1 Diabetes and work your way higher spiritually. As you focus on your advancement and the whole world keep growing towards the Gods, nothing is impossible.

I don't want to be hash but let go of this illness and your attempt to destroy it and focus on positive thing for your soul.

 

[DarkAries]

I know that you are ranting here, getting some pressure off, but why just accept your condition and keep moving higher? Why are you stuck on this phase of your life? There is one way to cure yourself but you won't attain it if you focus on your previous attempt to cure it. Accept that you have Type 1 Diabetes and work your way higher spiritually. As you focus on your advancement and the whole world keep growing towards the Gods, nothing is impossible.

I don't want to be hash but let go of this illness and your attempt to destroy it and focus on positive thing for your soul.

I know, but its much easier said than done. You have any idea how devastating it is, that no matter what I try, my bloodsugar just goes up and I feel powerless to fix it? Something every single other human can do without chemicals? There are literal days when I spend every living hour trying to keep it in balance, but failing, over, and over, and over! I would be mostly fine with whole diabetes, if it would function normally, and all the damned insulins would actually make any difference. Or if I could keep it under control with keto diet and only basal insulin. Or if the 26 months of my relentless healing works would show a sight of actual progress.

For me, accepting is the same of giving up. It would be giving up my old life and accepting Ive failed in healing and become less. Accepting that I was and idiot thingink I could heal it. But yes, likely its not possible for any mortal, at least not for me, but I just cant bear the failure.

 

[DarkAries]

What does the material body worth anyways? It's just a well arranged piece of wet coal, all inanimate without the soul, and most importantly the mind.
The mind is the most important part of a being, if your mind is healthy the rest shall be healthy as well. If your mind is great, you shall be great as well.

I recommend some Nietzsche. Mind and body are equally important, thats why we also must strengthen our body. Xianty was heavily against the physical body, so they produced the skeleton like frail abominations of humans and called them saints. Disgusting.

 

[DarkAries]

I know, but its much easier said than done. You have any idea how devastating it is, that no matter what I try, my bloodsugar just goes up and I feel powerless to fix it? Something every single other human can do without chemicals? There are literal days when I spend every living hour trying to keep it in balance, but failing, over, and over, and over! I would be mostly fine with whole diabetes, if it would function normally, and all the damned insulins would actually make any difference. Or if I could keep it under control with keto diet and only basal insulin. Or if the 26 months of my relentless healing works would show a sight of actual progress.

For me, accepting is the same of giving up. It would be giving up my old life and accepting Ive failed in healing and become less. Accepting that I was and idiot thingink I could heal it. But yes, likely its not possible for any mortal, at least not for me, but I just cant bear the failure.

I know, I know, sorry... but, heres my problem. If I just accept it, that means I just keep it in control as much as I can, but dont try to cure diabetes. If I fight against it and try to do the impossible and heal it, fix myself, then I wont accepted it.

 

[MasterJ192216]

I know, but its much easier said than done. You have any idea how devastating it is, that no matter what I try, my bloodsugar just goes up and I feel powerless to fix it? Something every single other human can do without chemicals? There are literal days when I spend every living hour trying to keep it in balance, but failing, over, and over, and over! I would be mostly fine with whole diabetes, if it would function normally, and all the damned insulins would actually make any difference. Or if I could keep it under control with keto diet and only basal insulin. Or if the 26 months of my relentless healing works would show a sight of actual progress.

For me, accepting is the same of giving up. It would be giving up my old life and accepting Ive failed in healing and become less. Accepting that I was and idiot thingink I could heal it. But yes, likely its not possible for any mortal, at least not for me, but I just cant bear the failure.

Yes, I have an idea. My father was type 1 diabetes too.


I know the struggle you have.

Try to find books from Dr Benjamin Bikman. His approach is not typical.

Good luck brother.

 

[AFODO]

I recommend some Nietzsche. Mind and body are equally important, thats why we also must strengthen our body. Xianty was heavily against the physical body, so they produced the skeleton like frail abominations of humans and called them saints. Disgusting.

I'm not against the material body and I know the importance, but you have to realize the superiority of the other parts of your being so you stop worrying about this fairly small problem you can't even control. It's all about perception, you need Stoicism for this.

It's like, okay, one of your organ doesn't function properly, and? What difference does this make in your material and spiritual power? Are you now less powerful? Can't you do the same thing? Does this prevent you in being successful in anything? Can you control this? No. Then let it be. It's whatever. Does this prevent you from connecting to your creator God? To the most powerful beings? See things from their eyes, it makes all your problems seem very small because that's how they really are.

 

[DarkAries]

I'm not against the material body and I know the importance, but you have to realize the superiority of the other parts of your being so you stop worrying about this fairly small problem you can't even control. It's all about perception, you need Stoicism for this.

It's like, okay, one of your organ doesn't function properly, and? What difference does this make in your material and spiritual power? Are you now less powerful? Can't you do the same thing? Does this prevent you in being successful in anything? Can you control this? No. Then let it be. It's whatever. Does this prevent you from connecting to your creator God? To the most powerful beings? See things from their eyes, it makes all your problems seem very small because that's how they really are.

I know, Im working on letting go my old self. Honestly, I just hoped I would (literally)magically cure it in a few months or years and it will be like getting better from cold. Thus, I saw it as a failure. That was my reason for selfpity and selfhatred. I work on letting that self of me die in peace. That, who wanted to get back to the past and grasped to it prolonging the pain. Ill let it fade away in peace.