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Going insane....

AvatarAzorm4 min to read

Going insane

Well, this is embarrassing but, yeah I kinda got mentally ill. They told me how important is to be clean and all before triggering Kundalini transformation, but due to my immaturity, obvious retardation, and sudden progress that I somehow made, I got unstable and lost my shit. For months I kept trying to recollect myself after first wave of dirt came in touch with the serpent, managed to clean something, only to find even more dirt coming from me.

My health is bad now, bodies not doing so good. Blockage is somewhere around 3/4 chakra, serpent is trying to push through like crazy, making me feel such a pain, followed by heat, weird feels in physical body and other bodies are feeling odd most of the time when it happens. I can't behave normally, I can't think straight. Severe distortion of reality, mind making illusions, playing with me. I don't know what is real and what is not, everything seems the same. Panic attacks, rage issues and similar are daily thing now almost. I had huge pain and weird feels in stomach when serpent tried to move up, and I had to go to hospital few times. I'm trying to heal it now. Something really odd happened and they found small wounds in my stomach. I had some problems with this before it seems, but now it got nasty. It should be better soon.

When I try to talk to people then or write somewhere to people I see them getting angry at me, yelling at me hitting me or similar. I also am afraid that I will hurt them somehow. I am afraid to talk and I am afraid to even be near people. I also feel inferior, sad and jealous, and I feel like everybody is better than me. I feel like a fucking failure no matter what I do. I feel like I have no place in this world and that nobody will accept me fully and understand me. I feel hopeless and depressed. Those pictures keep coming in my mind, feelings are bad and too strong and often followed by voices that are driving me insane. I completely keep losing my shit, and I don't know how to force myself to behave more normally then. I barely can void properly then. I just get consumed by bad energy and I don't want to even fight against it. Now it just fucked up my mind, I had this going on for a months and wanted to go in a mental hospital before few weeks but gave up.

Anyways, I want to say that I am sorry if I hurt, annoyed someone in some way. I am embarassed by my weird behaviour and actions lately. I have gone insane almost completely and I often act like that. I barely can interact with people as I am panicking a lot and going insane from it and I do stupid and weird things .

My friends are worried about me. I am sorry for being so stupid and this all is my fault, I feel like they should abandon me, they deserve someone better, I just keep being insane all the time and I still don't want to stop my meditations.

I will isolate myself as much as possible for few weeks or months from forums and people as I don't want to hurt anybody in some way, or to go even more insane. Hopefully others who are in this are doing better than me. I have not yet gave up, I just don't know how to be around others now.

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#20
SABNAC50said:

Ok ...so for some reason I like to spam Ritual sometimes and for another reasons (I like kundalini yoga ) it seems like my kundalini is trying to get up . I read out this post and I know that it will be a similar situation if I'm spamming to much but at least I want to know your opinions about this, I feel a hot energy right at the base trying to go up like a power drill . I hope it won't go too far because I'm not prepared for this.I guess the only thing I have to do is to do online warfare because if I keep spamming the Ritual I'm more as sure that will bring it up.I'm so upset because I want to fight even more.

As long as you do not burn yourself out with it, you can do as many Rituals as you want. The Gods will guide you in regards to kundalini, so as long as you can control your mind and keep yourself protected you will be perfectly fine. No need to limit yourself with these as long as your energy levels stay fine. :)

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#21
SABNAC50said:

Ok ...so for some reason I like to spam Ritual sometimes and for another reasons (I like kundalini yoga ) it seems like my kundalini is trying to get up . I read out this post and I know that it will be a similar situation if I'm spamming to much but at least I want to know your opinions about this, I feel a hot energy right at the base trying to go up like a power drill . I hope it won't go too far because I'm not prepared for this.I guess the only thing I have to do is to do online warfare because if I keep spamming the Ritual I'm more as sure that will bring it up.I'm so upset because I want to fight even more.

Ritual's are here to help us with cleaning of our souls and even if they stimulate our chakras more or our serpents, they will just help us.

I think you are in beginning phase still. Build no expectations with this all tho, but it can last few years to trigger something like this. With it will come lot of changes of personality and sudden balancing of the soul. More and more changes will most likely come and even more balancing later. Lot of dross must come outside and if energy is trapped somewhere you will fucking know. Lot of people who lack mental fortitude, discipline and emotional control can find themselves in this fucking hell so to say, and if they are not clean or prepared for this properly, similar thing can happen to them.

Clean your chakras, make sure that you clean them as much as possible every day. Feel them clean too and empower them. Important is to make your hip chakras, shoulder chakras and temple chakras strong and connected. They will hold your pathway for the serpent strong and it will make it all easier.

I had a problem with blockage on my 1. And 2. Chakra and my all energy was trapped in my legs... Worst. Pain. Ever.
If you feel like energy can't go up and you feel lot of stabbing and lot of trapped energy around your tailbone, make sure you empower your hip chakras too and clean your 1. And 2. nicely. Don't be afraid because fear might lock your serpent down and produce similar problems. Even if energy goes down it will be okay, ask your guardian to help you with it. It can be fixed easily. Our Guardians are here to help us with our Kundalini and sexual energy.

Know that everybody feels this different and can have different symptoms. It's better to go slowly with this with your Guardian, don't push yourself with this and don't be afraid. Also, don't compare yourself much with others when this starts getting weirder, we are all different with those things. You might not have one single symptom as me later x) Spam your Ritual's freely and trust yourself and your Guardians more. I guess that is only way to make success here.

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#22
Azormsaid:

...

Thank you so much.

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#23
SABNAC50said:
Azormsaid:

...

Thank you so much.

Np :)

Also ofc pay more attention on your sushumna and even heart chakra extenions. Good luck comrade..

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#24
This is the targeted message.

These last two days have been quite difficult for me, I have had symptoms of kundalini and this together with the Ritual made a lot of dirt and negative things come out of my aura and chakras, I have not experienced depression but if that fury that came out of In the depths of my soul, there were some moments that seemed like I was going to lose control and it was quite unpleasant.

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#25
Wotanwarriorsaid:

These last two days have been quite difficult for me, I have had symptoms of kundalini and this together with the Ritual made a lot of dirt and negative things come out of my aura and chakras, I have not experienced depression but if that fury that came out of In the depths of my soul, there were some moments that seemed like I was going to lose control and it was quite unpleasant.

Sigh. It's hard but it's often part of a cleaning. Clean your aura often too when you start feeling weird. Stay strong, it should be fine...
Yeah, it's not pleasant at all sometimes

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