how can i stop this RETARDED BEHAVIOUR ALREADY

[sinbad]

I'm not sure what to do about this tendency. I feel like a total retard.

I've avoided a job as much possible, and spent all my time reading. For the past 8 years I've just been reading for like 12 hours a day, and it's turned into an addiction at this point.

I barely went outside during this entire time, even though I had friends and girls to talk to. But I would just grow tired of everyone as I saw them as a distraction from my reading.

Everything I see, I end up researching and I just get bogged down on random shit, like the bugs on the floor or military equipment or something, or consuming too much art/music.

I just get lost reading everything and I struggle to stop myself and do the boring stuff, even though I'm actually good at it, as I have an organised and efficient mind, but I just waste it on bullshit like Chess.

I'd literally be an overnight success, yet for some reason I just don't do it. God, it's so retarded it doesn't even make sense.

People literally come to me for business advice although I have zero credibility, because everything I say has amazing results, yet my dumbass doesn't create anything of my own and I'm still broke.

This Saturn is so f***ing stupid holy shit.

It's like a weird blindspot because I know, once I start, my obsessive tendencies will naturally take over anyway and I'll become a permanent workaholic for the rest of my life for the Gods.

But something in me keeps trying to postpone that for as long as possible and relishing in this "extended childhood", as I know I'll never have this level of freedom to read/learn ever again.

If I asked a random guy on the street for 100 bucks, he'd probably give it to me. Yet I'm totally embarassed to rely on others, and never take advantage of my own luck. Coz I'm a f***ing idiot or something.

If I could just take advantage of it for the Gods/humanity... that is the only thing in the world that can "power my engine" and the only thing I truly care about, which is to use my knowledge to create a superior Earth.

But I just cannot seem to escape the tyranny of my own weakness.

What a goddamn bullshit life.

---
Sorry I just had to get this out of my system.
---

 

[Acolyte Of Pan 666]

I'm not sure what to do about this tendency. I feel like a total retard.

I've avoided a job as much possible, and spent all my time reading. For the past 8 years I've just been reading for like 12 hours a day, and it's turned into an addiction at this point.

I barely went outside during this entire time, even though I had friends and girls to talk to. But I would just grow tired of everyone as I saw them as a distraction from my reading.

Everything I see, I end up researching and I just get bogged down on random shit, like the bugs on the floor or military equipment or something, or consuming too much art/music.

I just get lost reading everything and I struggle to stop myself and do the boring stuff, even though I'm actually good at it, as I have an organised and efficient mind, but I just waste it on bullshit like Chess.

I'd literally be an overnight success, yet for some reason I just don't do it. God, it's so retarded it doesn't even make sense.

People literally come to me for business advice although I have zero credibility, because everything I say has amazing results, yet my dumbass doesn't create anything of my own and I'm still broke.

This Saturn is so f***ing stupid holy shit.

It's like a weird blindspot because I know, once I start, my obsessive tendencies will naturally take over anyway and I'll become a permanent workaholic for the rest of my life for the Gods.

But something in me keeps trying to postpone that for as long as possible and relishing in this "extended childhood", as I know I'll never have this level of freedom to read/learn ever again.

If I asked a random guy on the street for 100 bucks, he'd probably give it to me. Yet I'm totally embarassed to rely on others, and never take advantage of my own luck. Coz I'm a f***ing idiot or something.

If I could just take advantage of it for the Gods/humanity... that is the only thing in the world that can "power my engine" and the only thing I truly care about, which is to use my knowledge to create a superior Earth.

But I just cannot seem to escape the tyranny of my own weakness.

What a goddamn bullshit life.

---
Sorry I just had to get this out of my system.
---

You need a job to be truly independent.

You should put energy into getting one. The time you'll spend working will make you cherish more the time you have when you are free.

If you don't take care of your material life, your spiritual llife will suffer as a result. It's not childhood you wish to preserve, but a sense of wonder. You don't have to lose that while working.

It's not really the job that turns people into "adults", it's a mindset developed by the person that there is "nothing left" to learn or explore, which is false. There's always something new to do. However, to progress, you need money. Learn online to create a proper resume and how to answer interview questions. You can get a job.

Saturn can be "pleased" when you address the obstacle and work towards overcoming it but first you need to change perception otherwise it will eat away at you and harm you.

 

[sinbad]

...

I don't think I could maintain a normal/random job. It'd have to be something that activates my obsessive tendencies.

I'm like a nuclear bomb of focus, but it only activates if I'm totally posessed and consumed by a goal or objective. Full body, mind and soul obsession.

I have to feel totally immersed in the energy. Otherwise, I'm just neutered, as that's where all of my "power" comes from.

But I know what I have to do now.

I was a philanthropist for the Gods in a past life, which gave me retarded bad karma money habits, but also a tremendous amount of luck and benefits coming from others, as well as protection.

I am going to throw my books away, the Kindle, my phone, and by next year I'll definitely be on a very positive trajectory towards donating a few hundred thousand to a million at least.

All of my attention can only be directed towards one thing, and if it is "knowledge" I'll end up choosing that everytime, but filmmaking/art is an addicting (and high paying) interest of mine which I am very studied. I can probably start doing some propaganda here, and this really activates my chart.

If I'm not doing something for others, humanity, or the Gods, my chart is totally useless. But used otherwise, it becomes a vortex of cartoonishly good fortune. Until then, though, it's totally worthless. And I've just been doing nothing but feeding myself so far, which has been the problem. I am not motivated to help myself, only uplifting and improving others.

 

[Blitzkreig [SG]]

I don't think I could maintain a normal/random job. It'd have to be something that activates my obsessive tendencies.

I'm like a nuclear bomb of focus, but it only activates if I'm totally posessed and consumed by a goal or objective. Full body, mind and soul obsession.

I have to feel totally immersed in the energy. Otherwise, I'm just neutered, as that's where all of my "power" comes from.

But I know what I have to do now.

I was a philanthropist for the Gods in a past life, which gave me retarded bad karma money habits, but also a tremendous amount of luck and benefits coming from others, as well as protection.

I am going to throw my books away, the Kindle, my phone, and by next year I'll definitely be on a very positive trajectory towards donating a few hundred thousand to a million at least.

All of my attention can only be directed towards one thing, and if it is "knowledge" I'll end up choosing that everytime, but filmmaking/art is an addicting (and high paying) interest of mine which I am very studied. I can probably start doing some propaganda here, and this really activates my chart.

If I'm not doing something for others, humanity, or the Gods, my chart is totally useless. But used otherwise, it becomes a vortex of cartoonishly good fortune. Until then, though, it's totally worthless. And I've just been doing nothing but feeding myself so far, which has been the problem. I am not motivated to help myself, only uplifting and improving others.

An excess of thinking/sensing and not doing, an excess of helping others and not yourself, and wanting total immersion in an activity, yet fearing a loss of the fun that comes from the current situation, points toward a lack of solar activity, in my opinion.

This is because our ego is motivated to do actions based on perception of value to the self. So, when you are comparing your current situation to some other work project and not feeling motivated, it is because you perceive the value of the reading as more than doing the other work/project, for whatever reason.

By doing a solar working or other development, this will help you both feel and begin what you can do better to help yourself and create value, and in a way you like and feel fulfilled doing. This will likely still be in a nontraditional manner, based on what you said and still based on your chart and self, but with better elements of creation of stable power.

The situation is not terrible though, because at least you are able to see a higher position for yourself and what could happen, and this can be like a guiding force, but now you need to generate the fuel to achieve, in my opinion, and that is solar-related.

 

[Edward Lonsa]

Greetings!

Just found this topic. Sorry for the late answer.

For me this sounds like perpetual trying to not be yourself because of enforced mainstream ideas like those to "be independent". A lot of people have natural inclination to belonging to another and coexisting and not all of them use these natural inclinations for parasitism. And in the less independence-brainwashed world people of art and science who gave humanity greatest gifts depended upon (belonged to) the Tzars, the kings, the nobility and investors / patrons among noble classes who wished their country to be educated, cultural and literal. Tesla needs to buy some food while being concentrated on his experiments and not having time to go "get money" for 8 hours per day. Otherwise he would have to be less productive.

If you feel naturally more inclined to books why not to find profession somehow demanding this levels of everyday study? This might be very beneficial and investigative profession needed for society. Why to necessarily see it as parasitism? Good question is who brainwashed people to see professors and intellectuals as parasites? In my country it was communist jews. They genocided upper educated classes in 1917-1922 to establish their own version of education, their own version of history, their own version of "intelligencia" etc. So I know the first hand who is interested that intellectuals did not exist and who spreads misinfo that they are parasites, unneeded professions etc.

With advanced culture of patronage Gentile world began having geniuses and advancing. Kikes solved this problem by genociding the upper classes so that there were no patrons or investors for Beauty and Knowledge. This is how they invented communist revolutions, "equality" ideologies and "independence" brainwashing. When people respected co-dependence and living in nuclear tandems and used it for more productivity and less parasitism, they were more functional than now.

In reality these people have the potential of becoming the noblest givers to the society: scientists, historians, philosophers, kikes try to keep these for their own to control his world. Saturn's lesson here is to find your path in this world (wherever Saturn is, his main lesson is to find one's path and to tread it). If in your country as in mine these people are kept with little to zero salary, their public vacancies are reduced to non-existent or left 1-2 for 1-2 chosen kikes, then it might demand time and Gods' guidance to find your path. I asked for their guidance as I wished to find a profession not for money but for a dream to spend whole eternity with it, to make it Gods' service, not for animalistic primitive survival, yet that the obstacle of animalist primitive needs did not stand in my way. And they showed me my way. They granted me this option to stay intellectual and for my dream to never be destroyed by survival mess.

A lot of people hate the idea to do something for themselves, to be independent or to survive. It is so deeply alien to their nature and to the culture of the epochs their soul gravitates (usually those with very advanced culture of patronage and nuclear dependence, non-breakable family unit, everyone concentrated on being a part of the whole rather than individual survival). This is for a reason. It is not to be forced into unwanted, into hated and unrelated to heart - at least this is not what our Saturn wants from us. He only demands that our Destiny Call is answered, which means to realize your actual natural inclinations and nature into the acceptable and productive way, rather than leaving them astray.

The answer here is to find the path of realization of your inner need to dedicate your 24/7 to study and reading and yet to make major use for Gods and humanity out of it, to turn it into pure 100% concentrated altruism. Since Saturn's and MC goals are 100% altruism and serving the Earth as much as possible and since this is how people become Gods, obviously we need to try to do it using our most powerful points. Power Point is where your major passions and talents are stored. These are major energetic reserves of the chart where you take resource to put them into what I call your Staff of Destiny (major service to humanity). This one needs a lot of resources and it is only very logical to use your major passions for it. That in your case are reading / investigating.

History is the greatest reservoir of universal knowledge, wisdom and lessons of life that if properly preserved and passed to new generations can open to us eternity of wisdom learned by the infinite universe before us. This is why kikes always try to attack and rewrite it: it is the major resource of humanity. 4th house, Cancer and the Moon are symbolic of the greatest archives of the infinite universal knowledge that are given to us for free. Ancestors paid the price of blood for these lessons and we just take them for free. This is a Jupiterian side of Cancer that have a goal to grant us endless knowledge. Knowledge is power. This is where our major power points lay - in our past.

Greatest historian lesson in regards to our problem that our Ancestors paid a lot of blood for is that one of communist revoltion and losing our upper classes and culture of patronage. This teaches us that the enemy sees our intellectual potential as majorly dangerous to their goals. And this suggests that if we advance in it more we might constitute very dangerous cosmic enemies to them. This should be seen a pointer in this direction.

No wonder that in a century of worshipping lower egoism, enemy uses our lower ego against us and put obstacles to our lower ends, for those who wish to engage into dangerous endeavors for kikes such as iventing free electricity etc. To me this only shows what exactly they want and not want us to do. If Tesla is busy getting money all day and have no time nor nerve to dream or to see his visions, nor resources to build things he saw in his visions, than no free energy, no aether engines, i.e. no cosmic danger to some parasitic beings. That's wy they create culture of lower goals, wild capitalism, egocentrism, lowered level of empathy, shortened attention span. Because this is how they reduce people's ability to really advance in any serious sphere.

So your answer to it would be to find a way to not let them take your ability to dream, to read and to realize your talents off of you. Instead to let them serve Gods and the advancement of humanity.

 

[Disciple of the Serpent]

...

People literally come to me for business advice although I have zero credibility, because everything I say has amazing results, yet my dumbass doesn't create anything of my own and I'm still broke.

...

You can make billions out of this, create networks and more.

 

[sinbad]

...

Your insights are a joy to read as always.

The problem is I am a greedy lad.

In my chart, it wants everything.

Education, science, spirituality, wealth, power, love/romance, art, beauty, sports, fame/recognition etc.—everything is jacked up to the extreme and it is difficult to "settle" for any one thing. And I want to pour this into ToZ.

I know, once I get the ball rolling, I can easily juggle all of these things through momentum, but starting the ball seems to be the hard part. I tend to get obsessed with things. But I've realised without love, everything else feels daunting and lackluster. Not in a needy way, but like there is something missing in my nervous system, a necessary tool in my arsenal. But this pornographic culture ruined everything. Unfortunately I did not receive any affection/touch growing up either, so all this force in my brain is being neutered without it.

But I have been working on it recently. It's funny, once I began removing the negative karma associated with love/sex etc., I began to feel independent like I did not need anyone. But of course I know I do, and I am still relational, but I do not depend on it now. It is a more useful relationality.

The chart is pretty spread thin, but I was following your advice on another post actually. I basically have to obsessively focus on my 8th house or I get raped by these energies lol, and you are right things became much easier.

You seem very knowledgable in History. Is this your main area of study? And do you have an e-mail I can contact? I'd be interested in having a discussion on some Historical figures I could perhaps emulate. If you have the free time.

 

[sinbad]

You can make billions out of this, create networks and more.

That is one of my goals, eventually, it seems to come easy. Businessmen become weirdly delusional in my presence and just hang on my every word even if I'm bullshitting lol

 

[Disciple of the Serpent]

That is one of my goals, eventually, it seems to come easy. Businessmen become weirdly delusional in my presence and just hang on my every word even if I'm bullshitting lol

To let understand you, there was this rabbi that did spells, and was paid 1M$ just for his presence during a bussiness contract.

Because he believed that this jew was magick and shiet, ecc...

I bet, some people would pay 1M for his panties or something.

Just spells, and we at ToZ have the strongest ones, and the best support in the universe, let's use these means.

 

[Disciple of the Serpent]

That is one of my goals, eventually, it seems to come easy. Businessmen become weirdly delusional in my presence and just hang on my every word even if I'm bullshitting lol

I bet Venus Squares can be used to attract those kind of people to give you money, or to look like a litteral Saint and magical being to them.

You can use it at higher degree to marry queens or kings too.

What would be best? Tauros, Piscis or Libra Sign?

 

[sinbad]

...

My DC placements indicate I will have a rich/powerful spouse or from their family dynasty who will benefit me and bring luck.

I was thinking about seducing some princess or celebrity, but I also want real, idealistic poetic love, lol.

I'm sure I can get rich on my own without doing this BS.

I was wondering if I could get rich enough to get into a room full of billionaires in like 10 years I could convince them with siddhis or some shit lmao, HoO speed boost.

Similar to the Jew in your story.

Many are afraid of death enough to be swayed by the spectacle and mere possibility of immortality (e.g., offerring to fast track them on the path for substantial money)

 

[sinbad]

Not siddhis but something simpler like telekinesis, and then act mysterious n shit to entice them further

 

[Disciple of the Serpent]

My DC placements indicate I will have a rich/powerful spouse or from their family dynasty who will benefit me and bring luck.

I was thinking about seducing some princess or celebrity, but I also want real, idealistic poetic love, lol.

I'm sure I can get rich on my own without doing this BS.

I was wondering if I could get rich enough to get into a room full of billionaires in like 10 years I could convince them with siddhis or some shit lmao, HoO speed boost.

Similar to the Jew in your story.

Many are afraid of death enough to be swayed by the spectacle and mere possibility of immortality (e.g., offerring to fast track them on the path for substantial money)

Not what I meant, and "poetic love" is often presented with a lot of layers of falsehood, and people learn that the hard way.

 

[sinbad]

Not what I meant, and "poetic love" is often presented with a lot of layers of falsehood, and people learn that the hard way.

You mean create unions for others?

And I know, I've mostly shed such delusions.

 

[bobbob]

I'm not sure what to do about this tendency. I feel like a total retard.

I've avoided a job as much possible, and spent all my time reading. For the past 8 years I've just been reading for like 12 hours a day, and it's turned into an addiction at this point.

I barely went outside during this entire time, even though I had friends and girls to talk to. But I would just grow tired of everyone as I saw them as a distraction from my reading.

Everything I see, I end up researching and I just get bogged down on random shit, like the bugs on the floor or military equipment or something, or consuming too much art/music.

I just get lost reading everything and I struggle to stop myself and do the boring stuff, even though I'm actually good at it, as I have an organised and efficient mind, but I just waste it on bullshit like Chess.

I'd literally be an overnight success, yet for some reason I just don't do it. God, it's so retarded it doesn't even make sense.

People literally come to me for business advice although I have zero credibility, because everything I say has amazing results, yet my dumbass doesn't create anything of my own and I'm still broke.

This Saturn is so f***ing stupid holy shit.

It's like a weird blindspot because I know, once I start, my obsessive tendencies will naturally take over anyway and I'll become a permanent workaholic for the rest of my life for the Gods.

But something in me keeps trying to postpone that for as long as possible and relishing in this "extended childhood", as I know I'll never have this level of freedom to read/learn ever again.

If I asked a random guy on the street for 100 bucks, he'd probably give it to me. Yet I'm totally embarassed to rely on others, and never take advantage of my own luck. Coz I'm a f***ing idiot or something.

If I could just take advantage of it for the Gods/humanity... that is the only thing in the world that can "power my engine" and the only thing I truly care about, which is to use my knowledge to create a superior Earth.

But I just cannot seem to escape the tyranny of my own weakness.

What a goddamn bullshit life.

---
Sorry I just had to get this out of my system.
---

I HAD to respond to this. Because you're describing me. Waste my time playing chess or doing bullshit for the past 2 years. Recently dropped out of college and have nothing to make of myself...