Existential Crisis?

[white_chocolate227]

Hello everyone. I would like to explain my situation first of all. I'm 16 years of age, obviously still living with my parent, no driver's license or vehicle, and only one friend I get to see every month or two by way of my mother, who's part of the problem.

My dad is out of the picture, first off. My mother claims to be a pagan, but seems to hold a lot of fundamentalist Xian bullshit in her head. She, as most terribly misinformed people, believes Satan and demons are evil, and she's very off-put by individuality, I.E. She will not allow me to dye my hair black AND have it long. It's one or the other. She throws the "Don't talk back to me" card if I ask why not. And, me being a homosexual, her passive homophobic remarks towards me are very demeaning and upsetting, while she's fully aware I'm gay.

If that's too long of an explanation, She's an uptight bitch.

As for my friend, she's very sweet and supportive of my sexuality, even tries to help me socialize from time to time. She and her family are like my real family. But as with my mother, her and her family are Pagan, though more true to the meaning, But unfortunately they also believe that Satan is evil, so I can't go to them for this.

---

Now to the problem.

Around 6-8 months ago, when I was going through an extremely manic depressive phase, I did the dedication on a whim, only having read into Satanism for a few months. The same night that I did the dedication, I remember feeling a very pleased way about myself, every sensation and feeling was very pleasurable in a mental way. That was it. The only real happening since the dedication.

I'm fully aware that I can't just expect Satan himself to just appear out of nowhere and hand me the key to happiness and power with a curly little bow wrapped around it, but I have absolutely no clue what to do next. I know of the power meditations on the site, but in my current mental state, I have a lot of problems meditating and I'm not sure why. And speaking of my current mental state, It's quite declined, I've almost started believing the people who say that afterlives and the like are made by weak men who fear ceasing to exist. Almost.

I'm not trying to relieve anyone of their beliefs. I'm asking, or begging, rather, you to help me mend mine. I don't know how this can be achieved, But I have enough faith left in me to believe it CAN be achieved. So I ask you, if you know how to help me, please, help me...

 

[spencerlfa]

No pain no gain, unfortunately that's how it works.There must be destruction if you want to create. About your problem I'm not sure, I'm extremely new to satanism.

AVE SATANAS

 

[the_fire_starter666]

I can assure you the same arguments that apply to enemy religions are irrelevant to us. Because:

1)We don't really have "faith" here. You're not supposed to believe something you have no evidence about, one is encouraged to try, to empower his soul and see for himself. But definitely being dedicated and doing nothing, even worse if you are not sure about that doesn't guarantee taht some other being will take care of everything in your life. And we definitely don't seek to push you to have "faith" into something you haven't experienced. Doing that is the exact opposite of Satanism. Whether you like it or not or whether you want to stay or not is your own personal business, you can stay or go by your own opinion and will. You shouldn't depend on others, accept your personal responsibility and decide for yourself. Like it's been said one we don't push Satanism or prosyletize, nor do we care to desperately do that if someone threatens us that he'll leave. This "threat" doesn't really work here.

and

2) Satanism is NOT about the afterlife, but THIS life and REACHING PHYSICAL IMMORTALITY. Spiritual empowerment happens in one of your physical lives only. So whether you believe in an afterlife or not is irrelevant here.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "white_chocolate227" <white_chocolate227@... wrote:

Hello everyone. I would like to explain my situation first of all. I'm 16 years of age, obviously still living with my parent, no driver's license or vehicle, and only one friend I get to see every month or two by way of my mother, who's part of the problem.

My dad is out of the picture, first off. My mother claims to be a pagan, but seems to hold a lot of fundamentalist Xian bullshit in her head. She, as most terribly misinformed people, believes Satan and demons are evil, and she's very off-put by individuality, I.E. She will not allow me to dye my hair black AND have it long. It's one or the other. She throws the "Don't talk back to me" card if I ask why not. And, me being a homosexual, her passive homophobic remarks towards me are very demeaning and upsetting, while she's fully aware I'm gay.

If that's too long of an explanation, She's an uptight bitch.

As for my friend, she's very sweet and supportive of my sexuality, even tries to help me socialize from time to time. She and her family are like my real family. But as with my mother, her and her family are Pagan, though more true to the meaning, But unfortunately they also believe that Satan is evil, so I can't go to them for this.

---

Now to the problem.

Around 6-8 months ago, when I was going through an extremely manic depressive phase, I did the dedication on a whim, only having read into Satanism for a few months. The same night that I did the dedication, I remember feeling a very pleased way about myself, every sensation and feeling was very pleasurable in a mental way. That was it. The only real happening since the dedication.

I'm fully aware that I can't just expect Satan himself to just appear out of nowhere and hand me the key to happiness and power with a curly little bow wrapped around it, but I have absolutely no clue what to do next. I know of the power meditations on the site, but in my current mental state, I have a lot of problems meditating and I'm not sure why. And speaking of my current mental state, It's quite declined, I've almost started believing the people who say that afterlives and the like are made by weak men who fear ceasing to exist. Almost.

I'm not trying to relieve anyone of their beliefs. I'm asking, or begging, rather, you to help me mend mine. I don't know how this can be achieved, But I have enough faith left in me to believe it CAN be achieved. So I ask you, if you know how to help me, please, help me...

 

[Brian Gibbons]

Welcome!If your mom is wiccan,that is just another form of christianity,only in a different package,but with the same morals.Be proud of who you are,no matter who excepts it.

 Hail Satan
Brian 

From: white_chocolate227 <white_chocolate227@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 3:37 AM
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] Existential Crisis?

  Hello everyone. I would like to explain my situation first of all. I'm 16 years of age, obviously still living with my parent, no driver's license or vehicle, and only one friend I get to see every month or two by way of my mother, who's part of the problem.

My dad is out of the picture, first off. My mother claims to be a pagan, but seems to hold a lot of fundamentalist Xian bullshit in her head. She, as most terribly misinformed people, believes Satan and demons are evil, and she's very off-put by individuality, I.E. She will not allow me to dye my hair black AND have it long. It's one or the other. She throws the "Don't talk back to me" card if I ask why not. And, me being a homosexual, her passive homophobic remarks towards me are very demeaning and upsetting, while she's fully aware I'm gay.

If that's too long of an explanation, She's an uptight bitch.

As for my friend, she's very sweet and supportive of my sexuality, even tries to help me socialize from time to time. She and her family are like my real family. But as with my mother, her and her family are Pagan, though more true to the meaning, But unfortunately they also believe that Satan is evil, so I can't go to them for this.

---

Now to the problem.

Around 6-8 months ago, when I was going through an extremely manic depressive phase, I did the dedication on a whim, only having read into Satanism for a few months. The same night that I did the dedication, I remember feeling a very pleased way about myself, every sensation and feeling was very pleasurable in a mental way. That was it. The only real happening since the dedication.

I'm fully aware that I can't just expect Satan himself to just appear out of nowhere and hand me the key to happiness and power with a curly little bow wrapped around it, but I have absolutely no clue what to do next. I know of the power meditations on the site, but in my current mental state, I have a lot of problems meditating and I'm not sure why. And speaking of my current mental state, It's quite declined, I've almost started believing the people who say that afterlives and the like are made by weak men who fear ceasing to exist. Almost.

I'm not trying to relieve anyone of their beliefs. I'm asking, or begging, rather, you to help me mend mine. I don't know how this can be achieved, But I have enough faith left in me to believe it CAN be achieved. So I ask you, if you know how to help me, please, help me...

 

[darrklady13]

So your saying you want someone else to make YOUR CHOICES for you, and make up your MIND for you. You gotta know who YOU are. Ask Satan to give you the answers. Or proof, even. When you receive them TRUST THEM.

Nobody's gonna hold your hand through this.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "white_chocolate227" <white_chocolate227@... wrote:

Hello everyone. I would like to explain my situation first of all. I'm 16 years of age, obviously still living with my parent, no driver's license or vehicle, and only one friend I get to see every month or two by way of my mother, who's part of the problem.

My dad is out of the picture, first off. My mother claims to be a pagan, but seems to hold a lot of fundamentalist Xian bullshit in her head. She, as most terribly misinformed people, believes Satan and demons are evil, and she's very off-put by individuality, I.E. She will not allow me to dye my hair black AND have it long. It's one or the other. She throws the "Don't talk back to me" card if I ask why not. And, me being a homosexual, her passive homophobic remarks towards me are very demeaning and upsetting, while she's fully aware I'm gay.

If that's too long of an explanation, She's an uptight bitch.

As for my friend, she's very sweet and supportive of my sexuality, even tries to help me socialize from time to time. She and her family are like my real family. But as with my mother, her and her family are Pagan, though more true to the meaning, But unfortunately they also believe that Satan is evil, so I can't go to them for this.

---

Now to the problem.

Around 6-8 months ago, when I was going through an extremely manic depressive phase, I did the dedication on a whim, only having read into Satanism for a few months. The same night that I did the dedication, I remember feeling a very pleased way about myself, every sensation and feeling was very pleasurable in a mental way. That was it. The only real happening since the dedication.

I'm fully aware that I can't just expect Satan himself to just appear out of nowhere and hand me the key to happiness and power with a curly little bow wrapped around it, but I have absolutely no clue what to do next. I know of the power meditations on the site, but in my current mental state, I have a lot of problems meditating and I'm not sure why. And speaking of my current mental state, It's quite declined, I've almost started believing the people who say that afterlives and the like are made by weak men who fear ceasing to exist. Almost.

I'm not trying to relieve anyone of their beliefs. I'm asking, or begging, rather, you to help me mend mine. I don't know how this can be achieved, But I have enough faith left in me to believe it CAN be achieved. So I ask you, if you know how to help me, please, help me...