how can i stop this RETARDED BEHAVIOUR ALREADY

[sinbad]

I'm not sure what to do about this tendency. I feel like a total retard.

I've avoided a job as much possible, and spent all my time reading. For the past 8 years I've just been reading for like 12 hours a day, and it's turned into an addiction at this point.

I barely went outside during this entire time, even though I had friends and girls to talk to. But I would just grow tired of everyone as I saw them as a distraction from my reading.

Everything I see, I end up researching and I just get bogged down on random shit, like the bugs on the floor or military equipment or something, or consuming too much art/music.

I just get lost reading everything and I struggle to stop myself and do the boring stuff, even though I'm actually good at it, as I have an organised and efficient mind, but I just waste it on bullshit like Chess.

I'd literally be an overnight success, yet for some reason I just don't do it. God, it's so retarded it doesn't even make sense.

People literally come to me for business advice although I have zero credibility, because everything I say has amazing results, yet my dumbass doesn't create anything of my own and I'm still broke.

This Saturn is so f***ing stupid holy shit.

It's like a weird blindspot because I know, once I start, my obsessive tendencies will naturally take over anyway and I'll become a permanent workaholic for the rest of my life for the Gods.

But something in me keeps trying to postpone that for as long as possible and relishing in this "extended childhood", as I know I'll never have this level of freedom to read/learn ever again.

If I asked a random guy on the street for 100 bucks, he'd probably give it to me. Yet I'm totally embarassed to rely on others, and never take advantage of my own luck. Coz I'm a f***ing idiot or something.

If I could just take advantage of it for the Gods/humanity... that is the only thing in the world that can "power my engine" and the only thing I truly care about, which is to use my knowledge to create a superior Earth.

But I just cannot seem to escape the tyranny of my own weakness.

What a goddamn bullshit life.

---
Sorry I just had to get this out of my system.
---

 

[Acolyte Of Pan 666]

I'm not sure what to do about this tendency. I feel like a total retard.

I've avoided a job as much possible, and spent all my time reading. For the past 8 years I've just been reading for like 12 hours a day, and it's turned into an addiction at this point.

I barely went outside during this entire time, even though I had friends and girls to talk to. But I would just grow tired of everyone as I saw them as a distraction from my reading.

Everything I see, I end up researching and I just get bogged down on random shit, like the bugs on the floor or military equipment or something, or consuming too much art/music.

I just get lost reading everything and I struggle to stop myself and do the boring stuff, even though I'm actually good at it, as I have an organised and efficient mind, but I just waste it on bullshit like Chess.

I'd literally be an overnight success, yet for some reason I just don't do it. God, it's so retarded it doesn't even make sense.

People literally come to me for business advice although I have zero credibility, because everything I say has amazing results, yet my dumbass doesn't create anything of my own and I'm still broke.

This Saturn is so f***ing stupid holy shit.

It's like a weird blindspot because I know, once I start, my obsessive tendencies will naturally take over anyway and I'll become a permanent workaholic for the rest of my life for the Gods.

But something in me keeps trying to postpone that for as long as possible and relishing in this "extended childhood", as I know I'll never have this level of freedom to read/learn ever again.

If I asked a random guy on the street for 100 bucks, he'd probably give it to me. Yet I'm totally embarassed to rely on others, and never take advantage of my own luck. Coz I'm a f***ing idiot or something.

If I could just take advantage of it for the Gods/humanity... that is the only thing in the world that can "power my engine" and the only thing I truly care about, which is to use my knowledge to create a superior Earth.

But I just cannot seem to escape the tyranny of my own weakness.

What a goddamn bullshit life.

---
Sorry I just had to get this out of my system.
---

You need a job to be truly independent.

You should put energy into getting one. The time you'll spend working will make you cherish more the time you have when you are free.

If you don't take care of your material life, your spiritual llife will suffer as a result. It's not childhood you wish to preserve, but a sense of wonder. You don't have to lose that while working.

It's not really the job that turns people into "adults", it's a mindset developed by the person that there is "nothing left" to learn or explore, which is false. There's always something new to do. However, to progress, you need money. Learn online to create a proper resume and how to answer interview questions. You can get a job.

Saturn can be "pleased" when you address the obstacle and work towards overcoming it but first you need to change perception otherwise it will eat away at you and harm you.

 

[sinbad]

...

I don't think I could maintain a normal/random job. It'd have to be something that activates my obsessive tendencies.

I'm like a nuclear bomb of focus, but it only activates if I'm totally posessed and consumed by a goal or objective. Full body, mind and soul obsession.

I have to feel totally immersed in the energy. Otherwise, I'm just neutered, as that's where all of my "power" comes from.

But I know what I have to do now.

I was a philanthropist for the Gods in a past life, which gave me retarded bad karma money habits, but also a tremendous amount of luck and benefits coming from others, as well as protection.

I am going to throw my books away, the Kindle, my phone, and by next year I'll definitely be on a very positive trajectory towards donating a few hundred thousand to a million at least.

All of my attention can only be directed towards one thing, and if it is "knowledge" I'll end up choosing that everytime, but filmmaking/art is an addicting (and high paying) interest of mine which I am very studied. I can probably start doing some propaganda here, and this really activates my chart.

If I'm not doing something for others, humanity, or the Gods, my chart is totally useless. But used otherwise, it becomes a vortex of cartoonishly good fortune. Until then, though, it's totally worthless. And I've just been doing nothing but feeding myself so far, which has been the problem. I am not motivated to help myself, only uplifting and improving others.

 

[Blitzkreig [TG]]

I don't think I could maintain a normal/random job. It'd have to be something that activates my obsessive tendencies.

I'm like a nuclear bomb of focus, but it only activates if I'm totally posessed and consumed by a goal or objective. Full body, mind and soul obsession.

I have to feel totally immersed in the energy. Otherwise, I'm just neutered, as that's where all of my "power" comes from.

But I know what I have to do now.

I was a philanthropist for the Gods in a past life, which gave me retarded bad karma money habits, but also a tremendous amount of luck and benefits coming from others, as well as protection.

I am going to throw my books away, the Kindle, my phone, and by next year I'll definitely be on a very positive trajectory towards donating a few hundred thousand to a million at least.

All of my attention can only be directed towards one thing, and if it is "knowledge" I'll end up choosing that everytime, but filmmaking/art is an addicting (and high paying) interest of mine which I am very studied. I can probably start doing some propaganda here, and this really activates my chart.

If I'm not doing something for others, humanity, or the Gods, my chart is totally useless. But used otherwise, it becomes a vortex of cartoonishly good fortune. Until then, though, it's totally worthless. And I've just been doing nothing but feeding myself so far, which has been the problem. I am not motivated to help myself, only uplifting and improving others.

An excess of thinking/sensing and not doing, an excess of helping others and not yourself, and wanting total immersion in an activity, yet fearing a loss of the fun that comes from the current situation, points toward a lack of solar activity, in my opinion.

This is because our ego is motivated to do actions based on perception of value to the self. So, when you are comparing your current situation to some other work project and not feeling motivated, it is because you perceive the value of the reading as more than doing the other work/project, for whatever reason.

By doing a solar working or other development, this will help you both feel and begin what you can do better to help yourself and create value, and in a way you like and feel fulfilled doing. This will likely still be in a nontraditional manner, based on what you said and still based on your chart and self, but with better elements of creation of stable power.

The situation is not terrible though, because at least you are able to see a higher position for yourself and what could happen, and this can be like a guiding force, but now you need to generate the fuel to achieve, in my opinion, and that is solar-related.