Is this a delusion? Why am I so unrealistic?

[Gearshift]

Hey guys been meaning to post this but I couldn't find a way to integrate it well so I'll give it my best shot.

Ever since as a little kid I've always had an active mind. Now mind you I'm mentally intense and no I didn't have invisible friends or open to the spiritual realms or anything to that nature. Lets just say by the time I had cable TV I was OBSESSED with WW2. Obviously in a stereotypical racial bigot manner hating other races, thinking of killing people, wanting to perform school shootings(I really hated school). I've changed albeit I will say my prior Neo-Nazi mentality did help me understand and keep a resistance to the corrosion of society. But anyways.

But is it normal to feel delusional. I keep coming up with Sci-Fantasy stuff all the time. For example I keep imaging a G.M.I.G.(Godlike-Military-Industrial-Grade) smartphone a smartphone of the Gods with indestructible metal, crystalline printed board(CPB), and basically a free-energy device that lasts tremendous amounts of eons.(I personally hate my smartphone, I'm not satisfied with it in any way, shape, or form.)

And it's not just my own self and the way I'm mentally intense but even my astrological chart. Like one website stated I'm like an A-Frame ladder one side needs to hang back in the ether and I need to puppeteer my physical body on the other side of the A-Frame and basically control myself while being in head in the clouds basically.

Is it normal to be so crazy, delusional, and so astrologically mentally intense. I basically live in the air, I keep having issues with feeling like I'm gonna die and what is the point, everything is pointless. And I keep having this resources illogical issue.

I know that we aren't running out of resources despite the fact we used a HELL of a lot of resources in the past 60 years. But part of me feels bad throwing or selling or recycling old stuff. I mean I have old video games, old boxes, old stuff I haven't cleaned my closet since a fumigation we had. How do I get past the whole we are not running out of resources yet.

How do I deal with such old stuff in my room even stuffed animals and whatnot. Hell some of you people with kids would probably think my room belongs to some 8 year old kid.

How do I deal with all these unrealistic stuff. I've tried Earth element, Akasha breathing, I tried meditation and it just doesn't work for me. I'm not totally stating spirituality is fake just I've never experienced any spirituality probably due in part to lacking in void and trance.

So is there an effective way to be grounded or realistic or whatever. Even financially I don't take advantage of anything remotely with market speculation. I basically live for the sake of living. I don't feel like I live my life I just exist cause two stupid people fucked.

Is this bad or a mental illness or just learned helplessness? How do I snap myself out of this mire and become a normal person especially considering how obsessed my mind is and how obsessed with the occult, JoS, WW2, Axis, National Socialism. Even though funny enough like my friend said "He admires my deep internalization". I "Admire his deep externalization." Even reading has become a struggle with finding proper information. There's SO FUCKING much information I can't take it anymore I really can't.

 

[Sundara]

I can’t say that there’s anything wrong with you. I’ve always been a very big dreamer with a good will, I’ve always wanted to do something BIG and meaningful. When I see an opportunity I take it to an extreme and sometimes I get in over my head and bite off more than I can realistically chew. Or go into something unprepared. For me it’s a Jupiter conjunct pluto thing. Try to be more realistic about your fantasies if you want to make something happen, and for hells sake don’t be doing something illegal and stupid that could harm yourself or others. You can find active resolution for this by getting into a career or hobby that you’re passionate about or tapping into talents and using them. From there you can daydream about things you’d like to happen in that area and you’ll be able to channel that ambition.

 

[Alexandros Iowno [JG]]

Sex and emotional bonding. If love is not available get a girl and have lots of sex and fun.

 

[Larissa666]

Hey guys been meaning to post this but I couldn't find a way to integrate it well so I'll give it my best shot.

Ever since as a little kid I've always had an active mind. Now mind you I'm mentally intense and no I didn't have invisible friends or open to the spiritual realms or anything to that nature. Lets just say by the time I had cable TV I was OBSESSED with WW2. Obviously in a stereotypical racial bigot manner hating other races, thinking of killing people, wanting to perform school shootings(I really hated school). I've changed albeit I will say my prior Neo-Nazi mentality did help me understand and keep a resistance to the corrosion of society. But anyways.

But is it normal to feel delusional. I keep coming up with Sci-Fantasy stuff all the time. For example I keep imaging a G.M.I.G.(Godlike-Military-Industrial-Grade) smartphone a smartphone of the Gods with indestructible metal, crystalline printed board(CPB), and basically a free-energy device that lasts tremendous amounts of eons.(I personally hate my smartphone, I'm not satisfied with it in any way, shape, or form.)

And it's not just my own self and the way I'm mentally intense but even my astrological chart. Like one website stated I'm like an A-Frame ladder one side needs to hang back in the ether and I need to puppeteer my physical body on the other side of the A-Frame and basically control myself while being in head in the clouds basically.

Is it normal to be so crazy, delusional, and so astrologically mentally intense. I basically live in the air, I keep having issues with feeling like I'm gonna die and what is the point, everything is pointless. And I keep having this resources illogical issue.

I know that we aren't running out of resources despite the fact we used a HELL of a lot of resources in the past 60 years. But part of me feels bad throwing or selling or recycling old stuff. I mean I have old video games, old boxes, old stuff I haven't cleaned my closet since a fumigation we had. How do I get past the whole we are not running out of resources yet.

How do I deal with such old stuff in my room even stuffed animals and whatnot. Hell some of you people with kids would probably think my room belongs to some 8 year old kid.

How do I deal with all these unrealistic stuff. I've tried Earth element, Akasha breathing, I tried meditation and it just doesn't work for me. I'm not totally stating spirituality is fake just I've never experienced any spirituality probably due in part to lacking in void and trance.

So is there an effective way to be grounded or realistic or whatever. Even financially I don't take advantage of anything remotely with market speculation. I basically live for the sake of living. I don't feel like I live my life I just exist cause two stupid people fucked.

Is this bad or a mental illness or just learned helplessness? How do I snap myself out of this mire and become a normal person especially considering how obsessed my mind is and how obsessed with the occult, JoS, WW2, Axis, National Socialism. Even though funny enough like my friend said "He admires my deep internalization". I "Admire his deep externalization." Even reading has become a struggle with finding proper information. There's SO FUCKING much information I can't take it anymore I really can't.

You do not sound unhinged, you just seem to be a bit on a dreamy side. So, I don’t think you need to worry. Just keep advancing, as you do, you will get more answers about yourself and clear up any doubts if present.

 

[Henu the Great]

Umm, are you doing yoga? Regularly practicing yoga should help you.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Hey bro, what you're feeling is okay. One thing you said is your obsession with occult, WW2, and the like. This deep interest comes from your past lives and isn't something bad and is even beneficial since you have access to the right information (JoS). I also had an obsession with succubi and very interested in that topic. I even joined Joy of Satan because of researching demon lovers. Do you know why I had this deep obsession? Because I had a demoness lover in my past life and now getting to know her in this one. Your obsession with WW2 and the occult is positive and just means in your past life you might've had something to do with both and in this life you are rediscovering your life purpose in a form of obsession and interest. As for you keeping stuff you had since you were a child this looks to me like pisces, or cancer energy. This is nothing serious and you don't have to worry about it if it doesn't harm you. Another thing you said saying you've tried solving it with meditations, breathing in earth, and the like. Of course it won't work when you don't have the required spiritual power to make it work. Spiritual power and increased bioelectricity come from consistent meditations and yoga. Just because you tried breathing in earth and it didn't work for you doesn't mean that breathing in earth in particular doesn't work but it means that you don't have the necessary spiritual power and energy to bring forth your desired result. Most workings aren't also a one shot deal. So depending on your spiritual power they will take time. Patience is necessary with magick and meditations. Try to start meditating and yoga soon. They can be really simple and easy to do. I had problems with meditating too. So I simplified it and started doing easy meditations daily. 10 minute meditations is incredibly more than nothing. Good luck bro. I feel that you are talented but you still have a long way to grow.

Hail Satan!

 

[Karnonnos [JG]]

I think what is missing in your life is connection to others and consistent routines that you commit to entirely. You keep applying negative present affirmations to yourself which is not good. There's all this old in your life, but where is the new? The mind cannot exist by itself like a brain in a jar. You need to find things to do, make and imprint.

I don't know. I'm not trying to make it sound melodramatic or as if your life is a disaster, I personally don't think it is. But it just seems to be pretty neutral and on a baseline rather than winning or losing anything. As things evolve is that tenable?

 

[Gearshift]

...succubi obsession..

Funny when I read that on JoS back in 2003. I dedicated cause of that. I literally did a succubi asking ritual the following day to Satan almost perfect too if not perfect I left everything to him.

I've been obsessed with sex since a young age so it stands to reason for that.

 

[ShadowTheRaven]

Hey guys been meaning to post this but I couldn't find a way to integrate it well so I'll give it my best shot.

Ever since as a little kid I've always had an active mind. Now mind you I'm mentally intense and no I didn't have invisible friends or open to the spiritual realms or anything to that nature. Lets just say by the time I had cable TV I was OBSESSED with WW2. Obviously in a stereotypical racial bigot manner hating other races, thinking of killing people, wanting to perform school shootings(I really hated school). I've changed albeit I will say my prior Neo-Nazi mentality did help me understand and keep a resistance to the corrosion of society. But anyways.

But is it normal to feel delusional. I keep coming up with Sci-Fantasy stuff all the time. For example I keep imaging a G.M.I.G.(Godlike-Military-Industrial-Grade) smartphone a smartphone of the Gods with indestructible metal, crystalline printed board(CPB), and basically a free-energy device that lasts tremendous amounts of eons.(I personally hate my smartphone, I'm not satisfied with it in any way, shape, or form.)

And it's not just my own self and the way I'm mentally intense but even my astrological chart. Like one website stated I'm like an A-Frame ladder one side needs to hang back in the ether and I need to puppeteer my physical body on the other side of the A-Frame and basically control myself while being in head in the clouds basically.

Is it normal to be so crazy, delusional, and so astrologically mentally intense. I basically live in the air, I keep having issues with feeling like I'm gonna die and what is the point, everything is pointless. And I keep having this resources illogical issue.

I know that we aren't running out of resources despite the fact we used a HELL of a lot of resources in the past 60 years. But part of me feels bad throwing or selling or recycling old stuff. I mean I have old video games, old boxes, old stuff I haven't cleaned my closet since a fumigation we had. How do I get past the whole we are not running out of resources yet.

How do I deal with such old stuff in my room even stuffed animals and whatnot. Hell some of you people with kids would probably think my room belongs to some 8 year old kid.

How do I deal with all these unrealistic stuff. I've tried Earth element, Akasha breathing, I tried meditation and it just doesn't work for me. I'm not totally stating spirituality is fake just I've never experienced any spirituality probably due in part to lacking in void and trance.

So is there an effective way to be grounded or realistic or whatever. Even financially I don't take advantage of anything remotely with market speculation. I basically live for the sake of living. I don't feel like I live my life I just exist cause two stupid people fucked.

Is this bad or a mental illness or just learned helplessness? How do I snap myself out of this mire and become a normal person especially considering how obsessed my mind is and how obsessed with the occult, JoS, WW2, Axis, National Socialism. Even though funny enough like my friend said "He admires my deep internalization". I "Admire his deep externalization." Even reading has become a struggle with finding proper information. There's SO FUCKING much information I can't take it anymore I really can't.

Okay....

"Obviously in a stereotypical racial bigot manner hating other races, thinking of killing people, wanting to perform school shootings(I really hated school)."

Yeah, okay, Eric Harris. I'm glad you realized that's a stupid fucking idea, because assuming you went through with those fantasies, it'd be the same result every time: Some liberals would politicize it as a reason to literally ban guns, school administrators would become even more scrutinizing towards the quiet kids (of which I was one) thinking that they're going to shoot up their own school and make things worse for schoolchildren who just want to get on with their fucking day without having the police interrogating them every other week based on fuck-all.

In regards to the other stuff, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you're either fire-dominant, air-dominant, or both so your head is up in the clouds. This is not a bad thing whatsoever, in fact as Maxine said every piece of technology, philosophy, or tradition has come from an idea. You come up with ideas for powerful handheld devices just as I often dream of building spacecraft.

I can't say there's anything wrong with you in that regard, though. People who have their head in the clouds have the potential to do great things with it. Dedicate your life to study, and perhaps you'll find something meaningful in life that utilizes your personality traits.

 

[Jack]

Yes opposed to what everyone else is saying ,the truth is that you are delusional and unrealistic . The only thing that is measurable in this life is actions. Not thoughts,fantasies,emotions,your desires whatever else. Because as you relate with society the only thing that they see is your actions. They can't see whats inside your head and how bright or ahead your ideas and consciousness is, unless you tell them and even then it won't matter because nothing actually happens in reality that changes your life in anyway.

If tesla would have never written books and put his mind to building things or never taken action on his thoughts, he would have died never being remembered for anything. And most people will die never being remembered for anything, except for their progency and their family. And if you can't have family or progency atleast put yourself to achieving spiritual immortality with all the free time. And if you can't have that then you totally failed at everything in life and you died without having value or accomplishing anything.

I suggest you put that mind to action by dedicating yourself to physical nationalist politics if you can't advance materially or spiritually, none of the things inside your mind matter unless it manifests in reality.

 

[Gearshift]

...I'm glad you realized that's a stupid fucking idea...

I never thought it was a stupid idea. Either growing up as a kid, pre-teen, teenager, and even now an adult. I don't consider it a "stupid fucking idea". As a matter of fact I think if you knew the people in this shithole city. You'd probably think the same. And be like I'm glad someone realizes some people need to be massacred.

It's kinda when I unfortunately had to learn to drive(I hate driving with my entire mind, body, and soul. Horrible invention). All I did was just fantasize about killing people shooting up their car, hitting them with a grenade launcher the good'ole blooper(M79 GL from Vietnam), basically like Terminator 2. I have no idea why or how people drive without activating the homocidal tendencies(like my middle school coach said to me).

I never was bothered by such thoughts. People experience these thoughts just natural thoughts nothing harmful.

I have no idea why people are scared of the dark side of themselves. I guess some people just express so much pusillanimity. Most people don't question their dark side. And with how boring and pointless school was I just kept fantasizing about anything really.

Most of my thoughts were sexual, WW2(friend of mines always mentioned how obsessed I was with the ME-262), Alternative WW2, What-if scenarios, killing people, shooting up the school, knowing who to take out first and foremost before firing on others. And then later with Satanism and spirituality and whatnot also fantasizing about that. I guess for me spirituality later on when I studied at back in '99 with the internet and lucid dreaming, astral projecting, meditation. And later on in '03 with JoS. I guess in the end spirituality is just vicariousness. Like now have I advanced spiritually no. Do I doubt sure, but often times go "Nah lets keep going".

I purely exist and do things that don't do anything out of obsession. So for example I'm not spiritually advanced the logic would be why do you do it. But for me just to know for the sake of knowing. Like I said I live vicariously. I just live in my head.

Basically anything really nothing was really censored or anything. My mind is quite free.

And yes if your wondering I was the quiet kid as well. So knowing full well how quiet kids are it's good reason to be scared. Those teachers and school admins SHOULD be scared.

 

[Blackdragon666]

Hey guys been meaning to post this but I couldn't find a way to integrate it well so I'll give it my best shot.

Ever since as a little kid I've always had an active mind. Now mind you I'm mentally intense and no I didn't have invisible friends or open to the spiritual realms or anything to that nature. Lets just say by the time I had cable TV I was OBSESSED with WW2. Obviously in a stereotypical racial bigot manner hating other races, thinking of killing people, wanting to perform school shootings(I really hated school). I've changed albeit I will say my prior Neo-Nazi mentality did help me understand and keep a resistance to the corrosion of society. But anyways.

But is it normal to feel delusional. I keep coming up with Sci-Fantasy stuff all the time. For example I keep imaging a G.M.I.G.(Godlike-Military-Industrial-Grade) smartphone a smartphone of the Gods with indestructible metal, crystalline printed board(CPB), and basically a free-energy device that lasts tremendous amounts of eons.(I personally hate my smartphone, I'm not satisfied with it in any way, shape, or form.)

And it's not just my own self and the way I'm mentally intense but even my astrological chart. Like one website stated I'm like an A-Frame ladder one side needs to hang back in the ether and I need to puppeteer my physical body on the other side of the A-Frame and basically control myself while being in head in the clouds basically.

Is it normal to be so crazy, delusional, and so astrologically mentally intense. I basically live in the air, I keep having issues with feeling like I'm gonna die and what is the point, everything is pointless. And I keep having this resources illogical issue.

I know that we aren't running out of resources despite the fact we used a HELL of a lot of resources in the past 60 years. But part of me feels bad throwing or selling or recycling old stuff. I mean I have old video games, old boxes, old stuff I haven't cleaned my closet since a fumigation we had. How do I get past the whole we are not running out of resources yet.

How do I deal with such old stuff in my room even stuffed animals and whatnot. Hell some of you people with kids would probably think my room belongs to some 8 year old kid.

How do I deal with all these unrealistic stuff. I've tried Earth element, Akasha breathing, I tried meditation and it just doesn't work for me. I'm not totally stating spirituality is fake just I've never experienced any spirituality probably due in part to lacking in void and trance.

So is there an effective way to be grounded or realistic or whatever. Even financially I don't take advantage of anything remotely with market speculation. I basically live for the sake of living. I don't feel like I live my life I just exist cause two stupid people fucked.

Is this bad or a mental illness or just learned helplessness? How do I snap myself out of this mire and become a normal person especially considering how obsessed my mind is and how obsessed with the occult, JoS, WW2, Axis, National Socialism. Even though funny enough like my friend said "He admires my deep internalization". I "Admire his deep externalization." Even reading has become a struggle with finding proper information. There's SO FUCKING much information I can't take it anymore I really can't.

You have problems in your soul Gear and you're not going to be happy until you deal with them. I remember you saying HPS Maxine already read your chart. If you still have the report in your email you can go through it again and take note of the serious karmic issues. I'm sure she pointed them out.

I hope you're not relenting in your meditation. The next thing would be workings to deal with each problem, one at a time. You can start with the major ones like finances because of the times we're in and move on to others like love and sex.

Void meditation can help bring your mind under control. As for life problems, it cannot make them go away. You know what you need to do.

 

[Henu the Great]

I never thought it was a stupid idea. Either growing up as a kid, pre-teen, teenager, and even now an adult. I don't consider it a "stupid fucking idea". As a matter of fact I think if you knew the people in this shithole city. You'd probably think the same. And be like I'm glad someone realizes some people need to be massacred.

This raised my eyebrow. The only "people" that deserve to be massacred are, well you know who they are. I'm not going to outright say it here and now because I wan't to be sure that this post goes through.

Like has been said before, you have a lot of shit to take care of. On soul level. Free your soul from karmic issues and clean yourself like a madman. Do yoga and void meditation, and eventually you will be a new man. I hope you will reach greatness instead of stagnating in such low level thoughts.

 

[Gearshift]

This raised my eyebrow. The only "people" that deserve to be massacred are, well you know who they are. I'm not going to outright say it here and now because I wan't to be sure that this post goes through.

Like has been said before, you have a lot of shit to take care of. On soul level. Free your soul from karmic issues and clean yourself like a madman. Do yoga and void meditation, and eventually you will be a new man. I hope you will reach greatness instead of stagnating in such low level thoughts.

I've already done the whole spiritual thing. 2014 when I found the old ProPHP forums. I began to change. But I'm not gonna meditate or void nor trance or yoga or anything. I don't do those things anymore the only thing I do is clean, protect, clairaudiance/voyance, spinning chakras at Speed of Light, and that's about it. I'm just doing it out of habit not because I care or feel different or changed.

I've given up on meditation. I've done it and it just bores the crap out of me, takes up my time, and does nothing. Have I ever voided only natural thought suspension for a few seconds, have I ever tranced no not at all. I've been in the occult really since about 1993/1994 when my father used to take me to certain spiritual things and later in '95 to this occultist that had a lot of occult books.

I'm not saying I'm done with it because I know it's truthful and scientific. But it doesn't work for me. Maybe I'm not hardcore enough. Maybe I need to (delusionally) wait 20 years and wait for the Gods to take me off World and get me the fuck away this shithole planet.

I don't know. I tried it doesn't work. I don't FEEL negative, I don't expeience my aura cleaner or brighter or anything. I do the meditations I'm the same person. Perhaps when I first studied meditation in '99/'00 I thought maybe it changes you and you change for the better or changes you and you never deal with negative past issues that are fixed the ones that are fixed not everything is fixed.

Well no all it does is accumulate more useless information. But that is fine because I got nothing better to do.

I just study spirituality and all this stuff out of mental curiosity and just to learn for the sake of learning. It has no use nor application nor am I gonna apply it. Do you know how many I wasted my time trying to influence events around people only for nothing to occur. I breath in a few breaths of energy try and be more confident nothing.

Nothing changes. I don't buzz, I don't feel changes, I don't feel this chakra or feel this aura, or whatnot. I'm just a regular person. I do the meditation nothing happens okay then moving on tomorrow but then eventually comes the question many new people ask and even long term members ask. I've done this for years or done this for a while. Nothing happens. Nothing happens.

Like RTRs for example I do it for no reason at all just to satisfy my at least I'm spending some time doing something cause I got nothing better to do. How do I even know the RTRs do anything. For all intents and purposes the RTRs are just vocalizations we do just to feel better about ourselves.

Maybe it does something I don't know I never confirmed. Sure people put news articles and whatnot and yet is that what it's doing or just the natural way in which different humans do different things.

I don't know I've got no idea. Been the same exact person like I state to people. I'm the same person since I was hardened what 1996/1997 when I was 6 or 7 years old. Nothings changed, I'm still the same person since 7 years old just with more information pilled on.

I don't feel like I've got a lot of shit to take care of because there is no shit to take care of. I have no problems, there are no needs to questions, answers, solutions, nor anything. In fact since it doesn't bother why even bother wasting time thinking and processing it.

I'm fine just a regular person with a shitty life. But that's life a worthless piece of shit waste existence. What can I say "Oh well better luck next life". Maybe in the next Pluto in Scorpio in 200ish years I solve my issues or better yet maybe I don't have issues because I don't have issues nor bother to care to have issues. Your basically stating make issues just for the sake of spending some time processing stuff and spending a few hours going through something.

It's like psychotherapy and psychology. Why do people bother going if they don't do what the therapist state. They go they talk they hear some stuff. That bullshit is supposed to change my life. Nope not at all we are just talking. I come in we shoot the shit together go home and that's it just spend time thinking about the meeting or whatnot and then back to the regular routine we do.

Nothings changed. Same with meditation, RTRs, and everything in my life basically. Nothings changed it's the same shitty life I've been living since I grew up as a baby and toddler.

Nothings changed....nothing just older and more information most of which is like I said mental curiosity or just thinking for the same of thinking cause we use our brains. If I could void professionally cool maybe I get addicted to the quiet mind but other than that nope I think I'm a thinker, I process things through thinking. To me life is thinking I think all the time always thinking.

So what can I say life sucks. That's it. That's my gist of what I've been saying.

...mental vicariousness...

Yeah I live in my mind. That's the only thing I do. I don't like doing physical or actions it doesn't interest me. I've already tried it and it's pointless and doesn't work.

Everything is just a mental curiosity. It's not a meme of "it's real cause it was in my mind". But certainly I just think and process all the time. I just spent my time thinking and just mentally curious. Nothings happened to me in my life. So for me life sucks it's worthless and stupid and well what can I say I'm like 95% of the population they just spend their life in lalaland fantasizing about anything and everything.

What can I say that's not me I'm not gonna lie to myself and state I'm a hardcore meditator. It's like affirmation and people who recite them. Aren't you lying about becoming better when nothing changes.

People such as my self just want magic wands or wishes and change things. But we can't change there is no change it's just perpetual addition of knowledge such as myself for the sake of learning. Sake of doing something, sake of entertainment or just outright mental curiosity. Is it working, does it change things, does it help, does it do anything positive, neutral, or negative. No the wheel keeps on turning and we close another page in our shitty lifes.

That's life shit just a schlock of shit.

For me the mind is everything my fantasies and my processes and my deep internalization is everything. I'm not balanced nor unbalanced with externalizations.

I just live for the sake of living. Like most if not all people.

You state I'm unrealistic but I just said a huge truth. Life sucks, what can I say and what can I do. Can't do anything about it.

Just keep the hamster wheel going. Maybe I'm so realistic it's unrealistic. Kinda like it's so good, it's bad.

Anyways feel free to deck me with the responses I know the responses are gonna be negative. Just a reminder like Ussop from One piece. just like him I do have a natural negative personality. But that's life shitty, crappy, worthless, and not worth existing or needing to exist.

 

[13th_Wolf]

I'm not saying I'm done with it because I know it's truthful and scientific. But it doesn't work for me. Maybe I'm not hardcore enough. Maybe I need to (delusionally) wait 20 years and wait for the Gods to take me off World and get me the fuck away this shithole planet.

I don't know. I tried it doesn't work. I don't FEEL negative, I don't expeience my aura cleaner or brighter or anything.

Well no all it does is accumulate more useless information. But that is fine because I got nothing better to do.

It has no use nor application nor am I gonna apply it. Do you know how many I wasted my time trying to influence events around people only for nothing to occur. I breath in a few breaths of energy try and be more confident nothing.

Nothing changes. I don't buzz, I don't feel changes, I don't feel this chakra or feel this aura, or whatnot. Nothing happens. Nothing happens.

Nothings changed, I'm still the same person since 7 years old

I don't feel like I've got a lot of shit to take care of because there is no shit to take care of. I have no problems, there are no needs to questions, answers, solutions, nor anything.

I'm fine just a regular person with a shitty life. But that's life a worthless piece of shit waste existence.

Nothings changed. Same with meditation, RTRs, and everything in my life basically. Nothings changed it's the same shitty life I've been living since I grew up as a baby and toddler.

Nothings changed....nothing just older and more information most of which is like I said mental curiosity or just thinking for the same of thinking cause we use our brains.

So what can I say life sucks. That's it. That's my gist of what I've been saying.

So for me life sucks it's worthless and stupid and well what can I say I'm like 95% of the population they just spend their life in lalaland fantasizing about anything and everything.

No the wheel keeps on turning and we close another page in our shitty lifes.

That's life shit just a schlock of shit.

I just live for the sake of living. Like most if not all people.

You state I'm unrealistic but I just said a huge truth. Life sucks, what can I say and what can I do. Can't do anything about it.

Just keep the hamster wheel going. Maybe I'm so realistic it's unrealistic. Kinda like it's so good, it's bad.

But that's life shitty, crappy, worthless, and not worth existing or needing to exist.

You done? :lol:

A lot of nothings and shits. When I wanted to write stuff like this ages ago I restrained myself because I always saw this as a much better and advanced place than where I had come from and that I should get up to the standards set here. Seeing this made me glad that I finally pulled my socks up lol.

Sucks to be you, HA!!

No one also has to help you out or pity you either, I certainly don't.

I am also the same 'thinker' type of thing that you say is the issue and that you can't improve from. That's just a meme of yours, it's not a problem for me. If your thinking think about stuff constantly, think on things that are challenging and forward reaching for yourself and/or others instead, and how you can get to it. I think yours is an emotional issue though not necessarily a nervous type one, because clearly you're lacking in how you feel about the world and are nihilistic. What helps with that is just having a good cry, or reminiscing about your childhood and the innocence of how you used to feel about your life. You could also focus on love, romance and stuff like that as well, actual care for others and appreciation, gratitude for what you enjoy and brings you joy.

Stop being so serious all the time as well. Do things that lead you to beautiful romantic views, breathtaking mountaintop outlooks and things like that- for real. Stop living in fear and in a box that the jews want you to dude, think OUTSIDE the box lol.

Be dumb and 'cringy' every now and then, it doesn't hurt someone like you who will naturally always return to the serious and intellectual line. Redirect yourself to that, the experience and youthful caprice. It won't ever hurt someone like yourself you know.

 

[Jack]

This raised my eyebrow. The only "people" that deserve to be massacred are, well you know who they are. I'm not going to outright say it here and now because I wan't to be sure that this post goes through.

Like has been said before, you have a lot of shit to take care of. On soul level. Free your soul from karmic issues and clean yourself like a madman. Do yoga and void meditation, and eventually you will be a new man. I hope you will reach greatness instead of stagnating in such low level thoughts.

I've already done the whole spiritual thing. 2014 when I found the old ProPHP forums. I began to change. But I'm not gonna meditate or void nor trance or yoga or anything. I don't do those things anymore the only thing I do is clean, protect, clairaudiance/voyance, spinning chakras at Speed of Light, and that's about it. I'm just doing it out of habit not because I care or feel different or changed.

I've given up on meditation. I've done it and it just bores the crap out of me, takes up my time, and does nothing. Have I ever voided only natural thought suspension for a few seconds, have I ever tranced no not at all. I've been in the occult really since about 1993/1994 when my father used to take me to certain spiritual things and later in '95 to this occultist that had a lot of occult books.

I'm not saying I'm done with it because I know it's truthful and scientific. But it doesn't work for me. Maybe I'm not hardcore enough. Maybe I need to (delusionally) wait 20 years and wait for the Gods to take me off World and get me the fuck away this shithole planet.

I don't know. I tried it doesn't work. I don't FEEL negative, I don't expeience my aura cleaner or brighter or anything. I do the meditations I'm the same person. Perhaps when I first studied meditation in '99/'00 I thought maybe it changes you and you change for the better or changes you and you never deal with negative past issues that are fixed the ones that are fixed not everything is fixed.

Well no all it does is accumulate more useless information. But that is fine because I got nothing better to do.

I just study spirituality and all this stuff out of mental curiosity and just to learn for the sake of learning. It has no use nor application nor am I gonna apply it. Do you know how many I wasted my time trying to influence events around people only for nothing to occur. I breath in a few breaths of energy try and be more confident nothing.

Nothing changes. I don't buzz, I don't feel changes, I don't feel this chakra or feel this aura, or whatnot. I'm just a regular person. I do the meditation nothing happens okay then moving on tomorrow but then eventually comes the question many new people ask and even long term members ask. I've done this for years or done this for a while. Nothing happens. Nothing happens.

Like RTRs for example I do it for no reason at all just to satisfy my at least I'm spending some time doing something cause I got nothing better to do. How do I even know the RTRs do anything. For all intents and purposes the RTRs are just vocalizations we do just to feel better about ourselves.

Maybe it does something I don't know I never confirmed. Sure people put news articles and whatnot and yet is that what it's doing or just the natural way in which different humans do different things.

I don't know I've got no idea. Been the same exact person like I state to people. I'm the same person since I was hardened what 1996/1997 when I was 6 or 7 years old. Nothings changed, I'm still the same person since 7 years old just with more information pilled on.

I don't feel like I've got a lot of shit to take care of because there is no shit to take care of. I have no problems, there are no needs to questions, answers, solutions, nor anything. In fact since it doesn't bother why even bother wasting time thinking and processing it.

I'm fine just a regular person with a shitty life. But that's life a worthless piece of shit waste existence. What can I say "Oh well better luck next life". Maybe in the next Pluto in Scorpio in 200ish years I solve my issues or better yet maybe I don't have issues because I don't have issues nor bother to care to have issues. Your basically stating make issues just for the sake of spending some time processing stuff and spending a few hours going through something.

It's like psychotherapy and psychology. Why do people bother going if they don't do what the therapist state. They go they talk they hear some stuff. That bullshit is supposed to change my life. Nope not at all we are just talking. I come in we shoot the shit together go home and that's it just spend time thinking about the meeting or whatnot and then back to the regular routine we do.

Nothings changed. Same with meditation, RTRs, and everything in my life basically. Nothings changed it's the same shitty life I've been living since I grew up as a baby and toddler.

Nothings changed....nothing just older and more information most of which is like I said mental curiosity or just thinking for the same of thinking cause we use our brains. If I could void professionally cool maybe I get addicted to the quiet mind but other than that nope I think I'm a thinker, I process things through thinking. To me life is thinking I think all the time always thinking.

So what can I say life sucks. That's it. That's my gist of what I've been saying.

...mental vicariousness...

Yeah I live in my mind. That's the only thing I do. I don't like doing physical or actions it doesn't interest me. I've already tried it and it's pointless and doesn't work.

Everything is just a mental curiosity. It's not a meme of "it's real cause it was in my mind". But certainly I just think and process all the time. I just spent my time thinking and just mentally curious. Nothings happened to me in my life. So for me life sucks it's worthless and stupid and well what can I say I'm like 95% of the population they just spend their life in lalaland fantasizing about anything and everything.

What can I say that's not me I'm not gonna lie to myself and state I'm a hardcore meditator. It's like affirmation and people who recite them. Aren't you lying about becoming better when nothing changes.

People such as my self just want magic wands or wishes and change things. But we can't change there is no change it's just perpetual addition of knowledge such as myself for the sake of learning. Sake of doing something, sake of entertainment or just outright mental curiosity. Is it working, does it change things, does it help, does it do anything positive, neutral, or negative. No the wheel keeps on turning and we close another page in our shitty lifes.

That's life shit just a schlock of shit.

For me the mind is everything my fantasies and my processes and my deep internalization is everything. I'm not balanced nor unbalanced with externalizations.

I just live for the sake of living. Like most if not all people.

You state I'm unrealistic but I just said a huge truth. Life sucks, what can I say and what can I do. Can't do anything about it.

Just keep the hamster wheel going. Maybe I'm so realistic it's unrealistic. Kinda like it's so good, it's bad.

Anyways feel free to deck me with the responses I know the responses are gonna be negative. Just a reminder like Ussop from One piece. just like him I do have a natural negative personality. But that's life shitty, crappy, worthless, and not worth existing or needing to exist.

Your not realistic, its called being detached and in vedic astrology, because of negative placements of Ketu in the chart. Life doesn't suck or life isn't beautiful either. That is your personal interpretation based on your emotions or philosophy in response to the events in your life that created these interpretations. There are multitudes of people who believe that life is awesome because they had positive experiences.

Ketu as opposed to Jupiter, isn't interested in doing any actual spiritual work or actually meditating like the Tantric path teaches . Instead Ketu just wants to totally reject the world because it's a body with a severed head. And so Ketu actualizes the Jainist philosophy of total detachment and rejection of society.

As the story of the founder of the jainist cult goes, he went into a fast to the death in an attempt to find Enlightenment and his followers claimed by rejecting society and fasting unto death he had gotten it (which was obviously false.) But their followers had to replace the Death clause with other bullshit because most of them didn't have that kind of suicidal behavior that mahavira had.

I suffer from a Ketu placement like this and a Rahu placement that swings the opposite extreme way into total hedonism. An experienced astrologer told me to contact one of her students, a white woman and she told me personally that in order to placate the Ketu placement, I had to chant the mantra " Aum Gan Ganpataye Namah". And so I did and I affirmed it to remove the negative effects of Ketu and I wasn't feeling detached anymore. I also did the opposite Rahu mantra to placate the negative hedonistic tendencies and I was suddenly finding the balanced serenity I needed. Coupled with the RTR and the usual Meditations the blocks in your mind get removed little by little.

But here's the basic deal of life - no one cares about you in reality, except your mother (which might also be false in which case no one actually cares about you. ) Women are appreciated for being unsuccessful or less successful than the men who want to date them. A weak woman is an unfortunate woman, but as nature intended a man will naturally feel the desire to care and provide for that woman.

However, a weak man is simply a weak man. No one cares about him and he is a reminder of what not to be for other men. What awaits hi is only scorn and ridicule. If you are not capable, then as a man your useless. If you are weak then society shits over you. And that's the reality.

You want to be a strong capable man ? Welcome to life on Hard Mode. You have to do everything yourself. Build yourself up, approach and attract a woman, marry her and care for her kids ,teach them principles and values ,help society through the political cause that represents it best. Opposed to the previous societies, there is no support system for men. No one will give you mature guidance and Psychologists will just steal your money and give you feel good faggoty advice that has no bearing in life.

If you can't do either spiritual or material, well mahaviras fast is the only clause left for you.

Bitch just give me the food and don't laugh at my cock ,this isn't funny - You after 1 day of fast

 

[Voice of Enki [JG]]

Fucks sake... It’s embarrassing seeing this.

I’ve already done it all and it didn’t work, so I’m just gonna complain and make excuses because I’m so cool that meditation doesn’t even mean anything to me, also my mind is so brilliant but nobody can understand so instead of trying to make something of myself I’m just going to live in my delusions and my fantasy where I feel comfortable and where I am cool, since no other people could understand how cool I am, also did you know I’ve been a Satanist since like before you were born, I’ve seen it all from the beginning, back in 2004 I did like some meditations before you even knew the word meditation, but I’m still a useless delusional shit despite all the years I’ve called myself a Satanist, however trust me I’m just too cool to meditate or do anything good with myself, so I’ll just complain here a lot the useless existence that I live and ignore all your advice because I like to waste other people’s time since nobody is as cool as me lol

This sums up just about what you do and say on the forums.

Stop making excuses for yourself. It’s pathetic.

Go meditate, do yoga and most importantly get your head out of the clouds and put in back on the ground, because it ruins you if you don’t. It’s already ruined you, but you are lucky to still have a chance to correct it, before you are actually totally doomed.

Follow a strict meditation schedule for once in your life and do not overestimate yourself in any capacity, truth is you know nothing and can’t do barely anything proper, so start from the ground up, basic chakra opening and alignment with yoga, do void meditation consistently 5 minutes in the morning, 5 minutes in the evening.

Focus on your root chakra first to ground yourself and follow Lydia’s post on yoga to alleviate issues with the root.

Don’t speak or even think and go do it. Do it every day.

 

[Rambo]

Gear88
I sporadically read what you wrote, because while I read you make my balls fall to the ground. You are a loser, a hyprocrite, and you think the Gods will save you and do the work for you. I'm sure Hell doesn't need you. You are a waste of time. Even writing such long posts of hypocrisy is only wasting time. I'll give you a good meditation for you, since you don't like to meditate. You will surely like her. Put yourself in front of a porn movie like you always surely do and shoot yourself handjobs to your total collapse this time. Asshole :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Henu the Great]

I've already done the whole spiritual thing. 2014 when I found the old ProPHP forums. I began to change. But I'm not gonna meditate or void nor trance or yoga or anything. I don't do those things anymore the only thing I do is clean, protect, clairaudiance/voyance, spinning chakras at Speed of Light, and that's about it. I'm just doing it out of habit not because I care or feel different or changed.

You have tried, but you have not done.

Yoga is essential for growth as your body is your temple. Your temple has weeds grown all over it, has fungus on the walls and overall stinky and dirty place. Why don't you take better care of it..?

I've given up on meditation. I've done it and it just bores the crap out of me, takes up my time, and does nothing.

Like I said, trying is not doing.

I'm not saying I'm done with it because I know it's truthful and scientific. But it doesn't work for me. Maybe I'm not hardcore enough. Maybe I need to (delusionally) wait 20 years and wait for the Gods to take me off World and get me the fuck away this shithole planet.

Not even sorry to burst your bubble, but no one is going to do the hard work for you. You are here, and might aswell show some effort. Until then, no improvements are to be expected.

I don't know. I tried it doesn't work. I don't FEEL negative, I don't expeience my aura cleaner or brighter or anything. I do the meditations I'm the same person.

This is very confusing. You do the meditations, but you don't, according to you. Do you even realise what kind of mental blockage you build on yourself with such thoughts. It's like you hang around here, kinda try to advance, but then at the same time fuckall that. Baffling to say the least.

Nothing changes. I don't buzz, I don't feel changes, I don't feel this chakra or feel this aura, or whatnot. I'm just a regular person. I do the meditation nothing happens okay then moving on tomorrow but then eventually comes the question many new people ask and even long term members ask. I've done this for years or done this for a while. Nothing happens. Nothing happens.

At this point I would like to ask are you stupid, but I'm pretty sure there are other issues. There are clear instructions to do the meditations even when you don't feel a thing.

Like RTRs for example I do it for no reason at all just to satisfy my at least I'm spending some time doing something cause I got nothing better to do. How do I even know the RTRs do anything. For all intents and purposes the RTRs are just vocalizations we do just to feel better about ourselves.

Facepalm.

So what can I say life sucks. That's it. That's my gist of what I've been saying.

Do something about it then. No one is going to do it for you.

You say you wait for the Gods to do the hard work for you, but that's deluded thinking.

This is probably your fifth or so post I've read you post the same stuff all over again. Grow a backbone already.

 

[Vanillasaturn]

To gear88. Try void meditation. There is a verse in the tao the Ching . "Can you step back from your own mind and see the truth in all?"

 

[Yagami Light]

...

Eh, then, aren't you just stuck up in your own head?

It's like someone who keeps banging their head on the wall... Then they wear bandages to stop the bleeding - but they keep on banging their head on the wall, so the bleeding never stops.

Meditation is one thing... Being in constant denial about it is another.

I read through your responses here and I'm not gonna lie - this period of time I've also been having some difficulties myself. Not just with meditations but with MYSELF, and how it feels like I've hit a deadlock in all fucking aspects of my life (meditations included).

On the one hand I can feel your frustration... On the other, it kind of feels like you're the one putting blockages in your head.

Iiiii kind of started socializing with people too late in my life. I was always the black sheep of my family and had a bad personality (which was an exact copy of my mother's personality). Either way, it's like I am NOW getting to know the world - and so I see people, I compare experiences and situations and I try to understand both them, and myself.

I was always very stuck up in my head. What I mean by that is that, I always thought I knew the answer to everything. "Oh, what? You're feeling sad? You should meditate! It will pass!", "Oh what? You are in a bad relationship? Just break up and do meditations to attract a better mate!" and I couldn't really understand that it's not so easy, or that that's not really how people function lol... I thought I knew the solution to everything - because I never had to question these things in my own life - because I had never gone through difficult times like these - or experiencing things where a simple meditation was not the solution.

Anyway.

At some point you said that you tried meditating for years? What meditations were you doing? Did you seriously not see any chance in your life at all?

When I found the joyofSatan website I was in high school. I felt an extreme bliss, and I just KNEW I had found the truth! I started meditating right away - but like the immature child that I was, I just wanted to open the third eye - I did no cleaning or protection, and I wanted to do black magick to all the kids at school that bullied me lol. Of course, it's not that simple lol. These things require time and mind power (so, consistent and practical meditation was needed - which I didn't do).

I had started and stopped meditating throughout many-many years in my life.

Last time I started (and have not stopped since) was around 9 years ago. I actually needed 6 months to start feeling energies (I was doing hatha yoga, cleaning and protection consistently for six months). Although I had opened my chakras in the past, I had to redo the awakening exercises and realized that my solar plexus was blocked - so I unblocked it.

After one year of consistently meditating, I realized/remember my death from my past life, and I was finally able to accept my gender. I mean, I cried my eyes out when I realized it, and was asking my guardian Demon (I had been having dreams of birds - checked the joyofSatan Demons page and found him) why this had happened to me, and I did receive an answer in my head.

Anyway, after I accepted myself, I slowly started dressing more feminine, and I just kept on meditating.

As years passed, I realized how my perception had changed. I am talking about my mental ability to understand things and situations. I had also become more confident. I was better at talking to people etc etc etc.

Little changes here and there.

I also had many experiences with the Gods, and I am ever so grateful to them for everything.

The thing is, as Bruce Lee had said it... "Knowledge is not enough. We must apply." Reading all the occult stuff just for the sake of mental interest and not putting them into action is pointless.

At some point you said that all this knowledge has no use. But it does.

I have a close friend who is a very unique person. She believes in the Gods, in past lives, loves ancient Egypt etc; but she has not done the dedication ritual, because she doesn't want to "belong" to a religion. She's also skeptical about Satan himself (despite all the info I've shared with her). Nevertheless, she meditates... She has had some experiences with the Gods (specifically some Gods she might have had a connection with in past lives) and she's now trying to heal some issues of self-expression that she has. And she really does feel the difference.

My friend does want to change. She has a Scorpio emphasis in her chart, so she's skeptical about everything lol. But she's NOT in denial. If something works, it works!

I think you, in your head, don't even want to see a result from meditations. Or perhaps, you're being too impatient (like you wrote, you just want a magic wand to do everything) and you get disappointed too quickly.

From all the things that you've written, it seems like you have too much air or fire in your chart (as another member pointed out). Someone also said that HP Maxine had done your astrological chart analysis? Have you reread that, or are you just denying its validity as a whole?

If I were you I'd advise you to do the Earth element invocation.
Even more so - do you believe in Satan himself? If yes, do you think he'd just create us to be mindless little fucks in this world? Do we live just to do nothing? Just to be nothing? Neither to destroy, nor to create - are we just empty shells? What do you think?

These last few months I went through some very difficult times... I was literally praying to Satan and asking him to kill me. I would cry my eyes out and ask him to just take my soul. I didn't want to commit suicide, knowing I'll reincarnate in another life. I just wanted him to take my life, take my soul, take advantage of that power or whatever, and just end it all. I was asking him to give me a sign that he would do that, and then I would commit suicide myself.

Can you believe that? I had reached that point... I just didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to try for anything. Nothing had a purpose. My life didn't have a purpose. Everything was shit. In the end, what was the point, right?
I kept on reminding myself Hitler's quote: "Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live."... I was thinking that I do not want to fight. I do not want to struggle, I do not want to try about anything. Just let it all end.
I also kept on thinking how I'm worthless. How my life has no purpose, and I don't even care enough for it to have a purpose. I didn't ask Satan to give a purpose to my life... I just wanted it all to end.

Satan never responded to me when I was telling him all these things... Then at some point... I remember it was at a very random point, where I was just lying in bed and either mindlessly watching a YouTube video, or reading a fiction book. I had this sort of... realization? Two little thoughts came into my head.
One of them was that "You make your own worth" - I think you understand what that means. We decide the worth we have as humans. Whether we want to make a difference to the world or not... How we FEEL about ourselves depends on us. How we view ourselves, what value we give for ourselves. No one else can tell us that, but ourselves.

The other thought was that "You give your life meaning"... And again, this is as you understand it. You decide whether you will keep on staying idle, doing nothing, living in your own fucking world, in your mind and sitting idly until the day you die - or you will try to find some meaning in your life.... Find a hobby that you will love doing - find some people whose company will give you a reason to be alive - even find a fucking food you love so much, you wouldn't want to die just so that you can keep on tasting that food!

Whatever it is man... You give your life meaning.

I was raised to have it all. I always thought that, if my life truly had a meaning, someone else would point it out. Someone else would show me the way. Someone else would "dictate" (so to speak) my meaning to me.
I was always so... how to say this... It's like I never had a will on my own. And I never really cared about it - until the time came when many heavy responsibilities fell on me, and I started wondering why do I even fucking exist. Satan's quotes weren't enough for me. Our mentality as Spiritual Satanists could not satisfy me. I wasn't content with anything.

So in the end, it all comes down to us. What WE want to do with our lives and how WE want to live.

In one of your responses you said you don't really care or bother about you living in your own head. Mate, if you really didn't care, why did you make this post? Just to read our thoughts on it? No.
In your original post you did ask how to get yourself out of this situation.

Well, in my opinion - the first step towards solving a problem is to accept that there's a problem. I mean, having a vivid imagination is EPIC (would you just read those Tolkien books? This guy had an entire world of elves and dwarves and hobbits in his head!) but it also depends on what these thoughts are about - and what you do with these.

Tolkien (this is just a random example) could also just live in his own world, and only fantasize about these stories and characters of his... But instead, he wrote books about them! Now, did he do this in hopes to make this (being a writer) his profession? To be honest, I have no idea, as I haven't studied his life. But this is not what's important. What's important is that he took some action.

Because yes, everything (EVERYTHING) DOES start in our heads... Everything starts with an idea... But if this idea just remains in our heads, and it never becomes materialized, then it loses its purpose. Quite literally.

..Of course, hey. I'm not saying you should go around butchering people lol. But like another person said, you could join a political movement or something. Even make anonymous YouTube videos and share your thoughts and knowledge about National Socialism and so forth (since this is one of your interests/passions).

I also understood what you said about wanting to kill people.. not all people though lol. I used to have a friend who was also obsessed with the thought of going to war and killing the enemy - or a foreign country that may try to invade ours. I also understand the fiery desire to protect what's ours and to protect our families. I also hate many people that I see on a daily basis - people living off of other people, hurting the environment, abusing animals, children... I do believe most of these people do not deserve to live (I am talking about the cases of people that just live arrogantly and don't even want to advance in any way, shape or form. They just "YOLO" and hurt others, and laugh at that). However, I am confident that a sort of "cleansing" will eventually happen... This is also one of the reasons I am doing the final RTR (and follow through the ritual schedules we're having). Because I NEED to see justice taking place in this world - and I will do whatever's on my hand to help with this.

You said you do not believe in the rituals but hey man... The news ARE a kind of evidence on how we've been affecting the world. Many years ago we had started doing rituals to reveal the crimes of the Vatican and BAM! News started appearing about their pedophile crimes... Then we do the communications ritual and BAM! News start appearing about Hollywood sexual assaults etc etc etc... It's the timing man. And it's exhilarating seeing in live action what we can do.

Regardless though, back to your own issues... You need to decide what to do man. If you just remain in your head remember that it's YOUR decision to do that. Meditations have nothing to do with it. Satan or the Gods, the rituals (etc) have nothing to do with it. Life and its meaning have nothing to do with it.

Everything we do is based on... well, ourselves. Surely, circumstances can hinder our actions, or change our desires accordingly but in the end it's all up to us.

We give our life meaning. We make our own worth.

If you really want to get out of this fucking loophole, then start acting in one way or another. First of all invoke some Earth element in your life man... And secondly, stop looking at meditations in such a negative way. I mean, seriously. Some things need time. As I told you, I needed 6 months to feel energies.. Someone else may need longer - someone else may need less time. It all depends on our karma from past lives and on our own thoughts.

Lastly, you said:

I keep coming up with Sci-Fantasy stuff all the time. For example I keep imaging a G.M.I.G.(Godlike-Military-Industrial-Grade) smartphone a smartphone of the Gods with indestructible metal, crystalline printed board(CPB), and basically a free-energy device that lasts tremendous amounts of eons.(I personally hate my smartphone, I'm not satisfied with it in any way, shape, or form.)

DUDE!!!! THAT'S FUCKING EPIC!!!
Why don't you study technology, or something that would be able to help you build that? You seem to have amazing ideas - so why not just act on them? If not for the world (if you don't care about giving anything to the world) then do it for yourself. For your own satisfaction. If you think that it requires too much effort - guess what? It does lol. But so what? Everything that's worth doing in this world, requires at least some effort. Even cooking requires some effort. Are we just supposed to starve, or constantly buy shitty delivery food because we don't want to put in the effort?

Fuck depending on others man. Let's try to do it on our own. Be self-reliant, be self-dependent. Be proud of ourselves. Not for anyone else.. I don't care about proving anything to anyone. I just want to be a better person for MYSELF.

Anyway, sorry I kind of skipped from one subject to another. I haven't responded to people's posts in the forums in a very long time, but I kind of saw myself in your own post.

Lastly, I want to say this... Although I had never learned how to think for myself, and I always had others tell me what to think and what to do (and I never really cared about that)... Now that I am forced to get out of my comfort zone, and I am forced to think for myself, and I am forced to choose what to do with my life, and what to think of myself... I can actually truly appreciate and recognize the freedom we have as spiritual Satanists.
Satan never told me that I am worth this and that. He has helped me numerous times, He has responded to me, He has appeared to me, He has been very patient with me lol. But he has never told me "my worth" so to speak. Of course, Satan wouldn't want me to feel worthless... But He is not the kind of god who would just say that I'm invaluable or whatever... Because the matter of fact is, we are the ones who decide that. And Satan doesn't want little robots following him. He wants free human beings who decide their own worth, and who decide their own actions.

I hope my response clears your head a little bit.