I think I've messed it all up! About a year ago I stumbled upon the josm website and was more than intrigued and done alot of research that verified everything that was written on the site, similar to high priestess maxine dietrech I too started out as christian by default (CofE) only because of the schools making us pray every morning in an assembly hall (aged 8-11 yrs we were brainwashed for 4 whole yrs), but as with the easter bunny, santa, and the tooth fairy you soon find out that it's all pure bullshit and when your prayers do NOT get answered you find yourself questioning the whole integrity of religion, God and so on, so I personally turned to atheism (20yrs) telling myself theres no such thing as God(s). Anyway I decided on my 31st birthday to perform the dedication ritual and have never seen a piece of paper stay lit for so long, the flame got so big i thought it was going to set the room on fire so i had to blow it out after maybe 3 minutes of burning and concentrating repeating the words in my head, I used a red candle and actually felt quite angry after it. I thought it had failed because i blew out the candle but boy was I wrong, firstly my partner was approached in her sleep, asphixiated and paralysed for maybe 10 minutes or so (I told her it was a dream to stop her panicking). I think my 2 year old daughter was seeing lower order demons after this because I have never seen her so scared before wanting to be held by me and pointing her finger here, there and everywhere, crying at things that I couldn't see, so i foolishly said "if there are any celestial beings in here I will kick your ass in this life and the next, leave her alone" (every father want's to be able to protect his family) so next was my turn, me and my partner had been arguing so much about me being selfish, her crying herself to sleep every night about me spending all our money on drugs (which I have used since 11yrs old) and I just felt so guilty about everything, I held fathers sigil in my left hand and i whimpered "please Lord Enki help me, I'm ruining my family's lives, I don't want them to think badly of me when I'm gone, I want them to think fondly of me and that I was a good dad who loved them not that I didn't give a shit about anything but drugs, please help me" and he heard my plight. About 3 days later I actually heard the word "granted" in my head and it sounded like something from the kundalini yoga, wow, telepathic communication and I was puzzled at first thinking whats "granted" and I tell you now in all honesty, I don't crave drugs anymore (weed,coke,speed,ecstasy,methadrone,opiates and other sedatives), I used to sweat really badly and be angry enough to kill anyone who looked at me funny if I had no drugs. All of that gone in a blink of an eye. Amazing. Sadly I still messed up as maybe a month and three weeks had passed and I was approached at 3am just as i was drifting off to sleep I felt something coiled around my neck and my stomach squeezing me I looked at the clock 3am and at my stomach, nothing was there tried going back to sleep, got squeezed again, still nothing there, tried to get up, I couldn't, totally paralysed, I thought "what the fuck" as I was been squeezed again but after openening my eyes this time I had a black hooded figure sitting on top of my stomach saying "turn over" I said "no" then it was "get on your hands and knees" I said "no" It squeezed me with a death grip and i laughed loudly and said something wiered "Im growing stronger every day" and was squeezed untill i blacked out, next time I looked at my demon friend he/she had taken on the form of my partner and more do this do that and I said "no" "I don't have to do what you say my alliegence is with one" (meaning Father Satan) to which i was squeezed by the serpant (and not softly, like i said it felt like a death grip) one last time and it dissapeared and I could move about, it was 4am and I was checking on my partner and the kids untill 6am. Now at the time I didn't realise it was a demon or a shapeshifter, I thought at first it was a bad spirit visiting me because i had used the ouija board but spirits don't ask you to get on your hands and knees, or be able to touch you like that did with raw power. Anyhow now I'm kicking myself now thinking I should have kneeled before him/her (why didn't it tell me it's name or the meaning of the visitation as I'm not a mind reader). What will Father think of me now, will he think I'm a turncoat because I really am not (I'm a loyal libra) should i say a prayer and thanksgiving to him and an explanation of why i said no. Will my demon/demoness come back to me because i didn't mean to offend him/her. I am loyal and respect father so much for what he has done for me that I would like to bow before him. Just really hope I have not offended any being (spiritual or physical) if anyone experienced enough has any suggestions for me to get on good terms and a level of trust between me and my demon/demoness I'm all ears, I also found when I tried kundalini yoga a week or two after this that my throat chakra and stomach chakra are my only chakras that will not vibrate everywhere else i feel vibration (especially my pineal gland) how can i fix these two chakras. I'm new to all of this and just want to progress through these levels. HAIL SATAN!
