How can you tell when you’re too weak to stay a Zevist?

You valuate yourself wrongly. Anyone can have moments or periods of weaknesses and failure. Nothing to beat yourself over here.

You need to stop beating yourself around with this, and stop forcing everything. Just do what naturally comes out of you, and what you need to do to advance.

You do not need to lift yourself by force to a non-existing standard.

Also, you say you are developing 'hatred', but this is because of your own impositions on what you THINK you should be doing, and you are clearly constantly over extending yourself, which makes you feel like shit, and then weak.

Take it easy in general and stop being so hardcore in self judgement.

I mean, I can't peek inside your life to see what you've been up to, but what I'm picking up here is you may not be actively doing things that outright improve your situation.

I could use some additional funds, for instance, always helpful for numerous reasons, but if I were simply just doing my meditations and the Final Ritual and what-have-you, these things aren't specifically going to attract money to me or put me into new situations where money is rolling in. I'd need to, for one, do meditations/workings specifically to attract money to me, and then actively work in the real world towards gaining money, whether that be finding a good job or finishing up school so I can have a degree that'll help up my prospective salary when I do get that job. Spiritual and physical work combined aids immensely in that particular endeavor.

So whatever your situation is, whether it just be feeling alone or there's more details - and I won't ask you to divulge - you should really contemplate the nature of your situation and what, exactly, needs to change for that situation to no longer be.

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There’s literally nothing I can do about my situation. Won’t do a working to attract a partner cause I’m just not interested in other people. It just wouldn’t work out. And an incubus in not an option for me either.

Other Zevists in my situation can get either of those things and have success. I can’t. My mentality is, after years of doing things for Satan, Im not even allowed to be with one incubus?? Not wanting to be with other people is something I can’t help. I’m just plainly not interested, yet not good enough for an incubus despite taking care of myself. (And yes, being open enough)

I know I come off as a greedy brat here, but I just can’t see it as fair. I would rather be permanently dead than live through this shit. As for my signature, yes I still believe that. But due to the circumstances, I DONT believe Satan gives a damn about me. We’re gonna win this war with or without me. I don’t matter. And I think Satan has made this clear.

As of recently I’ve lost motivation to meditate consistently and keep up with warfare. (Usually just 1-2 Rituals a day if at all) I just don’t see the point anymore. I’m just gonna be alone no matter what. Being “positive” won’t do squat for me here, just self delusions. It’s pased the point where I can just “suck it up”. I’ve been doing that for years. I’m at my breaking point and I’m really honestly considering suicide.

There is literally nothing I can do about being lonely. Satan doesn’t care either (why would he?) so I’m in a corner here.

I just can’t handle being alone anymore. Even when I would do everything I’m supposed to spiritual-wise, things weren’t better. It’s been going on for 2 years now.

Loving myself, meditating, warfare and yoga makes me “feel” better, BUT it doesn’t change my situation. Then depression and thoughts of suicide (with 2nd/permanent death afterwards) follow.

Being the best I can be AND being alone just hurts too much. I’m not strong enough to be alone anymore. With no support from anyone. Especially Zeus and the gods.

You're not alone.

Every Zevist has a guardian Demon.

The situation is you are on your own closing up to them and every possibility and then basically complaining on some sort of invisible standard without any reasonable foundation.

You are blocking every interaction even with people here then wonder why you are alone. Doesn't for example people here coming in to help show something?

All of this to me appears to be self imposed rather than anything else.

There’s literally nothing I can do about my situation. Won’t do a working to attract a partner cause I’m just not interested in other people. It just wouldn’t work out. And an incubus in not an option for me either.

Other Zevists in my situation can get either of those things and have success. I can’t. My mentality is, after years of doing things for Satan, Im not even allowed to be with one incubus?? Not wanting to be with other people is something I can’t help. I’m just plainly not interested, yet not good enough for an incubus despite taking care of myself. (And yes, being open enough)

I know I come off as a greedy brat here, but I just can’t see it as fair. I would rather be permanently dead than live through this shit. As for my signature, yes I still believe that. But due to the circumstances, I DONT believe Satan gives a damn about me. We’re gonna win this war with or without me. I don’t matter. And I think Satan has made this clear.

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You're clearly in a situation where my words alone wont change your mind. So instead, I'll tell you what you can do right now to get out of this.
Leaving aside the fact that Zeus and the Gods care a fucking ton about you, as can be seen by all the people they guided here, your main problem right now is loneliness, correct?
I know damn well how it is to feel repulsed by normies beyond belief, and I've been lonely all this time, too. But all of this has changed lately. I wont tell you my life-story here, since that wont solve your issues. I just want you to know that there's a way. And it's not as difficult or "impossible" as you think. Even for you.
But enough talk, let's get to the important part. As you already know, your loneliness has reached a point where it hurts so much that you can barely even find motivation to do the Rituals, let alone do any other workings. So instead, I want you to do one simple exercise. Sit down in a quiet place, relax, and focus on yourself. Take a few minutes to really feel you and your own emotions. Then, I want you to vibrate Satanama. Don't worry about any specific number of vibrations for now, just slowly vibrate it over and over, one time on each exhale. Let it "roll" of your tongue. Really lose yourself in the vibrations and energies. If any emotions come up, good or bad, just acknowledge them and keep going. Do this as long as comfortable, preferrably more than 15 minutes.
When you are done with this, stay focused on your body. Focus only on yourself. As you do this, slowly imagine each of your chakras light up with white-gold energy. You can spin them too if you'd like. Focus on this energy as it gets bigger and bigger, and let it envelop your entire being. If you want to, you can state an affirmation here, but what's most important is that you focus on the comfortable warmth of this light. Meditate on this energy for atleast a few minutes afterwards.
You will see for yourself what effects this will have on you, if you decide to try it out.

If you have any doubts or questions, or even if you just want to talk, just let me know and I'll reply. You'll find a way out of this mess, without having to suicide. Trust me.

A'ight, so let's break this down one step at a time.

There’s literally nothing I can do about my situation. Won’t do a working to attract a partner cause I’m just not interested in other people. It just wouldn’t work out. And an incubus in not an option for me either.

Other Zevists in my situation can get either of those things and have success. I can’t. My mentality is, after years of doing things for Satan, Im not even allowed to be with one incubus?? Not wanting to be with other people is something I can’t help. I’m just plainly not interested, yet not good enough for an incubus despite taking care of myself. (And yes, being open enough)

Sometimes I think it wouldn't work out for me either because I'm just such an eccentric person, in addition to the fact that I, too, have little interest in others, or at least non-Zevists. I even created my own Polish term for non-Zevists so that I could talk shit about them in public without them overhearing and going "Oh shit, that dude's a Zevist, someone shoot him."

This speaks to the complexity of human psychology, but if you're not interested in associating with others, why do you think you're suffering from loneliness? If you are lonely and, as a result, feel a drive to have some manner of contact with someone other than yourself, does that not mean that you actually are interested in other people and have just convinced yourself somehow that you're not? It should also be noted that not wanting to be around or with others can, indeed, just be a symptom of your current depression. I went from not really minding the presence of non-Zevists to, admittedly, outright despising them. This represents a shift in my perspective, and such shifts can swing in any one direction. So as you get past your depression, that's something that could change within you, even though you'll likely respond to this with something like "No, it won't ever change, etc.." That's just patently false. The brain, the soul, these things change over time, so saying it won't ever change can automatically be dismissed as incorrect. I need not know you to know this to be fact, for the same reason that I don't need to visit the Mediterranean Sea and stick my foot in it to know that, if I stick my foot in it, my foot will get wet. It's just reality.

You say that an incubus is not an option for you, and that you're "not allowed" one. Why? Have you tried? I imagine you must have, but frankly I don't know. Your defeatist words here are making me think you may not have bothered with it enough to make it happen because you've accepted that you're undeserving or that Father Zeus doesn't care about you or whatever else. I want to stress as well to you that this whole "Other Zevists can do and get these things just fine" is inaccurate as well. Numerous, numerous Zevists here have struggled with these things, from attracting an incubus/succubus, to getting a response from Satan/the Gods that satisfies their expectations, and so on. I've prayed to Father Zeus many times, called upon Him for help with an issue I'm having at the time, and whilst He very likely has helped me in unseen ways, I've never met Him. He and I have never sat down and had an astral cold one together. This alone is sometimes enough to get people thinking that Satan doesn't hear them and/or doesn't care, but many times, His works manifest in ways that can easily slip underneath our radar.

I know I come off as a greedy brat here, but I just can’t see it as fair. I would rather be permanently dead than live through this shit. As for my signature, yes I still believe that. But due to the circumstances, I DONT believe Satan gives a damn about me. We’re gonna win this war with or without me. I don’t matter. And I think Satan has made this clear.

HP Mageson has written before that the future is not set in stone. While, chances are, we're going to win this fight and things are looking up for Team Gentile, it's still theoretically possible for us to lose. It's still possible, even if we ultimately don't lose, for the enemy to pull some shit here on Earth that sets our progress back some. We'll still clean up their mess, of course, but it'll be made harder by virtue of their efforts. An example would be them convincing regular Ritual-performing Zevists that they don't matter so that they cull their Rituals, perhaps altogether. Kind of like what they're doing to you now. You've deceived yourself into thinking that you don't matter and the enemy has helped you do it. Father Zeus didn't make that clear, the enemy is actively trying to make that your reality.

As of recently I’ve lost motivation to meditate consistently and keep up with warfare. (Usually just 1-2 Rituals a day if at all) I just don’t see the point anymore. I’m just gonna be alone no matter what. Being “positive” won’t do squat for me here, just self delusions. It’s pased the point where I can just “suck it up”. I’ve been doing that for years. I’m at my breaking point and I’m really honestly considering suicide.

There is literally nothing I can do about being lonely. Satan doesn’t care either (why would he?) so I’m in a corner here.

I really never wanted to admit this here because it's something I'm deeply ashamed of, but I feel it's pertinent. I've never done more than one Final Ritual a day. There've been times as of late where I go days without even meditating, to say nothing of the many more days of not doing the Final Ritual. This is a mark of great shame that I'll never be able to erase, but it would also be disingenuous for me not to admit that such is my reality. From experience, you don't want this reality. It's embarrassing and can actually serve as substantive evidence of one being a failure as a Zevist.

The "why" for why Satan cares about you, in addition to the fact that you are a dedicated Zevist, His flesh and blood made manifest here on Earth, is because you are one of only thousands on this near-eight-billion populated planet that is actively advancing His cause. There's your why. And if you doubt this because it doesn't seem like He's helping you, again, consider things that can slip your notice. Contemplate the possibility that you could've ended up in some shitty situation that you avoided completely without even knowing because Zeus and the Gods protected you from it in some way. Something even as simple as distracting you so you leave your house a little late and avoid a drunk driver that would've slammed into your vehicle and killed you. It's hard to prove such situations, but they definitely do and have happened for many Zevists here.

You speak more of the loneliness, how there's nothing you can do. Again, if you're so lonely, are you really not interested in others, or is that just a self-delusion you claim to be free of? I feel lonely at times, but rarely, and it doesn't weigh me down all that much except for a few minutes, because I actually am disinterested in non-Zevists. I feel at ease and comfortable when I'm alone. The presence of other people, especially strangers, causes me heightened distress and even rage. If this loneliness is a major factor in you feeling like there's no point and that you'd rather just die than continue fighting, then I highly, highly doubt that you have no interest in being with others. If anything, that's your delusion, and it's a delusion that the enemy is targeting and actively amplifying because they can see the level of pain it's causing you. They've found the weak spot in your armor. The wound they can stick a knife into and twist. And they're plaguing you with a mindset that's actively discouraging you from doing anything to improve yourself.

With you being more advanced than I am, you constantly affirming shit like "There's literally nothing I can do," "nothing will change," so on and so forth, that's causing you more harm than I think you fully realize. You may think it's just true - another delusion because nothing is permanent - but such is an extremely common mindset amongst depressed folk, including the Zevists you claim are able to improve themselves and receive help whereas you can't.

I imagine that all of this still won't convince you to take a good, hard look at your mindset and how this could be contributing to your feelings, so please, let's keep this going. Sometimes depression is a matter of repetition of objective truth as opposed to false, depressed thinking, I can personally attest to this.

Every Zevism has a guardian Demon.

The situation is you are on your own closing up to them and every possibility and then basically complaining on some sort of invisible standard without any reasonable foundation.

You are blocking every interaction even with people here then wonder why you are alone. Doesn't for example people here coming in to help show something?

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I’m not gonna disagree. I’ve just let this mentality consume me over the years. It’s difficult to break out of it. Especially with the loneliness. I do appreciate the replies, it’s just I feel like I’ve “tried everything” by now.

I could pick myself back up and try again. But I’ve done that maybe over 100 times over the years, trying different things every time with the same results.

My impression from what I've read about Satan on this site is that you're accepted no matter where you are as long as you're loyal, but the one line that cannot be crossed is being unable to uphold your loyalty.

In other words, if you don't promise anything to Satan, you can't expect much in return but you can still be called a Zevist, if you promise a lot to Satan and you always keep your end of the bargain, you are a great Zevist who will be regularly helped by Satan to in order to rapidly advance, however, if you make a promise and are unable keep it, then you are too weak to call yourself a Zevist because you are unreliable and you can expect that the Gods will no longer offer you assistance to evolve unless they are feeling kind and even then, they will not help you eagerly and regularly.

I have no sources to back this up, just intuition, but that is what makes the most sense to me logically.

Sit down in a quiet place, relax, and focus on yourself. Take a few minutes to really feel you and your own emotions. Then, I want you to vibrate Satanama. Don't worry about any specific number of vibrations for now, just slowly vibrate it over and over, one time on each exhale. Let it "roll" of your tongue. Really lose yourself in the vibrations and energies. If any emotions come up, good or bad, just acknowledge them and keep going. Do this as long as comfortable, preferrably more than 15 minutes.
When you are done with this, stay focused on your body. Focus only on yourself. As you do this, slowly imagine each of your chakras light up with white-gold energy. You can spin them too if you'd like. Focus on this energy as it gets bigger and bigger, and let it envelop your entire being. If you want to, you can state an affirmation here, but what's most important is that you focus on the comfortable warmth of this light. Meditate on this energy for atleast a few minutes afterwards.
You will see for yourself what effects this will have on you, if you decide to try it out.

If you have any doubts or questions, or even if you just want to talk, just let me know and I'll reply. You'll find a way out of this mess, without having to suicide. Trust me.

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I’ll try this, thank you.

if you're not interested in associating with others, why do you think you're suffering from loneliness? If you are lonely and, as a result, feel a drive to have some manner of contact with someone other than yourself, does that not mean that you actually are interested in other people and have just convinced yourself somehow that you're not?

I guess I should specify, I’m “romantically lonely“ Friends and general human company are nice, but not really a priority right now. I can live without friends.. etc I’m generally a loner and DO like my own company sometimes. But it’s been getting TOO lonely, for years. I do appreciate the unconditional love I currently have in my life, but all the unconditional love in the world won’t fill that void.

And partners? I’m not looking for superficial garbage, one night stands, only sex..etc. Even though there have been some good men in my life, I just don’t have feelings for them. I can’t help that...

You say that an incubus is not an option for you, and that you're "not allowed" one. Why? Have you tried?

Yes. I’ve asked respectfully, ive begged, I’ve pleaded, you name it. Satan just won’t allow it. Along with me hearing “they’ll NEVER accept you” and “there’s nobody” “you’ll never”...etc and I’m certain this comes from the gods, not the enemy. I recognize the energy very well. I work on myself too so.. only Satan knows exactly WHY. I would think the gods’ words are final, like nothing trumps what they say. So if they say I won’t ever be, then they must be right and there would be no point in trying to be positive and change it. If it WAS changeable, wouldn’t they imply so?

I really never wanted to admit this here because it's something I'm deeply ashamed of, but I feel it's pertinent. I've never done more than one Final Ritual a day. There've been times as of late where I go days without even meditating, to say nothing of the many more days of not doing the Final Ritual. This is a mark of great shame that I'll never be able to erase, but it would also be disingenuous for me not to admit that such is my reality. From experience, you don't want this reality. It's embarrassing and can actually serve as substantive evidence of one being a failure as a Zevist.

Even one Ritual is better than none. There’s always online warfare to do too, which doesn’t take that much time. Yeah..it’s super important to meditate consistently for results. One of the latest sermons talk about it. Working on your solar chakra can help with motivation and such. (I should take my own advice here too)

I imagine that all of this still won't convince you to take a good, hard look at your mindset and how this could be contributing to your feelings, so please, let's keep this going. Sometimes depression is a matter of repetition of objective truth as opposed to false, depressed thinking, I can personally attest to this.

This did help, and I appreciate the time you took to type all this. You didn’t have to, but you did. Thank you! I can’t say my problem is resolved.. but I’ll meditate again today.
The most I can do is distract myself. But how much longer will I have to do that? That’s what’s killing me.

Satan just won’t allow it. Along with me hearing “they’ll NEVER accept you” and “there’s nobody” “you’ll never”...etc and I’m certain this comes from the gods, not the enemy. I recognize the energy very well.

Total bullshit the gods don't talk like that. They don't give that kind of "negative prophesy" they don't ever tell you that it's impossible to grow. The gods can see every situation from a higher perspective than you can ever imagine, and they know exactly what is possible and how to make it happen. This is probably your own mind saying these things, or there is some kind of enemy influence, but that is NOT the voices of the gods. There's 8 billion people, there's a lot of open options who would be good enough for you if you would be open enough to make it happen, but your own doubt and negativity is your entire problem. With your own negative victim mentality you will never succeed unless you make a change. But the gods would NEVER tell you these things because they know that isn't the truth. If you are truly worthless and weak and hopeless as you have been feeling like, then why have the gods brought you here? Why have they taken the time to reincarnate your soul and bring you to the knowledge of how to grow? Why have they given you the opportunity to accomplish as much as you wish?

Well if you decide to just sit there and cry and not do anything, that's your choice and not anyone else's fault. The gods don't spread the doubt and self-destructive mindset loops that you had gotten into. Because from their perspective, they see what it leads to. If they told you it's impossible to advance, then you wouldn't even try at all you would just lay down and rot away to nothing. But the gods and even you all know that anything is possible if you put the energy toward it, and if you decide to grow and advance and improve then there is no limit to how high of a place you may advance to. It's your own choice what you decide will happen and it's your own job to make the right choice in the right direction.

It is only your own thoughts and doubt that had gotten you here. Maybe influenced and affected by planet energies or enemy's curses, but at the end of the day it's your own mind and your own thoughts and your own decisions. The gods have not brought you down to any low place and they would NEVER instruct you to lower yourself down like that either, so don't blame them for what was either an imagination from your own mind or an enemy imposter. Many people have been very depressed before, but in situations like that the gods continue to be encouraging and supportive. They know what is possible and how to make it happen, and if they didn't know the way for you to suceed then you wouldn't be here.

There's a lot of planets in pisces and capricorn right now. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I know pisces energy can be extremely emotionally sensitive and depressive and I've seen before that when there's a lot of planets in capricorn it's a good time to do curses. So the enemy has been going on trying to curse everyone real bad, and the pisces influence as turned it feeling emotionally weak and helpless and depressive. This is just an idea, I'm not great with astrology to know how accurate this idea is. But it looks like this has been affecting many of us here recently.

Instead of blaming yourself, why you don't use your aura to attract someone to fit you? It will take a while, obviously, but definitely is better than complaining about it and then quiting like a coward. For this you will need to advance to have more chances. I guess you are thinking: "Why others can so easily have a girlfriend and I have to use meditations and my aura to get one?"
But what do you think, complaining about it is better than doing something? This situation is not something you cannot change. If you want to get something, you have to do something about it, not just wait to come by itself. Nowadays you can be alone as easy as you can be with someone. Novody is entitled to have a relation. So start meditate, advance, empower your aura and do something about it.

And I don't understand what has to do the fact that you are alone with the meditations and the Rituals. Even opposite, you should use your free time for more advancement, more meditations, more Rituals. The situation in the world is just horrible. To stop doing Rituals is definitely NOT something we can afford to do. This is why we are here. I myself thinking sometimes if I have been reincarnated by Satan specific for this purpose, to dedicate to Him (maybe again, maybe this wasn't first time in my existence) and start advancing and promoting the truth. If this is the case for you, then how you can quit this huge opportunity and responsabilty only because you are alone? I guess I know what you will do after. You will just start playing videogames, wasting all the time you have on doing nothing, complaining on the forums about why you don't have a girlfriend hours and hours every day, listen crap music which will affect your subconscious mind and will make you even more depressive and so on. I tell you all this from experience. Is a shit life which will only throw you in more and more depression and self-hatred and if you will keep it in that way you may never find escape from it in this life and definitely this will continue in your future lifes if you don't eliminate this shit from the soul. Is this the kind of life you want to have?

And since I am alone, like you, I never had a girlfriend. You know which is my position about it? I don't care. Being a Zevist is way more important for me than having a girlfriend. I do things all the time. I don't have time and I don't want to complain about it anymore. Sometimes yes I have shity moodes but I ignore them all the time.

By the way, I wish to have my own flat and move alone there. This is is a target for me in this life, to get rid of the people with bad influence on my life, like my retard christian brother, and fully concentrate on Zevism and a healthy life style. Unlike you, I don't want any girlfriends, but you don't have to be like this. Because of the Zevism, you are able to have the power to handle it. Now you are acting like a hopeless alone christian who wish a girlfriend and can't do nothing about it. Why you don't act like a Zevist without girlfriend and use your energy to get one?

Thank you!!!!!!!

I didn't even think of this in THAT way before..... This helped me tremendously sister!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I do wanna clarify that I actually am a male despite any feminine energies I may give off. XD But nevertheless I'm very glad if anything I say here helps at least one Zevist. I saw too that you mentioned dealing with enemy attacks and I think camaraderie amongst fellows here on the forums can be key support in getting all of us dealing with their bullshit past this rough patch on the road.

Oh, opps ^^;;;

Sorry about that x'D

But you are right :)

Why you don't act like a Zevist without girlfriend and use your energy to get one?

Because I’m not interested in a human partner? I could very easily, attract a human partner BUT it just wouldn’t work out long term. Emotionally I just never seem to “connect” with anyone, I loose interest..etc no matter what I try. Even if we’re a perfect match, there’s ALWAYS something just...off. It’s empty. I admit it’s a “me” problem. I’m not blaming anyone else why I feel this way.

I could attract a human partner to fill my physical needs, but that would just make me feel worse, as I don’t want to do that with anyone I don’t love. I feel like I would loose something important to me.

Would it be any different with an incubus? Yes. I won’t go into detail because no one would believe me, just give me shit for it, and it would bring up very painful memories. But yes, it would be direrent for many reasons. It’s just not an option for me.

So really, i just can’t see a solution to this. There’s honestly no one else to blame but myself. I do admit directing my hatred at Satan is stupid. Irregardless, I can’t seem to get over being lonely. I checked my chart and all I’m gonna say is this is a heavy issue that could make or break me. I’m at a loss really. That’s why I wanted to ask Satan for an incubus.

(Yes I know I’m using negative language. I want to be positive, but it just feels like I’m lying to myself.)

I could attract a human partner to fill my physical needs, but that would just make me feel worse, as I don’t want to do that with anyone I don’t love. I feel like I would loose something important to me.

You attract someone to fill you physical needs only if you want this. But you don't want this, do you? You spell the afirmation for the energy, is not the energy acting by itself. If you state in the afirmation what you really want, the energy will work according to the afirmation. Your aura won't attract a cheap slut if you say in the afirmationto attract you a serious woman. The same apply for a lot of ther things. You need to be specific in the afirmation and to know exactly what you really want. Also your mind will affect the work. If you say that you are attracting a serious woman but in your head you tell yourself all the time that you will be alone your entire life, then this may ruin your work. You need also to get rid of the negative attitude and thoughts from your soul. This you can do by programing your subconscious mind while sleeping. You record yourself with the phone saying an afirmation to get rid of this thoughts and before sleep put that afirmation to repeat and it will be repeated all over the night while you sleep and it will programe your subconscious with that afirmation and will diectly affect your conscious.

And if you want a succubus, then try it.

Complex case here, huh?

It seems you are also the user jenmarth13, from the Yahoo groups (and I hope it's not a problem to mention that here)

You see, when we post a message, we do it with the intention that this message will be read, because we know there is someone who will read it, right?
So I think that maybe you venting here about these negative feelings in the messages you post (even if dismissing most people's positive advice) is, even if you don't realize it, a subconscious way in which you try to fill that lonely void of yours; here with us. And I hope everyone's replies here are helping you in that sense ;)

Hmm...what do you currently love the most?

I regrettably admit I might be in such a situation. I just can’t handles things anymore. Et all

Dude, you need to stop thinking about and talking about yourself so damn negatively. The way you talk about yourself, no one wants to touch that with a ten foot pole.

Read up on lydias guide on obliterating your saturn.
Then read up on hps Shannon's article on you healing yourself.
Then read up on hoodedcobras guide on power meditation and cleaning the soul.

Try telling yourself the things you want to hear. I'm serious. Take five minutes and tell yourself. "I am strong. I can handle this. I have patience with myself. I am a good person. I am hard working. I deserve nice things. I am going to be alright. I will find happiness. I will find good partners." Etc etc. If what you tell yourself makes you cry in relief, then keep doing it because you need to hear it from yourself.
If you can't speak or think we'll of yourself, then your magick is sabotaged by yourself at the get go.

That's all I got.
Peace out and slothz all the way.

These days, I am battling horrible depression, and have a feeling like I am forcing myself through living my life, every day. Everything seems pointless regarding my life, I keep living just because I want to see us winning the war.

That, in itself, is the good indicator for me that I am not weak. If I were weak, I would just quit, and go pursuing own personal things, and disregard everything.

As long as you keep fighting, you are not worthless! If you were, Father Zeus wouldn't reach out to you in the first place. He knows your worth is much more than you take yourself to be worthy. We often cannot see through our own biases.

Yes. I’ve asked respectfully, ive begged, I’ve pleaded, you name it. Satan just won’t allow it. Along with me hearing “they’ll NEVER accept you” and “there’s nobody” “you’ll never”...etc and I’m certain this comes from the gods, not the enemy. I recognize the energy very well. I work on myself too so.. only Satan knows exactly WHY. I would think the gods’ words are final, like nothing trumps what they say. So if they say I won’t ever be, then they must be right and there would be no point in trying to be positive and change it. If it WAS changeable, wouldn’t they imply so?

I had this shit happen to me a long time ago as i'm very sensitive, if you're feeling energy then i'm 88% sure you've got a malefic entity parasitizing of you, they're master manipulators and deceivers that try to turn you away from Zeus and the gods further isolating you, they feed of your insecurities, fears and hopelessness, and even worse you're isolated which makes for an easy victim.

They're daemons that specialize in getting rid of malefic spirits like Orobas, try contacting one they'll help you, listen to you intuition and not the shit that comes up in your mind.

Do a banishing ritual:
https://templeofzeus.org/Banishing.php

but the thing is from your situation you've been feeding this entity for a long time, so it's most likely strongly connected to you,
ask Satan, your GD or a daemon for help they'll help you locate the problem after you identify the problem you can start snuffing it out:
https://templeofzeus.org/Detaching.php

Do you have a hobby or anything?
you can play video games, or get some physical activities to keep you grounded.

If you're online you can always join a community that are correspondent to your hobbies and such, if you're shy or timid just do a Mars square when the time is there.

It's imperative that you practice void meditation and snuff these negative thoughts out as they appear.
as well as keep working on your solar chakra.

Have faith in the gods keep them in mind and their influence close, and just continue to advance yourself as the enemies's main goal is to deter you from advancing yourself in any way further making you easy victim, try to locate and find the source of your problems, 1st step to solving problems is knowing and understanding it.
https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=17942

most importantly... just be patient and relax yourself, don't stress.